AnotherRound Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 And not with exMM This is honestly one of the only guys I've been seriously interested in since I ended it with exMM last year. We have mutual friends and we all went out for dinner and drinks last night, then he and I went and played some pool and did some dancing. It was awesome Had a great time - he seems like a really good guy, and he's really attractive which doesn't hurt, lol. I think one of the reasons I stayed in the affair so long with exMM was because honestly I just wasn't attracted to anyone else. I tried to date SGs throughout, but just never had that click with them. Last night, I had that click I still don't know what is going to happen with exMM, but like I said, I'm going to live my life as I have for the past year and a half. I'm actually pretty excited that this guy and I got to hang out and get to know each other a little better - and we had a great time. My cheeks hurt today from smiling and laughing He wants to go out again this weekend - so I said sure, and am looking forward to it. Anyone else had trouble after their MM finding someone else that they were attracted to? Or, just not able to find anyone that you clicked with the way you did your MM? And, if you did find someone, would you leave the affair for the SG? Oh, and I did tell SG about exMM - I figure he has a right to know the choices I've made in the past. So, all cards are on the table - and it looks pretty good so far 3
Bailey14 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Oh, honey you have no idea! There is a man among my friends who wants to date me. He is the nicest guy I have ever met BUT, I am just not attracted to him. He is a good and kind man but, I just cannot lead him on. He knows about my MM and he detests him for the turmoil he causes me. If there were a magic button I could press, I would but, I just cannot locate that button!! 1
SunsetRed Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Yes, I had the issue of feeling more attracted to my xMM than to anyone else. Back when I was active on this forum, there were many other women on here (who are no longer here as they've moved on) and they stated the same thing. MMs are appealing because they behave more like husbands than just single guys/dates. Thats probably because they ARE husbands,...to someone else. MMs can portray themselves as more sensitve and caring and seem more well mannered that the average single guy we try and date. Thing is, w MM, its all an illusion. I've been on this board for 2 years now and not one person on here has a story that ends w a happy ending. All of us ended up in heartbreak. I'm glad you went out w a single guy. Be patient w yourself and good will come your way. Leave toxic MMs alone, they only waste your time and leave you w misery. 3
Got it Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Yes, I had the issue of feeling more attracted to my xMM than to anyone else. Back when I was active on this forum, there were many other women on here (who are no longer here as they've moved on) and they stated the same thing. MMs are appealing because they behave more like husbands than just single guys/dates. Thats probably because they ARE husbands,...to someone else. MMs can portray themselves as more sensitve and caring and seem more well mannered that the average single guy we try and date. Thing is, w MM, its all an illusion. I've been on this board for 2 years now and not one person on here has a story that ends w a happy ending. All of us ended up in heartbreak. I'm glad you went out w a single guy. Be patient w yourself and good will come your way. Leave toxic MMs alone, they only waste your time and leave you w misery. Ummmm . . . please don't speak for everyone. There are a few of us with happy endings. And I know I am not alone. I have been here for four years and I know there have been others that have happy relationships in different relationship statuses. AR - congrats on the great date! I think it is hard to go from one person to another so I would say give the guy the three date rule and see if something develops. Sometimes attract starts slow and then comes on strong.
2sunny Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 This is great news! So glad you had a fun date!
Author AnotherRound Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Hey all... Thanks! We had another date on Friday night, and it went just as great. He actually helped me help a friend. He's a really sweet guy. I had plans to do paper work all weekend for the upcoming week - but he called me on Saturday and asked if I would come over and hang out bc he was leaving town Sunday morning for 2 weeks. I went, and we had another great date. I am excited bc honestly, I am just not attracted to very many people. I am attracted to him, he's a great father (I met his daughter accidentally on Saturday night - she's 19 - as she came over unexpectedly, lol), he's a gentleman (opens doors, won't let me pay for anything), and he's very verbally expressive (tells me how beautiful I look, etc.). His daughter and I visited for a bit that night and she told him the next day that she thought I was really nice, really pretty, and really smart... Like I said, he is going to be out of town for the next 2 weeks, but texted me all day yesterday when he could as he was driving out of state. I really enjoyed hanging out with him, and am enjoying getting to know him. I want to take things slow, as does he, so, we are on the same page that way. I told him all about exMM (he actually knows who exMM is and they have a lot of mutual friends, as they are only a couple years apart in age), and no judgment from him. I explained that exMM had recently called me, and SG asked if I was interested. I was honest with him, but also told him that I was open to being with someone else if I met someone that I could care for, and that if exMM came back round after another door opened, that I wouldn't even consider it if I was seeing someone else that I really liked. I'm a loyal gal that way. I am also really good friends with this guy's father (we volunteered together before), and his father is ecstatic that we are getting to know each other. His father adores me... lol. So, again, I'm excited, and bc I was hanging out with him a lot this past weekend, I'm now really behind on paper work, and everything else, lol. So, today is catching up day. Thanks again for all the positive vibes... I do feel a little tiny bit bad re: exMM, but sometimes, the timing just isn't right, and I have no doubt that the universe is leading me exactly where I need to be going.
veryhappy Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Why feel bad at all about exMM? It's highly unlikely he'll be there close to nine years to get to a resolution. If you end up with the new guy, it's just life serving him a very cold lesson. 1
Author AnotherRound Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Why feel bad at all about exMM? It's highly unlikely he'll be there close to nine years to get to a resolution. If you end up with the new guy, it's just life serving him a very cold lesson. I don't understand the bolded part? But, I know you're right, it would be a lesson for exMM. I just hate to be the person that is the lesson for him. I know he loves me, and bc he can't get his crap together, he's going to lose me. I know he will be fine, and will move on, but I do think it's a bit sad that he had this chance with me and is blowing it - or that it's simply bad timing. No worries, I'm not going to alter my life's path to accommodate exMM - I know better than to do that for anyone. I'm going to go on with my life like I have been, and just like I told exMM I was going to do. And, if it works out (and I honestly think that SG and I have a good shot of that, we click well, and are on the same page), then I'm not going to mess it up - not even for exMM.
MissBee Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I don't understand the bolded part? But, I know you're right, it would be a lesson for exMM. I just hate to be the person that is the lesson for him. I know he loves me, and bc he can't get his crap together, he's going to lose me. I know he will be fine, and will move on, but I do think it's a bit sad that he had this chance with me and is blowing it - or that it's simply bad timing. No worries, I'm not going to alter my life's path to accommodate exMM - I know better than to do that for anyone. I'm going to go on with my life like I have been, and just like I told exMM I was going to do. And, if it works out (and I honestly think that SG and I have a good shot of that, we click well, and are on the same page), then I'm not going to mess it up - not even for exMM. Another way of reading it would be that maybe it wasn't meant to be....so he's not "losing" you so much as it just wasn't meant to be in the end. That's my view anyway of such things...which is why I don't believe in lost loves. If you "lose" someone, to me, it means it just wasn't supposed to work out and esp. if that person consistently can't get their shyyt together, I usually take it as an omen that it's not meant to work out or else it would have. So if it plays out that way, MM will be just fine.
2sunny Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I'm glad you're realizing that there are many men in the world that you can be attracted to and have fun with. To think - when single - that there aren't many choices is crazy! I think it's great you're seeing as many available men as your heart desires. Enjoy!
Author AnotherRound Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 I'm glad you're realizing that there are many men in the world that you can be attracted to and have fun with. To think - when single - that there aren't many choices is crazy! I think it's great you're seeing as many available men as your heart desires. Enjoy! I've never doubted that - I'm not a believer in one person for each person. I just can't seem to find them around here! lol I had a LOT more luck when I was in California and Nevada, mostly bc those places are much more diverse than here, and much more liberal (and not "country", which is fine, just not my cup of tea). I am having a great time with the SG. He is out of state right now, but he is keeping in touch by texting and calling me, which is important to me (my love language is verbal I guess). We are talking a lot and getting to know each other, which is good. And I'm comfortable with it. ExMM hasn't been in touch with me at all, and I'm okay with that. I mean, he was the one that contacted me recently, not the other way around. So, if he's decided that he isn't interested anymore, that's okay with me. It honestly stressed me out anyways, lol, trying to make some kind of decision about him after all the years of the affair and then after I broke up with him last year. I haven't heard anything further on his divorce, although the new OW after me has continued to try to contact me. I can't prove it was her, anonymous emails, so I can't invoke the RO, but I know it's her. I have simply been reading the emails (unstable!) and saving them in case I need them, and then moving on. She started sending me pics of herself (weird, lol) and saying he took them (he probably did). I just look at them, save them, and haven't engaged at all. I think it's weird, and wonder if she would like the pictures I have - although, the ones I have are me and him together, not just of me that he took, lol. (just kidding, I won't be engaging at all, no worries). SG and I have talked about all of this, and I'm glad I got it out in the open out of the gate. I have also talked about being an Atheist, and he is fine with that too. For me, those are the two big things that often "disqualify" me for guys, and he's okay with both of them. He's a really laid back guy and is pretty open minded, and accepting of me as me, even though I admitted that I have made some mistakes. So, that's a good thing We get along really well so far. We have a lot of the same core values, and beliefs, and we make each other laugh. I think it has potential, time will tell. I haven't been thinking much of exMM bc I've been really busy with work, and then talking to SG. I know that in the past, exMM would do drive bys of my house and later ask me who was at my house (I know, weird) - but so far, nothing, even though SG has obvs parked his truck in my driveway recently. So, honestly no idea what is going on with exMM, no desire to really find out, and kind of hoping that I don't have to make any decisions regarding it anyways - as in, if he has decided he is not interested, not ready, or whatever, then I have no decisions to make - and I'm perfectly okay with that. The universe always puts me exactly where I'm supposed to be, and this is no different. I will say though that the offerings of the universe right now are very pleasing.
todreaminblue Posted October 24, 2012 Posted October 24, 2012 And not with exMM This is honestly one of the only guys I've been seriously interested in since I ended it with exMM last year. We have mutual friends and we all went out for dinner and drinks last night, then he and I went and played some pool and did some dancing. It was awesome Had a great time - he seems like a really good guy, and he's really attractive which doesn't hurt, lol. I think one of the reasons I stayed in the affair so long with exMM was because honestly I just wasn't attracted to anyone else. I tried to date SGs throughout, but just never had that click with them. Last night, I had that click I still don't know what is going to happen with exMM, but like I said, I'm going to live my life as I have for the past year and a half. I'm actually pretty excited that this guy and I got to hang out and get to know each other a little better - and we had a great time. My cheeks hurt today from smiling and laughing He wants to go out again this weekend - so I said sure, and am looking forward to it. Anyone else had trouble after their MM finding someone else that they were attracted to? Or, just not able to find anyone that you clicked with the way you did your MM? And, if you did find someone, would you leave the affair for the SG? Oh, and I did tell SG about exMM - I figure he has a right to know the choices I've made in the past. So, all cards are on the table - and it looks pretty good so far I am so happy for you finding an emotionally available single guy......i hope that you have many happy dates and i have a feeling from yoru post those cards are what are lying on your table.i love reading posts like this......best wishes....deb 1
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