GirlontheLam Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Question of the day: brains or bod (for the ladies). So recently my virtual company got some shared office space. I went to the office for the first time last week. So when I went for the first time I noticed the hot security guy was checking me out. He is probably in my age range, a good looking buff guy. Super friendly when he sees me. So you ask might ask, why am I not interested? I already admitted I found him attractive. Well, it is because he seems a little "meathead-y." Seems nice, polite... but possibly a little too into working out. So today I came in, and tried to zoom by because I was running late to a meeting, and he comments "hey, why are you trying to sneak by without saying 'hi!'" I wave and head to my meeting. Later on when I come back from lunch, he starts making small talk, intros, tells me he is new in town, and finds a way to show off his guns a few times. We chatted for like 10 minutes, and then I bounced after the lobby started to get busy. Seemed like a nice guy, but you know..... a little too into being buff. I am more into the brain candy than the eye candy. Of course if I get brain candy with the eye candy, that's great. But I look for the well-rounded conversations and intellectual curiosity over being super hot. So ladies, chime in. Brain candy or eye candy?
january2011 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Brain candy with communication, connection and compatibility. If we clash when we communicate because of incompatible mindsets and worldviews, it's an immediate turn-off. I really don't care how buff or good-looking they are. They are not long-term relationship material. 3
zebracolors Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 brain candy. I have sort of a silly streak in my bones, but there are also some topics that I enjoy talking about. I know what physical attributes a man can have, that are attractive to me personally. Its different for every woman of course. But overly buff doesn't do anything for me. Having the best of both worlds would be nice. But ultimately I prefer to be able to have intelligent and sometimes silly conversations with, like if he gets my kind of humor.
CarrieT Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 For me, Brain Candy. I get completely weak in the knees and damp in the crotch when a guy shows off his grey matter. Looks have never effected me the same way... 3
Els Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 For me, Brain Candy. I get completely weak in the knees and damp in the crotch when a guy shows off his grey matter. Looks have never effected me the same way... So true. I do have some basic physical preferences, but those are fairly wide and could be achieved by the majority of the male population who aren't obese. Apart from that, it doesn't matter to me whether he's some random joe off the street or a Brad Pitt lookalike. It's the brains that distinguishes someone to me, that builds the connection and gets me going.
kaylan Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Must people make intelligence assumptions just because someone looks good and takes care of their body? Its possible he has tons of brains ya know. Jeez, Id hate to think many women out there will assume Im a brain dead neanderthal once I get my body to my goal....despite my many varied interests and ability to carry on an intellectual discussion thats not limited by a small vocabulary. PS - though most women will say brains over bod in this thread, I see the opposite occur in real life. The body guy will have tons of women wanting him right off the bat, while the brains guy has to put in more initial effort. This is assuming both guys have only one attribute, and not both the brain and body.
Author GirlontheLam Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Must people make intelligence assumptions just because someone looks good and takes care of their body? Its possible he has tons of brains ya know. PS - though most women will say brains over bod in this thread, I see the opposite occur in real life. The body guy will have tons of women wanting him right off the bat, while the brains guy has to put in more initial effort. This is assuming both guys have only one attribute, and not both the brain and body. No I only made the assumption because he keeps flexing and rolled up his shirt to show off his biceps. He made sure his buffness is front and center.
kaylan Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 No I only made the assumption because he keeps flexing and rolled up his shirt to show off his biceps. He made sure his buffness is front and center. Nothing wrong with showing some sex appeal. With a girl I just met, I dont flex my intellectual brawn until I know her a little bit. I do have to gauge where her mind lies and if shed be put off by a conversation thats too "wordy" or "serious". Ive had girls say that to me if I talked about important social issues, or if my vocabulary went over their head. I find I do have to dumb myself down for some people and just keep things light. Which they should be right in the beginning...but not all the time.
ThaWholigan Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Nothing wrong with showing some sex appeal. With a girl I just met, I dont flex my intellectual brawn until I know her a little bit. I do have to gauge where her mind lies and if shed be put off by a conversation thats too "wordy" or "serious". Ive had girls say that to me if I talked about important social issues, or if my vocabulary went over their head. I find I do have to dumb myself down for some people and just keep things light. Which they should be right in the beginning...but not all the time. I hear that. I do know some girls that don't like guys who are too brawny, but lean muscle never fails. I'm not very muscular right now, so I do get my words noticed a lot more. But then, it helps that I'm tall (kidding)
yongyong Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Brain candy 100%. I am not superficial. (I don't look at my own mirror too) I am not looking for someone to have sex with (even though she is my gf) I care more about intellectual conversation ROFL
Author GirlontheLam Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Nothing wrong with showing some sex appeal. With a girl I just met, I dont flex my intellectual brawn until I know her a little bit. I do have to gauge where her mind lies and if shed be put off by a conversation thats too "wordy" or "serious". Ive had girls say that to me if I talked about important social issues, or if my vocabulary went over their head. I find I do have to dumb myself down for some people and just keep things light. Which they should be right in the beginning...but not all the time. I know it works for some women. I am the brainy type. I'll fully admit to having crushes based on something as shallow as liking my favorite band. It usually comes across after 5 minutes of conversation with me. If I need to adjust topics significantly, it won't work out. I might think someone is hot, but I won't be even remotely interested until we have the right conversation. Buff guy? Need to talk to him a bit more to see if there is more than just eye candy.
Author GirlontheLam Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Oh I should probably mention, you know contrary to popular belief, he wasn't all that tall. Like 5'8 - 5'9. I am a horrible judge of height if you are between 5'5 and 5'9 or so. I just can't tell the difference. It just makes you a bit taller than me. the 5'10+ people are easier, that is about a head taller than me.
zebracolors Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Must people make intelligence assumptions just because someone looks good and takes care of their body? Its possible he has tons of brains ya know. Jeez, Id hate to think many women out there will assume Im a brain dead neanderthal once I get my body to my goal....despite my many varied interests and ability to carry on an intellectual discussion thats not limited by a small vocabulary. PS - though most women will say brains over bod in this thread, I see the opposite occur in real life. The body guy will have tons of women wanting him right off the bat, while the brains guy has to put in more initial effort. This is assuming both guys have only one attribute, and not both the brain and body. I though I had alluded to how it was possible for a man to have both good "brains" and "body"? And I do have a guy friend who (IMO) is both dashingly handsome (he doesn't work out) and great to chat with. I apologize if my post seemed to imply that all men who work out, are unable to hold intellectual conversation. I didn't mean that at all. So to be fair I think its impressive if a man takes a little pride in his appearance, like good grooming, or working out to stay healthy. But it certainly isn't just about the body, its all about the mindset of any man and how well he "plays the cards he is given" and if that includes witty, charming and intelligent chat, all the better. 1
kaylan Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 ^My initial post wasnt in direct reply to you hun. It was just a general statement. I see both men and women assuming someone is dumb or obsessed with the gym just because they are good looking and take care of their body. Ive just see it happen so often that I felt the need to speak up.
mesmerized Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 ^My initial post wasnt in direct reply to you hun. It was just a general statement. I see both men and women assuming someone is dumb or obsessed with the gym just because they are good looking and take care of their body. Ive just see it happen so often that I felt the need to speak up. A lot of times its true though. But two of the nicest smartest men I know also have the body of a greek god. So yeah, one shouldnt generalize for all.
Avulare Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I'm a huge nerd and wouldn't tolerate anything less from a male partner... I'd take an entomologist over a gym rat any day. 2
kaylan Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) A lot of times its true though. But two of the nicest smartest men I know also have the body of a greek god. So yeah, one shouldnt generalize for all. I think its true some of the time, and not true some of the time. The reason I feel the generalization about gym folks or good looking people exists, is because people seem to be more likely to credit examples that agree with their assumption, rather than take notice of examples that disagree with their assumption...ie...confirmation bias. Basically if someone believes good looking folks who go to the gym are dumb and spend all their time at the gym, theyll feel their assumption is true even if half the people they meet disprove this assumption. And all because they met more than enough people to satisfy that bias. In my experience its a crap shoot really. Some people are dumb, while some are smart. Some people are tools, while some are great people. Some people are obsessed with a hobby (like the gym), while others practice moderation. And this is independent of looks. Its all individual in my view. Edited October 19, 2012 by kaylan
todreaminblue Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Question of the day: brains or bod (for the ladies). So recently my virtual company got some shared office space. I went to the office for the first time last week. So when I went for the first time I noticed the hot security guy was checking me out. He is probably in my age range, a good looking buff guy. Super friendly when he sees me. So you ask might ask, why am I not interested? I already admitted I found him attractive. Well, it is because he seems a little "meathead-y." Seems nice, polite... but possibly a little too into working out. So today I came in, and tried to zoom by because I was running late to a meeting, and he comments "hey, why are you trying to sneak by without saying 'hi!'" I wave and head to my meeting. Later on when I come back from lunch, he starts making small talk, intros, tells me he is new in town, and finds a way to show off his guns a few times. We chatted for like 10 minutes, and then I bounced after the lobby started to get busy. Seemed like a nice guy, but you know..... a little too into being buff. I am more into the brain candy than the eye candy. Of course if I get brain candy with the eye candy, that's great. But I look for the well-rounded conversations and intellectual curiosity over being super hot. So ladies, chime in. Brain candy or eye candy? I think that there has to be an attraction that is physical to a certain degree something that holds yrou eye....i think that goes fro men lookign at women too.... the mind is a wonderful thing stimulating conversation that becomes passionate is good to have....i feel there are different types of intelligence....i like a passionate seeking mind.....a guy that doesnt elude to the fact that he knows better but wants to share....who has a bit of humility....but wont back down from what he is passionate about.....even fi i tdoes mean having a debate.........who is comfortable in being quiet yet quick to smile who can be passionate and you can sense that passion simmering waiting to be opened.....i think a brain seeker more than brain candy...you can get toothache from eating too much candy......someone who is adventurous with knowledge and always learning other than knowing it all already....that can be tedious....a passionate brain....there ....thats ideal.....deb
mtnbiker Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 A lot of times its true though. But two of the nicest smartest men I know also have the body of a greek god. So yeah, one shouldnt generalize for all. +1 It seems there has been an abundance of generalizations the last week or two on here. With as many intelligent people, from both sexes, that entertain this site daily, it is a surprise trend. I think people use genralizations to make things easier and I understand that, but everyone should take care to realize that there are so many different types of people out there in this crazy a** world running the entire gamut. There seems to be more bickering of late as well, which is human nature of course, but we are almost all on this site due to common experiences and should be more kind to each other. I realize that sounded a lot like, "Can't we all just get along", haha.
ThaWholigan Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I'm not a lady but in my opinion, it's better to be both 2
mesmerized Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) I think its true some of the time, and not true some of the time. The reason I feel the generalization about gym folks or good looking people exists, is because people seem to be more likely to credit examples that agree with their assumption, rather than take notice of examples that disagree with their assumption...ie...confirmation bias. Basically if someone believes good looking folks who go to the gym are dumb and spend all their time at the gym, theyll feel their assumption is true even if half the people they meet disprove this assumption. And all because they met more than enough people to satisfy that bias. In my experience its a crap shoot really. Some people are dumb, while some are smart. Some people are tools, while some are great people. Some people are obsessed with a hobby (like the gym), while others practice moderation. And this is independent of looks. Its all individual in my view. Well I personally think Im not really biased and I only go out with men I find attractive. I find that an unattractive man is more likely to be kind and nice or nerdy and knowledgable than an attractive guy or a gym rat. Attractive people in general dont need to rely on their other qualities as much as average or below average people so they don't always try to develop them. Edited October 19, 2012 by mesmerized
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 A lot of times its true though. But two of the nicest smartest men I know also have the body of a greek god. So yeah, one shouldnt generalize for all. Will you stop talking about me mesmerized, It's embarrassing! Ok fine, I'm not always nice But really, who wouldn't prefer both? I think that's essentially what everyone is looking for...to a degree. Personally beauty and attractiveness can be complicated and sometimes not very traditional...I've found women very attractive that didn't really meet the "standard" in a typical sense, I know a lot of other things can create attraction and desire for me, some women turn me on for very different reasons...whether it's chemistry, intelligence or just something about them. I would personally get very bored IF the good looking people were just simply the most desirable, in fact for me sometimes I think someone is very attractive yet after getting to know them I lose attraction completely. It takes much more than beauty IMO to captivate a man, there has to be something more to it. A lot of people are however just into the physical and make decisions off superficial qualities, but those people IMO typically lack security within themselves, so the hotter the person they are with the better they feel about themselves which I don't get....I never dated a woman because I felt people would think of me more highly for it or I'd get some high fives from the male population for it, but I know guys who definitely date women just for the arm candy and feel men are the only ones who can provide "intelligent" conversation. Another point to make is what do people perceive as "intelligence"?...I've dated very educated women that had zero common sense or were just extremely gullible, they were very successful in their careers but talking to them one on one you wouldn't even know it...their competence in the simple and common things was very low, and very often was reflected with men and romance...which was a turn-off for me. I do find what people find as "intelligence" very over-rated, and what happens if the person is intelligent but not much for conversation and extremely boring as a person? As far as attraction, I believe that is highly subjective unless the person is a very solid 9 or 10. Some women like buff guys who get pumped, some like scrawny men they could overpower, others like regular average-sized guys that are somewhere in between....but for women it seems consistent that height itself is a very important quality, which has always struck me as odd when so many women are so short.
threebyfate Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Both. One without the other is like a day without sunshine. I've had eye candy turn into cough medicine after a couple of minutes of mindlessly boring conversation. I've had brain candy who started as a generic lollipop, turn into eye candy.
mtnbiker Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Both. One without the other is like a day without sunshine. I've had eye candy turn into cough medicine after a couple of minutes of mindlessly boring conversation. I've had brain candy who started as a generic lollipop, turn into eye candy. +1...from a male standpoint. I would add that I have also had brain candy go nowhere because they were all intelligence without a hint of fun or personality. (boring)
Hawaii50 Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 as per my recent epiphany, OP, it'll be easier to find a smart guy who is fit than a fit guy who is smart. Hang-out between the gym and the library, maybe?! It's hard finding that sweet spot where the significant other will have a little bit of everything, including that perfect blend of fit and intelligence. But, Intelligence is not enough if the person is a stick-in-the-mud. They must be witty, and sane, maybe even little on the evolved side. And as always- a free spirit. Also, I couldn't date a woman who wasn't an avid reader. But it's not a problem, that's an trait easier found in women, than men, I'm guessing.
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