Too early to sleep with him?

[Merenishen]

Hey there again, LS! I'm loving this place, all the advice you guys give is Grade A+ !!

 

So back again with my story...

 

Met a guy about 3 weeks ago. I'm 19, he's 22. We talked for 2 weeks purely on text (we've exchanged over 10,000 messages at this point). We saw each other again this past Saturday, and ever since then, we've gone out a total of 4 times.

 

At first, over our first meeting and ensuing texts, I "clicked" with him. I was all giddy and super over the top, naturally, as we all are when we meet someone new. =P I haven't been with anyone since my ex-boyfriend a year ago (he was abusive). But the initial "rush" with this guy has kind of died down, and I'm back to Earth. The thing is, the guy's crazy about me now: he's constantly asking me out and making plans with me, etc. I know for a fact he's not a player, and he's actually a legitimate guy with legitimate interest in me. He hasn't been with anyone since his ex-girlfriend 2 years ago (they were together for 4 years) and I'm pretty sure I'm the first girl he's liked this much since her.

 

I'm not as far gone as him. I LIKE him, but I'm not sure if I'm at the level yet with him where I'd want a relationship or something serious. The thing is, being a 19 year old who hasn't gotten laid in over a year is getting to me. It makes it IMPOSSIBLE to keep my hands off the guy (so at least on a physical aspect I find him attractive enough). Which makes developing a friendship of sorts REALLY hard because the sexual tension is so high. We haven't screwed yet, we just make out like crazy for HOURS whenever we are together.

 

Would having sex with him this early give him the wrong impression? Or get him too attached with me?

 

Also want to point out he's part of a group of friends I've made recently... so if things end up going badly, it'll make things SUPER awkward.

 

I just get really paranoid things will end up not working out and there will be hard feelings involved. I really don't want to mess things up, or lead him on and have things turn out badly, or me hurting him.

 

Thanks in advance, guys.

Edited October 18, 2012 by Merenishen

[yongyong]

According to women here, women can't be judged just because she slept early with him (even after an hour you met him)

so go ahead, sleep with him. If it doesn't go well, you can blame those women

[Merenishen]

According to women here, women can't be judged just because she slept early with him (even after an hour you met him)

so go ahead, sleep with him. If it doesn't go well, you can blame those women

Haha, the thing is, I'm not worried about being "judged" or him "losing interest", because I know his interest in me goes past the physical aspect. I'm just worried of sex getting him too into the whole thing, and then if things don't end up working out, he'll end up hurt or bitter etc. Especially since, like I said, he hasn't had a relationship since his last ex, so I know he's not a "fling" type of guy.

[whydamnitwhy]

Hey there again, LS! I'm loving this place, all the advice you guys give is Grade A+ !!

 

So back again with my story...

 

Met a guy about 3 weeks ago. I'm 19, he's 22. We talked for 2 weeks purely on text (we've exchanged over 10,000 messages at this point). We saw each other again this past Saturday, and ever since then, we've gone out a total of 4 times.

 

At first, over our first meeting and ensuing texts, I "clicked" with him. I was all giddy and super over the top, naturally, as we all are when we meet someone new. =P I haven't been with anyone since my ex-boyfriend a year ago (he was abusive). But the initial "rush" with this guy has kind of died down, and I'm back to Earth. The thing is, the guy's crazy about me now: he's constantly asking me out and making plans with me, etc. I know for a fact he's not a player, and he's actually a legitimate guy with legitimate interest in me. He hasn't been with anyone since his ex-girlfriend 2 years ago (they were together for 4 years) and I'm pretty sure I'm the first girl he's liked this much since her.

 

I'm not as far gone as him. I LIKE him, but I'm not sure if I'm at the level yet with him where I'd want a relationship or something serious. The thing is, being a 19 year old who hasn't gotten laid in over a year is getting to me. It makes it IMPOSSIBLE to keep my hands off the guy (so at least on a physical aspect I find him attractive enough). Which makes developing a friendship of sorts REALLY hard because the sexual tension is so high. We haven't screwed yet, we just make out like crazy for HOURS whenever we are together.

 

Would having sex with him this early give him the wrong impression? Or get him too attached with me?

 

Also want to point out he's part of a group of friends I've made recently... so if things end up going badly, it'll make things SUPER awkward.

 

I just get really paranoid things will end up not working out and there will be hard feelings involved. I really don't want to mess things up, or lead him on and have things turn out badly, or me hurting him.

 

Thanks in advance, guys.

 

@ bolded, OH GOD I'd love to have that with a man. Damn, you're so lucky. You're 19 having this much fun and I'm 22 and can't get a guy to like me to save my life, LOL omg, that sucks...but anyway...

 

DON'T have sex with him. If you don't want a relationship or is confused about it, then you have no business having sex with him, especially at 19 years old. You don't like him that much but you'd risk getting an std, getting rpegant AND hurting him, a man that obvious really likes you and would only fall even deeper should y'all have sex: NO.

[kaylan]

If the moment feels right, then the moment feels right. Go with it OP. And disregard yongyong. Hes loves to bash women who embrace their sexuality.

 

If a guy likes you, the time in which you have sex wont change that.

 

PS - if he likes you more than you like him, def hold of on the sex until you are on the same page with him.

[Merenishen]

If the moment feels right, then the moment feels right. Go with it OP. And disregard yongyong. Hes loves to bash women who embrace their sexuality.

 

If a guy likes you, the time in which you have sex wont change that.

 

PS - if he likes you more than you like him, def hold of on the sex until you are on the same page with him.

What should I say to him? I also believe in being honest with him, but I do get a bit paranoid over screwing things up or similar, or saying things wrong etc. I really don't want to screw him over, or be a bitch, or anything of the sort. So what course of action should I take with him? I don't want to leave him "hanging" or lead him on, and then realize I don't want anything to do with him past a fling or whatever.

 

And how the hell do I control my libido? I literally just want to have sex with him when I'm with him. It's all that crosses my head from how horny I get from our making out, lol. We haven't done anything that "far" yet, the most he's done is felt me up over clothes.

[whydamnitwhy]

What should I say to him? I also believe in being honest with him, but I do get a bit paranoid over screwing things up or similar, or saying things wrong etc. I really don't want to screw him over, or be a bitch, or anything of the sort. So what course of action should I take with him? I don't want to leave him "hanging" or lead him on, and then realize I don't want anything to do with him.

 

And how the hell do I control my libido? I literally just want to have sex with him when I'm with him. It's all that crosses my head from how horny I get from our making out, lol. We haven't done anything that "far" yet, the most he's done is felt me up over clothes.

 

Just tell him you want a non-exclusive sexual relationship with him. Be honest and allow him to make a decision as to if he wants it too.

[Merenishen]

Just tell him you want a non-exclusive sexual relationship with him. Be honest and allow him to make a decision as to if he wants it too.

I never said I wanted a non-exclusive sexual relationship. I'm not seeing anyone else, and neither is he. And frankly, I don't intend to sleep with anyone else, since I really don't sleep with just anyone or multiple people at once (only slept with one guy before).

 

I'm just not sure yet if I want a relationship or anything serious with him. One of my exes once gave me an ultimatum of "You're either my girlfriend or I'm not talking to you", and that crap went pretty horribly... I don't want to PRESSURE myself or feel like I "should" do something (I have a bit of a hard time with this whole "should" "should not" kind of game in my head, cause I don't want to hurt myself nor be fair to anyone else).

[somewhat_ENTP]

It sounds like you aren't very interested in him. Why not just tell him you want to be friends, but you wouldn't mind sleeping with him every once in a while (since it has been at least a year)?

 

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind that, as the act of sleeping with you could bring him back "down to Earth" so to speak, whereas him not actually pushing for it (from your story) and sending you a billion texts brought you back "down to Earth". Maybe he would be a bit less into you, but you could still be really close friends.

[kaylan]

What should I say to him? I also believe in being honest with him, but I do get a bit paranoid over screwing things up or similar, or saying things wrong etc. I really don't want to screw him over, or be a bitch, or anything of the sort. So what course of action should I take with him? I don't want to leave him "hanging" or lead him on, and then realize I don't want anything to do with him past a fling or whatever.

Look, just ask him to be honest about what hes looking for. Then tell him you want to take things slow because you arent sure if you want something serious yet, and that he shouldnt assume it either. But do reassure to him that you like him and enjoy his company. If he in fact seems to want more than what you do, then you should back off. Because sometimes people will say they are ok with just a fling, but really be wishing for more and allow themselves to get hurt anyway.

And how the hell do I control my libido? I literally just want to have sex with him when I'm with him. It's all that crosses my head from how horny I get from our making out, lol. We haven't done anything that "far" yet, the most he's done is felt me up over clothes.

If you arent on the same page with him...then no sex. Masturbate if anything. Thats all I can tell you. Be mature about this. If he is on the same page as you, then have at it...but from what youve told us, he definitely doesnt seem to the the type for casual trysts.

[whydamnitwhy]

I never said I wanted a non-exclusive sexual relationship. I'm not seeing anyone else, and neither is he. And frankly, I don't intend to sleep with anyone else, since I really don't sleep with just anyone or multiple people at once (only slept with one guy before).

 

I'm just not sure yet if I want a relationship or anything serious with him. One of my exes once gave me an ultimatum of "You're either my girlfriend or I'm not talking to you", and that crap went pretty horribly... I don't want to PRESSURE myself or feel like I "should" do something (I have a bit of a hard time with this whole "should" "should not" kind of game in my head, cause I don't want to hurt myself nor be fair to anyone else).

 

And I never said you said you wanted a non-exclusive sexual relationship.

 

Anyway, you obviously don't know what you want so sleeping with a guy who really likes you is out of the question.

 

/thread

[Merenishen]

Look, just ask him to be honest about what hes looking for. Then tell him you want to take things slow because you arent sure if you want something serious yet, and that he shouldnt assume it either. But do reassure to him that you like him and enjoy his company. If he in fact seems to want more than what you do, then you should back off. Because sometimes people will say they are ok with just a fling, but really be wishing for more and allow themselves to get hurt anyway.

 

If you arent on the same page with him...then no sex. Masturbate if anything. Thats all I can tell you. Be mature about this. If he is on the same page as you, then have at it...but from what youve told us, he definitely doesnt seem to the the type for casual trysts.

Alright, I got it, sex out of the question. Remembering this should help me keep my pants on tight!

 

I hope if I do decide to end up backing out, he won't take it too badly. Because yeah, he definitely isn't the type for casual trysts AT ALL.

[yongyong]

You don't know sxit.

 

btw, why are you giving all these detailed advices like a counselor?

 

Is it because women would face more risks when sleeping with a guy?

Would you tell the same thing to a guy?

 

 

 

 

If the moment feels right, then the moment feels right. Go with it OP. And disregard yongyong. Hes loves to bash women who embrace their sexuality.

 

If a guy likes you, the time in which you have sex wont change that.

 

PS - if he likes you more than you like him, def hold of on the sex until you are on the same page with him.

[kaylan]

You don't know sxit.

 

btw, why are you giving all these detailed advices like a counselor?

 

Is it because women would face more risks when sleeping with a guy?

Would you tell the same thing to a guy?

I dont know sh*t? Trust me, I know more about women than you, and Im not some butt hurt dude who constantly needs to berate and put women down either (like you do).

 

Im giving the OP detailed advice because detailed advice is helpful. And in this situation it would prevent both her and the guy from getting hurt or causing drama.

 

She actually doesnt face much risk in this situation. The guy does, since hes obviously the one whos more inclined to become emotionally attached. And maybe you dont see my posts enough, but I tell guys to back off women who arent on the same page as them. Unlike you, I wouldnt lead someone own, and screw with their emotions all for the sake of busting a nut.

 

There are too many women out there who are down for casual fun, so I wouldnt hurt a girl whos more inclined towards relationships. And I wouldnt shame a girl for having casual sex with me either (unlike yourself), because shes no better than I am.

 

I try and be positive with people dude. You receive what you give.