starla33 Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 you know that instant attraction as soon as you look into the persons eyes and then you can not keep your hands off them when you are together. Even in public (sick I know).
AsItIs Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Only once.(with my ex who broke my heart) I'm 31 years old & my 60 year old friend told me once you get hurt by such an intense relationship, you'll never allow yourself to feel quite as strongly with another again.I wonder if she has a point there?
ja123 Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Why is it sick not to be able to keep your hands off them in public? 2
GirlontheLam Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 So it sounds like you are talking physical chemistry. I had it happen once with a coworker (gasp) and well it was pretty ridiculous. He was way older. I was like 24 and he was like 38. And also totally unsuitable. I thought he was attractive but he was divorced with a 12 year old or something. Anyway, one day e like grabbed me or tapped me on the shoulder or something to get my attention. It was ridiculous, like an electrical current or something. Well after that it was basically impossible to be around him. Way too intense. I ended up leaving for a new job a couple weeks later. As for emotional chemistry? This has happend to me 3 times, and it lead to a different sort of physical chemistry. It was a completely different thing where we just needed to be around each other all the time. Even if it was just sitting in silence or hardly talking. And we were insanely comfortable around each other. One of the guys this happened with, I remember we were sitting and listening to music, and he turned to me and said something. I didn't quite hear it, and well he was speaking his native language because he felt so at "home" (he moved to the US midway through high school, and I met him in college.) Hoping to find that "at home" feeling again. 1
amaysngrace Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I've had it happen twice. It was awesome and they are the best guys I've ever known and loved being with each of them. Hopefully the third time's the charm. 1
kaylan Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Maybe 5 times in 10 years of dating? Im 26. And 2 of those were top of the mountain chemistry that lead to relationships. The others were merely physical flings.
carhill Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Twice from first contact. Unfortunately, both women turned out to be married, though neither wore rings at the time of meeting.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Intense emotional and physical chemistry only happened to me twice, neither led to a really stable relationship. Once in high school with a guy who was a big handsome 6'7" wall of muscle. He was all state in football, wrestling and track. Yet he was a gentle emotionally vulnerable soul. Years after I knew him he lost his mind. The second time was with a young woman I wrote about here, "S". It was the classic seeing them as you walk by scenario. Then months latter I met her in class and connected emotionally before realizing she was the one I had seen that day. That lead to years of on and off drama.
Leegh Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I think people are romantically attracted to people that in some way remind them of their parents, or caretakers, while growing up. I've always wondered why there can be two people of equal attractiveness and different personalities, yet a person can be wildly attracted to one person and not attracted at all to the other person. I know of a person whose sister treated her badly when they were young (not physically abusive) but was always very critical towards her, and sure enough, the sister as an adult has always had boyfriends that criticized her.
Emilia Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Most of the men I date I have instant attraction to and once we start seeing each other it's pretty physical. I find a lot of men attractive but obviously only end up dating some of them, don't really go out with men I'm not strongly attracted to. Don't see the point.
CarrieT Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I've had it a couple of times. It has never worked out well in the long run. For me, it took me to a point in dating where my mantra was, "Intellectual first, emotional second, sexual third." THAT is a winning combination that has served me better than "Chemistry first..."
2.50 a gallon Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) It has happened to me several times, but understand I am retired and have lived a long life, most of it as a single or divorced man. I would guess on average it would happen maybe once or twice in a decade. The first time, I was 27 and happily living a single life never wanting to get married. She was leaning over a desk with her back to me talking on the phone to her boyfriend. There was just something about her from the moment I first laid eyes on her. She was hispanic and had this long black hair, that flashed red where the light hit it just right. That and she had a great shape, then when she turned around and I glimpsed her Sophia Loren like face, I knew immediately that I wanted to kiss her good morning for the rest of my life. She too was attracted to me at first glance, but dismissed it as she felt I was too old, her being 22, and she was already dating two suits, and I was a blue jeans and T-shirt kind of guy. It took me about 3 months to get a date with her, and one was all it took, a year later we were engaged, alas, only half of me wanted to marry her and the other half wanted to remain single. So two years later we broke up. The next time was ten years later, but I had just separated from a bad marriage with my Ex, she too was going thru a divorce, but was wildly attracted to me. It was too early for me, and I thought her attraction was a needy rebound. So I broke it off, only to realize a year later, when she was still not dating, that perhaps I had been wrong, but it was too late. I had hurt her. The last time it happened was 20 years ago, on a hot July night, I remember again thinking there is a face I could kiss for the rest of my life, and look at them legs. I also remember wracking my brains trying to think of something to say to get her attention and coming up empty. That is until when I went to pay for my drink, my wallet broke and exploded with cards, papers flying everywhere. I looked her in the eye, and said to this totally beautiful stranger, "I know you have been wondering what you could get me for Christmas, it would appear that a new wallet just might fill the bill" Which got her to laugh I had to wait three years before I finally got a date, and that was 17 years ago last Monday. And I still love kissing her good morning. And she still treasures remembering the first words I ever said to her. When it happens to you, go full throttle, they just might be the one. Edited October 19, 2012 by 2.50 a gallon Missing words 2
veggirl Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Twice. The first time was purely sexual though (couldn't keep hands off etc) and the 2nd time was a mixture of both sexual/physical and emotional (though by this time I'd matured enough to relax on the PDA and not gross out my fellow citizens)
HeldbyGravity Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Once. Only once. Still hoping it continues to work out. But I do keep my hands to myself, just because I'm all for taking it slow... and so is he... the build up/tension to touching is incredible sometimes though!
quartz88 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I've had it happen 4 times. For me, it boils down to two types - mental/emotional chemistry where you feel like you've met your soulmate(s) and could talk to them forever, and physical chemistry. The first was a girl - I was 23, she was 19, and when I first saw her around school, she struck me as quirky and incredibly unique (she was half-Asian, very sarcastic, and a talented musician). I had never seen anyone more beautiful, to the point that even when she was reciprocating, I was nervous around her. To date, that was my longest R/L (3 years). #2 and #3 were both men, and it was the mental/emotional chemistry that struck me first. With the first one, we never crossed physical boundaries but it was that "at home" feeling another poster described. We would literally talk and sit and listen to music for hours. He used to joke that we shared a brain. #4, a guy was in 2011 and hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat with him at a jazz concert, walked around Washington Sq. until 3am talking about life, and by 5am I felt like I'd known him in another life. The slightest touch from him was like an electrical impulse...we couldn't keep our hands off each other in public, or anywhere else. I remember being incredibly turned on at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, of all places. We were like two chemical compounds that, when combined, would cause lab explosions. He was like a drug and I eventually had to wean myself off of him.
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Three times. Both guys were jerks and we only had short term relationships (although both connections spanned through many years, at a more casual level). Both broke my heart. Third guy is my boss and it was never consummated.
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