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I'm done dating seriously, I got dumped and I'm kind of panicked

ImperfectionisBeauty

By ImperfectionisBeauty
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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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The guy I was talking to pretty much just sent me a text saying that we don't match and he doesn't want to go out with me anymore. I'm sad not necessarily because of him even though I enjoyed hanging out with him and I kind of liked him but my feelings weren't growing fast. I am more sad because I've been dumped 3 times in the last 4 months and it sucks. No one wants me and it hurts so much. I would be a great girlfriend I honestly would, I would give so much to them I just want to be in a relationship so much. I would do anything to be someone's girlfriend but Hod obviously hates me. But from this point on I am done seriously no more dating websites, I'm done I am fullying deleting myself on all of them I'm going to TRY to not go through my phone and text old guys for hook ups I'm just going to be alone. I'm so scared I feel like crap when I have no guy to text me or talk to me and I have no idea how I am going to fill my time without dating but I need to develop my other hobbies. I am going to join groups on campus and be involved and study hard and focus on the next 7 months then worry about what I'm doing with myself after. It's so hard and I'm so sad but I think I can do it next person that I sleep with will be someone u dated and am in a relationship with who cares about me. So if I even mention a guy again just redirect me to this post. I'm done I just want to not feel like **** again. I am just going to be alone and try to not be sad and miserable completely. Hopefully I'm not like 50 and still alone..

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kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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Aww hun...dating is a huge battlefield during our younger years. Im assuming your in your early 20s?

 

Its all good though...dont go through your phone for dudes who dont want more from you than a hook up. Have patience. Realize how unique we all are, and that it does take time finding the right person to commit too. This is why Ive only had 2 girlfriends by 26 years old and why I usually am single for few years at a time.

 

The right person for you is rare, but out there.

xdahliax Established Member

xdahliax

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I don't even know why you're so upset about this. This is just about your pride, not about hurt feelings. You said yourself that your feelings weren't growing for him the way you would like them to, so why does it bother you so much? From your other thread, I got the impression it wouldn't work out and that you'd dump him anyway.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just look for the right person, someone that actually does make you feel the way you want to feel. If he wasn't quite what you were looking for, it's hypocritical to expect him to think you're the best thing since sliced bread.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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I don't even know why you're so upset about this. This is just about your pride, not about hurt feelings. You said yourself that your feelings weren't growing for him the way you would like them to, so why does it bother you so much? From your other thread, I got the impression it wouldn't work out and that you'd dump him anyway.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just look for the right person, someone that actually does make you feel the way you want to feel. If he wasn't quite what you were looking for, it's hypocritical to expect him to think you're the best thing since sliced bread.

 

But I figured the feelings would grow. I thought we were just taking things really slow since both of us have been hurt. I didn't expect him to dump me randomly I'm tired as f of being dumped. I want a relationship now and I don't know how to make it happen.

mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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If youre that desperate to get into a relationship then go for a guy way below your league.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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But I figured the feelings would grow. I thought we were just taking things really slow since both of us have been hurt. I didn't expect him to dump me randomly I'm tired as f of being dumped. I want a relationship now and I don't know how to make it happen.

Maybe you're not supposed to have one right now? I know you probably won't want to hear that, but you really need to take a step back and re-evaluate what you want and what you need. I think the way you are now, you could find yourself head-first into a relationship that is VERY bad for you if you aren't careful. To absolutely NEED to be in a relationship could cause you a problem.

 

It's going to be very difficult, but I urge you to take your own advice and try not to pedestal the idea of a relationship - you need to be comfortable with yourself first and really know your boundaries and what you want - then you can go out and date easier without panicking and trying to jump into the next relationship and worrying about when to have sex.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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Maybe you're not supposed to have one right now? I know you probably won't want to hear that, but you really need to take a step back and re-evaluate what you want and what you need. I think the way you are now, you could find yourself head-first into a relationship that is VERY bad for you if you aren't careful. To absolutely NEED to be in a relationship could cause you a problem.

 

It's going to be very difficult, but I urge you to take your own advice and try not to pedestal the idea of a relationship - you need to be comfortable with yourself first and really know your boundaries and what you want - then you can go out and date easier without panicking and trying to jump into the next relationship and worrying about when to have sex.

 

I agree but it just like hurts... It physically hurts me not being in a relationship (I know it sounds super stupid) but it just hurts because I want it so much. I would be such a good girlfriend. I honestly would and I just have all this like bottled up stuff and it just hurts a lot. I don't understand why no one wants to be with me like I know I come off like a total bitch on here but I'm not like that in real life (its hard to explain) and I just know I would be a good girlfriend. I have no one and it just really bothers me.

xdahliax Established Member

xdahliax

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I agree but it just like hurts... It physically hurts me not being in a relationship (I know it sounds super stupid) but it just hurts because I want it so much. I would be such a good girlfriend. I honestly would and I just have all this like bottled up stuff and it just hurts a lot. I don't understand why no one wants to be with me like I know I come off like a total bitch on here but I'm not like that in real life (its hard to explain) and I just know I would be a good girlfriend. I have no one and it just really bothers me.

 

I've noticed that some of the most caring girls are the ones that have the most difficulty with dating. I don't know if it's because they care too much and it looks needy, or what...but just remember that you have a lot to offer and one day someone will be able to appreciate that. It doesn't matter what every guy's opinion is, you only need to find the one guy who will love you the way you should be loved.

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ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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I agree but it just like hurts... It physically hurts me not being in a relationship (I know it sounds super stupid) but it just hurts because I want it so much. I would be such a good girlfriend. I honestly would and I just have all this like bottled up stuff and it just hurts a lot. I don't understand why no one wants to be with me like I know I come off like a total bitch on here but I'm not like that in real life (its hard to explain) and I just know I would be a good girlfriend. I have no one and it just really bothers me.

You really have to try. Find other things to occupy your time so you don't have time to think about a relationship.

 

Consider that I went 23 years without even being kissed, and I still kept my patience and learned to tolerate time on my own. I think I would be a fantastic boyfriend (hopefully :D) but I don't have time to lament that I don't have a GF. I don't dwell on it, I deal with it and find something else to do and to think about. Have you thought about using a creative outlet for your frustrations? Like writing or something similar?

 

It doesn't sound stupid by the way. I do know people who feel the way you do. *****, I would LOVE to be in a relationship - a good one that is. It can be annoying that you don't have one. But I know I can do without - you have to believe and tell yourself that for now, you can do without and be happy doing so :).

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mtnbiker Established Member

mtnbiker

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I agree but it just like hurts... It physically hurts me not being in a relationship (I know it sounds super stupid) but it just hurts because I want it so much. I would be such a good girlfriend. I honestly would and I just have all this like bottled up stuff and it just hurts a lot. I don't understand why no one wants to be with me like I know I come off like a total bitch on here but I'm not like that in real life (its hard to explain) and I just know I would be a good girlfriend. I have no one and it just really bothers me.

 

I find myself sometimes feeling this way, but I realized that the saying "You find the right one, when you aren't looking" is very true. When you try too hard to find the next "one" you make yourself vulnerable and less of you than you can be. I am someone who tends to be a better self when pushed by a SO, but lately I have been finding that I can push myself and that is empowering! Sure, right now I am not with anyone...but when the next "one" comes along I will be a much better man and that will attract a better person. Keep your chin up, desperation is not only unattractive, but worse yet it is a detriment to your well being and happiness. Not to mention, you are so young. You have a LONG life ahead of you, no need to rush anything!

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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Stop wanting it so much. Take a step back, work on yourself, get into your activities. I am not going to bs you with the right person will come but you truthfully you don't need to be dating right now. Focus on yourself - I am only giving you advice I have given myself. Take a step back - .you don't need guys to full up your free time.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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Stop wanting it so much. Take a step back, work on yourself, get into your activities. I am not going to bs you with the right person will come but you truthfully you don't need to be dating right now. Focus on yourself - I am only giving you advice I have given myself. Take a step back - .you don't need guys to full up your free time.

 

I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really care about anything else. All I do is go to class and do homework and sleep and eat and go work out every now and then. I don't even know what I am interested in. I mean nothing really means a lot to me except dating someone. I was so excited I thought I would finally have someone to spend Christmas with and my Birthday and New Years and Valentines Day and now I won't I hate my life so much. Do you think I should just leave the dating site open and then maybe I can meet someone? I mean I don't know, ideally I could just delete it and be done but realistically I know I will delete it and then be lonely like 3 days from now and make a new one. I really don't want to online date anymore it seems so sad but if I don't how will I meet anyone?

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really care about anything else. All I do is go to class and do homework and sleep and eat and go work out every now and then. I don't even know what I am interested in. I mean nothing really means a lot to me except dating someone. I was so excited I thought I would finally have someone to spend Christmas with and my Birthday and New Years and Valentines Day and now I won't I hate my life so much. Do you think I should just leave the dating site open and then maybe I can meet someone? I mean I don't know, ideally I could just delete it and be done but realistically I know I will delete it and then be lonely like 3 days from now and make a new one. I really don't want to online date anymore it seems so sad but if I don't how will I meet anyone?

 

Step away. I know its not easy. I finally deleted my on old profile earlier this year since it was a crutch. Plus life goes on - find an activity find something, but what you are looking for isnt in a guy. You are only setting yourself up for hurt. Let life be. I don't expect you to actually delete your profiles - lets be realistic but you shouldn't be so dependant. I know its hard, crap I am older than you - and I am gearing up for my 23rd valentine alone, a gift for christmas - ha! But I have learned not to be bitter about these things but just get over it. Life goes on.

whydamnitwhy Member

whydamnitwhy

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Well, I'm autistic so that made things uneasy :laugh:.

 

If you mean if I'm dating white girls, no I haven't dated any - but I lost my virginity to an Asian girl. I seem to get more interest from girls of other races than I do get from black girls, which is a little disheartening at times, but I'm not too fussed (although I did nearly get a date from one on OKCupid recently till she deleted her account). I'm more attracted to darker skinned girls and always have been, but I'm also attracted to girls of other races.

 

And trust me, my mother asks the same question all the time :lmao:

 

I have the same problem with black men. I go to uni and they are all cocky and be with white women. None of them are loyal and they think they're too good for us black women, like we're unworthy and ugly or something, I can't freaking stand it. Good to see there's one loyal brotha in the world still. Maybe there's more.

 

If I start my own thread about this so not to derail this one, will you participate?

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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Step away. I know its not easy. I finally deleted my on old profile earlier this year since it was a crutch. Plus life goes on - find an activity find something, but what you are looking for isnt in a guy. You are only setting yourself up for hurt. Let life be. I don't expect you to actually delete your profiles - lets be realistic but you shouldn't be so dependant. I know its hard, crap I am older than you - and I am gearing up for my 23rd valentine alone, a gift for christmas - ha! But I have learned not to be bitter about these things but just get over it. Life goes on.

 

Doesn't that worry you though? I mean at 23 don't you want to meet someone and get married and have babies? I just am really worried that isn't going to happen for me. I have sucked at dating so far and if this is a pattern I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my time alive.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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I have the same problem with black men. I go to uni and they are all cocky and be with white women. None of them are loyal and they think they're too good for us black women, like we're unworthy and ugly or something, I can't freaking stand it. Good to see there's one loyal brotha in the world still. Maybe there's more.

 

If I start my own thread about this so not to derail this one, will you participate?

 

I'm black I only date white men it is about who treats me better and who I am attracted to not race.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

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I have the same problem with black men. I go to uni and they are all cocky and be with white women. None of them are loyal and they think they're too good for us black women, like we're unworthy and ugly or something, I can't freaking stand it. Good to see there's one loyal brotha in the world still. Maybe there's more.

 

If I start my own thread about this so not to derail this one, will you participate?

Yeah, sure I'll participate.

mtnbiker Established Member

mtnbiker

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Doesn't that worry you though? I mean at 23 don't you want to meet someone and get married and have babies? I just am really worried that isn't going to happen for me. I have sucked at dating so far and if this is a pattern I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my time alive.

 

In my opinion you are atill a baby yourself in the grand scheme of things not in any other way so do not think I am offending you, I'm truly not. I know at your age you think differently, but as you age and gain life experience you will see otherwise. Perhaps one of the women in their 30's or 40's on here, many of which are very wise, will chime in to lend womanly advice. Regardless, please stop downgrading your worth based on others' opinions.

The Wholigan, that is a strength...own it man! I have been working wiith autisti children for a cpl years now and that will be my lifelong profession.

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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Doesn't that worry you though? I mean at 23 don't you want to meet someone and get married and have babies? I just am really worried that isn't going to happen for me. I have sucked at dating so far and if this is a pattern I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my time alive.

 

Well I won't be 23 for about 10 months. Anyway, no. I have so much growing I can do on my own at 23 - settling does sound nice but it will happen if it is meant to be and when it is meant to be. I have no problem waiting - if I force love it probably won't be real. Plus I am on the fence about kids and marriage.

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mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

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Well I won't be 23 for about 10 months. Anyway, no. I have so much growing I can do on my own at 23 - settling does sound nice but it will happen if it is meant to be and when it is meant to be. I have no problem waiting - if I force love it probably won't be real. Plus I am on the fence about kids and marriage.

 

I'd just go to london and track thawholigan down. They just cant get better than him. Besides I think you two are a good match.:p

suladas Established Member

suladas

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Doesn't that worry you though? I mean at 23 don't you want to meet someone and get married and have babies? I just am really worried that isn't going to happen for me. I have sucked at dating so far and if this is a pattern I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my time alive.

 

What's the rush? I'm 23 and got dumped by my first GF 3 months ago, it sucks being alone but whatever. I want to get married and have kids one day but it's a long time away. But being in a good relationship is something i'd really want. I tried OLD but stopped just didn't like it. I'm not perfectly happy with it but I have no intention to date anytime soon unless a really good girl just happens to come into my life, I won't be looking.

 

Honestly life was much easier before dating. I can almost say looking back I would of been ok waiting a few more years. Sure it's great, but the downfalls also really suck to.

kiss_andmakeup Established Member

kiss_andmakeup

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Well I won't be 23 for about 10 months. Anyway, no. I have so much growing I can do on my own at 23 - settling does sound nice but it will happen if it is meant to be and when it is meant to be. I have no problem waiting - if I force love it probably won't be real. Plus I am on the fence about kids and marriage.

 

Wow SF, I would have guessed you as older than 22. Not because of anything to do with your looks, but because of your posts. You come off as very mature and level-headed, and offer a lot of great wisdom and advice. Kudos!

 

OP, Jesus-jumping-christ, you are 21. Maybe it's different where you live, but of the people I grew up with and socialize with very few were married before 25. You are still going to school and figuring things out...there is pleeeeeeenty of time for relationships later.

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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What's the rush? I'm 23 and got dumped by my first GF 3 months ago, it sucks being alone but whatever. I want to get married and have kids one day but it's a long time away. But being in a good relationship is something i'd really want. I tried OLD but stopped just didn't like it. I'm not perfectly happy with it but I have no intention to date anytime soon unless a really good girl just happens to come into my life, I won't be looking.

 

Honestly life was much easier before dating. I can almost say looking back I would of been ok waiting a few more years. Sure it's great, but the downfalls also really suck to.

 

I mean I guess at the current moment at 21 there is no rush but ill be 22 in December then 23 eventually and it is just me getting older and older with no one to spend my time with and I really want to get married and have kids and I don't want to be 35 doing that stuff

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ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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Wow SF, I would have guessed you as older than 22. Not because of anything to do with your looks, but because of your posts. You come off as very mature and level-headed, and offer a lot of great wisdom and advice. Kudos!

 

OP, Jesus-jumping-christ, you are 21. Maybe it's different where you live, but of the people I grew up with and socialize with very few were married before 25. You are still going to school and figuring things out...there is pleeeeeeenty of time for relationships later.

 

I think in my town there has been a huge jump in people my age getting pregnant (not married) then eventually getting engaged or married and I just want to do that. But like I said its not working for me so whatever I have to finish school anyways I may as well make that my focus

missgangrene Member

missgangrene

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I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really care about anything else. All I do is go to class and do homework and sleep and eat and go work out every now and then. I don't even know what I am interested in. I mean nothing really means a lot to me except dating someone. I was so excited I thought I would finally have someone to spend Christmas with and my Birthday and New Years and Valentines Day and now I won't I hate my life so much. Do you think I should just leave the dating site open and then maybe I can meet someone? I mean I don't know, ideally I could just delete it and be done but realistically I know I will delete it and then be lonely like 3 days from now and make a new one. I really don't want to online date anymore it seems so sad but if I don't how will I meet anyone?

 

You sound obsessed.

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