capuni Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Hi, I have been married with my wife for many years, and we recently decided to buy an apartment with our common savings. We have been saving many years and finally have sufficient fund for buying the flat. She would like to title the apartment with her name only, and not the normal 50/50 way, which including both of our names there. Since the savings are made by both of us, and I made far more than her, I insist that I shall also have my name in. She is very unhappy, and we had several arguments about this already. In fact I could not understand the mindset, as it will be the property purchased during marriage and for this reason considered as common property anyway. Could anyone help me on this? I don't want to lose my marriage but still want to keep my rights. Thanks! JCU
CarrieT Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 What is her rationale for wanting this? You are correct that if it is both your savings, that both of your names should be on the mortgage. I'd be really curious what her argument is for only wanting her name on the purchase. There is something else going on, it seems....
eleanorrigby Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Hi, I have been married with my wife for many years, and we recently decided to buy an apartment with our common savings. We have been saving many years and finally have sufficient fund for buying the flat. She would like to title the apartment with her name only, and not the normal 50/50 way, which including both of our names there. Since the savings are made by both of us, and I made far more than her, I insist that I shall also have my name in. She is very unhappy, and we had several arguments about this already. In fact I could not understand the mindset, as it will be the property purchased during marriage and for this reason considered as common property anyway. Could anyone help me on this? I don't want to lose my marriage but still want to keep my rights. Thanks! JCU What reason did she give for wanting to put the title in her name only? We put a mortgage in only one of our names in the past but there was a specific reason for it that both of us understood and agreed upon. I would back way off from that purchase for now.
Author capuni Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 That's also a strange thing to me. I asked her what is the reason, but she did not say anything. In one of the conversation she mentioned that she feel more secured if she is the only owner of the apartment. I have to say I really could not understand about it. In fact I am very upset about what she said.
CarrieT Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I asked her what is the reason, but she did not say anything. In one of the conversation she mentioned that she feel more secured if she is the only owner of the apartment. Red flag! Red flag! Red flag! What eleanorrigby said - I wouldn't move forward with a purchase...
Author capuni Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 Thanks for all of your replies! I am just very upset since our marriage already lasted longer than 10 years. I am very sad about the current situation.
woinlove Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Thanks for all of your replies! I am just very upset since our marriage already lasted longer than 10 years. I am very sad about the current situation. I can understand why you are upset and, like others, would advise not going ahead with this purchase now. One possibility is going to marriage counselling to discuss this specific issue, since it seems like it will be causing a large rift in your marriage. Clearly if you two could really discuss this openly and honestly, that would be best. There must be something behind your wife's seemingly unreasonable position, but she doesn't seem inclined to tell you. Maybe this would come out in counselling or at least the counsellor might help her see it is unreasonable. You could present the idea of counselling to your wife honestly, as a suggestion to make sure this disagreement does not cause a lasting problem in your marriage.
veryhappy Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 It must have to do with her family, your family and/or the fact that she doesn't see your marriage lasting forever. How is the law where you are living? Would you still get half in a divorce even if your name wasn't on a title, because the property was purchased during the marriage with money saved during the marriage?
Kevin0627 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 ...or the fact that she doesn't see your marriage lasting forever. I recently dealt with a similar situation and if it's possible, I'd consider cutedragon's point. I've been married for like 16 years and our home is in both names but my wife's SUV is in my name and my car in hers. We are joint on all the financial accounts and have never intentionally split ownership –*the cars worked out that way because I purchased hers for her as a gift and when I got a car a year later we just elected to put it in her name. This stuff has never mattered during the course of our marriage until recently. Long story short, eariler this year we were purchasing her SUV out of a lease and she wanted it titled in her name - switching it from mine. I didn't think anything of it - made sense, it was hers (even though we do the shared money thing). However, after it came up in discussion a few times I learned that the real concern was her fear of not "having/owning" anything (think assets) and what would happen if I decided to ditch her for some other woman, yada yada yada. If you can talk honestly about it, that would be best - after I dug deeper in my situation I learned that my wife actually has quite a few fears regarding this matter. It boiled down to this - wanting stuff in her name has more to do with insurance and security - she doesn't want to leave me, she is just worried about being left with nothing if I up and leave her.
Hawaii50 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Yeah, man.. and go to the Doc. okay? She's probably been poisoning you. No person in their right mind would/should/could expect something like that.
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) OP Not sure. Is your current/main residence in both names? If in your name only, the same objections you are making would come back at you. Sorry to be suspicious there, but I'm still burnt from a thread where a guy complained about his unhappy angry wife, while forgetting to mention his secret affair beforehand. I will assume your other possessions are joint ( Otherwise you would have mentioned it, yes?) in which case this is indeed a very odd position for your wife to have. The only thing to do is COMMUNICATE, and NOT go ahead with the purchase until this is thrashed out. Why in her sole name and not, for the sake of argument, solely yours? That would on the face of things be equally reasonable. It could, as another poster says, be that she is the one anxious that you are going to leave her. Alternatively she could be planning to leave you / have an affair or use it as the love nest for a current affair / sell it and skedaddle to Acapulco with her secret lover / use the rental income to service her secret debts / whatever. Communicate. Ask her to share her anxieties and wishes, and how she views your relationship. Be candid with her also. The default is as you say to purchase jointly - if she wants differently she will have to give a reason, not just say "I wanna" like a child. Edited October 21, 2012 by TiredFamilyGuy
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