Leann Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Hi, I so need to let out my feelings because I am feeling really bad. First off, I am married for 16 yrs, not happy in the relation although he is a very good man to me. We have been sleeping in different rooms for 1 1/2 yr. I met a man who is 59, I am 46. We have been seeing each other for going on a yr. We work together. He is also married but his wife moved out of there home 2 yrs ago. At first I wasn't really interested in him because of our age difference but I was lonely. Since I have fallen in love with him and he just told me that he loves me too. Now the wife had cheated on him and is now living with her boyfriend. Apparently when he and I were just starting to sleep around she was spending time at there house and had him believing that they were getting back together, then sent him divorce papers out of the blue. She agreed on a settlement he was happy to be getting divorced, he signed the papers and when it was her turn to sign she claimed that she didn't understand the settlement and so they are still married, that happened in May. Since then he and my relationship has developed into him having feelings for me. She knows about me because his 22yr old son lives with him and sees me there. The wife has threatened him to take 1/2 of his money and pension because another woman won't get it. Well 3 wks ago she came by the house on her lunch break to see the son, I was leaving in my car and so was my boyfriend leaving in his car. I left and saw my bf a few mins later at work, he told me that she was there for the son. That happened on a Friday, well when she got off work that evening she called him, to fight cause she wasn't happy to see me there and how she is going to take him for 1/2 mind you she lives with the boyfriend. She had also seen my pictures and birthday card I made for him letting him know he means the world to me. Come Tuesday she calls him with bs that her relationship is not going well, her bf is abusive, but the abuse is him telling her he is going to commit suicide if she leaves him or hurt her family. I don't believe that I think she is a liar. So he tells me he needs a break he needs to help her cause she is not well on meds and he just wants her to be in a better place. Then he tells me that he cares so much about me, but he actually seemed excited when she called and asked me to leave so she could come and talk to him. He told me that she has feelings for him and the kids had told him that she wants to come back to him. By wed he told me when I asked did she tell him that she wants to come back to him, he replied that she said she didn't know things are complicated and he told be that if the bitch wouldn't control half his money he would tell her to f off. So we still see eachother even more now, he no longer wants a break but she shows up at his house everyday for lunch. She has excusses that she is in a lease and she can't break it I mean come on if she really wanted to come back to him she would have in 3 weeks and not be living with the boyfriend and right after she read my card. And by the way he took my card and pictures and hid them. He tells me that he wants her to move back into the spare bedroom so that he can take care of her and help her get well. And that we will always be in eachothers lives. I asked him two days ago if she gave him a time frame for when she is coming back and he said no and nothing is definite. He knows how much I have been suffering and I don't eat. He is very loving when we are together like last night he held me in his arms for hours carressing my head and shoulders we layed in bed together for 6 hrs and didn't have sex, he just held me thight and caressed my the whole time, brought me food in bed even. And just this morning asked me not tto think so much that everything is going to be fine. But I feel like he is just waiting on her to come back and if she doesn't I'm there. I feel like I am dying and don't know what to do, I don't eat or sleep. Mind you he is older nice body totally gray and I look like I'm in my thirties very nice body and pretty he always comments on that fact that all of the men at work think I'm pretty and he always tells me I'm beautiful and how nice my body is and is always looking at me admiring me. Even my husband tells me that, and he wants to get back together with be. Please advice
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I think you need to back off and let them settle their marriage, things are a mess. He obviously still loves his wife, enough to want to talk to her and possibly work on things again. Whatever they have isn't over, so it's best for you to leave him alone. They have a family (kids) to think of as well. Also, does your husband know you're cheating on him? Separate bedrooms for so long, what's stopping you from divorcing your husband? Be prepared for her (his wife and/or son) to figure out where you live and talk to your husband, especially if she wants her husband back and wants to fight for her marriage. My advice to you is, tell your husband what is going on. 2
veryhappy Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Slam the door in his face, and do not look back. He will drag you through hell if you continue. Leave him alone to do whatever he wants to do with his wife. You have little chance to "win" and not because of you or your body, but just because that's what men do most of the times. They go back and back and back for whatever reasons, but they do. The longer you'll keep in contact in him now, the more you are diminishing your chances to stay sane, your self-respect and his respect for you. Get out now. 2
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 You have little chance to "win" and not because of you or your body, but just because that's what men do most of the times. They go back and back and back for whatever reasons, but they do. Ironic thing is, she's also married so on some level 'winning' this MM is a mute point because she has a husband at home who seems to not have any idea what is going on under his nose. She hasn't left her husband even though they sleep in separate bedrooms.. 2
veryhappy Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Ironic thing is, she's also married so on some level 'winning' this MM is a mute point because she has a husband at home who seems to not have any idea what is going on under his nose. She hasn't left her husband even though they sleep in separate bedrooms.. It's not ironic at all. That's what people do, they stay where it's known and they have some known degree of comfort. If 15% of marriages are happy, well the divorce rate is not 85% so the ones that are unhappy and stay together are lukewarm. 1
Tenacity Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 This is disaster waiting to happen. It is clear from this man's actions that he isn't going to leave his marriage for you. He wants to stay married. Or he would be divorced. I am not sure why there is confusion on this point, but if they are married, she is ENTITLED to half of his money and pension in the event of a divorce, unless there was a prenup. Legally. If he doesn't want to give it to her, then that's more motivation for him to stay married. You need to figure out what is going on in your own marriage, and stop lying to and cheating on your spouse. 3
Mount Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I am just seeing lots of dramas happening here....:bunny:
Silly_Girl Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Oh dear! This sounds very tiring, you must wish you could click your fingers and it all would go away?! The guy you're seeing is going to do what he is going to do. If he wants her back, he will do that; if he wants to be with you he'll tie up his loose ends and be with you. I think that you trying to help/support/get involved with that side of things could just backfire. I think it would be hard but backing away is what's best here. And anyway, the elephant in the room is....... YOUR marriage. You want in? Or out? What are you going to do? Because it has to be irrespective of what's going on elsewhere. You owe it to yourself to think long and hard about this and take the decision that suits you as a person, not just now, but overall, and regardless of any other guys. If it's not working for you it may be that you need to be alone, and that is SO much more fun than it sounds, I promise!! (Don't worry, I wouldn't have believed an internet stranger telling me that either - it's still true though ) Good luck!
Author Leann Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Thank you for your replies. I do think that you guys are corect, it does hurt reading them but is what I have known all along. And yes I do fear being alone. This is going to be so hard for me to do but I feel tthat ultimately in the end I would be better off.
frozensprouts Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 it sounds like you're really confused. perhaps getting some ounseling would help you sort things out.
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