Lady Chrissy Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Hello everyone, I'm Christina, Chrissy for short. I'm kinda making this thread because I want to share my relationship and since I will be posting alot on this site I want people to understand my backstory and the situation I am going though. I have no idea if other people on this site has been in this situatin before or if I am the only one but here it goes. I'm 19 years old (I'm young but not stupid) and I live in Oregon. My Boyfriend of 1.5 years is 21 and lives in Texas. I met him when I was 17 and we were just friend because I was dating someone else at the time. On March 28th 2011 he asked me to be his Girlfriend and I was over joiyed and said yes. For the next year there were tons of problems. In the last few months we have worked through them and on a brighter path. Here is the part that isn't typical for a LDR. I met him online in the video gaming world. He was just a friend I had added on Xbox live and over time we grew fellings for each other and eventually love. I have never physically met him in my life. Although, I have never met him in person but I have never cared about someone more then him. We talk daily for several hours a day on the phone or over Xbox live while killing Zombies or watch a movie on Netflix together. We do what we can to keep each other happy. He recently was able to get a job and now we have finally have a semi0ish plan for him to come see me in Apirl of next year. He could come sooner but he is driving and for him to get here between now and Apirl he would encounter snow, alot of it, which isn't safe. It's been really hard being in a relationship with someone you have never kissed, held, physically comforted, it gets tiring. But I believe that, through everything that me and him have been through even though we have never met in person, gives me the faith that we are more then two kids being stupid that we have a real love for each other that goes beyond external things. So, that is basically it. I really wanted to tell someone and put myself out there on this site to talk to people, get to know people and hopfully make some friends on here. 1
umirano Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Similar story here. Met online, first meeting approx. one year after I confessed my love to SO. Next meeting imminent. Things are going well so far. I can imagine how things are for you now. If the meeting comes up for you, post here. Don't be afraid of it, it's a really cool experience. Rock on!
Author Lady Chrissy Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 Thanks, I really look forward to meeting him for the first time and finally being able to hold his hand and kiss him <3 It's nice to know that there are others who have met online before meeting in person.
Pyro Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I met my SO here. We started out as just some innocent flirting but then it turned to more. That was around September/October of 2009 and we met in person for the first time the following March, followed by another visit in July(which is when we became engaged) and then in January of 2011, followed by her moving here in June of last year and marriage. LDRs can work as long as you both make the time and effort for it. 4
meeji Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Thanks, I really look forward to meeting him for the first time and finally being able to hold his hand and kiss him <3 It's nice to know that there are others who have met online before meeting in person. I think a lot of people care can relate to how you are feeling. I also met my SO online and he used all of his vacation time for the year so he couldn't take off time to see me for 8 months ( which would have been our first meeting). I didn't want to wait that long and I had the vacation time. I didn't feel like i should have been the one to go first, since we're talking transatlantic here...but it was either I go first or wait 8 months and my flight leaves tomorrow morning! Hang in there. It sucks waiting and i guess I got lucky but when that day comes it will be so worth it! 1
CarrieT Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Here is the part that isn't typical for a LDR. I met him online in the video gaming world. You'd be surprised how often this happens... It's been really hard being in a relationship with someone you have never kissed, held, physically comforted, it gets tiring. But I believe that, through everything that me and him have been through even though we have never met in person, gives me the faith that we are more then two kids being stupid that we have a real love for each other that goes beyond external things. Here is where I am going to bring in a bolt of reality, since it happened to me... I met and fell desperately in love with someone online, saying and feeling all the things you are feeling; the "goes beyond external" and "knowing each other intimately" even though we had never been in each others' physical presence.... At some point, REALITY occurs. And by that, I mean the simple day-to-day nuances of being with another human being that you absolutely cannot anticipate; their physical presence, the minutiae of table manners, which side of the bed do they sleep on, how they brush their teeth, what they smell like, etc. will all come crashing down on you and change your reality. Right now, you have an idealized version of this person inside your brain and inside your sphere of existence which is accentuated with daily XBox interaction. You are already imagining what it will be like to be in each others presence and there is NO WAY to fully prepare for how different it is actually going to be. Granted, it does work for some people. But I want you to prepare yourself for the possibility that it might not. It didn't for me. I was so in love with the WORDS that I was being told, that I hadn't prepared for the reality of who the person was and it took 2 1/2 year of trying to live together before we had to break-up. I hope it works for you, but I wanted to offer a reality check of what you may not be anticipating... 2
Author Lady Chrissy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 You'd be surprised how often this happens... Here is where I am going to bring in a bolt of reality, since it happened to me... I met and fell desperately in love with someone online, saying and feeling all the things you are feeling; the "goes beyond external" and "knowing each other intimately" even though we had never been in each others' physical presence.... At some point, REALITY occurs. And by that, I mean the simple day-to-day nuances of being with another human being that you absolutely cannot anticipate; their physical presence, the minutiae of table manners, which side of the bed do they sleep on, how they brush their teeth, what they smell like, etc. will all come crashing down on you and change your reality. Right now, you have an idealized version of this person inside your brain and inside your sphere of existence which is accentuated with daily XBox interaction. You are already imagining what it will be like to be in each others presence and there is NO WAY to fully prepare for how different it is actually going to be. Granted, it does work for some people. But I want you to prepare yourself for the possibility that it might not. It didn't for me. I was so in love with the WORDS that I was being told, that I hadn't prepared for the reality of who the person was and it took 2 1/2 year of trying to live together before we had to break-up. I hope it works for you, but I wanted to offer a reality check of what you may not be anticipating... I apperciate it, you are right, I have this idea in my head what it would be like to have that day to day interaction with him. It has crossed my mind a lot, "what if I can't handle the way he acts in person". when the time comes I know it won't be easy, and it will take a lot of getting used to and compromise. But I'm ready to take that on. <3 Thanks for the advice, I apperciate it ^-^
meeji Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Don't be discouraged. Its better to try to be with someone you think is compatible than to be afraid of it not working out. I'll find out in a few hours if he will drive me up the wall or if we will be fine. I think as long as both people are being themselves a there shouldn't be any major surprises. All the little thinsg like how he/she eats can certainly be annoying but they don't have to deal breakers.
Author Lady Chrissy Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I'm not discouraged ^-^ I look forward to learning all about his annoying habits lol. It's all about tollerance in my opinion. I'm willing to work through anything as long as the trust doesn't get broken.
ladyabstrused Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I met my ex on another forum and we got into a relationship about 4 months after we knew each other. Planned to meet after the 1st year, but then got postponed to the next to the next and met him once in the 4th year. That was when things got really rough and meeting was (I thought) supposed to help clear issues but in fact it got worse. Close to the 5th year, we broke up, which was about 4 to 5 months ago. I was young and naive and it was a physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. For a long time, like what CarrieT said, I think it was an idealised person that I had in mind. I'm not trying to scare you or put negative thoughts out there.. but just to let you know to please be careful, watch out for red flags - don't ever ignore or overlook them if there are any and don't entirely put your trust out unless you have known him much more in physical than online. But that's just my story. I've heard or known other couples who have met online and are happily married with kids. So, be yourself, be careful and have fun. Good luck, Chrissy.
Els Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 My dear, you would be surprised how many people meet via online gaming. I used to be very active in the community and I know two couples who have been married for several years now, and a few others who are in steady relationships or engaged. It's all good. That being said, I would caution you to not invest too deeply into this until you meet at least for the first time. The first meeting is absolutely crucial. Can he not fly down instead of drive, and you meet the ticket price halfway? That may be worth saving you months of wait. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I met my partner in real life 3 1/2 months after we'd been talking online/skype/phone daily, IMO it's good to meet as soon as possible, once you've become close and feel it's more than friendship, the longer you leave it the more disappointing it will be if you don't click IRL. No-one can tell for sure that they will have chemistry when they meet, you just can't tell until you've spent time with them. We felt close and had shared a lot before we met and felt sexual chemistry, but we tried not to put too much expectations/weight on it before we met, just in case. I wouldn't have wanted to wait a year or more before meeting, we both wanted to know how things were between us as soon as possible. We didn't call ourselves a couple before we met, we just knew there were strong possibilities. If we hadn't been able to meet sooner than that I don't think I'd have got into a relationship, as I need more than that, I struggle with only seeing him every 2-3 months, any less that that would leave me cold. When you meet and it feels right it enables you to properly bond, gives you a solid foundation. It was wonderful to meet my partner face to face, we were both very nervous, as we're shy and both come out of very LTR's, 18 and 11 years, and it took a few minutes of me not feeling sure about how it would go (not sure what he felt at first!) and then I said let's stop and have a hug, and it felt just right and helped break the ice. Later on during a very long cuddle on the bed he said it felt like a dream, and it did We've met about 20 times now, unfortunately we have no end in sight and this may be our downfall, his job transfer fell through last year, so I'd also say before getting in too deep make sure one or both of you can move if things get serious because long term LDR's are far from ideal and can leave you pretty unhappy and lonely. Hello everyone, I'm Christina, Chrissy for short. I'm kinda making this thread because I want to share my relationship and since I will be posting alot on this site I want people to understand my backstory and the situation I am going though. I have no idea if other people on this site has been in this situatin before or if I am the only one but here it goes. I'm 19 years old (I'm young but not stupid) and I live in Oregon. My Boyfriend of 1.5 years is 21 and lives in Texas. I met him when I was 17 and we were just friend because I was dating someone else at the time. On March 28th 2011 he asked me to be his Girlfriend and I was over joiyed and said yes. For the next year there were tons of problems. In the last few months we have worked through them and on a brighter path. Here is the part that isn't typical for a LDR. I met him online in the video gaming world. He was just a friend I had added on Xbox live and over time we grew fellings for each other and eventually love. I have never physically met him in my life. Although, I have never met him in person but I have never cared about someone more then him. We talk daily for several hours a day on the phone or over Xbox live while killing Zombies or watch a movie on Netflix together. We do what we can to keep each other happy. He recently was able to get a job and now we have finally have a semi0ish plan for him to come see me in Apirl of next year. He could come sooner but he is driving and for him to get here between now and Apirl he would encounter snow, alot of it, which isn't safe. It's been really hard being in a relationship with someone you have never kissed, held, physically comforted, it gets tiring. But I believe that, through everything that me and him have been through even though we have never met in person, gives me the faith that we are more then two kids being stupid that we have a real love for each other that goes beyond external things. So, that is basically it. I really wanted to tell someone and put myself out there on this site to talk to people, get to know people and hopfully make some friends on here. 1
Author Lady Chrissy Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) My dear, you would be surprised how many people meet via online gaming. I used to be very active in the community and I know two couples who have been married for several years now, and a few others who are in steady relationships or engaged. It's all good. That being said, I would caution you to not invest too deeply into this until you meet at least for the first time. The first meeting is absolutely crucial. Can he not fly down instead of drive, and you meet the ticket price halfway? That may be worth saving you months of wait. Well I'm still living at home and going to college. I'm able to stay at home as long as I stay focused on school (Not allowed to get a job). So I have no money coming in on my end. And if he would to fly my dad would have to drive us around because he is to young to rent a car and I don't have a car xD. So him driving here is the only option really. The reason we have waited for so long was because I dated some LDR for 3 months before I ran away from home (Bad idea, I was 16 at the time) and got on a grey hound bus to Ohio (I live in Oregon.) So my dad has a small trust issues with my LDR boyfriends. Also, My boyfriend wasn't able to get a job until 6 months ago so now that he has a stedy job he can start saving to come here. Plus we have had a lot of ups and downs and we wanted to work through it before he spent the money to visit. Bascily, it wasn't an option till now ^-^ Reply to HeavenOfHell: I wish I could have met his sooner and got to have the bond with him but our situation just didn't allow it. I am thankful that we have been able to stay together for 1 1/2 years it's better then breaking up because there was no visible future to meeting each other. We just take everyday as it comes. <3 I really like hearing you guys stories, helps me feel like I'm not the only one and that there is hope. Also like knowing the warning signs and the things to look out for. I'm so glad I found this site. Edited October 22, 2012 by Lady Chrissy 1
ladyabstrused Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Wishing you all the best Chrissy. Just keep positive and keep strong. You've got good experienced members here who can help you if you in doubt or have any questions. I know I got real good help from here and I'm in a much better place now than where I was before.
Ami1uwant Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Some advice from me....I agree with the other poster who talked about the difference in fantasy relationship and reality. Many have an idealized expectation and feel love on queers all. Well it doesn't. With online dating you really need to meet as soon as possible and stop being what amounts to pen pals. If they are local to you you meet 1-2 weeks. If they are 2-4 hrs away look to meet on a weekend day. 4 hrs or more Than a month ahead and better if you can drive and meet each way. Someplace farther you plan on talking for a month and see if you share alot then try to meet face to face in 2/3 months. With a LDR you need to ask yourself can you see yourself living where he is? Him where you live? If you can't you are wasting your time in this.
NewPerspective93 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I agree with meeting them as soon as one can, for it helps both parties realize who they are in comparison to the individual one has visualized in mind. Regardless, I hope the best for you, and let us know how it goes.
Aquamelon Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I met my boyfriend online playing video games as well. We've been dating for 9 months and have seen each other about 4 times. The first time we met, he flew out to see me, was within 2 months of talking online/webcam. He's 23 lives in Nevada and I'm 25 and live in Jersey, we have about a 3 hour time difference which in the beginning of our relationship made things hard. The plan is for him to move out to be with me within the next year. These forums have definitely been helpful during the rough patches of our relationship.
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