sendme Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It is oft repeated that the eyes are the windows to the soul. The eyes aren’t a window to the soul or you would have heard my soul screaming, crying out, begging you to stop when my mouth wouldn’t do so. They can’t be the windows to the soul or I would have known how very dark your own soul is. I could have seen in that vast blue expanse the great evils you were capable of. If the eyes were the windows to the soul, we would see the monsters amongst us. The eyes are just another part of this mask we carefully craft for ourselves. We mask our true selves, because life has taught us to do so. We hide the ugliness and hatred in our hearts because no one will love us if we hate. We hide the insecurity and fear in our minds because if we expose them to others then they will take advantage of us. The difficulty with these masks is that they protect neither others nor ourselves. You are not a monster, but you have done very monstrous things. Yet, you wake up each day putting your mask on so efficiently that you have convinced everyone, especially yourself that you are something other than you are. We know instinctively that the darkness inside of ourselves is unappealing, and so we spend our lives denying it. This darkness inside of you, it consumes everyone and everything. It consumed me, I lost myself somewhere in that expanse of blue and evil. Piece by piece you tore me apart, broke my will, used up the beautiful, curious, and happy parts of me. Leaving only in their place an aching emptiness. Once a shinning, charming, engaging thing, now ahollow, empty shell cracking at the edges over the effort to hold together the nothingness I’ve become. Grace is the only beauty I still contain. The only mercy offered to me these dark days. You have it in you too, you know. This grace, the majesty is the only thing that keeps the darkness within at bay. Your eyes are not the windows to your soul, because your eyes are part of the mask you hide behind, but this glory will not be hidden. You will see it one day, but only when you remove your mask.
cypher32 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It seems like your in a lot of pain so I'll offer a piece of advice given to me by the smartest woman i know " We are not defined by the evils done to us by others, we are only defined by how we overcome those evils"~my MOM
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