Mrlonelyone Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 We all see the word "Challenge" or "mystery" used when it comes to how to hold someone's interest in dating. That playing "hard to get" and being aloof etc will win a woman or a man over. Furthermore, that anyone who does not do the above will be "friend zoned", used, or otherwise not appreciated My questions for the board: Is there really a inner need for a challenge, or is it an inner fear of opening up too readily and being hurt? Is it some form of the madonna / whore complex? Whereby someone who one can be emotionally involved with is ruled out as being too good to have dirty old sex with.
InJest Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 People who play hard to get, are trying to create the illusion of them being interesting and worthwhile, that isn't really there. People who are truly interesting and worthwhile, don't need to do this, because not only will they really be busy doing things, but they will have multiple options as far as dating goes as well.
xdahliax Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I personally like some sort of challenge. It's not that I like it when guys are hard to get, I just prefer it when they're not easy to get. Someone who has no ambivalence about dating or seems too invested too quickly scares me. I'm afraid that someone who behaves that way is insincere, immature, or out of touch with their feelings.
threebyfate Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Challenge and mystery aren't the least bit attractive to me. Most often, it's the attempt to hide insecurity or worse yet, intimacy issues.
todreaminblue Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 We all see the word "Challenge" or "mystery" used when it comes to how to hold someone's interest in dating. That playing "hard to get" and being aloof etc will win a woman or a man over. Furthermore, that anyone who does not do the above will be "friend zoned", used, or otherwise not appreciated My questions for the board: Is there really a inner need for a challenge, or is it an inner fear of opening up too readily and being hurt? Is it some form of the madonna / whore complex? Whereby someone who one can be emotionally involved with is ruled out as being too good to have dirty old sex with. This hard to get thing....i dont get it......i dont get the friend zone avoidance and i dont get dating.I friend zone men to get to know them to become a friend and build from there....the ones who dont stick around arent worth my time...they are probably wanting sex way too early for me...im not going to put in effort and trust with someone who cant be a friend....i dont play games......it also gives a guy a chance to see what i am about and whether he can put up with me....if he cant well and good he hasnt invested more in me than friendship....i am an excellent friend .....i am committed in any relationship I have because I dont have multiple relationships i am selective and I dont go around hurting people with intention......life is too short to set up a string of hurt behind you......i have decided to become a nun in as far as dating goes......deb
Author Mrlonelyone Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) This hard to get thing....i dont get it......i dont get the friend zone avoidance and i dont get dating.I friend zone men to get to know them to become a friend and build from there....the ones who dont stick around arent worth my time...they are probably wanting sex way too early for me...im not going to put in effort and trust with someone who cant be a friend....i dont play games......it also gives a guy a chance to see what i am about and whether he can put up with me....if he cant well and good he hasnt invested more in me than friendship....i am an excellent friend .....i am committed in any relationship I have because I dont have multiple relationships i am selective and I dont go around hurting people with intention......life is too short to set up a string of hurt behind you......i have decided to become a nun in as far as dating goes......deb So in a certain sense, the man genuinely wanting to be friends first is a manner of being hard to get. i.e. You are both attracted, but not in a big hurry to get sexually entangled before getting to know each other more. XdhaliaX When you say "no ambivalence about dating"... I take your meaning as in "dating" on a regular basis as in, GF BF. Well that makes sense. I am asking more about the getting to a first and second date stage of things here. InJest, certainly there are people like that. Here's what I think. I think the whole "challenge" thing is all about protecting ones heart. The PUA's are telling men don't give your feelings to any one woman before she's earned it. What you are protecting your heart from is being hurt by being intimate with the wrong person. Edited October 19, 2012 by Mrlonelyone
HeldbyGravity Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 We all see the word "Challenge" or "mystery" used when it comes to how to hold someone's interest in dating. That playing "hard to get" and being aloof etc will win a woman or a man over. Furthermore, that anyone who does not do the above will be "friend zoned", used, or otherwise not appreciated My questions for the board: Is there really a inner need for a challenge, or is it an inner fear of opening up too readily and being hurt? Is it some form of the madonna / whore complex? Whereby someone who one can be emotionally involved with is ruled out as being too good to have dirty old sex with. Huh. Neat question. I don't think it's a challenge we need. I think we need to stay a little aloof in order to build up to something- otherwise, we are left very uncomfortable around someone, feeling too attached too quickly when in reality, we barely know them. Like you're never so friendly with someone on the first day you meet them that you are hugging them and stuff, because that's crossing a line. No, you gotta get to know little by little. Opening up, but doing it slowly and giving them piece by piece as they prove that they will not Abuse the Privilege, just works better for us. I don't see it as us fearing being hurt, but just realistically preventing ourselves from falling too fast. ... although some people DO fall slowly for fear of getting hurt, it does happen.
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