northwind79 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I've been married for almost 4 years, and we've spent three years out of those in my home country, but unfortunately the situation is getting more and more unbearable. Part of the problem is my wife's inability to adjust, and I keep feeling that she doesn't really try either. We met when we were both studying abroad. After finishing the studies, I managed to get a decent job, while she didn't. She kept looking for months, but couldn't get anywhere. After half a year or so she said that she thought we should move back to my home country and continue to study to take a masters degree. I was somewhat hesitant, because she would need to learn a new language and although education is free, it's not particularly easy to get accepted into university. But I missed home and thought that perhaps things will work out, so we took a leap of faith and moved. Unfortunately she the university to which she applied rejected her, but we had a plan B. The university has a plan called "open university" where everyone can take some selected courses for a small fee. The idea was that she would take some courses, do well in them, get some recommendations from a professor or two, and then she would probably not get rejected the second time around. She did well for the first few months, but eventually she just gave up and didn't enroll in any more courses. I also put her in a language school where she would learn my language. She did two years there, and as far as I know she did fairly well, but she has some type of resistance in her to learn my language. I've tried everything, I've tried to speak the language at home, I've tried to help her read children's books, watch television shows, but she always rejects my attempts. Then she goes on some rants about how it sucks that she has to learn a new language and that everyone here should speak English instead. I also managed to get her a temporary job working at a project at the company where I work. She did a good job, but was always somewhat anonymous, and unfortunately my company run into some financial issues earlier this year so all temp workers were let go, including my wife. The she tried to set up her own small business. She had a good idea, but she seemed to expect that everyone would jump at it immediately, and the moment she got some rejections she just decided to quit. Now she's just sitting at home and complain to me about her life and her situation. We live in a small city and she complains that it's too small and that people are too simple minded here. I told her that I don't mind moving to a bigger city, but she needs to be able to find a job first, because I don't want to quit my job and start looking for a new one myself. I've also been looking for some new job for myself, but so far I've gotten nothing. She's not been looking herself either, instead she sits and complains. I feel as though I have to do everything for her, because she takes absolutely no initiative herself. I had to push her to attend the schools she attended, I went out of my way to get her a job, and now when she's at home she keeps complaining that I don't do enough at home. At this stage I feel as though she's not being responsible at all, not for herself and not for the marriage. If she had her way, I'd be working full time, and at the same time cook for her, clean the house, do the groceries, pay the bills, etc. I tend to cook during weekends, because she says that it's weekend and then she should be able to relax and that I should do the cooking instead since she otherwise cooks every day. Of course this is not true, because we tend to take away food perhaps two days per week, and the other days she cooks perhaps one or two days and the rest of the days we live on leftovers. She doesn't clean the house or do the laundry, but instead I have to do this during the weekends. Now she's gotten really strange sleeping habits as well, she sleeps from 8am until I get back from work. When I try to talk to her about this she just gets angry. She also complains that she has no friends here, and that is partly true. She doesn't have that many friends, and the few she has have families and busy lives so they can't see her all the time. I tried to tell her to join some charity organisation or take some courses or something so that she could get out from the house and meet some people, but she refused to do any of that. Basically I feel as though she does nothing but complain but doesn't do anything, and I just can't take it anymore. To make matters even worse, she also refuses to move back to her home country, because she has a complicated relationship with her family. I've told her several times that let's go back to your country then, I'm sure you can get a job and I'll do my best, but she also refuses that. So I feel like we have no options left. I have a wife who doesn't want to do anything but complain. It makes me feel down when I get back from work in a good mood, happy to see my wife and she's got a storm cloud hanging over her head and she says something like "so you've had a good time at work with your colleagues and here I am at home, having no life". What can I do? Does anyone have any good suggestions to what else I can try? Because life as it is is getting increasingly unbearable
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