youngnlove89 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]My ex and I have still been seeing each other. We went on a trip the other weekend, went hiking and we have been having a good time together. We have plans for Halloween to dress up us nerds and go out and have a good time. Everything is dandy. But nothing has changed.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]And guess what?[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I can feel myself slipping away. It all happened this morning; I was at Starbucks in the long, twisted line waiting to get my jolt of caffeine when I noticed this hubba hunk towards the front of the line. Nice thick brown hair, nice body, long sleeved buttoned up casual white shirt, form fitting gray slacks that nicely amplified his bottom, and pointed black boots. I was hypnotized. And I started drifting off into lala land about the perfect man and what it would be like to be with someone I loved who loved me back, to get coffee together in the morning, to plan for weekend get-a-ways, to prosper in a relationship, move in together, plan on marriage and kids and just be in love. Then I realized that during this whole moment that I was thinking about Mr. Perfect, I hadn’t once associated him with my current ex boyfriend. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]In that moment I realized my ex boyfriend is no longer what I want. I had been so busy trying to change him, trying to make him be what I want him to be that I realized he never was what I wanted in a guy. I fell in love with the idea of who I wanted him to be. I started to realize we have different goals, ambitions, and life decisions. He likes the outdoors, I hate them. He doesn’t want to get formally married, I do. He is lazy on the weekends, I am not. ETC. I started to think about how I have changed who I am, to suit him. I sort of lost myself in the process. And lately I find myself day dreaming about other men, men I haven’t met yet, men I don’t know, but men that I want to be with. And it is no longer him. He is no longer what I want. He never was. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I still love him. I still care for him. I still want to hang out with him. But I just don’t see him being THE ONE anymore. I realized it was ME who was settling. I realized I was settling for something that did not make me happy. My ex can’t give me what I want, and I was so deluded. I was in denial because I thought I could change him. But why would you need to change someone that you love?[/sIZE][/FONT]
KatZee Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I've been here everyday waiting for this. Reading now.
Author youngnlove89 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Darn it Katzee!! I was trying to edit this poorly posted thread! I copied and pasted it from my word document and it turned out this way!! haha sorry
KatZee Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Darn it Katzee!! I was trying to edit this poorly posted thread! I copied and pasted it from my word document and it turned out this way!! haha sorry Eh it wasn't all that bad. After the first section of lines it was a fairly easy read. I'm glad you're realizing he's not the one you want anymore, but I'm not getting why you still want to see him and hang out with him. Clearly the "hanging out" includes having sex, and you state you still love him, so what are you doing? Biding time until you find something else? You won't find anything else if you continue seeing/sleeping with him. Also, you say you love him but that you love who you thought he could be and that you have been trying to change him, and then you bold the part about "why would you want to change someone you love?" So I'm kind of getting the feeling maybe you're not really feeling genuine and true love. Lust/infatuation/co-dependence/need maybe... but all this work, years worth trying to make him something he's not, isn't love. And if you both have different interests, different hobbies, different weekend behaviors, why even hang out with him still? I still think you're hanging on for the day he'll be what you want him to be. Spinning the same wheels here. If you would have said, "I realize he's not the one I want and I told him it was over, and we're not hanging out or speaking from this point forward" I would take this more seriously. Just my opinion.
Author youngnlove89 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 I understand. Yea, this is all kind of just happened this morning. It was just a realization I had just now. So I don't know what will happen next. I love him for how I know him, from what he has showed me, from what I can't change. He is good person. He makes me laugh. And the sex. It's different now. It doesn't feel the same anymore. I am no longer excited for it. And I don't get that good tingly feeling anymore with him. I don't know what is going on. I'm trying to understand it myself. I'm not eager to answer his calls anymore, I don't get so excited and nervous to see him. He even looks different in my eyes. Cuddling is not something I initiate anymore. I used to always want to cuddle him. I feel like he has pushed me away or maybe I just gave up on it all. I think now I'm dealing with the lonliness if we do part. To me, he is comfortness and familiar. He knows me. I don't have to be shy around him. At least I get to be around someone. He has been acting more like a boyfriend lately too. But I can't respond to that. Like, maybe all this time I really was the unavailable one. Now that he is putting in effort, I'm backing off.
KatZee Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 He's acting like a boyfriend now? In the first post you said nothing has changed. There's a difference between "acting" like a boyfriend, and actually BEING a boyfriend. I'm assuming you're still "not it" right? He still doesn't see a future with you?
Author youngnlove89 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 He's acting like a boyfriend now? In the first post you said nothing has changed. There's a difference between "acting" like a boyfriend, and actually BEING a boyfriend. I'm assuming you're still "not it" right? He still doesn't see a future with you? I mean nothing has changed in the sense that it has only been a couple weeks. He hasn't asked me to move in or anything. But he is being more needy. More attentive. Reffering to me as his girlfriend and us as couple. We don't talk about the future. I don't bring it up anymore. I just stopped.
KatZee Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I mean nothing has changed in the sense that it has only been a couple weeks. He hasn't asked me to move in or anything. But he is being more needy. More attentive. Reffering to me as his girlfriend and us as couple. We don't talk about the future. I don't bring it up anymore. I just stopped. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone if you can't talk about a future. That's just wasting time in my opinion. 2
veggirl Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 There you are. I've been wondering about you too. Well, it sounds like you are almost over your ex. Once you reach the point where you are like "eh" there is really no going back, so that's awesome you have reached it. I got to that point with my ex (that I told you reminded me of you and your guy, not my current ex) and we had gotten back together and it was never the same. I stuck it out for almost a whole nother year which was stupid and pointless.
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