lifetaken Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Hi all. Warning, this is kinda long... I'm 16, a guy, and I really, really like this girl. Now, before you go calling me a "stupid teenager" or something, please, just don't. I really need some help here. So, around the beginning of August this year, this girl that I had liked for a few months that I was really close with told me she liked me. I kinda figured it, because we literally spent every day together (which really adds to the confusion later...) but I knew for sure that it was true now. So she told me, and I told her I really liked her too. So, all happy, right? We start dating, and go from there, right? Yeah. I wish. She has had a boyfriend for exactly 2 years today (yeah, today is their anniversary and I still haven't given up...pretty sad huh?). And the thing is, she just simply won't break up with him for me. She has admitted that she wishes me and her could just be together so many times now. She just claims to be "unsure" and all of this crap. She has been saying this for the past month and a half and it's starting to get really old. The thing that really confuses me is that we ACT like boyfriend and girlfriend! We hold hands, hug, all the rest except for sex (I do have some self respect). She still though, claims that she is so "unsure" and needs "time". So I asked her just last week whether I am waiting for something or nothing, and I told her that if it was something, it better be soon. She told me that it was "good for me", which I am assuming means that she will be over him "soon". We started talking again more (we had stopped for about a week when we tried becoming just "friends" which didn't work out at all) and everything was going great... Then her homecoming dance came. Of course, she went with him. She had...gotten drunk to put it blatantly. She texted me the day after and said she did some "regretful" things. I never asked what those things were, I kinda regret not asking, but oh well. This is where things start to go downhill. Yesterday (I realize I said "today" above, I wrote the beginning of this yesterday) was their anniversary. Earlier that day she told me how much she missed seeing me and stuff. I suggested that we hang out, but she apparently had a sports game to go to (now, I'm not a fool. I now know she was with her boyfriend). She says we can hang out all night tonight. So I tell her good luck at her 'game' and for her to text me after and tell me how it went. No text. So today, I asked her about 4 hours ago how the game went. Still no text. I am, right now, about done with this little game of cat and mouse. This isn't the first time this has happened (her not responding to me). This happens for like for 2-3 days every 2 weeks or so. We go from talking all the time to me trying to have a conversation and her never responding (and don't tell me I am the one that needs to text first. I ALWAYS text first). Then, she tells me she misses me so much and "why did we stop talking". Yeah, it's like some sort of strategy now, some little game. But I'm sick of it. Yesterday we were talking like we were going to spend all night tonight with each other before I leave town all weekend, and now it's like I don't exist. It's getting annoying. So...and this is what I've come to ask... I have this message on my phone that I'm going to text her while she is asleep. It goes like: "Hey, nice knowing you miss me so much yet can't take 10 seconds to text back. Goodnight **** PS: Hope you had fun for your anniversary. PPS: I'm starting to get mad. Sorry, can't hold this one back <3" I know, it sounds like a d**k thing to say, but I have been a nice guy about this situation for far, far too long. I feel like that would be a good thing to say just to let her know how truly pissed I am, but I don't know. Please, please please I'm begging, any advice? I don't want to screw things up, yet I do want to kind of show her how mad I am and sorta be an a-hole a little bit for once to show her I'm not some pushover. Thanks so much guys. Sorry it was so long. PS: I know she has gotten the message. iPhones show a "received" message when the other person receives the text. I'm not just "overreacting" any more. I'm seriously starting to get mad and am beginning to worry. PPS: Anyone have any advice on the whole situation in general? I really don't want to give up. Every time I tell myself I'm over her and her games, I see her face just once and hug her just once and every little feeling I had for her comes right back. It sucks. Thanks again, all.
Author lifetaken Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Also, sorry if this is the wrong section.
amaysngrace Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Stop trying so hard. She's jerking you around and the way she treats you is bringing out the worst in you. I think she understands that she hurt your feelings but it sounds like she friend zoned you a long time ago. Quit being available to her. You aren't going to have a relationship with her. She doesn't see you that way.
ScienceGal Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 First of all, for a 16 year old you write better than some adults on this site. You seem like an intelligent guy. Truth is, she isn't going to leave him. You should never be second to anyone, but you've put yourself in that position. I wouldn't send nasty messages to her, rather just wish her well and move on. Make it clear that you aren't waiting around and that you know what you want and what you have to offer. Take the high road. Lastly, and I know you probably don't want to hear this, but... you're young. The chances that she is "the one" for you is pretty slim. Take it as a learning experience and move on.
BlackSwanMan Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 "The thing that really confuses me is that we ACT like boyfriend and girlfriend! We hold hands, hug, all the rest except for sex" If all the rest excludes kissing passionately and having any sexual contact at all then you aren't boyfriend and girlfriend - just friends. If it includes those things then she is practicing with both you and him (and maybe others as well?). You need to draw a line in the sand and be prepared for her not to cross it. And then the hardest part - accept her decision. By providing emotional support you are allowing her to stay with a boyfriend who doesn't give her that emotional support. Hard as it is - the advise given in the other posts is true - wish her well and then move on. If she wants you, your emotional support and more - she will act - you may create a hole in her life she cannot fill - she will then be aware of your value. Otherwise she will find someone else for emotional support and replace you. Being nice is a two edged sword. You need to be nice to yourself - what advise would you have for a friend who was being lead on like this? Judge others on their actions - not on what they say they did or what they say they will do. As someone you is several times your age (and has a son virtually the same age as you) my biggest regrets from when I was your age is this: I severely underestimated just how physically attractive I was to others, I missed opportunities to be more active and make myself even more physically attractive to the opposite sex. I let the opinions of a few people and the way they treated me to define my self esteem. I didn't put myself into enough situations where I needed to communicate with others and build my skills. When I cared about someone or was attracted to them I either fixated on someone who didn't care about me enough or hesitated and lost opportunities to develop deeper relationships. Push for your relationships to develop to their limits - yours and theirs. A rich relationship has for more value than a shallow one. Get comfortable saying hi and meeting new people (that helps in all parts of your life). Respect yourself and your relationships. Be prepared to move on when a relationship is toxic and has failed to be made wholesome. Identify what you consider toxic when rational (discuss with family and friends). My definition - any relationship where you feel you are less than the person you know you can be. A relationship should be more than the sum of its parts. At the moment you have 30 to 40% of a girlfriend - you deserve 100%. Personally I'd like 200% but that's greedy and bad maths.
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