moveONorStay Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Bit of back ground, I broke up with my ex about 5 weeks ago. In the following couple of weeks we talked a few times on the phone in which there were mixed messages on her part and from my end, I was really trying to reconcile. I suggested we meet for a coffee to discuss things, she asked "why?" when I said to discuss us and try to work things out, she didn't give a response. Last week there was a little bit of texting and all of a sudden she wrote "please stop contacting me". It was the last communication I had from her. I would do anything in my power to make things right with this girl, but I don't know where to go from here. Could this be a don't contact me again, ever? Or could it be that she needs a bit of time? Last thing I want is to make things any worse. I've not made any contact for a week. Advice, please!!
geegirl Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 It means please stop contacting me, period. "Ever" does not come into play because there should be no contact, period. Until she reaches out, you have to respect her request.
dreamstate83 Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I agree. If she wants to reconcile, there will be no obstacle she wouldn't overcome to find you again. Distance yourself and live your life to the fullest. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 It means leave her alone until she feels like talking to you.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 It means please stop contacting me, period. "Ever" does not come into play because there should be no contact, period. Until she reaches out, you have to respect her request. Any possibility that this could have been said in anger while the break up was still fresh? We have had some kind of communication every week since the BU, maybe giving it a month or so NC to let things settle then see where the land lies? Or just forget about it completely now? Like I said, I was the dumper, but really would go to the ends of the earth to make things right
Simon Phoenix Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Any possibility that this could have been said in anger while the break up was still fresh? We have had some kind of communication every week since the BU, maybe giving it a month or so NC to let things settle then see where the land lies? Or just forget about it completely now? Like I said, I was the dumper, but really would go to the ends of the earth to make things right Don't call her, she'll call you. You keep screwing up because you keep overthinking and imagining scenarios where she wants you to contact her, then you contact her and fall deeper into the rabbit hole. Just leave her alone. Let her make the next move. She's told you flat out that she doesn't want to talk to you. When she does, she will.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 So you think that is likely to happen, eventually, if I just let things be?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 No clue. But it has a better chance of success than your current strategy.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 that's true! Why do the simplest things seem so difficult when it involves feelings?!
gonefishin Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 It could well be out of anger but respect the girls Wishes... If it was in anger you will hear from her again.. And never say never who knows what's down the road.. Just try keep yourself happy and upbeat if u can!
Author moveONorStay Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Seems up in the air to me, I think you go ask her in person what she meant by "Please stop contacting me." I don't think it's quite as simple as that! Last thing I want is to cause a scene, or worse, get a restraining order!
mishy Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You broke up with her, and she has probably had 5 weeks of pure hell. She has probably made herself emotionally distance herself from you, and i dont blame her for telling you not to contact her. If you want her back, dont give mixed signals, tell her you want her back. Now that she has told you to not contact, i would wait a a few weeks, or something. But be bold. You know what is appropriate.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 If you want her back, dont give mixed signals, tell her you want her back. Now that she has told you to not contact, i would wait a a few weeks, or something. But be bold. You know what is appropriate. Tried telling her that but she wouldn't answer the phone. Tried texting it to her but it's not the same as telling someone on the phone or even better, face to face! I'm going to give it a month of nothing, try to clear my head and see if I still have the same feelings.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 What I meant was to give it a month to see if I feel the same. My problem is that I tend to see the good side of people and forgive the bad, even if I've been wronged. I always want to make things right. I've probably come across as desperate after the break up which probably hasn't helped! Funny thing about what you say, Gibson, is that I've been trying to think of her feelings during all of this. But it's all a guessing game now! Without doubt, I need to move on with my life.
ponette Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 you're pressuring her and it's way too soon. things need to settle and so do you. you told her right away that you wanted to reconcile and she did not respond. either she's too much of a coward to say 'NO' or she isn't sure right now. now she's asking you not to contact her. wanna show her you respect her? back off and give the girl some space for now. she might not be ready now for all that stuff, and she may never be- but if you push, you guarantee rejection.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Thanks for the support! Sometimes I think though...posting here means I'm thinking about her!!
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Also, another lesson is don't break up with someone to try to manipulate them into being what you want them to be.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Maybe only manipulated that person to be what I want in my own mind of trying to only see the positives! If she hadn't overstepped the mark in the way she did, I wouldn't have reacted so strongly. My subsequent forgiveness and attempts to work things out have been my mistake.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Well, I just noticed that she has blocked me on fb and a couple of her friends that were friends with me have both deleted me! Wow!
robaday Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Mate, I was where you were 2 months ago. Hardest thing to ever hear from a woman is dont contact me, move on. It still stings, but Ive had to suck it up and respect her wishes. I also instigated the breakup because she seemed really unhappy. After she sent me a barage of criticism I assumed she didnt want to breakup, so I tried one last time, and yeah got the same response - dont contact me, deleted from everything. Mate nothing you can do. Live and learn. Hopefully in six months Ill be in a place where it wont matter........youve said all you needed too.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 I think it really shows a lack of maturity to do this...clearly not worth my time. Drama!!
robaday Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 Mate, dont react whatever you do, things happen and theres nothing you can do about it, fact is how she reacts to something isnt to do with you, but her. One thing ya gotta remind yourself is you cannot control anyone else, nor make them want to be in your life. But you can control yourself at all times........... Im still hurting and probably will for sometime, Im embarrassed, and even though I dont want her back, am disappointed we cant talk occasionally as friends. But hey, shes made a decision for herself and theres nothing you can do to change that.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 There's nothing to react to now!
Chi townD Posted October 25, 2012 Posted October 25, 2012 I think it really shows a lack of maturity to do this...clearly not worth my time. Drama!! No....not immature. Smart. Look, if she was on here and asked for advice, pretty much everyone would be telling her to block you on facebook. Just part of the NC program. She doesnt want to see your pics or status updates. She probably asked her friend to block you as well. Because she would still see your status updates through her friends on the news feed. She's not doing anything wrong. Here's the deal. You were in the drivers seat when you ended it with her. Now, that you want the relationship back, she's in the drivers seat whether the relationship reconciles or not. Sorry to say, but I think she's done. Time to heal and move on, dude...sorry.
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