Under The Radar Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Hello, As a longtime lurker on the forums I've read many threads on LS over the past couple years. It seems like most woman are attracted to the "fun" guys that plan dates and court them with mystery/excitement. Although I can be sociable, I tend to spend a lot of time by myself when single. In a relationship, I do enjoy going out, but I prefer more often to "stay in" so to speak. Do you think most woman would find this to be boring and unattractive. If it helps, I'm in my late 30's. Thanks for any replies.
iris219 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I don't mind staying in every now and then, but I can't say I'd enjoy dating a homebody. I have a lot energy and like to be out and about, so there would need to be a balance between staying in and going out. Some women might view a homebody as lazy when it comes to a relationship. A dealbreaker for me is a guy who takes me on one or two dates, then just wants me to come sit at his house with him. Once we've been in a relationship for some time, sure, but if he's not putting in effort in the beginning, that's a bad sign to me.
River Rain Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I prefer a homebody actually. I prefer to cook and have dinner at home than at a restaurant, movies cuddling on the couch than at a theater, and I'm definitely not the clubbing type. Going out for me would be a walk in the woods together then maybe some time at a spa in the hot tubs, but otherwise, I like one on one time at home. 1
tori0001 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I'm a homebody, I don't like to go out. Staying in, cooking dinner, watching movies, playing on the computer. If I do go out, a nice walk in a park.
Ross MwcFan Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Some women do and some women don't. I think most women wouldn't though.
Author Under The Radar Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 To be more clear, I do like to "go out", but usually on the weekends. I enjoy going to restaurants, movies, the theater, museum, an occasional concert, and once in a while donning a suit. I like to dress up and try new things. However, I always feel most comfortable at my home cooking a healthy meal, reading a great book, and relaxing after a long work day. I am NOT lazy or cheap. If I began to date and ultimately court a woman it would entail going out more in the beginning. Sure, we'd eat out and socialize in public, but it is not something I find sustainable "all the time". I don't drink, enjoy clubbing, or engage in facebook (not that I judge others that do). I'm not reclusive and present well ...... I guess I'm just more of a lonewolf. I have a good job and a nice home. I am self employed and work with clients one on one , so meeting people through work or school is not an option. I'm just curious what people think since I'll want to date again in the future (been single for almost 18 months). I suppose another concern of mine is that in my last relationship I spent thousands of dollars to create "fun and entertainment" and I'm concerned about making this mistake in the future. I am not poor, but at the end of the relationship I was definitely a broken man. Now that I'm healed I don't want to try and be someone I'm not just to impress women. I feel like OLD, with women getting so many messages a day, creates a race to see who can spend the most money amazing the same girl first. My previous relationship went this way (OLD) until I was the last man standing and we were exclusive; it was exhausting. Thanks for the responses so far.
River Rain Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I'm online dating now and met a guy and we're taking it slow. Getting to know each other through messaging and emails first, it's been nearly 3 weeks. We did talk about meeting, but that will be at least a month away due to distance. Realistically I have no idea if he's chatting with other women either, but I'm not going to rush into anything out of desperation to "catch" him. If he ends up finding someone else, I'll be crushed, but I think that's the name of the game to a certain extent. Maybe I'm naive, but I don't think it's the norm for a woman to expect to be entertained lavishly in order to win her affections. I would want to get to know the real you, not the show you might put on - I say that because you mentioned you needed to "create" fun and entertainment. I think that fun comes with conversation and connection. I don't think it's out of the question to ask a woman out for coffee or a walk in the park so that you can talk in person, even after a week of mutual emails/messages back and forth. 1
Author Under The Radar Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 River Rain, I whole heartedly agree with you - hope things work out for you with OLD. 1
Els Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 It depends on the extent to which your 'homebody' extends to, and how compatible that particular woman is with that lifestyle. I'm somewhat in the middle, so while I wouldn't need or even want a guy who wants to go out every single night, I do want to have a date night out once a week or so, and to go out on weekends if there aren't any other commitments hindering us. I do know of some couples who literally stay in ALL the time except for once a month or something when they attend dinner with friends or social events or plan a vacation... that's not for me. But it goes to show that there are all sorts of people in this world. So don't worry, as long as you're not to either extreme it shouldn't decrease your odds drastically, just find someone who's compatible with you.
EasyHeart Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Homebodies get along best with other homebodies. The problem is that they're all at home, so they never meet each other! 1
phineas Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Depends on the woman. Some never leave the house, some feel like a loser if they don't leave the house & then there are those in between. You just gotta find someone whose idea of "fun" matches yours and depending on your age it just may take longer.
quartz88 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 As someone who generally avoids the bar scene, I'd love to meet a homebody. Except they're hard to meet, unless they happen to put up an online dating profile. I've often wondered, "What do I have to do to meet the kinds of guys I'm looking for?" It's not that they don't venture out occasionally, but more often than not, I'm guessing the types of guys I'd click with are probably sitting at home, working on a project/hobby or playing videogames, or at Home Depot. I agree that some effort & going out is necessary at the beginning. But once you have an established rapport and attraction with someone, nothing's better than reaching that comfortable stage where you can sit next to them on the couch and laugh during a movie or TV show. But I couldn't date someone who never went out to eat. Of the times I go out, most of the time it's to try a new restaurant, or get sushi/Thai. 2
CarrieT Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I think most women wouldn't though. That is a blanket statement that simply is not true. You can't classify "most" women as every person is different about what interests them. There are just as many women who like to stay in as there are men.
El Brujo Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 There is a big catch-22 in a man being a homebody. I know because I'm in that trap myself. It's one thing that I cook my own meals and do my own DIY stuff (if I didn't, my house and yard would look like a pig sty), but I get sick of hanging around the house doing the same old things... the problem is, I'm just as bored when I'm out shopping or hiking or what have you. Even going to the beach isn't much fun by yourself. After a while it feels like just another chore. It doesn't help that a lot of the singles out there who are looking for someone, are travel fetishists who think of the homebody lifestyle as being in prison---they'd rather be in Rome or Timbuktu or walking around on the surface of Mars just to see what it's like, for all I care. But I learned: don't argue with a travel fetishist, because you won't win... they're always right and you're always wrong. If you're a homebody, trust me... DO NOT date a travel fetishist!!!!! 1
tori0001 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 That's what broke my husband and I up after 27 years. I'm very much a homebody. I like nothing better then to watch tv, and hang out at home, and cook. He likes to travel, and constantly go out and do things, and constant social butterfly. I hate it.
CarrieT Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 It doesn't help that a lot of the singles out there who are looking for someone, are travel fetishists who think of the homebody lifestyle as being in prison---they'd rather be in Rome or Timbuktu or walking around on the surface of Mars just to see what it's like, for all I care. But I learned: don't argue with a travel fetishist, because you won't win... they're always right and you're always wrong. If you're a homebody, trust me... DO NOT date a travel fetishist!!!!! Gee, I had no idea that travel was a fetish... Seriously - why so extreme and polarized? There are people who enjoy staying at home for the bulk of their day-to-day existence but still enjoy a week-long trip once a year. Is that a FETISH? Definition: fet·ish noun 1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency. 2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades. 3. Psychology . any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.
Taramere Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Gee, I had no idea that travel was a fetish... Seriously - why so extreme and polarized? I don't think Freud invented an ego defence mechanism that would describe the practice of taking that which is very normal and mainstream, and packaging it as a somewhat freaky outlier .....but I am confident that it's an ego defence mechanism of some sort. I suppose another concern of mine is that in my last relationship I spent thousands of dollars to create "fun and entertainment" and I'm concerned about making this mistake in the future. I am not poor, but at the end of the relationship I was definitely a broken man. Now that I'm healed I don't want to try and be someone I'm not just to impress women. I feel like OLD, with women getting so many messages a day, creates a race to see who can spend the most money amazing the same girl first. My previous relationship went this way (OLD) until I was the last man standing and we were exclusive; it was exhausting. Thanks for the responses so far. How you feel is understandable, but you should probably avoid letting prosective dates know you feel this way. There's too much potential for them to construe it as "he treated the last one like a princess, but he's not prepared to put that effort in for another woman." Which, come to think of it, would probably be a fair interpretation. Honest and reasonable as such an outlook might be, I don't think it would be your number one selling point. If you want a girl who's content to also be a homebody, then depending on what your other priorities (in a woman) are, you might have to rejuggle them.
carhill Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 In a relationship, I do enjoy going out, but I prefer more often to "stay in" so to speak. Do you think most woman would find this to be boring and unattractive. IME, even for those ladies who 'say' they don't like crowds and enjoy being home, going out is emotional stimulation and most ladies have an intrinsic desire/need for that. A way to put it into guy terms is thinking about how a guy feels when he goes without sex within a relationship; he can certainly live without the sexual stimulation and function in life, but he becomes irritable and frustrated. 'Going out', for many women, whether that is solo or with her partner, if curtailed, can lead to similar frustration and irritability. What I learned from my LTR's and M was to watch what women do, not listen to what they say. If the 'it's OK if we stay home' woman starts in with the rolleyes when I talk about a home project I want to work on over the weekend, that's a canary, as an example. Further, if the lady isn't happy/content within herself in the relationship, it won't matter whether you're a homebody or not. There will be little one can do as a man that is right or appropriate, simply because she doesn't feel happy/content about anything. Watch out for that. Trying to chase that moving target is fruitless. As in most aspects of life, there is balance. If your balance of 'homebody' and 'going out' doesn't match up with that of the lady in question, it can be a miss. That's OK. Billions more to be served. 2
Author Under The Radar Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks for everyone who took time to answer my question - much appreciated.
mortensorchid Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 There is a difference between being a homebody and anti-social. Unfortunately for me, I seem to have attracted just those types, anti-social ones. Staying in to have a quiet evening at home is one thing, but to purposefully not go places because you don't like dealing with others is not a good sign. Because if you get involved with a person who doesn't have a social life, they will do nothing but rip yours apart because they have nothing to loose by doing so to you. I have tried to look for "fun guys" because I am a "fun girl", I have a very active social life and am most always looking for things to do with my time unless I am swamped with work and have to stay in. Just something to think about.
ScreamingTrees Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 What exactly do all of these "fun" folks do from day to day? Do they go jet skiing one day, mountain climbing the next?
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Overweight women who are too lazy to do anything date homebodies. Other women expect men to add excitement to their lives.
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 30s? You are screwed. As women get older they realize they have to settle more. The party is over. The ones who don't end up crazy and start posting on LS.
irc333 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yeah, actually one of the main motivators for "going out" is to have a significant other to do it with. Though, one should have a group of friends to do the same thing with as well. Iknew of a couple that grew apart, simply because she was more of a social butterfly than HE was (the homebody). Their activities were similar, but she just liked being around groups of people, he wasn't much for crowds. There is a big catch-22 in a man being a homebody. I know because I'm in that trap myself. It's one thing that I cook my own meals and do my own DIY stuff (if I didn't, my house and yard would look like a pig sty), but I get sick of hanging around the house doing the same old things... the problem is, I'm just as bored when I'm out shopping or hiking or what have you. Even going to the beach isn't much fun by yourself. After a while it feels like just another chore. It doesn't help that a lot of the singles out there who are looking for someone, are travel fetishists who think of the homebody lifestyle as being in prison---they'd rather be in Rome or Timbuktu or walking around on the surface of Mars just to see what it's like, for all I care. But I learned: don't argue with a travel fetishist, because you won't win... they're always right and you're always wrong. If you're a homebody, trust me... DO NOT date a travel fetishist!!!!!
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