Men who suck in the bedroom..

[zanesfan]

Im having a dilemma here. I was dating heavily at one point. Now not so much. The last 2 guys that I talked to didnt see eye to eye with me on sex. I am a very sexual person and for me to be happy I like to be very open. The guys I talk to really arent into what Im into. They are not willing to try anything new. And Im not talking about golden showers, bondage, or any of that crazy stuff.

 

More basic stuff like foreplay (giving and receiving), public sex haha, using toys, etc. These guys were so close minded and I knew I could never bed them or be with them. Also I think one is very insecure about his penis size.

 

On the flip side there is a guy that I have a love/hate relationship with. He is daring like me. He makes me want to try new things and dont mind when I push the limits. I cant stand his as* sometimes because I feel like he led me on. However he is the only one I feel is worth having sex with. And I dont want to give him the benefit of bedding me anymore but I love having sex with him. Any suggestions?

[threebyfate]

My only suggestion is to keep looking for a guy who not only treats you well but also is sexually compatible. Sounds like you're scraping the bottom of the barrel with all three.

[zanesfan]

Agreed! I got to do better.

[Ami1uwant]

Agreed! I got to do better.

 

What has your approach with the other men have been?

 

If you were dating me I would be open to a point. Here would be certain things I wouldnt do.

 

The guys likely will say no if early on you talk to them about you putting on a strap on and doing them.

[kaylan]

Its been my experience that many women, if not most, are bad in bed as well. Not only by virtue of the fact that many expect the man to control most of the action and expect to be serviced, but also many women dont know how to communicate what they like. Plus many women seem to think that good sex is based on solely the guys skills and not hers as well....while also thinking him "busting a nut" makes the sex good.

 

Let me say, "busting a nut" is different from an amazing orgasm. The former is just a get-me-by climax, while the other is a full body experience. Though, I hear so many people complain about sex at times, im wondering how many of us are actually having good sex? To be honest, I think many folks just dont communicate or dont know how to try new things...not that people are lacking skill.

 

My 2 cents. Just communicate and find a compatible mate. Seems you have a bad guy picker...because most men I know love foreplay and are down for public fun. Though not many care for toys.

Edited October 20, 2012 by kaylan

[carhill]

Any suggestions?

 

If your needs are in the present, leave any relationship desires at the door and go with the guy who does it for you now, in the present. Tomorrow is unknown.

 

Also, presuming your desire is for a LTR or M, entertain finding men less to 'suck' at aspects of relationships, rather them being 'different' or 'incompatible'. No human will ever be your clone and we all 'suck' one way or another but you will find most men to respond better to positive language versus 'sucking'. This was a lesson I learned from women and I thank them for that.

[filani]

Its been my experience that many women, if not most, are bad in bed as well. Not only by virtue of the fact that many expect the man to control most of the action and expect to be serviced, but also many women don't know how to communicate what they like. Plus many women seem to think that good sex is based on solely the guys skills and not hers as well....while also thinking him "busting a nut" makes the sex good.

 

Let me say, "busting a nut" is different from an amazing orgasm. The former is just a get-me-by climax, while the other is a full body experience.

 

^^^

Truth !!!

 

The OP comes across as a very self centered lover , how can somebody that self absorbed be any good to her partner in bed? IMO her ex partners didn't miss out on much when they walked away from her.

 

Good sex = mutual effort from both sides

Bad sex = mutual responsibility on both sides as well !

 

And just as kaylan said , just because the guy ejaculated doesn't mean she rocked his world in bed. Us guys have been faking ejaculations for a long time and so many women out there are still clueless to that fact.

[zanesfan]

^^^

Truth !!!

 

The OP comes across as a very self centered lover , how can somebody that self absorbed be any good to her partner in bed? IMO her ex partners didn't miss out on much when they walked away from her.

 

Good sex = mutual effort from both sides

Bad sex = mutual responsibility on both sides as well !

 

And just as kaylan said , just because the guy ejaculated doesn't mean she rocked his world in bed. Us guys have been faking ejaculations for a long time and so many women out there are still clueless to that fact.

 

How am I self centered? Because I stated my desires? I am knocking on 30's door, so I am very much aware of what I like, what I dont like, and men faking (because my ex faked with me once or twice).

 

At this point unless I am in love with a man, I have no time to teach him what I like. These men are 32 and 34 for crying out loud. One of the guys never even tongue kissed me, he was in the mood for sex but kept giving me these awful pecks on the lips... like wth?

 

The other guy said he couldnt have sex with a woman and then go down on her (she had to wash first.. what a mood killer). I love to slap or grab ass and he didnt like that, he did go down on me once and it was AWFUL... I wanted him to stop. Plus after 3 or 4 minutes he came up for air like he did something. I was like, "Are you finished." He said hurry up. Im like after 4 minutes you expect me to cum?

 

Anyway the guy that I DO like is indeed a player. I stated my intentions up front and he agreed he wanted what I wanted but when the mask come off it was the total opposite.

 

Now the first time he went down on me it was a soul shaking moment (literally). Im not saying I am a goddess but I hope to find someone who are into the same things as I am. And I have gotten numerous of compliments from men about my eagerness to please in the bedroom.

 

And whoever said busting a nut was just busting a nut. You are sooo right. The guy who had gone down on me that was awful, I managed to cum after a short tutorial but it was NOTHING like mr. player that made my body jerk in every way.

[zanesfan]

Its been my experience that many women, if not most, are bad in bed as well. Not only by virtue of the fact that many expect the man to control most of the action and expect to be serviced, but also many women dont know how to communicate what they like. Plus many women seem to think that good sex is based on solely the guys skills and not hers as well....while also thinking him "busting a nut" makes the sex good.

 

Let me say, "busting a nut" is different from an amazing orgasm. The former is just a get-me-by climax, while the other is a full body experience. Though, I hear so many people complain about sex at times, im wondering how many of us are actually having good sex? To be honest, I think many folks just dont communicate or dont know how to try new things...not that people are lacking skill.

 

My 2 cents. Just communicate and find a compatible mate. Seems you have a bad guy picker...because most men I know love foreplay and are down for public fun. Though not many care for toys.

 

I have to agree with you here. Communication is definitely the key. That is something me and Mr. Player does well. We talk about our needs and desires and we set out to make them happen. I've never had a threesome but I considered it. It was something he wanted and it was always a fantasy of mine so maybe one day. I've always wanted to do a short flick and post it online (I know.. tooo far) but I probably will never do it and if I did, I will never show my face. And he was down for that.

 

I tell you this... certain men can bring your inner freak out and some men cant. If I am bad in bed (which I have been), I feel like the man I was with didnt arouse me to that point. I know I may sound shallow but these are my thoughts.

 

With the other two, I just didnt get that vibe from them. I felt like if we ever had sex I could never be in my true carnal state because it might freak them out.

Edited October 20, 2012 by zanesfan

[rocketman122]

So you coax your gf to accept things she doesn't like?

 

As sexual likes/dislikes are subjective, are her tastes lesser than yours?

 

Where did I write that she doesnt like things im interested in? she's open to things and she's trying. she is interested but some people go at a slower pace. she never experienced these things with previous partners but is open minded. I have heavy fetishes but she never tried them although she's thinking about it.

 

who says my sexual likes are better than anyone's? this is what I like. if she told me she likes bondage then great. bondage is something light IMO. there's no good or bad in sex. well ok, there is bad...

[Imported]

OP, you need a very special guy or probably just a guy that doesn't like you as anything other than a walking vagina, anus and mouth and has no respect for you.

[kaylan]

How am I self centered? Because I stated my desires? I am knocking on 30's door, so I am very much aware of what I like, what I dont like, and men faking (because my ex faked with me once or twice).

I dont think you are self centered. Dunno whats up with the other poster, because the men you described do seem rather tame, out of the ordinary, and unwilling to please.

 

At this point unless I am in love with a man, I have no time to teach him what I like. These men are 32 and 34 for crying out loud. One of the guys never even tongue kissed me, he was in the mood for sex but kept giving me these awful pecks on the lips... like wth?

Love made me have all the patience in the world with my noobie ex. And she turned out to be really good at certain things after some practice. I wouldnt have put that much effort in with someone older who was already set in their sexual ways.

 

And omg, who the hell doesnt tongue kiss before sex? I remember I came across this issue when I first dated the same ex. Tongue kissing was a rarity...but we meshed our styles and created something great. Now we both loved a new way of kissing. She def made me a better kissing, because while I did use more tongue before dating her, my kisses lacked passion. And while she had passion in the way she tried to kiss, they lacked the tongue connection I needed. But communication fixed what we both wanted.

 

The other guy said he couldnt have sex with a woman and then go down on her (she had to wash first.. what a mood killer). I love to slap or grab ass and he didnt like that, he did go down on me once and it was AWFUL... I wanted him to stop. Plus after 3 or 4 minutes he came up for air like he did something. I was like, "Are you finished." He said hurry up. Im like after 4 minutes you expect me to cum?

But oral foreplay is so vanilla, I dont get how anyone could have issue with swapping juices anymore. I mean for me, the only thing I have a hangup with is anything dealing with anal, but thats a totally different area of the body....Ill never understand oral hangups though.

 

How can a guy have a girl blow him, but then not kiss her? How could a guy have sex with a girl and then not go down on her? Is it really a big deal or does he think these areas are super dirty? They really are no big deal.

 

Personally I love sharing deep kisses after I go down or after a girl gives me oral. Its just passionate and connecting. And Ive had girls give me oral after sex, and Ive done the same. Whats the big deal? I dont care if I taste myself in her V or in her mouth. However, I will say Ive noticed a couple girls act squirmish about being kissed after I go down on them...but they definitely dont act like the guys youve dated.

 

And who tells someone to hurry up and climax? What a loser. Either way, people who dont love oral, will always be terrible at it.

 

Anyway the guy that I DO like is indeed a player. I stated my intentions up front and he agreed he wanted what I wanted but when the mask come off it was the total opposite.

 

Now the first time he went down on me it was a soul shaking moment (literally). Im not saying I am a goddess but I hope to find someone who are into the same things as I am. And I have gotten numerous of compliments from men about my eagerness to please in the bedroom.

I think this is what makes for great sex. Empathy and a willingness to please. Ive had only 2 women be great with oral in my lifetime, and the girl who was the best totally made love to my penis. She made it all about me and was totally into her. And I make sure I do the same when I return the favor. Usually the people who arent the best are those who arent that eager to give oral in the first place.

And whoever said busting a nut was just busting a nut. You are sooo right. The guy who had gone down on me that was awful, I managed to cum after a short tutorial but it was NOTHING like mr. player that made my body jerk in every way.

hahaha I feel you. Ive had sex sessions where I climax...but its just nothing like the amazing ones Ive had with women who truly aim to get me off in the right way.

I have to agree with you here. Communication is definitely the key. That is something me and Mr. Player does well. We talk about our needs and desires and we set out to make them happen. I've never had a threesome but I considered it. It was something he wanted and it was always a fantasy of mine so maybe one day. I've always wanted to do a short flick and post it online (I know.. tooo far) but I probably will never do it and if I did, I will never show my face. And he was down for that.

I agree. Id be willing to try certain things with the right girl.

 

I tell you this... certain men can bring your inner freak out and some men cant. If I am bad in bed (which I have been), I feel like the man I was with didnt arouse me to that point. I know I may sound shallow but these are my thoughts.

Omg...I have had some bad sex, have totally felt a huge part of it was the lack on arousal I felt from the woman. I mean, for me, a lot of it has to do with the passion I feel the girl gives off. If a girl cant meet me half way and really get into things, itll kill my motivation and mood.

 

Also some of the time, those situations were ones in which the whole situation just made me uncomfortable (like a ONS right after a breakup).

With the other two, I just didnt get that vibe from them. I felt like if we ever had sex I could never be in my true carnal state because it might freak them out.

I feel you. What sucks is Im wondering the same thing regarding a chick Im crushing on at the moment. We get along well, but Im not feeling a lot of sexual energy and I wonder If mine would totally scare her seeing as Im a bit more experienced than her.

[kaylan]

Ever come to think you are only good for a lay and not intimacy or anything different. From your attitude I wouldnt want to kiss you either. Maybe these guys don't want to try these things with you. You do sound self centered. The fact your attracted to an a-hole speaks volumes. Us men, we aren't as dumb as we look.

Dude why so uptight? Nothing she said was bad...its as simple as her having dated guys who were sexually incompatible with her. These dudes sound down right boring...lets be honest here...and they sound sexually selfish too.

 

Stop with the knee jerk reaction because she criticized some men, because I dont see you jump on the guys we have on this site who say similar things about women and sex.

 

Btw, her being attracted to the "a-hole" has more to do with him actually being an attentive lover than it has to do with his personality. If the other guys were attentive and giving lovers, then she wouldnt have been done with them.

Edited October 20, 2012 by kaylan

[mesmerized]

As a side note:

 

Beware of women that are into extreme sexual maneuvers and all that is extremely kinky from the get go. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex to the max and there is no limit in the bedroom if both partners are willing. However this comes a bit later when the couple is dedicated and in a LTR.

 

This sort of excess at the onset which is often preplanned, rehearsed, and orchestrated may get old quickly for these women. For example some of these women may have difficulties achieving an orgasm and that is why they require so much theater and acrobatic positions. Quite often these women need variety and they may look for a lover on the side.

 

There is also the possibility that too much sex at the onset may go cold within a couple of years. I have seen extremely sexual couples that break up because they don't have intercourse anymore. They are simply bored and don't have anything else to try.

 

Too much too soon is not a good idea.

 

Also beware of the women WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM that seeks validation by being good in bed. This may seem like a great deal for guys, but the rewards are short lived.

 

Nevertheless, a hypersexual woman is a lot of fun for those men that date casually. Just make sure you are covered.

 

Blah blah blah, a very sexual woman makes me feel insecure so I come up with all the reasons why not yo date them. I don't think it's womens self esteem you should be concerned with here, worry about yours.

[xxoo]

There is also the possibility that too much sex at the onset may go cold within a couple of years. I have seen extremely sexual couples that break up because they don't have intercourse anymore. They are simply bored and don't have anything else to try.

 

What?

 

Sheer craziness. There is ALWAYS something else to try

 

Sex too soon can cause issues. But intense sexual connection, once sex does enter the picture, is almost always a good thing! Sex usually drops off, as least somewhat, after a few years. How could it be better to start off low?

 

Are highly sexual men accused of having a low self esteem?

[yongyong]

I think women less care about men's promiscuity. They want someone who knows how to satisfy them which means having enough sexual partners before her.

 

It's a trade off. Being experienced means the person had enough sexual partners.

If I meet a girl at a bar and she bangs my brains out, I would enjoy it. But if I met her in a traditional way and she happens to be experienced, it's such a turn off.

 

When guys complain about inexperienced girls, I ask them 'so you don't mind if she had bunch of guys and did all dirty things in the past?' it usually shut them up

 

I met this religious girl. at age 29, she claimed she was a virgin. when I was taking her clothes off, she had this scary look of 15 year old making out first time on her face. All she could do was just kissing. But I found it very adorable

 

As a guy I would rather find an inexperienced girl and teach her how to do it than meeting a girl who already knows how to do it (don't mind her for FWB though)

[mesmerized]

Yep, she is anosgarsmic!

 

A good orgasmic women cums with penetration and does not need that much oral. And if she gets oral she cums right away!

 

Case closed!

 

Lol seems like you had a lot of fakers. I wonder how early into sex they decide they cant cum with you and fake it anyway.

[bob the brave]

Don't confuse sex with a relationship.

 

Sex has 3 functions:

 

1) Procreation

2) Expression of love

3) Self gratification

 

If you are into sex more aggressively than some others (there is nothing wrong with this) you are naturally more likely to attract those of type 3 and people into self gratification are less inclined to care about the needs of others. Hence, your problem with your daring friend. This dosen't mean that you can't find a caring guy who is also sexually daring, it just means the statistics are against you. You will just have to keep looking, be a bit more careful and don't invest to heavily early in the relationship to avoid disappointment and hurting others.

 

In the mean time you might try some BSDM or swinger clubs. These people are very unihibited...pulic sex, gang banging...whatever. You might get it out of your system or find the type of guy you want.

 

Just remember sex is a innate part of a relationship but it is NOT a relationship.

[xxoo]

Yep, she is anosgarsmic!

 

A good orgasmic women cums with penetration and does not need that much oral. And if she gets oral she cums right away!

 

Case closed!

 

Anosgarsmic? Oh, no! That sounds serious

 

She obviously isn't anorgasmic if she climaxed easily with another guy. Of course a woman won't orgasm easily if she isn't turned on. Just putting a tongue on our clitoris isn't enough to turn us on--arousal is largely mental.

 

Has the OP described herself to by hypersexual? High sex drive does not equal hypersexuality.

[mesmerized]

Anosgarsmic? Oh, no! That sounds serious

 

She obviously isn't anorgasmic if she climaxed easily with another guy. Of course a woman won't orgasm easily if she isn't turned on. Just putting a tongue on our clitoris isn't enough to turn us on--arousal is largely mental.

 

For me just putting a tongue is enough if he knows wth he is doing. Many guys don't. The ones that do make you experience the heaven.

[zanesfan]

Ever come to think you are only good for a lay and not intimacy or anything different. From your attitude I wouldnt want to kiss you either. Maybe these guys don't want to try these things with you. You do sound self centered. The fact your attracted to an a-hole speaks volumes. Us men, we aren't as dumb as we look.

 

First of all, I think that any man getting offended by what I say is probably a prude in the bedroom and feels like I am attacking them personally. And if I am attracted to an a-hole so be it. Im not trying to marry him nor am I trying to have his children. I enjoy being pleasured by him. We are not married, if we wanted to screw until the cows come home.. thats our perogative.

 

Not every woman or man you bed is going to be a stellar lover.

 

I dont look to have sex as something to just do. I am very sexually in nature. When I am not having sex, I am pleasing myself.

 

 

Pierre, has far as women with low self esteem that does have some truth to it. But there are women who just enjoy sex. Not everyone has some sort of chemical imbalance. Women are human just like men. Men bragged about how many women they screw but when I women speaks on enjoying sex... she has low self esteem.

[yongyong]

What he said totally makes sense.

I guess you are offended because you are one of them OR just want to defend a woman.

 

If you are an average sexual men/women, how can you stay in a long relationship if the other person keeps raising the Bar?

 

Blah blah blah, a very sexual woman makes me feel insecure so I come up with all the reasons why not yo date them. I don't think it's womens self esteem you should be concerned with here, worry about yours.

[zanesfan]

Yep, she is anosgarsmic!

 

A good orgasmic women cums with penetration and does not need that much oral. And if she gets oral she cums right away!

 

Case closed!

 

You can call it what you want. And no, I cant climax from someone just touching me or licking me for a few minutes. It's RARE that women can do this. Most of the women I know hasnt even had orgasms... even from oral sex. So if it takes 10 minutes or 20... I will have crossed that finish line.

 

Like I said it was awful. I did manage to cum but his lack of skills took my brain from enjoying what was going on to wanting it to be over.

[xxoo]

If you are an average sexual men/women, how can you stay in a long relationship if the other person keeps raising the Bar?

 

Ideally, you partner with someone with a compatible drive.

 

My H and I are both high drive. Still kinky, after all these years

[yongyong]

That's good then.

 

Btw, I tried this one unique position that I saw from the porn.

She didn't say during the action but in the morning, she said she felt like she was degraded.

 

Some women doesn't mind giving a bj kneeling down on the floor while other women will find it very degrading for themselves.

 

If you keep pushing her/him to do something they are not comfortable, obviously it won't last long. that's what I was trying to say.

 

Ideally, you partner with someone with a compatible drive.

 

My H and I are both high drive. Still kinky, after all these years