ApathetyNoMore Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 We met last year. We had crushes on each other from the beginning, but I messed up and it fell through. She disliked me for a few months, up until I couldn't stand it, asked her out, and she rejected me. I guess in doing that, she realized I hadn't meant to hurt her in the beginning, and she opened up to me again. That was 4 months in. 8 months later, I know she liked me since February or so. Except I was unsure at the time and the reasoning that "I barely knew you" as to why she didn't like me the first time "for real", has stuck with me. It's like she liked me when she met me, and her crush faded when she got to know me. Except, I don't think she actually KNEW me. We talked often, but mostly about schoolwork and small talk about random stuff, but never a real conversation. So now, things have picked up between us, and I find myself talking to her more, and we're getting to know each other more, but I have this great fear that in this process i am being FRIEND ZONED. I've hidden my feelings from her for a long time now. (the fact they havent changed) I know she liked me as of 2 weeks ago but I can't tell anymore. I feel like the more I spend time with her, the more my fear grows. I'm going crazy because I really like this girl. What are some things I can do to show her I want to be more than friends in the end. I'm already texting her good luck on her exams, and may or may not ask her to get ice cream (there's a place near our apartment building she loves) with me some night this weekend. Btw, we're both in college. So: 1) Should I ask her to go get ice cream? Like shoot her a text saying "are you busy?" one night, or just text her "do you want to get ice cream with me sometime this weekend?". I want it to be casual though, ice cream isn't that serious...but I also want to tell her how I feel one last time. 2) If she says yes to come with me, does that mean odds are she does like me? I don't see why she would agree to go somewhere to get something to eat/ice cream with a guy 1on1 unless she liked him. She's not close to many guys. 3) How should I say it/ask her? I'm bad with words. And ater I spill my guts, and she hopefully says yes, what do i do/say then? How do I treat her differently from then on without being too serious I scare her but too slow that she thinks I'm playing her? I'm sorry, I sound like a little kid. It's just that I've screwed up so much with her, and I'd like it all to work out...
thatone Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 a) STOP. you're obsessing about a girl you don't know much about. b) DOESN'T MATTER. if you're inexperienced with women you will probably screw something/most things up the first few dates and even the first few relationships. c) DO NOT 'SPILL YOUR GUTS'. what would you think if some psycho girl were following you around telling you how much she loved you and bursting into tears and raving lunacy whenever you didn't give her attention? yeah, that's what she'll think about you, too. d) RELAX. ask her out, if she says yes fine, if she doesn't disappear and go find another one. 1
InJest Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Ask her if she wants to go out and do X activity. If she says yes, kiss her during said activity. Stop being a pussy and make a move on her. 1
sweetkiwi Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 slow your brain down. Ask her out for dinner if you really like her. Kiss her. Then you'll know if she likes you. You sound like a real sweetie so if you don't want to be friend zoned- make a big non friend move.
Author ApathetyNoMore Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 The problem is, I don't open up to people. I'm friendly, but I have hard skin. Blame my childhood, idc, it's just not easy for me to talk about myself when it comes to emotions. So today...I have decided I'm ending my campaign. I messed up. I messed up last year, and I messed up earlier this year when she had feelings again. And I messed up when we got back by not pursuing her and showing interest. On the other hand, she never made it easy for me. She's never said how she felt out loud, and kept it all to signs and signals. I'm the only one of us that put themselves out there to be crushed, and she expects me to do it again. I can't. I try, and the just hopeless pain I went through after being rejected and while she practically hated me up until that point comes rushing back and I just get pissed and sad. (not healthy lol) My friends and I offered her t tag along with us to the amusement park nearby Friday night. We asked her last Saturday. She said she would think about it. I had to text her today just to pull the answer out of her and she gave some lame excuse about another event she has to attend on the same night for a lame reason. Just like when she hated me and I would invite her to go bowling with us or something and she would say "maybe, I'll let you know" and never bring it up until I had to ask again just to get my "no". I'm cutting her off. I really can't take this. I'm not sitting with her in lecture anymore. She'll probably look around and find me in lecture within the first 5 minutes and stare at me for a few days wondering what's up but idc anymore. I feel like she has feelings for me deep down but I'm not in the position to pull them out of her, and my feelings for her have just made me miserable for a long time now. So yeah. She won't confront me about it because she just doesn't initiate anything. So she'll wonder why I'm acting the way I am, probably be a little hurt, but she'll get over it. I'll be nice, say hello, and keep walking. It will be like the first time I genuinely moved on before she got feelings back and pulled me in but this time, I won't give her the light of the day. I can't be the good friend that got rejected and is still there for her. I just can't.
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