Author Woggle Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 How do I give up this cynical attitude towards women while still keeping my spine?
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 How do I give up this cynical attitude towards women while still keeping my spine? You UNLEARN what your Mom programmed you to believe as a child. You then work with EVIDENCE based on each individual you meet...as we are ALL unique...and should be treated as such based on the evidence each person provides about their own character - or lack of. Then YOU decide who to keep close to you and who to eliminate...based on your evidence. And it helps with feeling "balanced" - which is never needing to feel like you hand all your power to anyone - it's just "balanced" based on "healthy boundaries" that you take action on. In order to have the great influences in our lives - we have to be willing to eliminate the one that harm us. 1
CarboniteCammy Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi Woggle, I can tell you're conflicted and I know it's hard to sometimes figure out the right way to go. I haven't read this whole thread, but I felt like I had something to share. My MIL has a big personality and I'm really thankful that my husband has the where with all to stand up to her. Our last issue was over x-mas, where she wanted us to spend Christmas morning at her house. I didn't want to do this, because this is my first baby and this is our first christmas together as a family, and I thought we should start our own tradition. My husband compromised between us and so we're spending christmas evening at her house. I'm not thrilled about it, but it's better then us spending our whole day there. I know your situation is nothing like that, but my point to you is that sometimes you have to cut those apron strings and form your own opinions about things. Plus, you should ALWAYS have your wife's back no matter what. Your mother has already had her own family. She has no right to dictact what happens in YOUR family and it's gross misconduct on her part to try to turn you against your wife. That, in my opinion, shows you that she doesn't have your best interests at hand. I would be really upset if my husband let his mom talk about me the way that your mom talks about your wife. It's so rude and it just chips away at the foundation of your bond with your wife. I hope you grow a back bone and challenge your mom the next time she starts being negative about your wife. I know that sounds harsh, but you really do have to stand up for yourself and your family. It's your job now as the man of the house.
freestyle Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Wogs---try to imagine your brain as a CD player. Your mother instilled the CD you're listening to. And frankly---the song sucks. Allowing your mother's toxic thoughts and statements to continue playing in your head, is no different than her coming to your home, and being a Stereo Nazi, making all of the decisions about what you should be listening to. Change the disc.........Take out her disc, and toss it in the garbage, where it belongs. And put on something YOU like. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 How do I give up this cynical attitude towards women while still keeping my spine? Sorry, but in what way does letting an article (that you painstakingly sought out), listening to your mother or trashy ho's at work, or doubting the very humanity of your own wife equate to "keeping a spine"? Keeping a spine would look like walking away from all that and towards the light.
Author Woggle Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Sorry, but in what way does letting an article (that you painstakingly sought out), listening to your mother or trashy ho's at work, or doubting the very humanity of your own wife equate to "keeping a spine"? Keeping a spine would look like walking away from all that and towards the light. That does not equate to having a spine. I just want to know that while I love my wife with all my heart and will do right be her if she does right be me I will still have the guts to kick her to the curb if she ever betrays me. I took a whole lot of crap in my first marriage before I even discovered her cheating and I never want to be in that state again.
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Is there any reason to every talk to your Mom EVER again? 1
Author Woggle Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Is there any reason to every talk to your Mom EVER again? No and for the most part I avoided but we needed to talk because of legal matters and every time she just tears into me.
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 No and for the most part I avoided but we needed to talk because of legal matters and every time she just tears into me. You can hire an attorney to take those calls for you.
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Or you can show some strength and courage and CHANGE by speaking up to her "Mom, I don't agree with your perspective and I'm not going to listen to your mean words ANY LONGER, please don't call me again"!
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 If my parents had shown evidence of being mean and hurtful - I'd even consider changing my name! I would! I'd cut ALL ties that reminded me of who was mean to me!
Author Woggle Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You are right. Everybody I apologize for going over this again and again. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make myself not be such a mess. 4
xxoo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You are right. Everybody I apologize for going over this again and again. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make myself not be such a mess. I wish the same sometimes, for my own "issues". You're on the right track, Woggle. When you notice yourself getting off course, just keep trying to steer yourself back. Over time, you'll catch yourself earlier and earlier, and it will become easier to stay on the high road. And when you get too far off course, we are all here to give you a helpful PUSH back in the right direction 1
sweetjasmine Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You can hire an attorney to take those calls for you. Or, heck, hang up the phone or pull the receiver away from your ear while she rattles on and on and on. Give the phone to the dog and let it listen to her. Don't let that vampire suck you in again. That woman is pure poison.
Recommended Posts