Denver22 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 this may sound strange, but I think I'm starting to hate my wife. It's all those small things that drive me nuts. Those things that you start to notice after the few weeks of living together. I can name a dozen of these small details of her actions that tick me off, but to make the story short I just want to get a couple of opinions on how to manage this situation. I know we all have our defects and ways of doing things, and I might be wrong in thinking of the right and wrong way of doing things. I'm sure most of you are going to think "how come you did not notice her behavior earlier?". How can I accept her the way she is? I'm the type of person who puts an eye on small details and does everything patiently, she on the other hand is completely opposite, details don't matter to her and patience is not one of her attributes. maybe that I'm having too many expectations of how a person should behave. maybe I'm just turning into an old stubborn man...who knows....maybe. maybe this is what happens when love is gone in the relationship. you start noticing all these details and focusing on the bad things.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Examples? If it's the way she holds her coffee cup, the issue is with you. If she drains the checking account every month, that's different. And when did these traits begin? I'm going to assume they were all factors you weighed when deciding to marry her... Mr. Lucky
Author Denver22 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 examples: drinking from the bottle, not filling up the bottle when she finishes drinking the water. wasting a very large amount of detergent when washing the dishes - this one bothers me the most because I'm the kind of person who takes care of these things, you know...using the necessary amount .... never in excess. I put an eye on these items because they cost money!! and we're not in a good economic position to go on squandering detergent (or any household item)... the way she cooks: ok so she's not the best cook...but why can't she take my suggestions, it for the best of us all...the food won't get burnt,,,we won't waste any ingredients....
woinlove Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Denver, I don't think feelings of hate for the spouse is so unusual in the aftermath of an affair. Especially one where you have developed strong feelings for the AP.
eleanorrigby Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 examples: drinking from the bottle, not filling up the bottle when she finishes drinking the water. wasting a very large amount of detergent when washing the dishes - this one bothers me the most because I'm the kind of person who takes care of these things, you know...using the necessary amount .... never in excess. I put an eye on these items because they cost money!! and we're not in a good economic position to go on squandering detergent (or any household item)... the way she cooks: ok so she's not the best cook...but why can't she take my suggestions, it for the best of us all...the food won't get burnt,,,we won't waste any ingredients.... I've got 2 of your wifes bad habits. It irritates my husband, and I try to change, but..*sigh* I'm going to keep trying. He gets annoyed with me, like I do with him, but I can't imagine all that piddly stuff making us hate each other. There is surely something deeper here. What's really going on? I know that with me and my husband we both waste time carping on those little things before we open up and say what the real problem is. ETA: Just read the post above mine, my question was already answered.
carhill Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 One, the goggles are off and the filters are gone. Two, did your relationship while separated violate an agreement with your wife regarding dating/sex with others? Three, is your wife aware of that interim relationship? If you want to reconcile your M, I'd strongly suggest getting in front of a MC and prioritize 'falling out of live' with your fOW and rebuilding your relationship with your wife, addressing the issues which originally impelled your separation. Alternatively, file for divorce and move on.
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Denver You have one thread saying the problem is your wife is angry with you. You have this thread saying the problem is you are angry with your wife. You have another thread admitting to an EA. Haven't read that one but people call you out about it. Perhaps .... these issues are related? Perhaps the fact you raise them separately and do not see them as related is a bigger problem than any single one? 2
Cb3657 Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Seems like you are very focused on her behaviour rather than your own. You cannot control how she acts or reacts but I bet if you got your own house in order her behaviour toward you would change. In order to do this you would have to take accountability for your EA and how that changed your behaviour, at one time you loved her and some of these behaviours you don't like were adorable quirks, what changed?, maybe how you viewed them, you can only change you and that is likely what you did.
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