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If you were dumped...


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Posted

What do you want from your ex? Do you want them back? Do you want time and space to reflect? Do you want them to come back and confess their love to you? Or, do you want them never to contact you again?

 

I'm curious to see what people who have been dumped actually want. Most people on the second chance forum are here for a reason...but what would be the criteria/rules for your second chance?

Posted

>>>>>What do you want from your ex? Do you want them back? Do you want time and space to reflect? Do you want them to come back and confess their love to you? Or, do you want them never to contact you again?

 

I'm curious to see what people who have been dumped actually want. Most people on the second chance forum are here for a reason...but what would be the criteria/rules for your second chance?<<<<<

 

 

I recently reached out to my ex - it was a last resort/goodbye forever email - and I didn't think he'd respond since one of my earlier emails went unanswered. To my surprise he reciprocated and even said 'I love you,' though I'm still not sure what context he's using it in. He even opened up the lines of more communication.

 

I don't know if I want him back. I think I just wanted the validation that I was still semi-important in his life. Things didn't end well and I don't want to go back to the same bull. I don't even think I want to start fresh. Just friends and see where it goes. I just know that I did think about him a lot and I still do, but to put myself in there to get hurt again doesn't appeal to me. I really thought my email would go unanswered so now I'm on a different playing field.

 

People here say that if you do get back with your ex its got to be a completely new relationship - not the same 'ol one you were in before. And I agree. But taking things one moment at a time is essential - tread lightly, keep yourself guarded, don't give in too soon.

 

What do you want from your ex?

  • Author
Posted

How long after the break up did you get the email that was responded to?

Posted

4 months after the break up. I wrote him on Thursday and he didn't respond, saw him on MSN on Wednesday and he barely wrote back to me when I said hello then I finally wrote him an email telling him how I felt about the break up and what probably went wrong..basically said he'll always have a place in my heart. I didn't think he'd respond to that one either, but he did, so now I'm like 'what do I write now?'

 

I don't want to drive him away, I want to be calm and collected. I know that continuing our relationship is not a good idea right now. We should keep in contact and see what happens. I don't want to be demanding again.

Posted

Honestly, after 3 years together and 2 months broken up, I do not know if I even want her back. I am doing so great since she left and not contacting her is really not a problem for me. I do miss her and I still have love for her, but so much damage was done that I do not even know If I actually want her back.

 

I chased for a month (not heavily), then gave up. She did not want to try to continue the relationship and said it was not fair to me. Whatever. I think it would be nice to know that she actually does care for me. Maybe, in my heart of hearts, I want her to be the one who chases me. Again in my heart of hearts, maybe I still want to try to work it out. I do still believe that the relationship was worth trying for.

 

What do I want? To be happy, with or without her.

  • Like 2
Posted

To be completely honest I just want my ex to believe me I guess. She's convinced I only used her and that I'm not sorry at all for the stupid things I did. although we may not get together or see eachother again I still want her to know that I never tried to take advantage of her and I'm sorry.

Posted

I want her back.

 

Ours ended in the honeymoon phase, she just left. So my last and only "girlfriend" memory of her is a perfect one. She was everything I was looking for in a potential wife. However she is from Texas and thinks we are completely incompatible because I've never hunted or camped. Think the is just confused or I don't fit her "perfect guy".

 

Unfortunately her actions since will make it extremely difficult for me to trust her again. I treated her like a princess and would've done anything for her and her kid. Not today but she will realize what she gave up in me, it will be too late by then.

 

My criteria to even have a second chance would involve A LOT of effort given by her. I would tell her "I didn't break us, I don't have to fix us". It's a tough ultimatum and nobody would go for it, but I would require it. I've even considered requiring a 2000 word essay on what has changed, why will you stick around for the long haul this time. I would also NEVER sacrifice my independence again, with her or anyone else.

  • Author
Posted

 

What do I want? To be happy, with or without her.

 

Amen! Really like this

  • Like 1
Posted
What do you want from your ex? Do you want them back? Do you want time and space to reflect? Do you want them to come back and confess their love to you? Or, do you want them never to contact you again?

 

I'm curious to see what people who have been dumped actually want. Most people on the second chance forum are here for a reason...but what would be the criteria/rules for your second chance?

Depends.... on how he treated me during the previous months/years of the relationship. Generally, since I cared about him, I would want him back, but I think if I have the time to reflect on what just happened (to "process" the dumping ), and realize that he had treated me poorly all along (or at least in recent days/weeks/months), I would not want him back. Sure, I will be in a lot of pain, but I will feel insulted and hurt, and will force myself not to contact him, even if I might feel the urge to do so. I would still want him to contact me and apologize (genuinely), but I will know there is a slim chance of that ever happening.

Posted
Amen! Really like this

 

Thank you. It has only been 2+ months, but I just do not want to hurt because of her anymore. At first, I could never admit it, but I believe I have been able to understand some more things. I would not have imagined that I would be this far along. Time. Seriously, give everything time and let it be as it was supposed to be. Nothing we (dumpees) can do.

Posted

The other thing is, if it happened out of the blue, I might want him back because I never got to say "goodbye" to him I would want to hug him one last time, kiss him one last time, cuddle up with him in bed one last time, because I will feel like I didn't appreciate all that the last time that we were together. (with my ex, the last time we saw each other in person, I actually fell asleep before he came to bed, so didn't even get to cuddle with him, etc.). :(

  • Author
Posted

But if you were dumped...what would you want the dumper to do to get you back? Assuming you wanted to reconcile...

Posted
But if you were dumped...what would you want the dumper to do to get you back? Assuming you wanted to reconcile...

 

If I (as the dumpee) wanted to reconcile, I would want the dumper to be very very very very straight up with me and tell me just that fact. That he/she made a mistake and really wants to try to work things out. I do not think a surprise appearance would be a good way to go about this. Maybe get a hold of them over the phone and tell them there is something you wanted to talk about, then let them know in person. That is what I would ideally prefer. If they decline meeting, lay it out over the phone or text. Your mediums would be limited at this point, but I think email is a stupid idea.

 

Just saying what I would personally want, if I were wanting to reconcile. Again, you would have to confirm that YOU made the mistake leaving them and maybe your life is not the same without them in it. Don't be dramatic, like "I cannot live without you at my side." Like all things, prepare for failure though. You don't know what mindset he is in, as he has ignored you recently.

 

Best of luck.

Posted

Ideally Id want her back, she is the mother of my children and still gives me goosebumps every time she enters the room

 

But I'd settle with understanding the specific reason why she fell out of love with me

Posted

Id like to hear from her. Dont want her back. But yeah, I hope shes doing well in her life.

 

I wont make the first move, shes the one who wanted no contact. She knows where I am if she needs me.

 

Having said that I do have a top of hers at my place, would return it but am trying to respect her need for space. Throw it?

Posted
Thank you. It has only been 2+ months, but I just do not want to hurt because of her anymore. At first, I could never admit it, but I believe I have been able to understand some more things. I would not have imagined that I would be this far along. Time. Seriously, give everything time and let it be as it was supposed to be. Nothing we (dumpees) can do.

 

yes, u ryt, there is nothing we dumpees can do. n with time u start understandin more n more n just let it be :)

Posted

As my name implies ..I feel deleted. After 12 years of a mostly good relationship ; mutual respect and caring. Ive been dumped. Not by the normal face to face, but instead thru email. Apparently I don't have the same dreams as him. Go figure. There is no room for talking. He has made his decision and wont even take my phone call or meet to talk. What would I want if given another chance...to not take someone for granted or to be taken for granted. The entire relationship can be deleted before you even know what has hit you.

Posted

Ultimatley I want him back, but in this progress, I'd like to find me again. I'd like to be the woman he fell for 3 years ago.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted (edited)
What do you want from your ex? Do you want them back? Do you want time and space to reflect? Do you want them to come back and confess their love to you? Or, do you want them never to contact you again? ...but what would be the criteria/rules for your second chance?

 

I was dumped. I want my ex to know that I know my faults (I did alot wrong) and that I am working on becoming a better man. I wish she understood that who I was the last year was a fake image of myself. I have much more to offer and I'm willing to offer it properly next time around. I will either it is a new women or her that comes back. I would be very happy if, once I man up for good, she would love me more than ever. I was her first lover and boyfriend. It felt very special. But hey I'm just a fool hoping for a perfect couple. I know people arn't perfect. But I didnt get a second chance. Maybe one day i will.

Edited by Tmo2
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