veryhappy Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Part I: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/350385-love-letter-exmm The "love" in the topic title is sarcastic. He wrote me again on Tuesday, the basic "I miss you" message. Yesterday it was the first day I didn't check that email. It's absolutely astounding to me that there's no apology, and no concern for my feelings. Here is the piece of art: My sweetness, I'm a f***ing idiot, I know, for continuing to check my email daily for you. I'm completely obsessed with you...the memories of us that so abruptly stopped, as well as what could ever happen in the future. I know you don't see it this way, but I feel like you were in complete control of everything, including (obviously) the end. I just miss you so much, and (my therapist) isn't really as helpful as you'd think. you probably thought I'd be close to over you by now, but it's far from the truth. I can't help but think you've moved on, and if that's true, I guess I'm happy for you, but I wish I really knew how you were doing. You're still the first thought in my head literally every morning when I awake. ----------------- Translation: My sweetness, // let me try the sweet approach, since the overconfident, rude one didn't work I'm a f***ing idiot, I know, //no arguments here for continuing to check my email daily for you. // it is for *me* lol I'm completely obsessed with you...the memories of us that so abruptly stopped, as well as what could ever happen in the future. //Well this doesn't make sense. Why would he be obsessed with what could ever happen in the future and what future? He was the one saying he doesn't want a life with me, but just me (that's one I bet you haven't heard), plus other snippets of how our future was impossible. So...what future? He was the one marking the dead end for that project. I know you don't see it this way, but I feel like you were in complete control of everything, including (obviously) the end. //Heaven forbid he'd take responsibilty for anything. I controlled the end, it was my master plan for him to shatter my heart. It couldn't be that he made a decision. I bet it was me and his wife deciding what happened. He's like always, a poor victim. I just miss you so much, and (my therapist) isn't really as helpful as you'd think. //Blah, blah, blah. The therapist can't be honest and brave in your place. You chose to stay your old self, with all your little secrets and dishonesty. you probably thought I'd be close to over you by now, but it's far from the truth. //I didn't think you'd be over me, but I did believe the two of you capable of faking it to the point of believing it. I suppose it didn't go so smooth. Try harder. I can't help but think you've moved on, and if that's true, I guess I'm happy for you, but I wish I really knew how you were doing. //No, you're not happy if I moved on, and all you want to hear is that I haven't.You want validation that I'm still pining, waiting for you. You're still the first thought in my head literally every morning when I awake. //Good. Then look over and feel the happiness of having made that choice. 1
MissBee Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I'm glad you're taking it for what it is cutedragon. With an ex single guy of mine, it took me SEVERAL times of buying into these bullshyt emails and phone calls before realizing: nothing has changed, he never apologized, he was pretty arrogant and self-centered and my responding led nowhere. His ego would be stroked, we'd maybe be in contact for a week, then he'd disappear again and/or the very same issues that broke us up would resurface. Rinse and repeat. For a long time I wanted to believe he wasn't simply a self-absorbed man who was doing this for himself...until it became undeniable. The very first message of your exMM you posted I meant to ask if you were dating my ex lol. Anyway take it for what it is: a good joke and a laugh. He can continue to "obsess", wonder and go to unsuccessful therapy...not your problem . He evidently is in no way concerned about you and your well being but it's poor him, he can't have you or your affection anymore and his world is crumbling...boo hoo... delete!
Author veryhappy Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 It is unsettling how there's such a pattern of behavior for these guys. I'm extremly disappointed in mine, but as his therapist told him, he shouldn't care about that. Well, I do care about it. The basic message is indeed that nothing changed. He also said in part I how nothing will change, so if he's choosing to spend the next 30-40 years with her, I'm not one to deny his bliss with the love of his life. Because I was so nice, loving and supportive he just didn't think I'd be able to walk away. I'm more and more convinced he thought I was playing games and trying to force his hand. He can't obviously imagine that some people really mean the stuff they say. What a strange concept to them. During our last emails I asked if I could come into one of his sessions, because he was serving me a combo of he was still following through with the divorce, but just accidently going to MC to ...whatever. His question to my request was "What do you hope to gain from it?". He has this fear of hidden agendas. Quite normal given the amount of make believe in his life. I can't change him, and I'm not stupid enough to believe that if I had tried more, more, more the result would have been different. 1
Author veryhappy Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 So glad you see it for what it was - a ploy for your attention:rolleyes: he wants so badly for you to go back to worshipping him and can't stand it that you refuse to play that game anymore. GOOD for you! I don't blame him. He had it really good while the A lasted, and it still hasn't hit him that his life of indulgence is gone. On the bright side for everyone reading, he has spared us any mention of his errections this time
Tenacity Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Like I said before... YOU have the control now. Do NOT give it up!!! He is being driven crazy by not knowing what you are thinking. If you reply to him, he is in the driver's seat again and he will know that you are indeed thinking of him. Please do not give him that. Your power is huge right now!
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