I don't know if I made a mistake or not.

[purplepanda]

I wasn't sure really where to put this thread. But it'll be a long one.

So... I haven't been on here in 4 months.

I have started college and I am living on my own, away from home, etc. I have been technically single since August 2011. I haven't met anybody either.

 

In July, my ex boyfriend, whom I dated 3 years ago for 6 months and again for a little bit a year after we broke up, went into the Marine Corps. His family moved from Kansas to Iowa first. Then he went to San Diego for training for 3 months. I missed him, and couldn't talk to him, so I kept busy and everything. We were friends again. But right before he left, he told me he loved me still. I didn't know if it was the truth or not.

 

I'm rather confused right now, as I always have been when dealing with him. I don't know what to do. He's been single since May-June. Right before he moved to Iowa...

 

I got a new phone number since he went to training, so the day after he graduated, I sent him a text around noon saying, "Are you home yet?" He said, "Who is this?" I said, "It's Lanie!!!" He said, "No, I'm getting on a flight." He told me he was going to be in Kansas on Thursday and that night I talked to him a little bit. He said he was with his family, so I quit bothering him. I was hoping that as soon as he got home, he'd be all happy to talk to me, since he said he loved me before he left... At this point I started to get insecure.

 

I went to my mom's house the rest of weekend (Till Tuesday, it was fall break) to get my mind off of him. On Monday, I called him. He asked who it was. Didn't talk for more than a minute. He was getting a new phone, so I didn't say anything until later. When I texted him, he asked who it was again. I got super pissed. "Mother****er. You ****ing *******, I've texted you ten times and you keep asking who it is, you know who it is. I'm so stupid, I waited 3 months for you, you're just a liar. Goodbye." Then he started talking to me... told me how he got a tattoo. I knew what he wanted, so I guessed and I was right. After a few hours, nothing. And then he ignored me until Friday night at 8, he called me. He said he was coming to see me. He was in Kansas at his friend's house, a little over an hour away. I was freaking out, so I kept myself busy until they showed up. We hung out and talked, walked around Walmart, got something to eat. In Walmart, he said he could buy me something if I wanted. And he bought me food. When we went back to my place, we were all in the living room. When my ex took off his clothes. O.O He was sitting in his underwear... then he went into my room and crawled into my bed, in the dark. I talked to his friend in the living room, and he was like, "I'm gonna goo... you two have fun." I said is this a setup? he said I don't think so.

 

I was once again freaking out.

A year ago, I thought my ex and I were getting back together. I spent the night with him, we made love and everything... then I didn't hear from him again. He ignored me. And he immediately got with someone he now calls "succubus satan spawn". They were together for 9 months. So I'm really afraid that's what he was doing again.

 

It was 1 am when his friend left. I got in the shower, and when I was out, he was still in my bed. I put on pajamas, and got into my bed and turned the tv on. After flipping channels, he turned it off and got kind of close to me. He just looked at me. His hand was on my hip. Of course my heart was going crazy.. he always does that to me. 3 years later, it still does that. We talked for a while. About marines, about college. He was surprised that I don't have a bunch of friends over all the time. I have a whiteboard on my wall with a list of books that I want to read, and am currently working on. He said he could tell I was miserable, and that I should try to meet more people. He actually said it like 10 times.

 

I was starting to babble, and he said, "Shut up, Lanie", and kissed me. I pulled away after a minute, and said, "What are you doing?" A year ago, he was so sure that a kiss would get me. But this time, it felt like he was asking me a question with his eyes, he was gentler, and the way he looked at me was SO INTENSE, like he could see my soul. Not to mention that his eyes are an amazing chocolate color. :3 I was nervous and trembling. I was so embarrassed too. My selfesteem has gone way down and I'm a lot more insecure about my body...

 

I said yes we could make love... he's so giving. I missed him so much. I was trying not to cry because I love him so much, and I was so happy to be with him again. He kept eye contact, oh God I could drown in his eyes. I whispered, "Jordan, I've always loved you." He said he loved me too. When we were done (like...an hour later), we talked some more. I said, "Do you want to get back together?" He said yes. I said I did too, but I needed to figure things out. See if we have a chance. His parents were the ones that brought him from Iowa to his hometown, an hour away, and they wanted him back by 11 the next morning. I said he could stay with me and I could take him back, but he said he really didn't want to push it. Before I knew it, I was crying because I felt like I just got him back and he was leaving. He kept kissing me and holding me, telling me he'd stay for like 5 days over his Christmas leave, and that he wanted to be with me. He said to make more friends and stay busy.

 

We texted for an hour after he left (till 5 am). Talked all weekend. Skyped on Sunday night for a few hours. He told me he's an 8 out of 10 on a "serious" scale about me. I think that's good. I'm there too. I want to be with him, but I'm scared. And I'm still insecure about all the girls he was with after we broke up 2 1/2 years ago... and all the times he's hurt me. He said he was sorry, but "sorry" doesn't really feel right. We haven't really talked much, at least not where he was like "sigh.." and I felt like a whiner. I want to TALK about it, like mature adults, because if it's still making me upset, then it's not nothing.

 

Today, I was talking to one of his ex girlfriends (after me). I sort of made friends with her last year, but she did something to piss me off. She's a slut, she always has a boyfriend, and she's also a twofaced bitch and a liar. Don't know why I started talking to her again. Anyways. I said something about him coming to see me, (I noticed that he unblocked her and added her on Facebook -_- Even though he called her a whore) and she said they talked "all night" the night he went back to training on Monday. She said he suggested that he take her to dinner and "catch up". He asked for her home phone number so he could call her when he's not busy. D:

 

I don't know what it means. Why he called her that when he was talking to me. Then added her and said all that. I'm so insecure and afraid right now. Any advice would be great.

 

Although I expect most of it will be that he's a jerk and a liar, etc etc. I have two months to think about it before he's back.

 

I can tell he's different now, he's trying to figure himself out and grow up. But I can't just forget everything like I used to. I guess, I want to know how I could tell if he means it... Because I'm afraid he used me. He's never come to see me though, so that's confusing in and of itself.

[TMichaels]

Sorry to tell you this, purplepanda...

 

But your crush or whatever you care to call this guy was just looking for a way to boost his ego.

 

He may be "trying to find himself" but to be honest, I think you're trying to justify his actions and behavior in order to think/feel like he's truly interested in a relationship with you.

 

You called and/or left him a slew of text messages which he didn't reply to and when you finally got a hold of him he replied repeatedly "who is this?" and you (or he) somehow find that what? Amusing?

 

He had the gall to show up at your house practically unannounced, strips down to his underwear in front of you and a friend and sash-shays off to your bedroom like there's nothing wrong with that? Don't you find that a cocky (no pun intended), incredibly self-centered, insulting and presumptuous?

 

He got what he came for and then announces he has to leave because his parents won't like it if he's out all night. This guy is in the Marine Corps and he's afraid of staying the night because mommy and daddy will be upset?

 

If I understand what you wrote, you haven't heard a peep from him since he left save for text and Skype convos the weekend of your tryst. In the meantime, he *has* had time to chat with another ex-gf and asked for her number so that when he has time they'll get together and "catch up."

 

Honestly. If one of your girlfriends told you all of the above about a guy she was seeing wouldn't you find it a bit ridiculous that she's holding such a torch for him? Do you not see this guy isn't serious about anything -- including you?

 

All he cares about is his own ego and sexual gratification. He ascribes to the theory of "If you don't ask, you don't get."

 

Translation: If he was going to get laid the night he came to visit you, he wasn't going to wait for it to happen. He was going to lay it out there and see if you took the the bait. You did.

 

No one's perfect. We all make mistakes. But, do yourself a BIG favor and exorcise this guy from you life forever, NOW. He's immature, self-centered, insensitive and selfish. You need him in your life like a fish needs a bicycle.

 

He was right however, about one thing. You DO need to make an effort to meet and socialize with other people.

 

It will help you deal with getting over this guy and help you get over your insecurity issues so a bum like "Jordan" won't ever get a second chance at taking you for granted and taking advantage of you.

 

HTH,

TMichaels

[purplepanda]

He went back to training on Monday. That was the day his ex girlfriend was talking about.

 

And I guess I didn't put it all together the way you did.

 

Time to put myself back together again...

[Lady Chrissy]

As much as I am for second, third and sometimes forth chances, the other person is right. He doesn't seem like a good person. You should make friends and get out there more, not date but make yourself happy. Trust me, once you get around more people the lies and manipulation will become evident. But of course, this is your life, no one can tell you how you will lead it. But think of it like this.

 

You are writing a book, (The story of your life) and each thing that happened hets written down as an auther sees it. Reading your book so far and seeing what your charactor has gone through and felt, where do you want her to go next? Conitue to wait on this guy and hopefully have a happy ending, or become empowered and strong and rise above him? A book can only be so long so make the best of the pages that you have left.

[purplepanda]

Thank you I just dyed my hair and I've never done that before. It's starting to help with my confidence, and I'll be getting out there more.

 

The good thing about him being a Marine, is that I don't have to worry about him contacting me, and I won't send stuff compulsively to get him to reply. Something that I used to do..