Is it over for good?

[steph483]

Hi, this is a long story:

 

So my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me in August. We are both 22 years old and were highschool sweethearts. We were friends and even liked each other for 3 years before we started dating. We were each others firsts and our relationship was really good for most of the 6 years (at least to me it was). During the past year I started becoming more distant with him, I would turn down offers to do stuff with him like camping or going to the beach, we hardly were intimate with each other any more and it was my fault because I would push him away. Basically I became depressed and just didn't have the desire to do things I used to enjoy. A also was pulling away because I had felt like a lot of our relationship was based on sex and I hated how he hardly ever talked to me about what was going on in his life. He just had a hard time opening up and is a quiet person. Whenever we got together it seemed like he just wanted sex.

 

Basically I made alot of mistakes that I regret and he knows that. I made him feel unwanted. I know that he loved me. If he was just with me for sex he would have left a long time ago.

 

What happened was he met someone and got drunk and cheated on me and then broke up with me. He told me the truth and then he had said that we could be friends and we might be able to get back what we used to have. So we stayed friends and hung out a couple of times. Though every time we talked I always initiated the contact. After two weeks he told me that he just didn't feel that way about me anymore and just wanted to be friends and that he wants to be with the other girl. So now they are dating since about mid september. She lives 4 hours away and they have to travel back and forth every weekend to see each other.

 

During this time my ex told me that he would always want to be my friend because we have been through so much and he assured me that he wouldn't phase me out of his life. We have hung out one time sense they started dating. I went to his house one evening and we got along really well. We watched tv and talked and everything seemed ok. After that he started ignoring my texts. I will admit that a few times I got mad at him in texts and would ask him a bunch of questions he didnt want to answer which I get would be annoying and I regret. What I don't get is that he won't admit he doesn't want me in his life he will just ignore me if I ask. I wrote him a goodbye letter and mailed it to him. Then I texted asking if we could meet because I wanted to tell him something. i thought I would get no reply but then he did saying we could meet tuesday ( this was last week on a friday). I was not expecting him to initiate contact tuesday for when we should meet but to my surprise he texts me around lunch time asking when and then says I can meet him at his uncles house. I wasn't able to meet because I would have had to walk and was busy with a ton of homework so we didn't meet. after that he starts ignoring me again. The next day I texted again asking if he kept my letter or if he threw it away. He replied and said he still has it. That's the last I have heard from him. I sent a couple more texts my last saying that Im sorry for the way I've been acting and my emotions keep getting the best of me and that i regret some of the things I say and that i will give him space and hope to be friends again one day.

 

My question is that is it possible he still has some feelings for me? He first said he did and we seemed to get along and he kept the letter i sent. But now he is ignoring me but refuses to tell me he doens't want to be friends. I feel like he is just with her on the rebound and it wont last but its possible that they are really compatible and are in it for the long haul. I just want to know if there could be hope in getting back together. I am no longer contacting him.

 

- Stephanie

[a.b]

Anything's possible but for now i'd give him space and not contact him anymore.

 

Let him figure out what he wants because it's quite possible he doesn't know what he wants.

 

In the mean time don't wait around and put your life on hold, move forward as it sounds like you are still very much hung up on him.

 

If you really want to have any sort of relationship with him you need to stop trying to get hold of him for now.

 

Best I can come up with for now, hopefully some other more experienced members can give you some advice

 

goodluck!

[River Rain]

In the mean time don't wait around and put your life on hold, move forward as it sounds like you are still very much hung up on him.

 

This is important, though it is very hard, we've all been through it and it's very good advice.

[Frank13]

You send an emotional letter and want to meet him. You agree on a Tuesday but think he won't follow through.

 

To your surprise he does contact you to meet but what do you do? You blow him off. Then you wonder why he is ignoring you? Are you freaking kidding me?

 

What this looks like to him is that you only want him because you can't have him. Then when he agrees to meet, you are too busy.

 

We make time for people who are important to us. You should have made the title of your post "I like to jerk my ex around"

[steph483]

You send an emotional letter and want to meet him. You agree on a Tuesday but think he won't follow through.

 

To your surprise he does contact you to meet but what do you do? You blow him off. Then you wonder why he is ignoring you? Are you freaking kidding me?

 

What this looks like to him is that you only want him because you can't have him. Then when he agrees to meet, you are too busy.

 

We make time for people who are important to us. You should have made the title of your post "I like to jerk my ex around"

 

I guess I never thought of it that way. In my defense (though I may not deserve it) he also asked how long it would take which gave me the impression that he was busy and i was wasting his time. I was probably over reacting though. The meeting was for me to tell him something, he wasn't going to talk to me and I just ended up telling him through a text. Then after that he started ignoring me again. I guess maybe its my fault, maybe he really did want to meet and I hurt his feelings. I don't know because he is still with the other girl so I don't understand what he feels towards me.

 

Thanks for your perspective.

[mishy]

i am going to take another view of this

 

You have had a boyfriend since you were 16 years old, and you are now 22. Don't make the mistake of becoming a woman who doesnt know how to be on her own.