maiden71 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 A little over a year ago I married someone I knew I really shouldn't. She cheated on me with her ex-husband while we were dating and needed more materialistic stuff then I could ever provide her. I really loved her though and thought that I could make it work somehow. Now I realize that I constantly stay guarded as I know she will eventually leave me. You see my first wife left me after 14 years of marriage because of a FB affair so when my current wife cheated on me with her ex-husband it was probably the worst thing that could happen to me as far as ever trusting her. On top of that her ex is still begging for her back 3 years after their divorce and it still gets to her, as she feels guilty that she left him, even though it was because of his constant infidelity with escorts and his lying about money, etc. I don't know if I even have a question or just need a place to vent tonight. Her ex cut her a break in court on how much she pays in child support as she doesn't make very much and he has a lot of money and no bills. Well he called her today and told her that she needed to pay him $1000 because he was getting their daughter braces. She doesn't even need them by the way. He of course told her as he always does that he will drop it if she moves back in with him, but will take her to court to get it if not. He does this sort of stuff often and even did it when she was pregnant with my baby, which we ended up losing when she was 4 months along. I stay guarded as I think that one day she will be go back to him. This is not very good for our marriage and I'm not sure what to do? I feel like I live in constant stress and can't treat her the way I would like to if I felt like we had a real marriage. I guess I just want to know if any of you have had to deal with a situation similiar to this and how you dealt with it?
Daniel V. Ross Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 With your wife's character, this will surely going to ruin your relationship.
womaaaaaan Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 It makes me sad that you don't consider yours a real marriage. Surely all marriages are complicated and that's what makes them real. I think the only sign of illegitimacy is that a marriage is between 2 people and your wife's ex keeps trying to insert himself into the equation. Your wife obviously loves you or she wouldn't have married you (especially if money wasn't a consideration), everyone has baggage in regards to past loves, but she really needs to be focusing on her relationship with you and her daughter foremost. This ex sounds horribly manipulative. Let him take you to court over braces her daughter doesn't need - it will be expensive and complicated and he will loose - especially if the fact that he is using this to manipulate your wife into returning to him is made public. It sounds like the two of you have had a rough time, look after each other, appreciate each other and remember to keep this destructive third-wheel-of-an-ex in his place. He has nothing to do with your relationship (outside of being the father of her daughter) ignore his childish antics as much as possible and just think about the two of you.
strongnrelaxed Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I wish you could have read some of my posts before you got married. I really scream this from the mountaintops. Sorry to hear about this. The only advice I have is to divorce her before the divorce laws get even worse - and you can bet your as@ they are in many states. And never, and I mean NEVER get married again.
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Sorry for the situation. You seem to be stuck in a cycle: you are detached because you are feel she is not committing, based on her past behaviour. She is stressed and torn. There is a feedback loop here than only goes downhill. You can break it if you really communicate together and get to the point where you have more confidence in her. Or, you will quickly get to the point where it turns out you don't, in which case let her go.
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