Lilith S Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 we were sexually attracted to each other and madly in love, got engaged and decided to wait to have sex after marriage as both of us were virgins. On first day the intercourse was a bit difficult and continued like that for almost 18 months until I got diagnosed with Vaginisms lucky me I got cured and the intercourse was successful with high sex drive from my part yet my husband never ejaculated and doesn't feel the sexual attraction anymore but he stress his deep love and that nothing is wrong with me, it is just the vaginisms made him look at me in a different way..he doesn't believe in a sex therapy and keep saying he lost the attraction and all what he wants to do is to take care of me... why is it that after I cured, he is down and what should I do ..? noting, he has no sexual or organ issues.. it is just psychological .. how can I make him see what he had saw in me before despite the fact that I am still the same or even better? he want divorce but afraid he will lose the love of his life, should I make it easy for him and insist on it?
Kelemvor Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Difficult question and impossible to answer without knowing you both. It would be worth counseling or therapy prior to doing something drastic such as a divorce to see if there's some underlying issue there. You shouldn't blame yourself at all for suffering and getting through something such as vaginismus. I will say though... if he remains non sexually attracted to you and does not physically desire you... One of you, or both, are almost destined to have an affair at some point. You... to prove to yourself that you are physically and sexually desirable and to provide yourself what you are missing and need. Him... to seek gratification of his normal and basic sexual urges that he can't (or won't) fulfill with you. Almost all therapists will say that problems in bed that remain unsolved will almost always lead to serious problems. If it's a short marriage and you guys can't work through all of this relatively quickly and are both unhappy, you should consider getting out while you have no children. There's no shame in admitting a mistake and rectifying it rather than spend 10 or 20 years making each other unhappy, injecting children into the mix. My 2 cents. Good luck.
Ami1uwant Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 we were sexually attracted to each other and madly in love, got engaged and decided to wait to have sex after marriage as both of us were virgins. On first day the intercourse was a bit difficult and continued like that for almost 18 months until I got diagnosed with Vaginisms lucky me I got cured and the intercourse was successful with high sex drive from my part yet my husband never ejaculated and doesn't feel the sexual attraction anymore but he stress his deep love and that nothing is wrong with me, it is just the vaginisms made him look at me in a different way..he doesn't believe in a sex therapy and keep saying he lost the attraction and all what he wants to do is to take care of me... why is it that after I cured, he is down and what should I do ..? noting, he has no sexual or organ issues.. it is just psychological .. how can I make him see what he had saw in me before despite the fact that I am still the same or even better? he want divorce but afraid he will lose the love of his life, should I make it easy for him and insist on it? This will be iffucult nd it will take time. Something simlar happened in my marriage. After I got divorced I heard something about this on diction nd wonder if he had it. There were other issues other than sex but it was a big part. She omplained of the pain nd I was caring ans gentile as I ould possibly be. He may have looked at sex as just making babies which also affected things too. He felt rejected by you so his trust in you with this is shot. The time spent without sex may have made him effectively asexual.
Recommended Posts