PYTpisces Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It breaks my heart to read the stories of so many people living with a broken heart beacuse the person they fell for doesn't want them anymore. It also hurts to know that I've been guilty of leaving someone that I simply didn't want anymore. When you are the dumpee it leaves you feeling sooooo sh*tty about yourself. Feeling ugly, boring, low in general. It really puts your self esteem through the ringer. My question is why do humans always want what they can't have? My Christian friends would say that it's sinful nature, and that because we were all born into sin, we're subject to the misery that this nature brings. My psychology friends would say that it's at the core of our being. When you give a baby a toy, then pull it away, the baby starts crying because it wants what was taken away from it. Neither theory makes me feel better. I understand that it's human nature, but how does one overcome the horrible feelings of rejection, abandonment, feeling not worthy or good enough? Conversely, how does one condition oneself to want what is readily available???
BewitchedandBothered Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 It breaks my heart to read the stories of so many people living with a broken heart beacuse the person they fell for doesn't want them anymore. It also hurts to know that I've been guilty of leaving someone that I simply didn't want anymore. When you are the dumpee it leaves you feeling sooooo sh*tty about yourself. Feeling ugly, boring, low in general. It really puts your self esteem through the ringer. My question is why do humans always want what they can't have? My Christian friends would say that it's sinful nature, and that because we were all born into sin, we're subject to the misery that this nature brings. My psychology friends would say that it's at the core of our being. When you give a baby a toy, then pull it away, the baby starts crying because it wants what was taken away from it. Neither theory makes me feel better. I understand that it's human nature, but how does one overcome the horrible feelings of rejection, abandonment, feeling not worthy or good enough? Conversely, how does one condition oneself to want what is readily available??? Hi friend; it's all about healing and learning from your experiences--and you learn so much about yourself in the process...and in doing so become stronger:) We want what we can't have because the grass seems greener on the other side. Then when we get to the other side, we realize that THAT grass is just as nice as your own and it forces you to do some landscaping in a way--it forces you to take care of your own yard a little bit better. When you are dumped, it's hard to see that that person is doing a you a major favor and making room for someone worthy. You being dumped has nothing to do with you, per se. What's awful, though, is how they go about it. If they are cruel and abusive, it makes you feel awful about yourself. If they display class and decorum and respect, it allows you to heal in a better way because that person respected you enough to communicate with you. To overcome those awful feelings you mentioned, you have to take one day==sometimes even one minute at a time. And it seems to happen on its own, with time. As for wanting what is readily available, to me that sounds like settling. Do NOT settle. Ever. Because there is someone out there for you. And it will happen when you are healed, when you are free of the negative vibes thrown on you after your heartache. it will happen when you are confident and love yourself completely. For now, focus on healing and eking the sadness out of your system. A person who causes you those horrendous feelings isn't worth is and has to work on themselves. Consider yourself lucky you're not dealing with that person anymore; persons like that like to drag you down into their misery. Be yourself and you will see all the wonderful possibilities that are there:) 1
Author PYTpisces Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Hi friend; it's all about healing and learning from your experiences--and you learn so much about yourself in the process...and in doing so become stronger:) We want what we can't have because the grass seems greener on the other side. Then when we get to the other side, we realize that THAT grass is just as nice as your own and it forces you to do some landscaping in a way--it forces you to take care of your own yard a little bit better. When you are dumped, it's hard to see that that person is doing a you a major favor and making room for someone worthy. You being dumped has nothing to do with you, per se. What's awful, though, is how they go about it. If they are cruel and abusive, it makes you feel awful about yourself. If they display class and decorum and respect, it allows you to heal in a better way because that person respected you enough to communicate with you. To overcome those awful feelings you mentioned, you have to take one day==sometimes even one minute at a time. And it seems to happen on its own, with time. As for wanting what is readily available, to me that sounds like settling. Do NOT settle. Ever. Because there is someone out there for you. And it will happen when you are healed, when you are free of the negative vibes thrown on you after your heartache. it will happen when you are confident and love yourself completely. For now, focus on healing and eking the sadness out of your system. A person who causes you those horrendous feelings isn't worth is and has to work on themselves. Consider yourself lucky you're not dealing with that person anymore; persons like that like to drag you down into their misery. Be yourself and you will see all the wonderful possibilities that are there:) I really appreciate this in-depth and warm response. I read it at just the right time too. Everything you say rings true, and I will probably read this multiple times to get me through this most recent setback. Thank you
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