StellaA Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Hi......well its been a while since I have been on here as I have been trying to clear my head. As you will see from my previous posts I had a pretty tough break up. Ex got sectioned then diagnosed with BP. We tried again but I felt that I could not trust him anymore. Not because I thought he would cheat but I was too scared to think of a future with him and then he has an episode and it all falls apart again. Should I have stuck by him? It is 5 months now and I miss him more than ever. I still love him and I am worried I will never be happy. Everyday I fight the urge to contact him, does this mean I should contact him or would I regret it?
PennGuy Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Hi......well its been a while since I have been on here as I have been trying to clear my head. As you will see from my previous posts I had a pretty tough break up. Ex got sectioned then diagnosed with BP. We tried again but I felt that I could not trust him anymore. Not because I thought he would cheat but I was too scared to think of a future with him and then he has an episode and it all falls apart again. Should I have stuck by him? It is 5 months now and I miss him more than ever. I still love him and I am worried I will never be happy. Everyday I fight the urge to contact him, does this mean I should contact him or would I regret it? In my opinion, if you would always be "waiting" for the next time it would be over, than you would not be 100 percent commited to the relationship. Part of your brain would be mentally preparing for the end. I dated a girl a long time ago that was a very on again/off again relationship. I could never fully commit myself after the first breakup because of wondering "how long will it last this time?"
geegirl Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Six years, Stella. Two years worth of threads. Go back and read all of them. Maybe you need a dose of reality. Nothing to show for and you're now, once again asking if you should contact? If you are worried you will never be happy, this man is not your solution, because he hasn't made you happy either. It's normal to miss him but it's not enough to justify going back to a bad situation. Your happiness comes from within. If you depend on someone else fulfilling you, then everytime they leave, you're left empty. You don't seek contentment in your life from someone that cannot even manage their own. Do you even see how toxic this is and how unhealthy your perceptions are? At least he knows what is wrong with him so maybe now is the time to figure what about you makes you dependent on someone like him to fulfill your life.
sweetkiwi Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 i completely agree with pennguy. Is it possible you're unhappy because you haven't found anyone better? Its normal to miss someone you care about. But for your sanity i think you should keep moving forward and not look back.
Author StellaA Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Thanks sweetkiwi and pennguy ...i guess sometimes you know the right thing to do you just need some reassurance! I gets thats what the sight is for...thanks guys
CopingGal Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi......well its been a while since I have been on here as I have been trying to clear my head. As you will see from my previous posts I had a pretty tough break up. Ex got sectioned then diagnosed with BP. We tried again but I felt that I could not trust him anymore. Not because I thought he would cheat but I was too scared to think of a future with him and then he has an episode and it all falls apart again. Should I have stuck by him? It is 5 months now and I miss him more than ever. I still love him and I am worried I will never be happy. Everyday I fight the urge to contact him, does this mean I should contact him or would I regret it? Stella, what do you mean by your ex "got sectioned?" What do you mean by BP? Thanks.
Author StellaA Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 sectioned means he was taken into hospital (secure Unit) BP id Bipolar which is a mental illness
CopingGal Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Okay. Yes. I know all about bipolar from school and partners who have suffered. It is a very, very difficult disease to deal with. Some people manage to stay in relationships though. Maurine Benard (Sonny, General Hospital) has bipolar. Christy McNickle has bipolar. She had to stop acting because of it. I know two people that dated bipolar people and their relationships were horrific. It helps if people have good insight into their behavior and take their meds.
Author StellaA Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Hey....well yes, the last 6 months of our relationship was the worst. we had moments during the 5 years we were together. The thing is after knowing nothing about it to reading a lot about it, there can be really great times and then really low times. I guess because the highs are so high you miss them. It wasn't all bad but looking back now I guess I should have seen the warning signs. I still love him, I think I always will but I guess I have to accept that although he says he wants the same things, kids, house etc, the reality is I don't see this happening as when things get stressful or serious this is when he seems to dissapear which is really sad. I always thought he was the one and I miss him so much but Im hoping I have given myself a chance of having the things I want, just sad it can't be with him, he was my best friend.
SuperGeek Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 If you can't trust them, there is point in moving forward with it. You'll always be looking in the rear view mirror and wondering when it will end again. Best to move on. I had to move on from my ex too after she left me and tried to come back. There are too many people on the planet to waste your time really. If they can leave you in the dust once they'll do it again. SuperGeek
Author StellaA Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Thanks SuperGeek.....you are very right! As much as I miss him, think about being back with him, I have to try and remember how I felt when we were together and I could not let myself be happy as I was always thinking that it would happen again. I know how much I loved being around him and I don't think I could cope with him breaking my heart again. I guess if you can't imagine a future no matter how hard you try then there is no point. No matter what he did I think I will always be on edge. I guess I have to give myself time, it's been abotu 5 months since I last spoke/saw him which some people say it can take a lot longer to feel better
SuperGeek Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I still think of my ex sometimes even though it's been a few years since she left. It's just something I've learned to cope with and I don't mind that because getting back with her would have been a disaster. I have been in full no-contact now for almost two years so that has helped me a lot. I would say most of the thoughts that come up don't really impact that much, but I do get lonely at times and wish I had a companion but I've moved on from wanting her as my companion. If you stay strong and keep moving forward with your life, you'll meet someone new and you'll learn to just appreciate the relationship for what it was and the lessons you learned from it. I think the internet with stuff like facebook and twitter has made it so hard to move on from our past experiences. SuperGeek
Author StellaA Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Thanks SuperGeek....Deep down I know it would not work with him and I think your right, you have to stay strong and one day when you are happy again you will know that the tough times were worth it!! I think I will always care for him and hope he is well, its just having those feelings but know that they are not because you want them back. Facebook and Twitter do make things ten times harder!!! You read into things more and that gets your mind going! I have done everything possible to block myself from hearing anything on fb & twitter...but there are always connections and things which you end up hearing about!! I hope one day we will be friends again and both be in happier places. I will always love him as he was a massive part of my life but we could not have a relationship whilst he would not addresss his own issues ....but I have to take it as a sign that we were not meant to be together.
Recommended Posts