BetrayedH Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Oh trust there's more than just sex. I still love her! I mean what if we together work on out sex issues and it becomes better. Why do u assume sexless marriage right away? It can be fixed I truly believe that. I agree that it can be fixed. There are loads of resources on this if she is willing. And don't compare your sex life at home with what you had with the OW. Of course it was fantastic. Neither of you had anything invested in the other person. There's no real potential for embarassment, no introductions to friends or family, no shared responsibilities, no negotiating over life's issues. It was a fantasy for both of you with no "real life" implications. If you suggested anything embarrasing, no harm and no foul and no relationship to worry about continued embarassment; it's no holds barred for both of you. Your fiance had no chance to compete with that, especially when she has no reason or thought of competing for her fiance. You can have a short term fantasy or a real life long term relationship. Some people try to have both and it fails miserably all the time. Stick around here and you'll see. Once an affair is discovered, it ain't fun anymore, at all. Real life ruins it. Affair partners that try to go the distance have about a 3% success rate. Wanna ruin the rest of your real life to chase that opportunity or do you want to face real life with a real person that loves and cares about you? Your sex life with your fiance is a legitimate problem that has to be solved before you recommit to marriage but don't expect real life to be like that fantasy. I suspect you're already starting to see that as good as it was, it wasn't worth it. 1
road Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 After reading your post you are not ready to be married. Because you cheated. You need to fix your morales. Then you need to find someone new. Because you are not sexually compatible. Sex does not get better because you get married.
Sauron Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Oh trust there's more than just sex. I still love her! I mean what if we together work on out sex issues and it becomes better. Why do u assume sexless marriage right away? It can be fixed I truly believe that. Good luck with that. People don't change because you marry them and you can't fix humans. But if you love her, give it a try. If she does it for you in ever other area but sex, you have options.
Author Bobjohn Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 @betrayedH Yes I agree with you, it wasn't worth it at all. The guilt is slowly rolling in. Also to make it clear i want absolutely nothing to do with the blond. She's actually involved into some things that I want no part of so ill never be meeting her again.
Author Bobjohn Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 @betrayedH Thanks a lot for taking your time to right such deep and meaningful responses. Ill address some of this issues for sure. Do u mind if I ask you how old you are and gender? Thanks You almost sound like you are a counselor or a professional thanks again.
BetrayedH Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 @betrayedH Thanks a lot for taking your time to right such deep and meaningful responses. Ill address some of this issues for sure. Do u mind if I ask you how old you are and gender? Thanks You almost sound like you are a counselor or a professional thanks again. 42yo male. Stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night. No, not a counselor or anything. Just been reading this stuff for a year and a half after my own experience. And I like to write (or perhaps just listen to myself talk). Otherwise I have an interest in helping people and after having seen the patterns repeat with so many people, I'm compelled to share what I've learned. I just wanna see prople dig themselves out of the rabbit hole rather than heading further in. It's just worse the further in you go unless you can really "take it to the grave." Most people that come here are conflicted and that's why they came here. Anyway, thanks for the kind words. Good luck with your efforts and please keep us posted
Author Bobjohn Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 42yo male. Stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night. No, not a counselor or anything. Just been reading this stuff for a year and a half after my own experience. And I like to write (or perhaps just listen to myself talk). Otherwise I have an interest in helping people and after having seen the patterns repeat with so many people, I'm compelled to share what I've learned. I just wanna see prople dig themselves out of the rabbit hole rather than heading further in. It's just worse the further in you go unless you can really "take it to the grave." Most people that come here are conflicted and that's why they came here. Anyway, thanks for the kind words. Good luck with your efforts and please keep us posted Sounds good, ill update sometime later
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