esstea Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Hello all! This is basically an update. So...... My relationship has basically turned monotonous. From where I last kept you all updated, me and my boyfriend were having a rough time because our communication has been severely off due to his temporary (7 month) move to Germany. And it's been a rollercoaster ride from day 1 apart, let me tell you that! It's been 2 months since I've seen him. We never skype. Hardly talk on the phone. It's those irrelevant "checking up on what eachother's doing" text messages that we exchange, but that's about it. Say I love you here and there, but I know it's just words. He hardly makes an effort to ask me to skype or talk on the phone. Probably once every week. You know when you're talking with your SO and you just know that it's genuine and you feel every word of it resonate with you.... not to sound super lame or anything... well, hardly feel that. It feels like emotionless words fluttering from his mouth. I don't know how to fix this. We've had so many fights about working on communication and all that, and it's ok for a week, and then it slowly slips back into the normal pattern. Ugh. I don't know why I'm making this post. Maybe just for some reassurance.... blah. I hate to see our relationship fizzle out like this. We were so perfect. The classic tale of a long distance relationship breakup (or at least the beginning of it). Anyone experience an LDR breakup? Was it the worst thing in the entire world? Haha. Dying to hear your guys' stories.
bluegreen Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I am really sorry to hear this I know you are hurting and its such a shame for you seem like wonderful loving person. What to tell you of situation am not sure except that you both might be to tired of same old same old arguments and situation is there any way you can visit him? If all else fails tell him its over let him go and maybe he will realize what he lost he may not but then in that case you did not loose much on not having him anymore either. 1
umirano Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Don't take s.h.i.t. I had this fizzling-out-experience too. It needs tough counter measures. I reacted after two to three weeks. I explained to my SO how I saw the relationship,how I thought my SO saw the relationship,and how the fizzling out did not make sense to me,but that I'm not willing to accept itand that I'm leaving the relationship So, in my case maybe fizzling out should rather be coming to a screeching halt. In my case it worked. SO was dumbfounded, angry at first, but I made SO understand. It took a few days but attitude changed dramatically. Since then I am getting the attention I need and communication is excellent. Someone had it in their signature: You're only getting the respect that you demand. Not what you deserve. Tough situation. But I think inside you know already what you have to do. Good luck! PS: Don't give your SO chance after chance. It's a no brainer. He either proves he loves you and is ready to invest in the relationship or he's not. You both save yourselves a lot of pain and time if you clarify the state of your relationship. 2
bluegreen Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 PS: Don't give your SO chance after chance. It's a no brainier. He either proves he loves you and is ready to invest in the relationship or he's not. You got it easy simple and effective to understand not to do and we all have been here once or twice but unless you do this you will end up hating his guts and he will end up being coward who does not even answer your mails or calls anymore ...
Author esstea Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Thank you both for your responses! I just don't understand why HE can't see that he's being different and distant, and not communicating effectively enough with me. I've brought these things up on so many occasions and he always feels like he's doing so much. It just boggles my mind! And here I am thinking that I'M the crazy one when really, it's him who is making me this way. I honestly think if I saw him face to face it would be a different story.. it'd be easier to work things out. I do work with an airline and catching a flight to Germany from the West Coast would probably cost me about $100... it's just that I literally have no time to go. Maybe if I find the spare time and go for even just 2 days to work through this it'd be worth it. We'll see. I just feel like I can't walk away from something until I know and tried EVERYTHING in my power to make it work. Seeing him would be the last attempt to make it work.... Question is, is it worth all this effort when he's showing me the least amount of it? Uggghhh. I hate relationships. Who needs them? Ha.
umirano Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I wouldn't do that. He has to prove he still wants you. If he does, it's easy for him to take off a Saturday afternoon from whatever activities he's involved in and skype with you. If you can't get him on skype for 3 consecutive hours to talk through your issues he's not even worth another e-mail. My two cents. 1
bluegreen Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Thank you both for your responses! I just don't understand why HE can't see that he's being different and distant, and not communicating effectively enough with me. I've brought these things up on so many occasions and he always feels like he's doing so much. It just boggles my mind! And here I am thinking that I'M the crazy one when really, it's him who is making me this way. I honestly think if I saw him face to face it would be a different story.. it'd be easier to work things out. I do work with an airline and catching a flight to Germany from the West Coast would probably cost me about $100... it's just that I literally have no time to go. Maybe if I find the spare time and go for even just 2 days to work through this it'd be worth it. We'll see. I just feel like I can't walk away from something until I know and tried EVERYTHING in my power to make it work. Seeing him would be the last attempt to make it work.... Question is, is it worth all this effort when he's showing me the least amount of it? Uggghhh. I hate relationships. Who needs them? Ha. YOU just might have found an answer there for that price half hell all of us would kill to get a chance to see our loved ones . Have you thought that he knows how cheap would be for you to go and is resenting you that you did not do that heck if you can't then he can't either may be his logic? YES it would be for YOU and your piece of mind and heart all questions would be answered all doubts erased and that's priceless ...
Els Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 There are two issues at hand here: 1) His lack of effort to communicate. This could be a dealbreaker, depending on how you see it. If you're planning to go for the long-haul with this LDR, compatible distance communication styles are going to save you both a whole lot of grief and unnecessary friction. It's possible to have compatible styles (or more compatible styles) in person but different LDR communication styles. Some people communicate more through non-verbal gestures such as touch, presence, and expression, as opposed to words, so those people would just feel at a loss when they are restricted to communication over the phone. On the other hand, he could genuinely just be lazy. You need to figure out which one it is and whether or not both of you are willing to work through it. 2. 'Feeling every word resonate', though... gotta break you out into reality here. There are bound to be periods of dullness or 'lack of connectedness' in most LDRs, because there really is just so much that you can do with words. You are going to feel the butterflies a lot less than when he is there in person. This might be an expectation that you may have to adjust. Either way, I agree that you need to talk to him in person and work things out. Do you consider 2 days and $100 worth being able to get a final answer for yourself after investing 8 months in it? I'm also curious how you work in an airline but 'never have time to go'. Don't you have days off, at least once every few weeks or so? 1
bluegreen Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I assume she is not stewardess and if she was that could be an issue as well they fly in fly out in day from one city to another talk about pain in the b... But she is lovely girl I have no doubt about it and would not to anything to ruin her relationship ....
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