Misplaced RAGE! This girl needs to get it under control!

[Kiddo]

Hi, just some background: I was dating a guy for 2 years - he was my boss. He cheated, we broke up, and last month he moved to France for 6 months (not because of the break up). Well we ended on friendly terms (as friendly as you can get after such a betrayal anyway) and I agreed to sort out his work mail and stuff while he was away.

 

We have since been in contact (brief text messages) and he asked me to call him today to give him info on all his bills that had come in and correspondence etc. I was suppose to call at 6pm my time so as not to wake him up, then I got a text message from him at 12 noon asking to call him now. So I did - it was 3am over there and he got woken up. I was excited to hear from him but he sounded groggy and irritable on the phone. I explained about the text and he claims he sent it 3 hours before. Anyway, I told him I would call him back at the planned time and he agreed.

 

When I hung up the phone, I could not believe the amount of anger and frustration I was feeling. I even threw the phone across the room! This is not a normal reaction. I guess it was a major anti-climax, speaking to him for the first time in a month and then having him think I was rude for calling at a weird hour. I don't know - I am going out of my way taking care of all his mail (and there's a lot!) and everyone in the office thinks I'm a suck, then when I drop everything again to call him, I get rebuffed.

 

I know it was all just a misunderstanding, but I am seriously enraged right now and need to calm myself down so I don't ruin the next conversation I have with him tonight. I don't want any friction between us but at the same time I feel like I am breathing fire right now. Any idea on why I'm overreacting so much? How do I get back to normal and stop myself from going ape at him tonight??

[Pained]

Calmly tell him that while he may have been your boss, you are not his bitch, and he can come home and take care of his own damn business if he gets pissed at the way you're handling it. I think you had every reason to get angry. Next time I would refrain from getting involved with anyone in a position of power over you.

[nvroadkill]

CLOSE YOUR EYES... BREATHE DEEPLY now count 1...2...3...4...5...6...7.... etc......

 

 

A.) Is being his personal mail forwarding service and administrative assistant part of your job (he may/may not be working for the same company still?)

 

B.) You go thru his mail... WHAT IF??? something of a personal nature arrives... think how much more you will be (hurt, enraged, throw a letter opener and gawd forbid strike the company V.P. between the eyes... then what???)

 

He's allowing you confidences and putting you in a situation that could jeopardize your career (thinking big picture here) that are inappropriate UNLESS you are required by YOUR employer to sort thru his mail. (Assuming that this all comes to the office.)

 

When I say jeopardize... think of the the possible results of you being further upset by the less than enthusiastic reactions from him and your being a decent person and returning the calls... He's in Europe... you get fired for less "whatever" reason... he already makes you feel as you're an inconvenience to your attempts to not only help him out but he's putting you on the defensive b/c of the past emotional ties... BREAK THEM...

 

Send him a packet from the US Post Office for mail forwarding or give everything to HR and ;et them deal with it..

 

NOW BREATHE

[moimeme]

It's probably some unadmitted anger about your past. Have you cussed him out thoroughly in a journal yet?

 

As for the event, few people are capable of being coherent when awakened from a middle-of-the-night sleep, much less being joyous balls of sunshine. I'd be grumpy, too. It is entirely possible his text message got delayed somehow but you are thinking 'here I go to all that trouble and he grumps at me - how dare he'. It's really not a worthy thought. He wasn't being a jerk, he was just being sleepy-befuddled.

 

I wouldn't go all bananas about this - you agreed to do the favour, and perhaps you shouldn't have, but since you said you would, it's only decent to keep your promise.

[caz_cheer_jenn]

Well it sounds like the whole "mail-sorting" thing is really just a ploy to keep some sort of connection between the two of you. Now, I'm not going to speculate as to which one of you is using this as a means of maintaining contact, but the bottom line is that it should stop. If he is taking advantage of your generosity, tell him to shove it. He is a big boy, he can find someone else to take care of his mail (or, god forbid, take care of it himself). On the other hand, if you have agreed to do this because it keeps you in his life in some way, then you have to admit to yourself that it is a problem. A betrayal such as the one that occurred in your relationship with him can be very devastating and it is difficult to understand. However, maintaining ties with him, while seemingly unemotional in nature, actually hinders the healing process. Hence the reason why you are feeling so much anger over this...you are still healing and you need to cut all ties with him completely in order to get back to your normal life.