nofool4u Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Noway not in a million years!! There is no one that knows me better on the planet even with my secrets. So basically your reasons for not setting your wife free are selfish ones. Your cheating shouldn't be her problem, but you are going to make it her problem and make a life decision for her because its what YOU want.
Author so_cold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Any of which you do in front of your wife? If not, you're being a ...not so nice person ... and you should do her a favor and divorce her. Never going to happen Turnera unless I'm found out. We all have secrets some bigger than others none of us is without fault. Society deems that at a certain degree of severity that those secrets must be unveiled for all to see. Well, I disagree with that for me and my life. If I am found out I fully understand the ramifications of my actions. I've thought long and hard about what DDAY would look like. Like I have said many times before take away the secret and my family, marriage, and life is off the charts good. Of course you add the secret and now suddenly all I do out of love, honor, because it's right, because my kids deserve it, for my wife, and my family is just a farce because I have a secret. I totally get that!!
Author so_cold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 You two guys must not understand honestly when you see it. So cold - you're user name says enough... Yes, it's cold of you to be living a "pretend life" as your wife doesn't know about your double lifestyle. Both of you are LIVING the lies; not just telling a white lie. That's a BIG leap from a white lie. Not to use my stringent upbringing as a cop out, but on the religious front sin is sin. All separates and as much as our human minds cannot comprehend thought being the same as action. Biblically this is FACT! For the record I live my life not even judging any person on color or sexual preference but on principles - of which honesty is key. If you choose what you're choosing, I don't care, as long as you're honest with your spouse. I believe we all have secrets. May it be the husband who watches porn all day, to the wife who secretly can't wait for her neighbor to see her gardening, to the functioning alcoholic, gambler, tax cheat, the severity of which all mean different things to different people. But neither of you have given your wives THAT honesty... You simply aren't the men your wives think you are. True I agree!! I'm not perfect......I'm like the restaurant that gets 10 for food, decor, service, and location then you find out no one washes there hands and it changes your viewpoint drastically. IF you were both thinking you were "all good" with the scenarios you portray here and guilt free - you wouldn't be posting here for approval. Did not say once I was looking for approval. I said part guilt almost like a diary Guess what, you're getting honesty and you don't even recognize what that looks like! It couldn't possibly be marriages that are"that great" since you both have the need to deceive and cover up and justify to your wives. It is great!! What I do for 20hrs a month or so is just a piece of it. The other 700 I'm being the best husband I can be Sauron - yours may not care - so why don't you ask her? So cold - the thrill is in the secret, eh? Yes, it's 100% the new experience once that fades it's over. Until it all comes to the light...then you'll be left with the wreckage of YOUR actions not matching who YOUR WIFE THOUGHT she was married to. She'll be saying she doesn't even know who you are. Agreed You seem so proud of your accomplishments with these young gals - play the tape forward and see what pain is on their faces when the truth comes to light. Anybody can pull it off that was my point.
Owl Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 So...what do you want from posting here on LS? What "support" are you hoping to find, "advice" are you hoping to hear?
2sunny Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Bragging about your bad behavior here only confirms that you have a huge ego issue... It's way out of alignment with what YOUR WIFE thinks you are. She THINKS you are a good husband to her... Your actions when she's not looking prove otherwise. 1
BetrayedH Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Never going to happen Turnera unless I'm found out. We all have secrets some bigger than others none of us is without fault. Society deems that at a certain degree of severity that those secrets must be unveiled for all to see. Well, I disagree with that for me and my life. If I am found out I fully understand the ramifications of my actions. I've thought long and hard about what DDAY would look like. Like I have said many times before take away the secret and my family, marriage, and life is off the charts good. Of course you add the secret and now suddenly all I do out of love, honor, because it's right, because my kids deserve it, for my wife, and my family is just a farce because I have a secret. I totally get that!! Seems like a big risk (for your family) and a lot of effort on your part just to have a hamburger at a new restaraunt instead of the steak you have at home. If you understood the pain of this kind of betrayal.... You have no idea. Your wife is going to be destroyed when she finds out and she will never be the same. You will have stolen years from her and ruined the one life she has to live. You have no idea. And there will be nothing that you or anyone else can do. Dramatic weight loss, post-traumatic stress disorder, antidepressants, lack of sleep for months, work productivity in the toilet if she manages to keep her job, uncontrollable crying, rage, hypervigilance, inability to ever trust anyone again, mind racing, mind movies of everything you have done with these women, and triggers of all of it everywhere she goes. Hope she deserves it. 3
Author so_cold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 So basically your reasons for not setting your wife free are selfish ones. Your cheating shouldn't be her problem, but you are going to make it her problem and make a life decision for her because its what YOU want. Yep, pretty much!! Don't ask don't tell works fine in the real world, but this principle based world obviously it does not. Here is a example for you from my past. My grandfather was awesome to me, my childhood memories filled with great times, adventures, smiles, it was great. It wasn't until 3 years ago that I found out he was accused of molesting his step daughter. The same holds true for me. If I am not found out the memories my wife, kids, family will have of me will be nothing short of awesome!! I'm not being arrogant I just do, give, and invest that much time in all of them. If I am found out their perceptions will be forever changed. I plan to not get caught!! If I do it will be another lesson learned that people are not perfect and we all have vices some big some small all imperfect.
2sunny Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Yep, pretty much!! Don't ask don't tell works fine in the real world, but this principle based world obviously it does not. Here is a example for you from my past. My grandfather was awesome to me, my childhood memories filled with great times, adventures, smiles, it was great. It wasn't until 3 years ago that I found out he was accused of molesting his step daughter. The same holds true for me. If I am not found out the memories my wife, kids, family will have of me will be nothing short of awesome!! I'm not being arrogant I just do, give, and invest that much time in all of them. If I am found out their perceptions will be forever changed. I plan to not get caught!! If I do it will be another lesson learned that people are not perfect and we all have vices some big some small all imperfect. That's not loving behavior/thoughts. Your head is so far up your a$$ you can't even tell what damage you're doing by participating this way. Your conscience - or lack of... You don't respect your wife and yourM is based on YOUR LIES. That's no marriage. 1
Author so_cold Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 (edited) That's not loving behavior/thoughts. Your head is so far up your a$$ you can't even tell what damage you're doing by participating this way. Your conscience - or lack of... You don't respect your wife and yourM is based on YOUR LIES. That's no marriage. It very much is a marriage..............a habitual poor choice doesn't mean it's not a marriage. So, the gambler who blows the family's money and give tons of grief, the alcoholic who binges or must have those 3-4 beers everyday, the wife who dreams of a better life and resents her husband because he spends more time with his buddies then with her, the husband who has no job and "can't" fine work for 99 weeks while on unemployment, the guy who looks at porn all day and won't love his wife at night cause he is desensitized to normal sex, the kids who wish there dad would spend time with them versus the tv or he's off fishing, hunting, etc., I could go on and on and on.........your principle world puts my actions in a category far worse than any of the above I listed. Yet, the reality is my family's life is much better infinitely better than those examples I just listed. I agree if I'm found out then yes ........the $hit hits the proverbial fan, but if I am not my family has a life that trumps those above. **Lastly why is it that drunks, drug users, gamblers, alcoholics, lazy non working people, dare I say morbidly obese, lack of sex, etc that those are still real marriages even though the day to day life in those marriages is abysmal, but mine is not a real marriage though infinitely better on every tangible level...is it because I have a secret? So, if I come out and tell my wife all then it's a real marriage again? Is that how this works? Reality vs Principle you live in your world I'll happily live in mine and I promise my reality is better even if in principle it is not! Edited October 23, 2012 by so_cold 1
Spark1111 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 So...what do you want from posting here on LS? What "support" are you hoping to find, "advice" are you hoping to hear? I'm sensing neither, Owl. I think he wants to brag about how super cool and and wonderful he is; great husband, family man, with lots of young lovers on the side. I think he needs TONS of attention, mostly from men. He is looking for admiration from men who may secretly envy his lifestyle....the guy who seemingly has it all, or pretends to, including young babes on the side. 3
Spark1111 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 And I have to further wonder, if he is oh, so happy, why come to an infidelity support group? Does he believe this forum SUPPORTS those who commit infidelity? Bahahahahahahaha!
turnera Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Noway not in a million years!! There is no one that knows me better on the planet even with my secrets. So you're a narcissist. Who gathers people who will serve you and your purposes. Good luck with your kids when they grow up and do the same thing to you. 1
turnera Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Of course you add the secret and now suddenly all I do out of love, honor, because it's right, because my kids deserve it, for my wife, and my family is just a farce because I have a secret. I totally get that!!What, exactly, are you doing out of love, again (you know, caring more about the other person than yourself)? I must have missed it.
turnera Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 If you understood the pain of this kind of betrayal.... You have no idea. Your wife is going to be destroyed when she finds out and she will never be the same. You will have stolen years from her and ruined the one life she has to live. You have no idea. And there will be nothing that you or anyone else can do. Dramatic weight loss, post-traumatic stress disorder, antidepressants, lack of sleep for months, work productivity in the toilet if she manages to keep her job, uncontrollable crying, rage, hypervigilance, inability to ever trust anyone again, mind racing, mind movies of everything you have done with these women, and triggers of all of it everywhere she goes.If she doesn't kill herself. 1
turnera Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 is it because I have a secret? You don't have 'a secret,' so cold. You are a predator who uses people. That's not a secret. That's abuse. 1
BetrayedH Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 If she doesn't kill herself. True. I was trying to paint the best case scenario for him. 1
frozensprouts Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 O[ I know you won't want to hear this, but i have to say i don't think you love your wife one iota. You may love what she gives to you, you may love the security, familiarity,, someone to admire you, etc., but you don't love her, at least not in the way that she deserves to be loved. If you did, you would never, ever EVER risk hurting her, let alone over and over again. Honestly ask yourself what she has ever done to you to deserve this kind of treatment...what has she done that you are willing to risk her her physical and mental health just so you can get your jollies? I know that you very much enjoy the cyber 'slap on the back' that at least one poster on here seems to be giving you, but i would suggest t you that you read all of his posts and see the contempt he has for his wife. Ask yourself if that's the kind of guy you want to be? I'll also put it to you this way...when my husband had an affair, a good friend of ours , after yelling at him in the same voice he used when he was instructing drill- sat him down and put what he was doing in these terms... maybe it will make you stop and think for a minute about what you are doing if you try the same thing... picture yourself with your kids grown and out of the house. Your life is good, you've even got grandchildren and you think all is well... one day, one of your daughter comes to you in tears because she found out her husband is cheating. You see what it's done to her, to your grandchildren. She can't eat, can't sleep, is physically sick. It tears you up inside to see your child in such pain...for a penny, you'd love to throttle her husband for ever doing his to your baby girl. After you've imagined what that would be like and the anger you feel at her husband for ever doing this to your child who you love, ask yourself...if it tears you up and makes you so angry that someone could do that to your child, then why is it okay for you to be doing the same thing to your wife and children? YOU are the one person in this world who they should be able to trust to always be in their corner, to not hurt them, to protect them...in short, to act like a MAN towards them and not a little boy...ask yourself why you can't do that? Are you that broken inside/ If you are, then get help now, before you hurt your wife and children in ways that will make you sick ( and i fully expect that there'll be a chorus of " hyperbole" about how much it hurts and what it does to a person to be cheated on...but the interesting thing about it is that these people often have never been cheated on, so who are they to say how it feels...)
turnera Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Is your wife free to have as many men as she wants? 2
Spark1111 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 If she doesn't kill herself. Hmmm...to me, the best case scenario is SHE meets a young lothario, divorces him and takes half his money, and another guy is now being called daddy by his kids. These mysoginist braggarts always fall the hardest from their pedestals when what has been good for the gander, becomes good for the goose to. I repeat, "Pride goeth before the fall." If you think money and lifestyle absolves you or protects you from having to lead an honest life, you have no clue to the vindictiveness of a good and honest woman scorned. I'm chanelling my inner Elin Woods here...... 3
2sunny Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Is your wife free to have as many men as she wants? I guess so - as long as "so cold" doesn't find out! Could you imagine his wife posting here and bragging about how good all those men are - and how beautiful the sausage variety is? 1
2sunny Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 You don't have 'a secret,' so cold. You are a predator who uses people. That's not a secret. That's abuse. Your lack of conscience is the only thing that could/would allow you to portray your situation as you have described. Look up narcissistic personality disorder. And no, I don't envy ANYTHING about your life or your wife's life she's living - without her KNOWLEDGE - I might add. You sell your soul to the devil ---> hmmm. But - you seem to lack a conscience... Hope one day you will grow into a kind and loving MAN.
Sauron Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Hey so_cold tried to PM you but it says you can't accept PM's? I would like to get the website you mentioned, so maybe you can PM it to me.
2sunny Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 Hey so_cold tried to PM you but it says you can't accept PM's? I would like to get the website you mentioned, so maybe you can PM it to me. Hmmm, the predators are looking to share information on how to easily find more willing victims..
Sauron Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I am not a predator and the women that sign up are not victims, just a social activity among consenting adults. Just thinking a 20 something might be a little fun for a change.
2sunny Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 I am not a predator and the women that sign up are not victims, just a social activity among consenting adults. Just thinking a 20 something might be a little fun for a change. Do you understand how creepy that sounds/looks? Just think how your wife would view it IF she only knew. Don't put it past her - they do often find out when you don't think they will... You use a computer? Ever heard of a key logger? Maybe someday she'll learn about voice activated recorders - or even a friend or family member bumps into you in some far away place - and you're out with a young gal... Happens - more often than you realize. But you think you won't get caught because your ego tells you you're smart - cheaters get caught a LOT... You aren't above it. 1
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