TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 So, you want support. Make the original post "Is my mother a nut job?" You'll get support for that. This is not about your wife. It's about your MOTHER and your feelings about HER. Wake the f*ck up, man. 1
2sunny Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Wogs--I sense that the recent events with both your exW, and your mother have triggered this. This is my observation-- You're looking at things through your mother's warped, distorted, vision--Instead of through your OWN eyes. (as you were trained to do as a child--from what you've shared about her abusive nature & actions, your very safety & survival depended on NOT upsetting her. With a personality type like hers, ANY disagreement with her point of view was grounds for punishment........) Your reactions are a result of years of that kind of conditioning--it etches very deep grooves in the psyche. The kind that are hard to climb out of, when you fall back into them---but the only way you're going to see clearly is to climb out...... And even healthier is to run away from that abusive person and NEVER look back - NEVEr engage with them again! Act as they don't exist! Look into family of origin and assigned meaning (when someone does this - I have assigned a meaning that tells MY mind it means that). For example: when Mom was mad - I needed to do everything to make things ok for me - but it's USUALLY not an appropriate response to folks who haven't lived with abuse... Like - love means I need to ALLOW women to be mean to me. Or - if I love a woman it means I'm going to ALLOW her to be mean to me - based on MY experience. Which isn't true - it's just YOUR assigned meaning based off of what YOU learned at a young age. IF you can get rid of THAT unhealthy mindset (family of origin) and what YOU'VE learned as a child by UNLEARNING that which is unhealthy - then you can then learn a NEW way that works for you. You can break that pattern that your mind has always thought while processing new situations. YOU can CHOOSE to react differently than ever before - or to NOT react at all. My best suggestion would be to have you never take another call from your Mom again. Find a new Mom as a role model for yourself - a kind and loving woman that cares about you - enough to show you how nurturing a Mom CAN be when she's a healthy role model. Cut out all negative women - focus on women who bring you joy and lift you up. 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I resent the implication that kind, supportive, thoughtful, faithful women are supposedly "stepford wives." A stepford wife was a hot looking, emotionless and blank minded robot, right? What does that have to do with kindness and faithfulness? Even if your crackpot of a mom says that it has some relevance? In fact, your wife may actually BE a robot. Sometimes I can't believe a live woman of any kind would be able to tolerate your misogyny. Can you imagine for a moment what it must be like for her, Woggle, to have a husband who leaps at the slightest excuse to brand all women as every kind of horrible? I mean, if she's not really a robot?
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) You know, Woggle - by refusing to establish immutable boundaries with your mom, your dealings with her and the emotional power you HAND over to her constantly - you are putting your marriage at tremendous risk. No marriage will be able to survive this kind of thing for very long. Your wife NEEDS to be able to count on you being steady and emotionally reliable - not switching into a rabid woman hater every time you speak to your mom or even read an article. Do you realize how deeply disloyal it is to post a question like this? Because you feel insecure, you have no issues with throwing your wife under a bus? Or, do you REALLY think she might be nothing but a robot, and you need our opinions about this? Edited October 21, 2012 by Mme. Chaucer 3
Author Woggle Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I know it is disloyal and I don' intend to be that way but up until I met my wife and got support maybe 85% of the women I dealt with in my life turned out to be awful. I am not saying 85% of women are that way but I was that unlucky in who I came across. I am not saying that kind and loving women are stepford wives but is something I have heard over the years. Besides the women I talk about I remember how many of the women we knew thought my ex was empowered and strong for cheating and they were glad a man got a taste of his own medicine. I told you about those two women at work who bragged about their affairs and the one woman who thought they were disgusting was called an old biddy even though she was 29 and was accused of living in the 1950s when women were slaves to men. I even see articles saying the exact same thing and you know that because I always post them. This is why as hateful as some men on here are my first though it was what made them that way. Not right but I admit that it was where my mind goes. After seeing all of this I just decided to say the hell with it and be a misogynist. If this was how women really are even towards men who treat women well and never abused or cheated on a woman in their life then screw it. For a while it seemed to be working but then I met my wife and I met some other great now that I work in a different place plus many women here supported me and It made me not want to be hateful anymore. Now here I am trying to get past this anger and this bitterness but every time I feel threatened I go back to the old ways. I want to be a strong person that doesn't apologize for being born with a penis but I also want to be some MRA woman hater either because that would make me no better than some of the women I have dealt with but it is really hard to train myself not to be that way.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I told you about those two women at work who bragged about their affairs and the one woman who thought they were disgusting was called an old biddy even though she was 29 and was accused of living in the 1950s when women were slaves to men. You returning to these women to excuse your own inexcusable behavior would be like me deciding to trash my own husband because of the awful things written on this site by guys like Greznog and Leisureguy. Those women are NO ONE to you. Just some losers you used to work near. The world is full of trash. 1
2sunny Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 I know it is disloyal and I don' intend to be that way but up until I met my wife and got support maybe 85% of the women I dealt with in my life turned out to be awful. I am not saying 85% of women are that way but I was that unlucky in who I came across. I am not saying that kind and loving women are stepford wives but is something I have heard over the years. Besides the women I talk about I remember how many of the women we knew thought my ex was empowered and strong for cheating and they were glad a man got a taste of his own medicine. I told you about those two women at work who bragged about their affairs and the one woman who thought they were disgusting was called an old biddy even though she was 29 and was accused of living in the 1950s when women were slaves to men. I even see articles saying the exact same thing and you know that because I always post them. This is why as hateful as some men on here are my first though it was what made them that way. Not right but I admit that it was where my mind goes. After seeing all of this I just decided to say the hell with it and be a misogynist. If this was how women really are even towards men who treat women well and never abused or cheated on a woman in their life then screw it. For a while it seemed to be working but then I met my wife and I met some other great now that I work in a different place plus many women here supported me and It made me not want to be hateful anymore. Now here I am trying to get past this anger and this bitterness but every time I feel threatened I go back to the old ways. I want to be a strong person that doesn't apologize for being born with a penis but I also want to be some MRA woman hater either because that would make me no better than some of the women I have dealt with but it is really hard to train myself not to be that way. Any good counselor would point out that holding on to THAT anger and bitterness serves YOU a purpose. What purpose is that Wog? Be honest!
strongnrelaxed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Woggle, I will take your question seriously because I have not been here long enough to see it before. I also do not have the urge to look up your history (I find that a bit strange as a tactic, but maybe that's just me) If what you say is genuine and accurate, then your Mother is really wrong to say this to you. My mother too was "odd" but in a different way. As a result, I find it difficult to trust women. Unfortunately for me, I found this site and it only reinforced the fact that too many modern women are totally insane. (define the word "sane" before you jump on me. And if you are NOT one of the insane women, then this should not bother you). Women raise boys. Boys become fathers, husbands and leaders. It is true that the hand that rules the world is the hand that rocks the cradle. We are in a time of great change and perspectives like your mother's are becoming increasingly common. I hope that your wife is not being faithful because she is weak. I hope she is faithful because she is a woman of character. Good luck with all of this. You came to the wrong place for answers though methinks. There are better places to find reasoned responses.
strongnrelaxed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Any good counselor would point out that holding on to THAT anger and bitterness serves YOU a purpose. What purpose is that Wog? Be honest! This is a good point. Woggle, cheating women are all around you. It is time to let it go. This is reality and you are going to have to deal with it. I am not being sarcastic here. There are other posts about articles that say as much. Society is changing and I remember old men when I was younger complaining about how everything was going to hell in a hand basket. They fought against Elvis shaking his hips on TV and I thought that was ridiculously conservative of them. I get it now. I am increasingly seen as an irrelevant old man. Things like honor, keeping promises, and service to those around you sound silly - even to me now. I feel like a relic who is watching society crumble and everyone around is shouting for the ship to sink faster. I now know that it is me. I am the bitter one. I expect too much of those around me. I need to step aside and let the next generation do as it will. I had my time. Perhaps you should join me Woggle. I will buy you a beer and we can sit on a stoop somewhere and watch it all happen. Women, it's in your hands now.
strongnrelaxed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 The world is full of trash. You just said a mouthful right there sister.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Oh, look. "Strongnrelaxed" (what an oxymoronic name for this poster!) seems to be all excited about the possibility that you, Woggle, might be a prime recruit for his special MRA/ MGOOW / "Blame the Bad Wimmins for Our Mistakes" campaigns here and elsewhere on the World Wide Web. He sees you questioning the validity of your marriage and of your wife as a human being (asking us whether she's a robot instead) and he eagerly wants to "help" you get rid of your problem (your wife! Of course, it's all HER fault!) by feeding these negative and destructive thoughts of yours. I can actually envision him jumping up and down, clapping his hands and tittering in glee. Before he returns to his stoop of beer and gloom. Isn't this kind of like the "you go, girl" thing you are always accusing women of, except in oppositeland?
strongnrelaxed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You know, Woggle - by refusing to establish immutable boundaries with your mom, your dealings with her and the emotional power you HAND over to her constantly - you are putting your marriage at tremendous risk. Your wife NEEDS to be able to count on you being steady and emotionally reliable - not switching into a rabid woman hater every time you speak to your mom or even read an article. Do you realize how deeply disloyal it is to post a question like this? Because you feel insecure, you have no issues with throwing your wife under a bus? Or, do you REALLY think she might be nothing but a robot, and you need our opinions about this? This is so far beyond pathetic I can only assume that you are flame baiting (yes, I am that old). But since you got so many high fives, I will jump in and stand by my buddy here. This man was raised by his Mother. He probably had it beaten into him to "honor they father and mother" and now HE is wrong for doing so. Not only that, but HE is disloyal for daring to post a question about the disloyalty of others! Virtually every single word you wrote is the opposite of decent and human. What the hell makes you think it is ok to post stuff like this aimed at a hurting person. I doubt the OP is suicidal, but you need to really think about this. Are there any moderators around this place? You are a disaster waiting to happen Ms Chaucer. Not only do you name yourself after a male, you name yourself after a very smart male. There is a huge irony in that from where I sit at like three different levels (three is that number just after the number two, just in case you were wondering). I assume you do not see how utterly, dangerously, and egregiously ignorant your response is - otherwise you would not have posted it. (Or would you? Hhmmm? Makes one wonder) Anywho. BTW Chaucer. How are the cats? When your hubby is done chewing the corns off your feet, let him know that I could use a foot massage. Since you're spewing such stuff, I might as well take a dip in that pool. I wonder how many high fives I get for this one.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Good luck with all of this. You came to the wrong place for answers though methinks. There are better places to find reasoned responses. Woggle came to this "wrong place" several years ago, and has actual relationships with people here. I don't think he needs you to be his guide to the "manosphere," either. He's already well versed with it. 1
strongnrelaxed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) Oh, look. "Strongnrelaxed" (what an oxymoronic name for this poster!) seems to be all excited about the possibility that you, Woggle, might be a prime recruit for his special MRA/ MGOOW / "Blame the Bad Wimmins for Our Mistakes" campaigns here and elsewhere on the World Wide Web. He sees you questioning the validity of your marriage and of your wife as a human being (asking us whether she's a robot instead) and he eagerly wants to "help" you get rid of your problem (your wife! Of course, it's all HER fault!) by feeding these negative and destructive thoughts of yours. I can actually envision him jumping up and down, clapping his hands and tittering in glee. Before he returns to his stoop of beer and gloom. Isn't this kind of like the "you go, girl" thing you are always accusing women of, except in oppositeland? I think you are trying to communicate something to me. Try again MC, perhaps you can use COHERENT English this time. Listen, let's just get a room and get this over with. This is all so unnecessary. I promise you I won't be a gentleman - and I promise you will get the best night of sleep you have had in a long time. Drop me a PM and we'll set something up. And NO you cannot bring any cats. Edited October 22, 2012 by strongnrelaxed d
strongnrelaxed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Woggle came to this "wrong place" several years ago, and has actual relationships with people here. I don't think he needs you to be his guide to the "manosphere," either. He's already well versed with it. What the hell is a manosphere? What planet are you from? Really. WTF? I am laughing so hard right now. This is quite entertaining. You are speaking this odd bitter language with words I really do not understand. You must be under 30 or I am getting old (or both) Don't you have some chores for your hubby or something?
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I assume you do not see how utterly, dangerously, and egregiously ignorant your response is - otherwise you would not have posted it. (Or would you? Hhmmm? Makes one wonder) I think you should give every member of LoveShack $10.00 AND drink an 8 ounce glass of Retsina in one gulp every time you use that word on this site going forward. You have totally worn it out. I know you are excited to prove that you know a word with 4 (or maybe 5, depending upon your regional dialect) syllables, but you're really wearing it out, dude. I mean, get out the thesaurus. You don't need to defend Woggle against me, either. He IS an actual grown man (as opposed to a caricature of one). He can speak up for himself. If you want to talk about his relationship with his mother, you should read his considerable posting history to familiarize yourself with it. 1
William Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Let's stay focused on the OP and his concerns about potentially being married to a 'Stepford wife'. If someone has some good thread links to help with his backstory, post them up as background but let's remain focused on the here and now and relevant to topic and forum. Stage Two from here on. 2
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Woggles history plays a VITAL role in his perspective and assigned meaning - of which he's made significant PROGRESS over the years. When he back peddles - at least he's honest HERE... As I think he attempts to keep this vantage point of his from his wife. Not going backwards anymore would need to include not communicating with the poison his Mom feeds to him. Meeting a "nice woman" in the course of a day should be normal... To question it is not. There are nice women everywhere... And some that aren't nice (just as the same as men) but in order to keep the nice ones around - you must focus on the nice ones and ELIMINATE COMPLETELY the women who aren't nice to you...of which includes your Mom and exW...they are just crazy mean and consistently so...maybe your Mom has drug issues the same as the exW and that's why they see eye to eye. We may never know - but we also don't need to know or find out... You just need to move forward and never look back! 1
Author Woggle Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You returning to these women to excuse your own inexcusable behavior would be like me deciding to trash my own husband because of the awful things written on this site by guys like Greznog and Leisureguy. Those women are NO ONE to you. Just some losers you used to work near. The world is full of trash. I am not using them to excuse my behavior but to explain how this bitterness came to be. I don't know why these other men hate women but I know that I didn't just wake up one day and decide to have such a cynical outlook towards the opposite sex. Now that I have gotten away from all the crap I was surrounded with growing up and in earlier years and actually know some great women it is still hard to switch my mind to not always being vigilant with the opposite sex. Believe when I say I wish I could wave a wand and change it easily.
Author Woggle Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Any good counselor would point out that holding on to THAT anger and bitterness serves YOU a purpose. What purpose is that Wog? Be honest! The purpose is not feeling weak or that I am being a doormat. It's a hollow kind of meaningless strength but at my worst I feel that if I hate as strongly as those who have abused hate then I can never be abused again.
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 The purpose is not feeling weak or that I am being a doormat. It's a hollow kind of meaningless strength but at my worst I feel that if I hate as strongly as those who have abused hate then I can never be abused again. And that is just handing the abuse and hatred all YOUR power- and there's no strength in that.
Author Woggle Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 And that is just handing the abuse and hatred all YOUR power- and there's no strength in that. I know that but when I am angry it just gives that sense of instant gratification like a drug but like a drug I feel like crap again a few hours later after the high of bitterness wears off.
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I know that but when I am angry it just gives that sense of instant gratification like a drug but like a drug I feel like crap again a few hours later after the high of bitterness wears off. That's just you going looking for that unhealthy sense of normal you learned as a kid (family of origin and assigned meaning). Ask a great trauma counselor to help you UNLEARN that!
2sunny Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Learned behavior can be unlearned. But you have to be willing to change.
Author Woggle Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I agree but also at the same time I do pride myself in not being like these suckers who give the world to a woman that just treats them like garbage. For arguments sake if I ever caught my wife cheating on me I am divorcing her in a heartbeat and I make no apology for saying that. Not saying she ever would but I would never put up with some of the crap I guys put up with.
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