ThaWholigan Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Are you saying Im a bad girl? fiesty, maybe...not sure about bad, guess it depends what you mean by that. : p Bad is a broad compass, there's crazy bad, evil bad.....sexy, feisty bad ........
SmileFace Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 The unavialble ones... I understand why but I don't get how.
The_Face Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I always end up dating the type of girls who make out with a guy they just met at a party while we're supposed to be a couple, or sleep around the second we break it off, the cheating type. You know, the girls who just can't say "no". But I learned something valuable this year. Act like a doormat, and you'll be treated like one. It's not my fault I've been stung by a few girls in the past, but I could very well just attract myself to those types, when I come across as so giving and trusting right off the bat. I need to keep some sort of guard up and not be so available. All that ****. Maybe the next girl I meet will then appreciate all that I do but not take advantage, or try to slip something by me in the process. 2
Woggle Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I think on a subconcious level you don't want a relationship and that is why you run for the hills.
olivec Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 People always talk about how they continue to date the same type of man/woman over and over, or that they have no success with dating because they run into the same problems with different people. I'm beginning to wonder if it's because there's something we're doing (consciously or not) to get the attention of the same "type" repeatedly. For example, I can fit the type of men I repeatedly attract into 3 generic categories: #1- The Emotionally Unavailable Guy. This guy usually shows extreme interest in the beginning and there's immediate chemistry, but then when I reveal my feelings, he goes cold. Throughout the courtship (if you can even call it that LOL), he goes from hot to cold without warning. By the time we stop talking to each other, I usually feel angry and somewhat used. #2- The Super Nice, Super Bland Guy. This is the guy who your parents would love because he's great on paper----everything about him is stable and normal. He also usually has no personality, no sense of humor, and is boring as hell. I usually spend the entire time during the courtship alternating between annoyance and guilt because I wish I could will some sort of connection and/or chemistry. In the end, this guy usually becomes a friend. #3- The Married Guy. This guy is the most annoying of all, because he's so persistent and charming, not to mention that he shouldn't even exist in the dating world. In my experience, they usually conceal their married status, lavish you with attention, and seem too good to be true. Which turns out to be right. :laugh:This interaction usually ends with me feeling insanely guilty, full of shame, and with an overall pessimistic view of men. So my question is...how do you change who you attract? Especially if you're unaware of what you're doing to attract certain types in the first place... I always seem to be attracted to #1 type of girl. I was dating this girl for about a month we had awesome chemistry and then 2 weeks ago it was over. Really bothered by it because i didnt hear from her for about a week in a half after that and she finally admitted she just wanted to be friends. I deleated the number immediately after that. I dated another girl shortly after and the first date was boring felt no chemestry at all. We still knda talk but i dont care about her at all and hope she stops contacting me because i know its not gunna work. I need that immediate attraction with someone. I just hate when you get that for the first few weeks or months and then it just fizzle outs. obviously the secopnd girl is the super nice/bland person. Most people need passion or attraction immediately for it to work or atleast i do anyway. I just wish it would then work properly and not end badly for me the last few times.
olivec Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Oops, I was thinking you meant a different type But I do notice that where I live, when black men (that are you know of appropriate age and that I would talk to) hit on me (and I am black, live in California), there is an 80% chance they did not grow up in CA. It is pretty much a guarantee they are from the South or the East Coast. (No appropriate for this thread, but I can think of quite a few reasons why.). Black guy from CA hitting on me? I fall out of my chair. As for the list above, I apparently always have crazy chemistry with #3 unfortunately. Or his 1st cousin, my I am currently in a serious long term relationship. See thats another prob i have as well because i'm black and educated and have a good job. However i get the #1 type of girl attracted to me and for some reason i get fooled everytime thinking they are actually truely interested in getting to know me. However the moment i think theres something real there they bail. Because unlike alot of guys i dont have sex earlier with any girl. Atleast a few months because of that reason. Its like all they want is the fantasy they have in their mind and dont wanna get to know the real person. Its as if i'm not good enuff to be the boyfriend only good enuff for the booty call. Fact is in my 20s when i didnt care i just went with it , but i'm in my 30s now and fed up with that bull**** and want a future with someone not a romp in bed.
Minka333 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 There's always that natural inclination in people. Throughout my 20's I used nothing but the most deadening honesty about not wanting to be in a relationship. But it was manipulative in the sense that I knew these women would cave and try to "Tame." the moment they did, I called it quits. And they always accepted the blame. I did bad things : / *but technically, I was honest. but still.. I did bad things.* Nowadays, nothingness, but there are reasons. When back in civilization, I find a slow approach works.. but again this is just for me. the more I pull back, the more they chase. And forget about it if I try to remain abstinent. The more I try not to Phuhck 'em, the more they try to phuhck me. *It's a weird dance.. and whether she knows or accepts it or not, a lot of the time.. I'm the one leading I tend to get attracted to men stronger than me...and yeah that makes me slowly cave in. I just find it so irresistable coz' i like a guy who is not afraid to show some balls and put me in my place..once that happens, i'm hooked! But i still maintain some distance though, i never become the chaser. That's just my nature.* It is weird that my bf also mentioned what you said. He said i think i'm controlling him but he's really the one in control..whoa!
mesmerized Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 The unavialble ones... I understand why but I don't get how. Most women attract the unavailable type which is usually just another name for players. It sucks but the signs are usually very clear from the start. Smart women would never invest emotionally in them.
jcrew11 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 People always talk about how they continue to date the same type of man/woman over and over, or that they have no success with dating because they run into the same problems with different people. I'm beginning to wonder if it's because there's something we're doing (consciously or not) to get the attention of the same "type" repeatedly. For example, I can fit the type of men I repeatedly attract into 3 generic categories: #1- The Emotionally Unavailable Guy. This guy usually shows extreme interest in the beginning and there's immediate chemistry, but then when I reveal my feelings, he goes cold. Throughout the courtship (if you can even call it that LOL), he goes from hot to cold without warning. By the time we stop talking to each other, I usually feel angry and somewhat used. #2- The Super Nice, Super Bland Guy. This is the guy who your parents would love because he's great on paper----everything about him is stable and normal. He also usually has no personality, no sense of humor, and is boring as hell. I usually spend the entire time during the courtship alternating between annoyance and guilt because I wish I could will some sort of connection and/or chemistry. In the end, this guy usually becomes a friend. #3- The Married Guy. This guy is the most annoying of all, because he's so persistent and charming, not to mention that he shouldn't even exist in the dating world. In my experience, they usually conceal their married status, lavish you with attention, and seem too good to be true. Which turns out to be right. :laugh:This interaction usually ends with me feeling insanely guilty, full of shame, and with an overall pessimistic view of men. So my question is...how do you change who you attract? Especially if you're unaware of what you're doing to attract certain types in the first place... This may seem like semantics but it seems like a "passive mindset" to "attract guys" rather than being pro-active in finding men you want to be with, instead of waiting around for a man to come to you. I know many women and men still view dating in a very "old fashioned, alpha male" sort of way. But I think you might find some better luck waiting for a guy that you want to date, and picking him. Let your inner feminist grow, and gain some personal strength and strength in relationships to turn down the married players.
SmileFace Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Most women attract the unavailable type which is usually just another name for players. It sucks but the signs are usually very clear from the start. Smart women would never invest emotionally in them. I worded it wrong - unavailable was the wrong term. I don't do players.
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