ScienceGal Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 My boyfriend's sister asked me to take photos before her wedding today, pictures of the wedding party getting ready. I agreed and asked when and where. I got a response simply telling me whenever I want. So, I was left wondering when they're actually going to be getting ready and where they are going to be. My boyfriend is already there, as he is part of the wedding party. I messaged him last night in a second attempt to figure out when and where, and he gave the same response I had gotten from his sister. I finally had to directly ask where they are going to be. The response was "well at that time we'll be at the site". Granted the location has been mentioned before, I don't have my own invitation to refer to. He must have realized this because he this morning he messaged me the name of the location. I also got the impression that the time I chose was too late (2 hours before the wedding) so I asked if their regular photographer was going to be there by then. Response: "I don't know". I had been texting because I knew he was busy, but realizing the confusion/frustration happening, I called him and told him I was confused as to what was going on. He then told me that his sister only asked me to take photos because she felt bad I wasn't invited to dinner last night (just the wedding party was, which I had no issue with), so she wanted me to know I was welcome to go down anytime in the morning. Now I feel like a child who needs to be coddled and lied to. I don't need to be given a task to make me feel welcomed, she could've just been straight with me and let me know I was welcomed to come down anytime. Or not, she could've just let me show up for the wedding. It's her day, so it's whatever she wants. And, I would've loved to take photos (it is a hobby of mine), but now there is no way. I don't do well with indirect or incomplete answers, so when someone isn't being straight with me, it really stresses me out. Especially in a case like this, where someone is counting on me to do something. I already had anxiety about figuring out when and where, and having to find the place and go in alone, now I find out it wasn't a serious request. This is upsetting, to the point I don't even want to go. I am so nerved up I could cry and I don't even want to get ready. I will, of course, but my stress level is through the roof.
River Rain Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 If it were me, I wouldn't go. I mean, it's a subjective decision, based on what you think is more important right? But knowing you were given a few little bread crumbs to feel coddled...that's insulting. I hate that too, the indirect answering, it's frustrating.
Author ScienceGal Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 I asked my boyfriend to give her my apologies and let her know that I cannot make it early. I will only be going for the wedding.
Author ScienceGal Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 (edited) You should have gone to the dinner party if your significant other was in the wedding party, especially the brother's gf. In my opinion. Everything else is your over analytical self. It's not your day, and I'm sure you've been in or at least went to a wedding before. Most of us have, most of us know what to expect. If you're in the wedding party, you're at the mercy of the bride and needs of the wedding. We've all found ourselves doing 5 other things trying to help calm nerves and put out fires before the big moment. I, personally, would have taken it upon myself to be where I was needed and just do my thing. I can't understand how you could have such a problem finding out things like locations of where people are getting ready etc.. You hate half answered questions, but I'd be apt to counter with " I don't like half asked questions." Also, you BF, was not yours that day, if you didn't already know. Yes, he probably could have done a better job helping you, but I'm sure most his day was taken up either helping/celebrating. It's not about me wanting my boyfriend to pay attention to me. I just wanted a straight answer from somebody. I also agree that I should've been invited to the dinner party. He and his parents felt the same way. It roles were reversed, he would be invited, I would make sure of it. But, it was his sister's choice, and I was completely ok with it. I have been in and attended weddings. No one would ask someone to take photos but not tell them when or where. They are not getting ready at the location of the wedding. The part that put me over the edge is the fact that she only invited me to take photos as a means to make me feel welcomed. So, it makes sense why I wasn't getting straight answers. It's just insulting. I feel ok. I'm just shrugging it off. I'll go to the wedding and have a good time and not ever bring it up. Edited October 20, 2012 by ScienceGal
River Rain Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 It's not about me wanting my boyfriend to pay attention to me. I just wanted a straight answer from somebody. I also agree that I should've been invited to the dinner party. He and his parents felt the same way. It roles were reversed, he would be invited, I would make sure of it. But, it was his sister's choice, and I was completely ok with it. I have been in and attended weddings. No one would ask someone to take photos but not tell them when or where. They are not getting ready at the location of the wedding. The part that put me over the edge is the fact that she only invited me to take photos as a means to make me feel welcomed. It's just insulting. Well, you made your decision, I think it was the right one considering the circumstances and your anxiety, and now you can just enjoy the wedding without the feeling of being insulted right?
Author ScienceGal Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 yes. While you were commenting I added a little to end of what I had written. Just going to shrug it off 2
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