Just checking in...

[Barrsitter]

Am so over my xmm I can barely remember his name. Days go by and I don't think about him. Love it.

 

Way too much drama with these mm/mw. People....Snap out of it! Stay away from mm/mw!!!! They are nothing but bad news and bull****.

 

It is so amazingly glorious to not be in love or have a must-have on any guy.

True freedom.

[veryhappy]

It seems like one year is the time needed to get over a MM of one really wants that.

 

Enjoy the freedom!

[twinsmom]

I love the feeling! Especially the feeling of knowing if he knocked on my door tomorrow, I would feel totally indifferent.

[sad puppy]

B, glad to hear how well you're doing. Just to let you know, my xMM has been separated for one year now. Soon enough they are to file. He asked me out to a concert last month, and then dinner, both of which I declined (so proud of myself!). We have talked a bit over the last month.

 

We are having a conversation about whether we want to have "the" conversation, ie, discussing the old issues, concerns, ... basically resolve the fights. Neither one of us are sure that we want to move forward, both of us are sure we are not jumping back into a relationship. I told him I would not want to continue anything unless he was emotionally healthy.

 

The good news is - I quit smoking, have been doing yoga for a year now, going to the gym, and am confident in my boundaries, emotionally speaking.

 

You, my dear Barr, I met here last fall when I was losing my mind. You were supportive to me and reminded me of Aunt Madea. I've done a lot of introspective work this year and made some positive changes. I feel better, and you feel better! Look how far we have come.

 

This whole affair, for me, has been a brutal experience. But I'm trying to salvage a win for me, positive changes to create the life I want for myself. Whether my xMM is in my life moving forward, and I pretty much doubt it, is to be seen.

 

You and I are proof that one, with determination and spunk, can come out of an affair, battered a bit but much wiser. And, hopefully, kinder to our selves.

[Barrsitter]

Great news Not-so-Sad-Puppy!!!! Great news!!! Yoga. Quit smoking. Gym. Boundaries.

 

I tell you, my friend, being in love and with a mm is for the birds. It's the most brain-melting, mind-screwing, ethics-blowing experience known to mankind the world over. I am so done with that crap.

 

I almost wish what's his name would contact me so I can not respond. Ever.

(evil laughter in the background).

 

Yes SP, we have come a long way! Kudos to both of us and all others who have stepped off the insanity wagon known as the EA!

[Barrsitter]

Hi TwinsMom....

 

Yes! Indifference is the ultimate goal! Ultimate freedom. Ultimate power.

 

Thanks for weighing in.

[twinsmom]

You're very welcome. I have to admit, though, that ONE year was not the magical number for me. In my case, it was more like somewhere between two and three years. Even just saying that makes me pissed off at myself.

[Silly_Girl]

Hey barsitter, great to hear you're doing grand.

 

I don't regret my relationship, not at all, but the drama and the challenges that came with it just aren't for me. And not just married guys either, I'll not sign up for any 'added extras' with any man. Simple and easy, that's what I'm after... The relationship, not the man btw

[Barrsitter]

TwinsMom - I hear you. I have concluded that getting over an EA with a MM is doubly difficult. First, we want someone we can't really have so we try extra hard (oh the mind/heart is such a powerful thing). Secondly, we are in competition with another woman for the man. That causes us to place more value on the relationship than perhaps is warranted.

 

Looking back, I doubt very much if I would actually want my xmm if he was single. He's shallow and unexperienced with life. He had no children which, as I have observed, made him totally self-centred and incapable of understanding what deep, sacrificial love is about.

 

All in all, and for many reasons, an A with an mm is a complete waste of time, energy and love.

[heartinlove]

HI Barsitter and Sad Puppy. Nice to see you both here and that you are doing so well.

 

Yes dating MM is really an excellent way to f up ones life.

 

I finally have gone NC after 2 years and said basically no contact until you're divorced. Im lucky in some ways that my MM is a long time friend and essentially a good guy, just obviously very weak and conflicted, and he really supported me doing this. He knew this was killing me. I guess you could say I had the best ending possible for one of these nightmare rollercoasters. Luckily, Im in a good space. I got all the closure a girl could desire, and I know Im loved. And the greatest thing is I was the one who decided to go no contact unless he's left his marriage. And believe me, I heard a gazillion times that he was leaving any moment. The old saying, only actions count kept popping into my head when there continued to be no real movement. I finally reached my limit and I was ready to let go.

 

I do think its easier when we're the ones to decide. Im only a short time away from walking away but already i feel enormous relief and feel im getting my life back. Don't get my wrong, I love him with all my heart, but in the end I love myself more and love my life more, so I know I did the right thing. I know there will be hard days to come but Im really grateful I finally found the courage to do what I have known I needed to do for a while. I really pray I have the strength to stay strong and hold this boundary. So many times, Ive tried to go NC but finally answered his calls when the sadness gets too overwhelming.

 

I wish you both the best as I do anyone struggling in these situations. It has been a very, very painful path. Ive learned alot, but would never choose an affair situation again.

[sad puppy]

Beautifully said, Heart. My xMM finally moved out, when he knew I was done. Hold fast, keep facing forward. It is the best choice for you, regardless. Wishing you the best.