Ironvein Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Hello all. I don't know how to start, and if this post is long, sorry. I hope someone can help me though. Okay, here's the thing: me and my girlfriend are in a long-distance relationship. We are both depressed. Lately, something has been bugging me off. I don't know if i should be feeling like this, or if i am just being silly and overly demanding. The thing is, when we speak in msn (which we do a lot), a lot of the time when i say something, she takes a long time to answer. I have confronted her about this once before, but it just ended up in sadness for both of us. I don't really like speaking about it. She said "she thinks before saying anything", but most of the time the replies could be ridiculously simple, with not much thought put into them. Everytime she takes a long time to answer, i feel like crap. Like she is not interested in talking to me the least bit. But i just act like i am okay. And sometimes she goes completely silent for a while, because of something else she is doing. Her status goes from "online" to "busy", without any word to me. I feel neglected. And i think that if we are to have a conversation hours long, she could atleast try to reply at a better pace. I always strive to reply within seconds. At the moment she is watching a film with her parents, but she does not offline for it, but wants me to stay and speak to her. Meaning she does not give too much attention to me, and the replies slow down even more. Hopefully this post did not make me sound like a complete nut. Good people, please give me insight as to why she could be doing this, and how to cope with it, or tell me if i am being overly demanding. It's just all very tiring. Thank you for everyone who reads this.
geegirl Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Hello all. I don't know how to start, and if this post is long, sorry. I hope someone can help me though. Okay, here's the thing: me and my girlfriend are in a long-distance relationship. We are both depressed. Lately, something has been bugging me off. I don't know if i should be feeling like this, or if i am just being silly and overly demanding. The thing is, when we speak in msn (which we do a lot), a lot of the time when i say something, she takes a long time to answer. I have confronted her about this once before, but it just ended up in sadness for both of us. I don't really like speaking about it. She said "she thinks before saying anything", but most of the time the replies could be ridiculously simple, with not much thought put into them. Everytime she takes a long time to answer, i feel like crap. Like she is not interested in talking to me the least bit. But i just act like i am okay. And sometimes she goes completely silent for a while, because of something else she is doing. Her status goes from "online" to "busy", without any word to me. I feel neglected. And i think that if we are to have a conversation hours long, she could atleast try to reply at a better pace. I always strive to reply within seconds. At the moment she is watching a film with her parents, but she does not offline for it, but wants me to stay and speak to her. Meaning she does not give too much attention to me, and the replies slow down even more. Hopefully this post did not make me sound like a complete nut. Good people, please give me insight as to why she could be doing this, and how to cope with it, or tell me if i am being overly demanding. It's just all very tiring. Thank you for everyone who reads this. Why don't you schedule a specific time during the day or whichever days are convenient for you both to talk on IM? This way you can have each other's undivided attention. Sometimes it's hard to go about your day while IM'ing. Maybe that's why the lag in response. She's watching a show with her parents and having you online. So, she's trying to spend time with her parents as well as you. What's wrong with that? If you don't like it, then tell her to get back on after the show. Or IM tomorrow. Or find something else that you can do rather than sit staring at a screen. It's hard to juggle LDRs and sometimes you are going to have to compromise.
Exit Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 That's the trouble with long distance, it's impossible to know if you're being too demanding or if there is some other reason why she is answering slowly. When your entire relationship pretty much depends on these chats, it is pretty important. First of all, I understand you, I'm the type that would notice something like someone taking a long time to reply, so I get it. Not everyone will agree with my advice but I really just think you need to talk to her about it. The person you are with is the one person you're supposed to be able to turn to. If you feel insecure to talk to her about an issue then maybe something is wrong here. Everything you typed above seems like it would be better suited as a letter to her rather than on a forum. I would not try to discuss this issue in a live chat. The back-and-forth nature of instant messages would just lead to arguing. I would maybe send an email. Just tell her you're sorry to be asking about it again, but the longer you let it bother you, it's just going to keep building and affect the relationship, and you just want to know if anything is wrong, because she seems distant lately. I can understand if you're hesitant to bring it up, but not being able to communicate is death for a relationship. You shouldn't have to sit on your end of the situation blindfolded and try to guess about whether something is wrong or if she just can't reply right away sometimes. That's the entire point of being in a relationship with a second person, she should be able to fill in the blanks and let you know if something is wrong. Maybe she'd be better off chatting with you less often, give yourselves some time to build up things to talk about. Or like the idea suggested above, schedule a specific time when it can just be the two of you. Or maybe nothing is wrong at all. Step lightly, don't cause an argument about it, just tell her you've been noticing it again and you want to make sure everything is okay. Or... pick up the phone. Trying to sort things out through a computer screen can be tricky.
Author Ironvein Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Yeah, i know, but she wants to talk for a long time. Which i don't mind, but if we are to talk, i would want responses in time. And she is definitely NOT a family person, so i doubt they would take much time off her. But i guess i am being ridiculously demanding. Thanks for the reply.
Author Ironvein Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 That's the trouble with long distance, it's impossible to know if you're being too demanding or if there is some other reason why she is answering slowly. When your entire relationship pretty much depends on these chats, it is pretty important. First of all, I understand you, I'm the type that would notice something like someone taking a long time to reply, so I get it. Not everyone will agree with my advice but I really just think you need to talk to her about it. The person you are with is the one person you're supposed to be able to turn to. If you feel insecure to talk to her about an issue then maybe something is wrong here. Everything you typed above seems like it would be better suited as a letter to her rather than on a forum. I would not try to discuss this issue in a live chat. The back-and-forth nature of instant messages would just lead to arguing. I would maybe send an email. Just tell her you're sorry to be asking about it again, but the longer you let it bother you, it's just going to keep building and affect the relationship, and you just want to know if anything is wrong, because she seems distant lately. I can understand if you're hesitant to bring it up, but not being able to communicate is death for a relationship. You shouldn't have to sit on your end of the situation blindfolded and try to guess about whether something is wrong or if she just can't reply right away sometimes. That's the entire point of being in a relationship with a second person, she should be able to fill in the blanks and let you know if something is wrong. Maybe she'd be better off chatting with you less often, give yourselves some time to build up things to talk about. Or like the idea suggested above, schedule a specific time when it can just be the two of you. Or maybe nothing is wrong at all. Step lightly, don't cause an argument about it, just tell her you've been noticing it again and you want to make sure everything is okay. Or... pick up the phone. Trying to sort things out through a computer screen can be tricky. Thank you for understanding my situation. You are right, i should tread lightly and tell her she has been seeming distant lately. I will also be very careful with what i say, to not induce argument. Thank you for the reply, i already feel a little better about it. Your advice won't be in vain.
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