inglorious Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Me and my GF of 1.5years are in our 40's and she said something to me over the phone the other night and it's gone from the smallest, silliest of things to something that is almost setting in like rot to the point that I'm starting to question whether I am falling out of love. I really really dont want this to happen but something has shifted slightly in my perceptions and has shaken my perspective. It's got to be me that is being an idiot because this is so silly! Here's the event; We dont live together but see each other every weekend, we alternate who's place we spend it together at. This weekend has seen a minor change due to an external circumstances such that I will be busy until a couple of hours later Sat evening than we would usually get together. This was discussed and agreed the previous weekend. After letting her know when I'd be free at 9pm instead of 7pm, she said that in that case, she wasn't sure if it would be worth her coming round. She would normally spend the night and we would have all Sunday together.. so I was a bit put back by the signal that for the sake of 2 hours, it wasn't worth us being together. I did put this to her in a sensitive, non-confrontational way as best I could, but it seemed to get her back up which took me back a little further. I'm not clingy.. we both enjoy lots of space. We live 20mins apart I havn't seen her all week so I did really want to see her on Saturday which is why I had that small twang within me when she said it wasn't worth it. I didn't push the issue, we didn't fight, and the call ended with I love you's all round.. The reason I'm posting is not to analyse the event or take sides and question who is being reasonable or unreasonable. This seems like such a tiny silly thing and I'm almost certain that she is completely oblivious to the little spark that snuffed out in me that night. My real reason for posting is to ask if this kind of thing has happened to anyone else over something seemingly as small or silly and how does one stop the negative stirrings that can start in ones heart. I really love her, I am so in love with her and I dont want this feeling to slip away from inside me. Someone please slap some sense into me!
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 If that one issue, her not wanting to make the effort for one night is enough to make you fall out of love with her, then you weren't truly in love with her. Yes I can understand your feelings getting hurt by that comment but worried that it's changed how you view or how you feel? IF that is the case, then there's more going on inside you and also in your relationship than you realize. Just tell her how it made you feel and why you're hurt. Hopefully she'll understand. Talk it out, don't stay silent about this.
Author inglorious Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Many thanks for the replies. @whichwayisup, I agree, if something like this did seriously de-rail any love I have for her then it's a massive wake up call for me and challenge to the feelings I assumed I had. You just dont fall out of love this easily. I think I'm just a bit hurt and maybe being a little bit emotionally melodramatic within myself. @LFH Very possibly. We have both had a brutal week at work and are both very spent and run down. It could be a double ended fumble. It's been so long since we've had any kind of blip and maybe just been caught off guard. I promise I'm not going to act on any of these thoughts / feelings, just ride them out and gently air it at an appropriate time. If anything I feel really guilty in entertaining such thinking which is what motivated me to post. I really do believe I love her and she doesn't deserve to have her love for me in such fragile hands.
RachR Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 (edited) I don't know her tone so I can't truly say, but what she said sounded manipulative to me and dishonest, roundabout way of saying she wasn't happy with the change in plans. Maybe you're feeling this way because you are sensing manipulation or feel like it could be. Not saying this is the case, but just another POV. And I don't blame you feeling bad about it. Losing two hours this once to spend whole day and a half of spending time together, but instead say the whole weekend isn't worth it just because of losing those two hours...I would feel hurt, too. Edited October 20, 2012 by RachR
sweetkiwi Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 its silly and hurtful on her part and i've been there. On both sides. And that little voice is going to get bigger. All you can do is talk to her about how it made you feel. Don't attack or accuse. I'm sure its not a big deal but it sure feels like it right now. I'm going through something similar except mine is gradual. My man has completely stopped kissing me with tongue. And its no problem for him. Only me. Your problem doesn't seem that bad now huh. People say and do careless things. A lot. If you love her you'll discuss it and brush it off. Focus on the positive. Not one tiny negative. Maybe she needs something from you. Or was simply having a bad day. Talk to her.
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