so_cold Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 (edited) I don't really believe my title it's all a choice right, but at times I do wonder!! I was hyper religious for years to the point of being cultish street corner preaching, evangelizing, tithing unreal amounts, church all day everyday lost all my friends through my extreme choices and believed the doctrine 100%........over time the zeal and belief waned and after 10 years I chose to leave the church. If you google the church most sites say it's a cult using mind control and causing major emotional damage.........what does this have to do with cheating? Part of me wonders if it didn't push me to cheat and now I'm somewhat hooked on the lifestyle!! Because I was hurt and betrayed in a way (irony I know since I'm doing the same) my core belief has shifted. That maybe life is just life and then it's over!! Every civilization of every era has had religions and all that time thought theirs was right. It would be so much easier if the proof was more concrete........LIKE A HUGE FACE IN THE SKY SAYING "I AM YOU GOD WORSHIP ME" So, the proverbial pendulum has swung the other way and now I'm on the other side, so to speak. On the outside I still live what most would say is a picturesque perfect life. I'm a soccer Dad through and through heavily involved in my kids lives, put my wife through school she now has a career, and am more than blessed by any measure. Wife and I are doing great and always have done great, no fights, good sex life, date nights, trips, life is good. Good money, nice house, nice cars, vacations, but deep down there is a a hidden deviant alive and thriving. I struggle daily with my continued poor decisions, but it's almost as if I'm in too deep. Not only is it hard to stop there is no way I would ever tell. No one knows!! Just whoever reads this and the people I have affairs with. What I do is not typical I am a "Sugar Daddy" so to speak. Since I always have handled all the finances and am the breadwinner 3x over it's easy to divert 1-2k/month to my behavior. It started when I read about a site in the Huffington post and it sparked my interest. It took a long time to register, but one night after two glasses of wine I decided too. I couldn't believe the young woman on the site and I was blown away. Undergrad, Grad students, people with careers looking for guys to "spoil them" in return for companionship and fun. Because you swap pics first it's all a choice and since I was younger mid 30's, so many of the young 20yr olds were messaging me nonstop. I was getting 20-25 messages a day from beautiful woman because......... I wasn't the typical 45-65yr old or "Most guys are my Dad's age and that's creepy. You are so handsome and younger" as some of the girls said..........so the question is why is this appealing? Besides the attention etc? This is where the deviant piece comes in. It's just the experience a new body, new smiles, behavior, and to take it further the details. How she touches me, how her "cupcake" is compared to other woman, how tight, how wet, how she does things, how her experiences coincide with mine, her sounds, etc etc a new experience and after a few months the arrangement ends and I move on to the next young woman. I'm on my 7th now and it usually takes 30-45 days to find a perfect match. It's almost like going to a car dealership and getting to drive any car I want for a few months and then bring it back and try out another. Cars that I would never be able to own......if you get the analogy!! Let me add there is no emotional attachment...well better put minimal emotional attachment. Often woman, men, forum posters ask people who have affairs well "Why?", "Did ya'll fight?", "Sexually were ya'll not intimate?", "Gain weight?", "Resentments?", etc etc and it really is 100% none of those things. My wife/family we get along awesome awesome awesome this is truly is a cake eating selfish decision only. Of course there is guilt and lots of "How can you do this?" "You know this is wrong?" "What if she finds out?" "What does God think?" "You are better than this!" "She deserves so much more than this!" but when push comes to shove I'm two years in........so the selfishness is overriding the guilt at least until now. So, I am ultra careful to hide my tracks and this is how I do it in case anyone was wondering. I use KIK messenger or Google Voice only for communication. I install the apps every morning on the way to work takes 1-2min and delete them every evening before I come home. That way I have no problem with ANYONE looking at my phone there is nothing on it. Anonymity is key, so I always using fake names...........well actually the same fake name. I use a different city locale, but same state, lie about my age 3 years, make sure any info the young women receive isn't "googable", never let them see my car, ID, etc and our meetings are very few and far between. I always give the young ladies there allowance in cash never anything traceable. If I were to be questioned my answer would be "I have a gambling problem!" hence why there is always a withdrawel during my trips. We always meet in another city I never get greedy, so 1 meeting every 3-4 weeks and after 3/4 meetings the intrigue is finished anyway and it's time to move on. So, how do I manage to leave every month? My wife isn't a huge fan of high powered sports cars. Ironically enough I always have been, so for the last 8 years or so I've always had a modded sports car of some sort. Currently it's 580awhp 997 Porsche which is greek to most of you I'm sure. I've always taken little 2-3 day trips driving my sports car way before adding this type of adventure to those trips. So, nothing has changed just what I do. I guess someone will bring up STD's because they always do.......believe it or not since most of these young woman are goal oriented they ask for a STD panel too just like I do (I pay for it of course). I know that isn't full proof, but when you communicate with someone all day long you can generally get a feeling if they are really permiscuous and most of these woman are not. Unless they are masterful deceivers like me!! As the site proclaims it's a mutually beneficial arrangement not a few hundred bucks for a lay, so these smart, pretty, opportunistic woman use discretion!! Of course I wear protection too if we have sex, but it's not about solely sex it's about getting to explore her body not just "getting off" I can get off with a computer or with my wife. Again this about exploring her not so much about me getting my rocks off. To enjoy the body of a young woman that this type of arrangement provides that. So, why did I post here? I guess guilt primarily almost like a diary........and information too! To let others know that KIK and Google Voice are tools of the trade. Husbands/Wives always locking phones is a huge red flag or always taking it with them is too. So, don't do that or if your spouse is be mindful of it. You can't be greedy (ironic again I know) and have to really be focused and meticulous!! Always minimizing any emotional attachment because that will make you sloppy, so don't get all cuckoo for cocoa puffs. This will all end one day I know this. Either I'll get too old and this will feel weird!! It always is awkward the first time usually more for me than them, these girls are 15yrs younger than me. I really have no clue how 45-65yr old guys are able to be with a 20-25yr old it would totally freak me out mentally. Or it will slowly phase out and I'll feel like I've experimented enough or like many on here I'm sure there is hope that I will get caught....(I'm not hoping for that btw) but it could happen. In the end we all have faults, failures, struggles, vices, and I do hope that I will be forgiven from above. I will take these transgressions to my grave I do know that much! There will be no confession! Best of luck to all and have a great day!! Edited October 20, 2012 by so_cold
GLDheart Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 This sounds too made up. If you were as careful as you make yourself out to be, the last thing you'd do is write it all up here. Oh, but you explain that away (conveniently): So, why did I post here? I guess guilt primarily almost like a diary... Riiiggghtt.... Guilt. That just jumps off the page the way you tell your story. I'm not buying it. In fact it all sounds like some well crafted work of fiction. I think I've even read something like this once before. I'll see if I can find it. 2
Hawaii50 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 A smell a Best-Seller-" Confessions of a Soccer-Dad" 3
eleanorrigby Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Unfortunately, this story sounds very believable to me. 1
Sauron Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Is the site establishedmen.com? By the way, glad you escaped the relgious prison your humanity was locked up in. Sounds like you have it all figured out. 2K a month, damn thats kinda pricey but if you earn it why not, because life is life and you don't get another one. I doubt its an addiction I would say you are in a position to enjoy your male being. Do you only have one at a time or do you ever get 2 of them together? Anyway look forward to your posts. And guilty, why do you feel guilty, sounds like you are a family man and take care of them. I am at a loss to see why you feel any guilt. I hope you keep posting here. Good luck to you.
Author so_cold Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 This sounds too made up. If you were as careful as you make yourself out to be, the last thing you'd do is write it all up here. Oh, but you explain that away (conveniently): It's a anonymous site, right? I would be found out how? Unless the owner of the site starts tracking IP adresses, then account, then broadcasting it on the local news I don't see how it matters much!! Riiiggghtt.... Guilt. That just jumps off the page the way you tell your story. I'm not buying it. In fact it all sounds like some well crafted work of fiction. I think I've even read something like this once before. I'll see if I can find it. I said part guilt not all guilt.....!! If you read the Huffington post story you possible read something similar, but it would have included a wife catching her husband as he spent over 250k/yr on his habit. There was Dateline special done on the lifestyle too. A smell a Best-Seller-" Confessions of a Soccer-Dad" That's sort of funny!! I read 50 shades, well the first one! Is the site establishedmen.com? By the way, glad you escaped the relgious prison your humanity was locked up in. Sounds like you have it all figured out. 2K a month, damn thats kinda pricey but if you earn it why not, because life is life and you don't get another one. I doubt its an addiction I would say you are in a position to enjoy your male being. Do you only have one at a time or do you ever get 2 of them together? Anyway look forward to your posts. And guilty, why do you feel guilty, sounds like you are a family man and take care of them. I am at a loss to see why you feel any guilt. I hope you keep posting here. Good luck to you. No, that's not the site PM me I'll give you the name. It's technically a 1k allowance then 1K for travel, hotel, dinner, shows, gas sometimes I run a little over sometimes a little under that 2K number. The guilt I just don't see it as ever completely going away........it is what it is. Thanks for the good luck wishes the same to you!!
sweetkiwi Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 guilt because he's made vows to his wife.... Because he's ****ing other women and paying for it.... Continuously. I'm not judging you however. This is just the exact reason i'm not married. Nor do i trust easily. I would have a sugar daddy. And have been offered many times. But, it always gave me the creeps. I'd rather give my pussy away for free. Silly me i'm sitting on a goldmine!
Kevin0627 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Hmph. The thing that catches my attention is that you seem to enjoy your real life. Consequently, I assume that if this all comes crashing down it would be bad for you. So what happens then? I would think any guilt you're feeling is associated with the fact that you are getting away with it. Thing is, the more we have the more we want - generally speaking. So you're success at this will likely grow to wanting more and as you noted, the greed is typically what gets people caught. You may be able to control it though, I dunno. There's also the issue of the work associated with managing all this - no matter how obsessive and meticulous, the best make mistakes and it only takes one. In all the time you've been doing this have you EVER forgot to delete the apps or some other track-covering step? Did you have that "Oh s***" feeling when you realized it? Just sayin man, it only takes one slip up and your whole s*** is destroyed. I know there are a lot of positives, emotionally and physically that come out of the affairs - and if you've never been caught before it would probably benefit you to talk with someone who has. In your situation I'm thinking that the negatives (emotionally and physically) associated with being caught would be worse than the aforementioned positives. What's more, they would not only affect you (like the positives) but the others in your life. And, depending on the severity, that junk could affect future generations. I hope this doesn't sound preachy, I'm genuinely trying to offer a different perspective since you seem to enjoy your real life. In my opinion, you're dealing with a house of cards here and at some point these things tend to come tumbling down. Bad thing is, if it ever does - the longer it's gone on undiscovered the more devastating it will be. Just my opinion...if you can stop, stop. If you can't - slow it down, then stop. But at some point, stop. Seems like you have a lot to lose.
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 This will all end one day I know this. Either I'll get too old and this will feel weird!! It always is awkward the first time usually more for me than them, these girls are 15yrs younger than me. I really have no clue how 45-65yr old guys are able to be with a 20-25yr old it would totally freak me out mentally. Or it'll end when your wife realizes wtf you're doing behind her back.
BetrayedH Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) Furious said "So what...you pay for sex. Yawn..." Well said. Edited October 21, 2012 by BetrayedH
BetrayedH Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 They all think they're so smart. Just like my wife. Doubt she foresaw the GPS I placed on her car. Or the PI. Or that I would discover 60-70 hotel stays or her internet blog (that one took 7 months to find). Enjoy your lonely and empty life when it comes to you. Your enjoyment of this remorseless post is all you will have left. Of course, then you won't feel as arrogant and smart as you do today. 6
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) His lurid tale reeks of pride, delusion, narcissism. Edited October 21, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed inappropiate comments
KathyM Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) I'm just wondering how a man can look into the eyes of his wife, whom he supposedly loves, knowing how badly he is behaving and betraying her. You would think that a man who loves his wife would have guilt. Someday, you will be found out by your wife. You'll slip up somehow, and then your marriage and your life as you know it will be over. Edited October 21, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Sauron Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) I'm just wondering how a man can look into the eyes of his wife, whom he supposedly loves, knowing how badly he is behaving and betraying her. You would think that a man who loves his wife would have guilt. Someday, you will be found out by your wife. You'll slip up somehow, and then your marriage and your life as you know it will be over. Actually it is quite easy to look into my wifes eyes. It's just another moment in time that we spend toegther, when I am home it's just normal everyday life. I would bet the OP would probably tell you the same thing. So what he is paying for sex, the female gender has been selling it since there have been females on the planet. These women are not your typical escorts or prostitutes they are in college usually, or have a professional career, and need cash or support and are very selective. I do not think he is addicted to anything except wanting variety, which as I man I can tell you we ALL crave it, some of us just act on it. I also see that this OP has a normal sex life with his wife, so he is taking care of business at home. Probably makes his sex life with his wife much more exciting since she is in the rotation and adds variety. Sounds to me like he has it made and everybody is happy in his world. I would imagine the OP also makes a ton of money since he is spending $ 24K or so a year on being a man, so once again we see there are some benefits of being a man with means. And that would imply he has intelligence to earn enough to have this lifestyle, and based on what he wrote practices good risk management skills. And regardless if his wife finds out, she is probably well taken care of and wouldn't want to rock the boat much since he brings home the bacon. Plus he can always do the mea culpa and check himself into that place Tiger Woods went and I would bet big money she would stay. Not everyone has their life blown to shreds, even though a lot of you choose that route. Edited October 21, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator reference to deleted entry
KathyM Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Actually it is quite easy to look into my wifes eyes. It's just another moment in time that we spend toegther, when I am home it's just normal everyday life. I would bet the OP would probably tell you the same thing. So what he is paying for sex, the female gender has been selling it since there have been females on the planet. These women are not your typical escorts or prostitutes they are in college usually, or have a professional career, and need cash or support and are very selective. I do not think he is addicted to anything except wanting variety, which as I man I can tell you we ALL crave it, some of us just act on it. I also see that this OP has a normal sex life with his wife, so he is taking care of business at home. Probably makes his sex life with his wife much more exciting since she is in the rotation and adds variety. Sounds to me like he has it made and everybody is happy in his world. I would imagine the OP also makes a ton of money since he is spending $ 24K or so a year on being a man, so once again we see there are some benefits of being a man with means. And that would imply he has intelligence to earn enough to have this lifestyle, and based on what he wrote practices good risk management skills. And regardless if his wife finds out, she is probably well taken care of and wouldn't want to rock the boat much since he brings home the bacon. Plus he can always do the mea culpa and check himself into that place Tiger Woods went and I would bet big money she would stay. Not everyone has their life blown to shreds, even though a lot of you choose that route. Pretty darn few women would be OK with their husband sleeping with multiple hookers, spending family money on them, and putting their health at risk with STDs. Men who go to hookers will end up with an STD eventually, if not sooner, then later, even if they use a condom. I doubt the wife's going to be particularly happy about that. But I guess men who only care about their own desires, and have no caring or concern about what they are doing to their wife, would be able to continue with the deception without remorse or guilt. It's just very unfair to the wives, who should be given the option of staying in such a marriage, or leaving it, rather than that right and their life being decided by a deceiving, selfish husband, and the wife's choice of whether to stay under those circumstances is taken away from them. 2
sweetkiwi Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 women crave variety too. Trust me. Its much easier for us to come by as well. But. For the sake of the relationship most don't go there. Its not even about the relationship for some. Its about trust. Trusting your heart and sexual health to another human who has all the same desires as you. Unless part of your relationship is ****ing others out in the open. In that case- kudos. You can have your cake, eat it, and sleep with it. But whether you realize it or not somehow the betrayed spouse always knows. And the children will know their daddy is a liar and a cheat. I always thought if i could only be a better person than my parents i'll give my children hope for their future 3
tornandconfused12 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Actually it is quite easy to look into my wifes eyes. It's just another moment in time that we spend toegther, when I am home it's just normal everyday life. I would bet the OP would probably tell you the same thing. So what he is paying for sex, the female gender has been selling it since there have been females on the planet. These women are not your typical escorts or prostitutes they are in college usually, or have a professional career, and need cash or support and are very selective. I do not think he is addicted to anything except wanting variety, which as I man I can tell you we ALL crave it, some of us just act on it. I also see that this OP has a normal sex life with his wife, so he is taking care of business at home. Probably makes his sex life with his wife much more exciting since she is in the rotation and adds variety. Sounds to me like he has it made and everybody is happy in his world. I would imagine the OP also makes a ton of money since he is spending $ 24K or so a year on being a man, so once again we see there are some benefits of being a man with means. And that would imply he has intelligence to earn enough to have this lifestyle, and based on what he wrote practices good risk management skills. And regardless if his wife finds out, she is probably well taken care of and wouldn't want to rock the boat much since he brings home the bacon. Plus he can always do the mea culpa and check himself into that place Tiger Woods went and I would bet big money she would stay. Not everyone has their life blown to shreds, even though a lot of you choose that route. My husband earns a very good income and so do I, albeit mine is not quite as much as his. However, money or not, I would and I am choosing to rock the boat because I am no longer sure I want to stay with my WS because I've lost a considerable amount of respect for him, not to mention trust. There might be some women who stay because of a lifestyle but I suspect those may be few and far between - but I will admit those types do exist, without question. I'm not going to knock your opinion and choices on things because I know it won't make a difference to you and I'm not into debating. But I do have to ask why you choose the lifestyle you do. Why not just be single and screw around with whoever you'd like? After my parents divorced decades ago my dad never remarried and did just that, screwed around with whoever he wanted to. He mostly lived alone all those years, aside from some roommate stints and an 8-year LTR when I was still a kid, but he did what he wanted without involving remarriage or bringing more kids into the picture. My dad was perceived as selfish in some ways, mostly by family members or women he was involved with who were upset about his non-committal ways. However, he didn't lie to women about his intentions and never portrayed himself to be anything other than what he was. He didn't act like a family man at home and then go off and do whatever else with a GF or a one-night stand. There was simply no deception and any angst from the situation was when someone wanted to take the relationship to the next level when there was no chance of that with him. Seems to me my dad's way would be easier....after I turned 18 back in the 80's he got his whole income to himself to spend however he chose to and he didn't have to track his lies because he didn't deceive anyone. Just my 2 cents. 3
Sauron Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hey torn. I have a lot of reasons why I am stuck in my marriage. Mostly money and assets. My story is posted here and there. I would bet the OP has a similar story. I admit to being selfish and somewhat arrogant. I would also think this OP is as well. However we got to where we are, we are here, and I make the best of my situation. I would think as the OP ages he will slow down a bit and probably give up the younger crowd and settle in to his marriage or have a OW on the side that he can enjoy all the things with that his wife can't or won't provide, whatever those may be. It has been going on since we have been on the planet.
sweetkiwi Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 there's a lot of talk about "since the beginning" etc etc. I'd like to remind everyone that we're supposed to be evolving. Not staying the same as we once were. No we cannot force genetics to evolve at home in our selves. But. We can evolve intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Start being better. Not a better liar. A better human. 2
Sauron Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 there's a lot of talk about "since the beginning" etc etc. I'd like to remind everyone that we're supposed to be evolving. Not staying the same as we once were. No we cannot force genetics to evolve at home in our selves. But. We can evolve intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Start being better. Not a better liar. A better human. So you have never told a lie? Just curious how many of you that are judging name calling and labeling have never told a lie.
BetrayedH Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 So you have never told a lie? Just curious how many of you that are judging name calling and labeling have never told a lie. No one is perfect. The question becomes, what are you going to do today? Continue with unhealthy behaviors or make a positive change? Generally, I think most agree that lying to someone is ethically unfair to them; it subjugates their equality in the relationship as it removes their ability to make informed decisions about their own life and the liar elevates themselves to a position of making decisions for person being lied to. It is disrespectful and I would say most would agree that it should be avoided unless there is a serious case for doing so. The people that come here are generally morally conflicted about continuing their deceitful behaviors. I do my best not to judge and to advise on what I think would be an ethical choice for them (which is also typically the more respectful, healthy, and logical choice for them at the same time - we can disagree on those points if you like but I still find it a more ethical position not to unnecessarily subjugate someone else's right to live their life without manipulation). You are not conflicted and not seeking advice. As you say, it is all an intellectual curiosity for you. You have an established opinion staked in the ground and thus, it's open for judgment. What I find curious is that you don't blame your wife for your cheating. You seem to agree that it wasn't an optimal decision. You "take responsibility" for that and place no responsibility or blame on her (other than your clarification for her responsibility for the state of the marriage). But then you say it is all good because everyone is happy. So, what are you taking responsibility for? The fact that it is all good? Or is there, in fact, something (anything?) bad about it to take responsibility for? It's meant as a legitimate (non-accusatory) question. Seems relevant to the OP because I think he is also discounting anything "bad" that could happen as a result of his risky behaviors (at least risky to the OPs wife and his children). In your case, you at least can argue that your wife "doesn't want to know." I'm not sure that's the case with this poster. He's taking a huge risk in blowing up the world of his entire family. Is that bad? Are there other, better choices? Is your perfect case for cheating in your M the same as his?
Just a Guy Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi Sauron and So_Cold How would you know whether your wives are not cheating on you guys? After all if you are so good at covering up your indiscretions possibly they too, could be be talented enough to do so. Also if you did get to know that they were cheating on you what would be your reaction? It would make for an interesting situation! 1
BetrayedH Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi Sauron and So_Cold How would you know whether your wives are not cheating on you guys? After all if you are so good at covering up your indiscretions possibly they too, could be be talented enough to do so. Also if you did get to know that they were cheating on you what would be your reaction? It would make for an interesting situation! Sauron has repeatedly said he wouldn't care as long as she was discreet. Would be interesting to hear from the OP.
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