Solcita2 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Sorry for the long post, I need to vent!! We met her together, one night we went out in group. She's from Japan, and is doing a master in architectural. My SO is an aquitect. Thing is, her Spanish sucks... it's really hard to talk with her because it is really bad, her English is even worse; and as she's doing the master in the public college it's hard on her. As I'm about to travel to Japan next year for a 2 year schollarship, he offered her help, telling me that "you will need a lot of help when you travel to Japan and she's gonna be back there and will help you back". OK, I get it. I liked her and I thought it was nice to meet someone from Japan before going. But she lives in the opposite side of Japan of where I'll be and she's a kid. I know she'll be kind and will help me whenever I ask for help, but I don't want to have to adopt her for the next months just "to see if she helps me back". I was OK with helping her, but enough is enough. So here goes the problem. He's been helping her with a project for school... which means he's been going to her house two nights per week staying there for the entire night. Obviously I didn't like at all, but he's pretty open about everything they do. I started feeling jealous because they started talking about other stuff too... he knows when she has her period, he knows she hasn't have sex in 9 months (since she arrived here) and that she doesn't need it. As this situation started to bother me and I started having problems sleeping at home alone when he's not around, I offered myself to go and help as well, even when that meant sleeping on the coach while they two worked, or help cutting, but he said it'd be a waiste of time because every time they get together to work, she cries for 2 hours for how bad she's doing at school, etc... Every time he goes he says she changed, she finally understood it all, she did the clic. But EVERY TIME IS THE SAME. She goes back to do everything wrong once he leaves. I put up with this because on November 18th she's finishing school and that was supposed to be it. On October 9th he was supposed to go and come back in 6 hours, around 10PM. By 9 it was obvious that wasn't going to happen. He appologized when he realized I was mad. I told him I wasn't mad at him but at her for being such an idiot (sorry for the expression). At midnight when it was obvious he wasn't coming back, I told him my goodbyes and went to sleep. He sent a text that he hates when I got mad and he doesn't know what to do, that he doesn't want to fight with me over this and doesn't like to feel this way because he's a good guy (he is). Another night I was horny and texted him letting him know that, he said he was coming late... so I just said goodnight. Again, with his I hate feeling like this, I'm gonna tell her I can't keep helping her and blah blah blah. I didn't answer. He didn't tell her either. Last night I was horny again and told him so. He wrote me right back telling me he was complicated with times because she was doing a mess. So I just said goodnight. He asked me not to be mad. I didn't reply. And the latest, after spending the night there he asked this morning "is it bad to pee with blood?" I answer OF COURSE IT IS, WHY? *She's* peeing with blood. I rolled my eyes and just then he realize I wasn't OK with it anymore. Am I being irrational for being tired of eating and sleeping alone when I'm supposed to live with him, and because he's at a girls' house? Why is it so hard for him to understand it?
geegirl Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 What I don't understand is why you're asking if it's unfair to want to eat and sleep with your boyfriend rather than is there something else going on between these two. 1. He won't let you go there. 2. He spends nights there. 3. He doesn't keep his promise to be home on time and be with you and then sleeps there. 4. You tell him you need him several times but he ignores you because this woman's project is his priority. 5. Now he's privy to what's going on with her parts. Seems like her needs are far more important than yours. 5
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Geegirl said it. Bad enough, just assuming all is as innocent as he says. Don't be made to feel uncomfortable, about feeling uncomfortable. 1
Ninja'sHusband Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I don't think a spouse should ever sleep over with someone of the opposite sex. That's just disrespectful and an incredibly slippery slope to be on. 2
Author Solcita2 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Geegirl said it. Bad enough, just assuming all is as innocent as he says. Don't be made to feel uncomfortable, about feeling uncomfortable. He doesn't sleep there, they work all night long. I do believe their relationship is more like father-daughter thing, nothing romantic at all, but it does bother me the absence at home. I read here a lot about opposite sex friendship, and I don't have a problem about it... but when that friendship takes time away from home, and when home is asking for more attention, then... it becomes a problem. It'd a problem if it was a male friend... it's just worse that she's a female. I liked the last sentence of your reply and that's what bothering me the most. I just asked him how hard it was to understand that I'm a female and I'm jealous and he just answered "he thought I was different". We just had a very big fight over gtalk, I'll translate it and paste it later. Thanks for both of your replies.
geegirl Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 "And the latest, after spending the night there he asked this morning "is it bad to pee with blood?" I answer OF COURSE IT IS, WHY? *She's* peeing with blood. I rolled my eyes and just then he realize I wasn't OK with it anymore." He spent the night there, whether working or sleeping, it does not matter. Besides, if he doesn't spend all night through the morning there, he's still being disrespectful by being there at odd hours and ignoring your needs and feelings by putting her first.
veggirl Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 So 2 nights a week they work all night long and then go about their lives the next morning, with no sleep? So like, okay....today is Thursday. They do their daily stuff, meet up and "work all night" (no sleep) and then go about their Friday stuff til they sleep Friday? So they literally will sleep Weds night and then not again til Friday night? Twice a week? Hey, he is cheating on you. Talking about her period? And sex life? He "doesn't know what to do" and he "feels bad" ? 2
Try Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 He doesn't sleep there, they work all night long. So he goes to work the next day without sleep? Stop the drama. Insist that you go with him every time. No if ands or buts about it. So what if she cries for 2 hours. If she can cry to him why not you? There is no good reason for him not to take you with him to her house. None. You are a couple. That is the deal. Neither he or she should have a problem with that. If he will not take you with him, then you know the truth that they are not just friends.
2sure Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Why doesn't she just come to your house to f your boyfriend? Too uncomfy for him? 1
Daniel V. Ross Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 In a certain relationship, make sure that you do know your partner very well.
Author Solcita2 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Hi all, first and foremost thank you for taking the time to read and reply. Just to clear up a few things: I don't want to sound like other girls I kinda feel sorry for here in the boards when every sign is "he's not leaving his wife for you", "you're option B in case his wife doesn't take him back" and so on... and they keep saying "but the other day he said he loves me" "but he bought me flowers" and stuff like that. I just want to set a few things straight. I'll try to answer all the questions asked: - I agree 100% with geegirl. Even when nothing happens, if your living in GF asks you to let it go a while, you're supposed to do it. I really do feel disrespected by his actions and by him putting her first. That is exactly what I feel, she comes first. I have to say that he has done this before. When my family was in trouble he pushed me to the limits to help them, even when I asked him to stop, because I knew they were taking him for granted AND USING HIM. He kept on helping until it was enough. I was right. They were using him as a puppet. - I do believe they're not sleeping together. I do believe they work all night long. I know how this type of school projects are. And I know how lost she is and how much help she needs. If she doesn't pass this she's gonna lose the entire year. - veggirl: he doesn't work in a regular schedule, he's a freelancer. That's why it bothers me so much the night thing. He might just wake up at 11AM, that's why there's no problem with him not sleeping at nights, then he sleeps the entire morning and he recovers... she does the same, she's only studying, so after going to school and show her project, she just goes to sleep until night and then goes on... - I don't want to become that person. If I have to be with him every time he goes, then something's wrong... I don't want to have to control my partner. I'm not that person, he's not that person. Since we started being together, we've both been really free, going out whenever and whoemever we wanted to. But we actually almost never did... maybe once or twice in the last 4 years. In my case, it was listening to a girl-friend bitching about her fiancee and another, a male-friend crying over his suspicious of his gf going away. In his case, he's been with a female-friend I wouldn't be concern about (she's just like a boy for us now) about her no having a job -and I'm always welcome to join them, but I just had enough of her endless and always repeating stories; and another female-friend, who used to be a school friend, who is divorced and with two teen children and who wants to meet one of our friends... - 2sure: we have talked about them working in our house. Thing is our house is very small and we have a living room but no "real table". While he works with her computer, she's working in the physical model of the project, so space is needed. Either way we had spoken about it but it'd be too uncomf for them and for myself. Also, if they're done by 4AM, I know he wouldn't let her go by herself, he would drive her ("She's just a girl, I can't let her go alone") and that wouldn't be fair either... yes, we do live in a city full of cabs, don't go there... - Daniel. I do believe I know my partner. We've been together for 4 years already and gone through a lot of things together (my family issues, his mother alzheimer and parkinson, and so on). I'm not suspicious I'm just bothered, and I can't believe the fact that he doesn't understand that. How hard is it to realize that your partner need time with you? Thank you all! I'm pasting in a next post the chat... I'm still really confused by how it all went. I think you will too, specially after reading this one
Author Solcita2 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) Little background: 1) We have a store with one family member. On Tuesday and Thursday I go to classes, so SO takes my place in the store and then picks me up. I don't like driving our car to the store every day because it'd park on the street the entire day, while if I leave it at home it'd be in our garage, more safe. We both agreed on this. That's why he has the car almost always, and then picks me up at night when I close the store. Even if he didn't have to leave our house in the entire day, he comes to pick me up. (I say this because of what he says about leaving the store). I work in the stores every day except the times when I go to classes (so he works 2 hours those 2 days). 2) The only reason I ask for the scholarship was because he encouraged me to do it. I never had intention to travel or live in Japan at all. After he started telling me about it, I started a project that would require me to travel there. He has dreamed with traveling and living in Japan his entire life, so he might be achieving his dream through me. 3) This chat below is the first time I tell him about how this chick's thing is bothering me, so his blow up is out of proportion. He is historically much more needy that I am. A few nights ago I asked him if he was going to want to talk to me daily while I'm in Japan and said no way! I was concern if he actually wanted this because it'd be a source of stress for me to have to be thinking every day to "report" to him. He's really "fatherly" with everybody, even me. I don't feel him like controling, but he does worry about my where abouts and if anything bad happened to me. 4) The chat is not whole, because it was a little bit longer and some parts were not important... Here goes the chat: him: can I ask what’s going on? Could you be honest with me? me: I’m getting tired of her, your entire life is arund her, her schedule, that’s why I asked you the other night why instead of going at night when I’m at home you don’t go during your free days when I’m not home... him: yesterday I spent the afternoon, had a meeting and went back for the night... me: I even offered myself to go there and help you, but I’m obviously not welcome, then, yes, it bothers me him: let’s see… I’ll be honest. It’s fun for me to work in this school project, I already hate arquitectural, this is something that makes me good. Nobody told you you were not welcome, what do you think it is? A game? But nope, we’re working. I don’t know what ideas you might have. I’m gonna be honest, may I? Even if it sounds harsh? me: ok him: yesterday I got really pissed when you stopped talking to me, I was like an idiot checking my cell sign to see if you were writing me back... I support you ON ALL your plans, even going away for 2 years, you know? So I think it’s bs that you are making these scene. Just that. This has an end. She’ll be gone by December, on a plane, back to Japan, and goodbye, never again. She finishes this Project, then travels to Chile, Uruguay, etc... and goodbye, understand? him: I don’t understand this little scenes, specially when I’m the more free man in the world. If you like something, I’M THE FIRST ONE TO SUPPORT YOU 100% and defend you from anybody! I spent the night working and here I am working as nothing, if I’m tired, no problem, I’m here... I don’t get in a fight with you... me: so, me being tired of this girl situation, is taken by you as me not supporting your hobbie? him: well. Period. It’s impossible to talk with you. She’s over. I think this is a stupid discussion, Discussing over her! me: look, I believe I have all the right in the World to be jealous of my bf going 2 or 3 nights per week to a girls’ house, who cries for two hours, tells him wether she’s in her period or not, talks about sex with him, etc... you’ll see me as a jealous girl or whatever, but I won’t put up with it much longer, I’m really getting tired. Do you know how it hurts to know that you rather going to her place at night, instead of staying at home with me when I spent the entire day out? Just right after you once told me we were stuck? I still remember when I went out to have dinner with one of my old male friends, my mom was so upset, how would I go out alone with a guy and without you? When he was dating a friend of mine and we were out for dinner and I only went to his house for 5 minutes to see their new pet I’ve known him forever and I wouldn’t touch him with a stick! In the other hand, you going to the house of the girl you proposed me a threesome with. Do you understand in how many levels I think this is wrong? You leave by night, you come back in the middle of the night, you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is talk to me about her!!!!!!! I’M TIRED!!! She always changed, she always finally understood, she blah blah... him: let’s see… let’s talk some other day, or at night, wherever. I won’t argue this now, I understand it, everything, but I thought we had a different relationship. If I’d want to hide something from you, I wouldn’t tell you EVERYTHING... you know? I think you’re understanding everything up side down. I call off the Sunday invitation, everything. You know what? Thinking of your 2 years away? Why don’t we just split now? Ok? Because you’re gonna do this to me from Japan, and I’m gonna suffer like a son of bitch and I don’t deserve this. Yesterday I stared the stupid phone the entire night... and I don’t want to spend 2 years like this, ok? Sacrifie me but don’t make me agonize, can you? I don’t want this. I’m an adult and I want to live as one, or do whatever the hell I want and not being an “average boyfriend” who has to hide something from his girlfriend... that seems ****ty to me, you know what? I don’t want this. Do whatever you want, go away, stay, call me names, burn me, it’s all good. I’m gonna be umconformatable at home. I’m gonna have to tell her that it’s all good, but I can’t help her anymore for “some kind of personal problem” or something like that... and I don’t want to. You say “me or her” and that's IDIOTIC! You put yourself there! I never did. I don’t understand. I don’t understand anything. This is over me. I just want to send everything to hell. I thought you were different, but NO, at all. You have 1 million good things and I do love you. But this, I don’t want you to make me suffer, because you’re gonna be mad and I’m gonna be a mess and I’m gonna want to kill myself, you know? Nothing. You put me in this situation, you put youself in this stiuation. Me at the end, I’d have to hide everything and lie to you, like everyone does and is happy. I’m an idiot that tells you everything. me: I’m tired of this, of “I should lie to you” because I’m not asking you that, I’m telling you I’m tired of you going at night when you had the entire day off, of you living your live after her schedule, and you have to be the one making all the changes him: and what if I like it? me: that's the problem, that you like leaving home when I arrive, what hurts and worries me. You are saying it, i'm leaving next year, we are in a countdown, and you leave when I come. him: you are so wrong that you are blind me: is it so hard to understand that a person like me, that i'm also a woman, may be jealous because her bf leaves home to be at anoter woman's house all nigh long? him: no, it's not hard, I just thought you were different, but obviously you are not. And if this happens here I don't want to think how it'll be when you are away. Thank you very much. You'll make me sick and I'm gonna feel in prison, controlled and not trusted. NO THANK YOU. I don't want that future. END. For me, the end, goodbye. me: are you kidding me? him: i love you but you leave me spechless! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! me: i'm the one who asked the other day if you'll want to talk daily when i'm gone because i was afraid you would him: you say that now... but look how you react! "I'm not welcome"... GOD! I can't believe you. me: i offered myself to help twice and you said no him: this is too much to handle through here. me: because she cries for 2 hours each time and talking about other stuff and it'd be a waist of my time him: im an idiot me: i told you I could cut or do anything, i did try to share this with you, so i wouldn't be alone at home like an idiot.... I might need to learn to be alone more him: no. It’s not that. We’ve been together for 3 and half years! You know I can tell you I’m going to see a friend and pick a up a chick... that is how well we trust each other... do you think I’m gonna **** a Japanese girl, who is always sick and in a crisis, that pees blood, that we met her through a friend and who knows you? Are you kidding me? me: this is not about ****ing or not ****ing. him: it’s not about you learning to be alone... you know how I am and you tell me “you should learn to be alone"? ((at some point he did talk about how much he has helped my family)) me: this will surprise you, but I feel you don’t listen. You are rubbing in my face how much you did for my family, when I asked you several times not to help them... but you kept on helping until you had enough. With this girl I also asked you to stop a little, and you kept telling that as I’m going there she’s gonna help me, you almost made yourself responsable for her happiness here... I offered to go with you, no matter for what, to cut, to sleep on her couch the same way she fell asleep in our bed ((when her bf was visiting -they broke up when he left- they worked one night in our house, because it was all computer stuff they had to do, and she fell asleep in our bed when he kept on working)) him: I’m not rubbing you anything, I’m just trying to make you remember who you’re talking with, someone who since day one, gave EVERYTHING for you and for her family. me: you always keep saying that she’s doing better, today she changed, she finally understood it all... him: this is an endless discussion. me: I find it really wrong for you to know she’s peeing with blood or not, if she’s with her period, if she had sex or not him: please, write down really CLEAR what you want me to do and I will, ok? I’M AN IDIOT. I don’t want to talk anymore, I’m leaving, ok? I’m wrong to tell you everything, I get it! Please, I don’t want to talk anymore, I’m about to leave the store as well, you made me sick. I DON’T WANT THIS ANYMORE! Take an entire alplax box or go away, or do whatever you want. ((I've been taking sleeping pills when he leaves because if not I'm not able to sleep at night for being alone at home. He didn't like this and said I should smoke pot instead)). I’M AN ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M A JERK! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP please stop! me: ok, you asked me to talk him: it’s very clear I’m wrong to be honest. STOP me: clearly I shouldn’t talk either. him: yes, thank you, please. I don’t wanna hear anymore. me: ok him: NO MORE me: look, you take this personal because I shouldn’t distrust because it’s you, but this is not a matter of no trusting. It’s not that I’m just waiting for the moment you cheat on me with her. But I’m tired of you spending the nights with her and the first thing I hear in the morning is you talking about her and that the story is always the same... him: OK. That’s why I’m saying. me: and I don’t like it that you are all night long in another chick’s house him: I slept little, you too, if you keep talking everything you’re gonna get is me sending you to hell and leaving the hell out of here. I've been in shock. Last night after this chat, he picked me up at school and we went back home. We had dinner as nothing, but we didn't share much. We didn't argue or talk about this matter. He did sleep in our bed, which surprised me. I slept in the edge of the bed and he did try during the night to get closer to me. I haven't been able to react on all of this until just now when I'm telling my mom that we're barely speaking and I don't know if we're going on Sunday on Mother's day. I briefly explain (really little) and she said "I want YOU to come over, not HIM WITH THE GIRL"... I'm in shock.. Edited October 19, 2012 by Solcita2
woinlove Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) Solcita, from what you post, looks to me like it is impossible to have a discussion with him about this, as he threatens you with ending your R, with wanting to kill himself, with having to lie to you. And his mention of her leaving in December reads like an excuse for him to do whatever he wants before then. Sounds to me like he has already transferred his emotional attachment to her and away from you. You can't make him reconnect with you emotionally. If someone treated me this way, I would end the R. Also, I'm concerned - are you going to Japan for yourself? Is that something you think you will really enjoy even if you two are not in an R? I think you need to be making sure you are living the life you want, because it sounds like your bf currently does not care about your feelings and needs and he is not giving any indication that he is going to change anytime soon. Even when December comes, feelings and attachments don't suddenly change when the person is gone. He may at that point decide to disengage and focus his attention elsewhere or he may decide to keep his attachment to this girl alive in his thoughts and perhaps through electronic contact. What do you think about ending this R? Because I don't see him changing anytime soon and it sounds like a very unsatisfying R for you. Seems almost everyone thinks their partner is not physically cheating until they know they are. From what you write it would not surprise me that he is, but perhaps that doesn't matter, as he is already putting her needs above yours and seems amazingly insensitive to your feelings. Has your sex life changed at all? Usually when there is such a change in where one is emotionally invested, I would expect your physical R to change as well. Edited October 19, 2012 by woinlove 1
CarboniteCammy Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I guess I'm kind of a jerk, because I totally would have called his bluff on everything. I would have been like, "Fine. Go kill yourself. Just don't make a mess for me to clean up, because I have enough to do around here." And I'd also tell him that if this relationship means enough to him that he would sacrifice what YOU and he have together, I'd tell him he can just go stay with her permanently, or at least until her project is done because you don't want to deal with having an absentee partner. Tell him you'll even help him pack, because you dont' want to hold him back from anything. I'd also feel free to date around if I were in your shoes. It sounds like he is NOT marriage material or even boyfriend material. Boring. Why wait for him to make up his mind? He's shown you what you can expect for the duration and frankly, it's not something you would WANT to have to put up with for the rest of your life. If he's done this once, he'll do it again and continue gaslighting you. Feel free to look that term up, because it's exactly what he's doing.
geegirl Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 me: In the other hand, you going to the house of the girl you proposed me a threesome with. Is this the same girl he's helping? The girl he proposed to have a threesome? If it is, I'm sorry Solcita, but I smell a smelly rat. In any case, reading your dialogue with him, is gaslighting. As Carbonite mentioned, you should look it up. The offender manipulates the information to make you doubt your own perceptions and soon enough you will begin to take the focus of him and start placing the blame on yourself i.e. you'll think you are over-reacting, assuming and soon enough start apologizing for your perceptions. And that is exactly what you've been doing.
darkmoon Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 "he thought I was different" all well and good - BUT nobody here disagrees with you he sounds a bit odd - you might have thought he was different
NervisPervis Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 ...you going to the house of the girl you proposed me a threesome with. Do you understand in how many levels I think this is wrong? You leave by night, you come back in the middle of the night, you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is talk to me about her!!!!!!! Good catch Gee (I couldn't be bothered to read that whole thing) And he knows when her period is. Am I missing something, or does this cover it? And just because she moves to the other side of the world, doesn't mean the affair... er, uh, friendship...I meant friendship... will end. This forum is littered with people suffering through their SO's internet affai...I mean...friendships.
veggirl Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Wow your boyfriend is VERY manipulative. He really did turn that all around on you. :sick: 1
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 It's TOTALLY inappropriate for the amount of time he's spent there. Sorry, but staying ALL night to do work and projects? You're fooling yourself if you think nothing is happening between those two. Sure, they may not be having sex (yet) but they are bonding, getting personal. He knows way too much about her personal life and bodily functions. Does she NOT have a woman friend to talk to? This is just plain wrong. Trust me, within a month you'll be seeing a difference in him towards you, wanting to not be home and spending more time with her. Age means nothing if two people are hot for one another.
Mycteria Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 He is cheating. That whole convo was TEXTBOOK gaslighting. You are crazy if you deny this. He is clearly attracted to her, he PROPOSED A THREESOME with her. Please don't be this blind. Take it from someone who's been there, the signs are obvious. Why would you want to be with someone who shifts the blame to you, threatens to kill himself, tells you to GO EAT A BOX OF SLEEPING PILLS, and says he is done with you just because you are angry that he is spending all his time with another woman that he is attracted to??? Even if he wasnt cheating (he is!) he is still an *******. Get out of denial girl!! 1
Author Solcita2 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Is this the same girl he's helping? The girl he proposed to have a threesome? If it is, I'm sorry Solcita, but I smell a smelly rat. We've talked about it, not really meaning it. We started talking it out like "How does people do it? Where do you find that third person"... Once, like joking, he suggested her, because she's here and she'll be gone for good on December. Thing is, if he's helping her with the "hope" that she'll help me next year, then you can't say we're not supposed to see each other again in our lives, right? In any case, reading your dialogue with him, is gaslighting. As Carbonite mentioned, you should look it up. The offender manipulates the information to make you doubt your own perceptions and soon enough you will begin to take the focus of him and start placing the blame on yourself i.e. you'll think you are over-reacting, assuming and soon enough start apologizing for your perceptions. And that is exactly what you've been doing. I do know about manipulate people, that's why I don't let him think I believe what he's saying. I'm not apologizing for what I feel, and I know I'm not the one wrong here. I'm so much better that I thought I could be in a situation like this one. This is not my fault AND I KNOW I'M DOING NOTHING WRONG AND I'M ASKING WHAT'S ONLY FAIR FOR A LIVE-IN GF. I know what I feel, and I have learned in the past that I should never ignore my feelings and perceptions, and I'm not doing it now. I stand for what I said and I'm the first to say he's out of his mind and the way he treated me in the chat is out of proportion. It's not like I'm talking about it all time and I have his balls full of crap. This was the first time I told him I was tired and I never told him "it's her or me" because... I'm the GF; I SHOULD NOT BE SUPOSSED TO SAY THOSE WORDS... IT SHOULD OBVIOUSLY BE ME WITHOUT A QUESTION, so why does he say that? I didn't ask him to stop helping her, I asked him to change the schedule and I asked him to pay more attention to me, I think nothing more and nothing less that what I have the right to. Thank you for your words
Author Solcita2 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 "he thought I was different" all well and good - BUT nobody here disagrees with you he sounds a bit odd - you might have thought he was different You read my mind. Next time we speak I'm gonna your words. I'm sorry, I thought you were different and I thought I'd always be first for you. Be happy and get out!!!!!! I hope I could!
Author Solcita2 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 It's TOTALLY inappropriate for the amount of time he's spent there. Sorry, but staying ALL night to do work and projects? You're fooling yourself if you think nothing is happening between those two. Sure, they may not be having sex (yet) but they are bonding, getting personal. He knows way too much about her personal life and bodily functions. Does she NOT have a woman friend to talk to? This is just plain wrong. Trust me, within a month you'll be seeing a difference in him towards you, wanting to not be home and spending more time with her. Age means nothing if two people are hot for one another. Thank you for your words, I agree 100% with you. I'm already looking for places to move out to, seeing my options and already making a list of all our belongings, to see what's his what's mine and what we'd have to split. I'm not saying I'm ready and I have made a decision, I'm just seeing my options.
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 (edited) I'm with all the others, Solcita. He is nuts to treat you this way. In his future life without you, he can try to find another woman happy to wait at home while he spends nights bonding with another woman - for months! He'll not find a single one. The translated IM chat is revealing: he is such a drama queen! Suicide threats! So childlike. You did all that you can. First you asked nicely. You then made it clear you are upset also. From him: denial and resentment. By refusing to choose you, he has chosen. Your next step is obvious - do it quickly. Best wishes. Edited October 20, 2012 by TiredFamilyGuy 1
Author Solcita2 Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 I'm with all the others, Solcita. He is nuts to treat you this way. In his future life without you, he can try to find another woman happy to wait at home while he spends nights bonding with another woman - for months! He'll not find a single one. The translated IM chat is revealing: he is such a drama queen! Suicide threats! So childlike. You did all that you can. First you asked nicely. You then made it clear you are upset also. From him: denial and resentment. By refusing to choose you, he has chosen. Your next step is obvious - do it quickly. Best wishes. Thank you for your kind words. I think I have I made my mind. I'm just so confused right now that I don't want to make any life change decision. I hope in a week I'll be wiser... I'll keep you guys updated. Thank you for being here
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