She broke up with me and is now all selfish about it? How can I get her back!

[TheKey]

So she broke up about a month ago, we were together for a year, she said she realized she got feelings for a best friend and that she can't be together with me anymore because of that and that she can't get passed the bad parts of the break-up?

 

I've tried to talk to her but she is so set in her mind that it will never work out? And she is being so selfish about it, she says it's her feelings that only matter and that it's about her feeling good, she doesn’t care about how I feel or think, I’ve basically become non-existent for her?

 

Earlier she felt bad for hurting me and wanted us to be friends because she said it was like loosing a best friend but now she doesn’t even care anymore? She says she doesn’t know how to make it clearer that we are not going to be able to get back together as if I’m done something terrible to her? :/

 

What should I do? How can I inspire her to want to reconnect with me? I just don’t understand how she can just switch off her feelings for me like this? This girl was crazy about me!

 

All I want is a second chance and prove to her that I can make her happy, but she says she has already given me 100 chances before? :/ How? that's not entirely true most of them wasn’t even shared with me and didn’t look that serious, how am I suppose to know what she was thinking and that it was this serious it's not like I could read her mind, but she seems to stuck on that and uses it as an excuse for it being my fault that I didn’t see it coming.

 

Also one thing, when I asked her if this guy had replaced my spot in her life, she said no because she doesn’t love him or tell him everything, should I believe that? When they are literally talking everyday. What is going on here? Why is she like this?

 

And everyone is pushing her to make a decision and think ahead instead of using her emotions all the time, family, friends, me, that guy and I know that guy is doing this to piss me off I can sense it, he didn’t like the fact that we were together and he has no remorse of destroying our relationship.

 

I told her that what he did was very low and that you simply don't steal someone’s girlfriend by being nice if you are a real person with integrity and self-respect. She says she don't agree she said, he never did anything to encourage her to be with him and that they are just friends for now and that he is satisfied with that (bullsh**t he is playing games to get her)

 

But that she can’t deny the fact what she is feeling for him and that he once wanted her but waited to long and she got tired of it and then after a while we meet and she feel in love with me but that when she started to talk to him again she denied that her feelings was there until she couldn’t deny it anymore (according to her)

 

I feel so cheated emotionally how did this guy get in the picture? How can I take him out? Should I confront him? Is there a way to make him look bad because what he did is the lowest kind of act a human being can do! You don’t steal someone’s girlfriend by playing nice games on her and tell her you are ok with just being friends with her while you flirt.

 

How can I help her make the right decision? Is there a way for me to make her re-consider?

 

I know many of you are going to say move on she’s not worth it, but spare me that, give me some other views and opinions I rather hear something new right now then just moving on.

 

Thank you,

[Hobbit]

I love the fact that when women say they've given you 100 chances they do it without actually communicating the problem. Like us men are all Professor X or something!!

 

I feel for you mate

 

Best thing to do is go NC, she's made her intentions clear and doesnt seem to give a **** about you

 

Sorry

[KatZee]

The thing you're not getting is that you can't talk someone into being with you. She admitted to having feelings for someone else. She did the right thing and broke up with you instead of stringing you along. She was honest, but now it's getting to the point where you're being a bit pathetic and desperate.

 

She already knows you don't make her happy, she already knows she doesn't want to be with you, she already knows she has feelings for her best friend, she knows she wants to go and be with him.

 

It doesn't matter how much you beg, plead, ask for second chances, tell her you'll make her happy... she's not really being "selfish" at all actually. If she knows she doesn't feel happy with you, the right thing is to let you go, the selfish thing would be to stay, and cheat, or do whatever else.

 

You want someone to be with you because they WANT to be. Not because they were manipulated into it, or guilted into it, or forced into it. If she has feelings for this guy, let her go. She needs to go explore that and figure out if that's right for her. Right now, you're not right for her, and to love and care for her would mean to let her go and to let her find her happiness.

 

Her feelings didn't just "turn off" the way you said. Clearly there was a lack of communication somewhere along the lines of this relationship but from what she said it seems like she's been getting more and more fed up with things in the relationship.

 

And don't try to "make the other guy look bad" because he didn't DO anything to you. Unless she cheated on you with him, he didn't do anything to you other than be her friend. He could be a genuinely nice guy. To try and mess with their friendship and/or upcoming relationship is only going to make YOU look bad and would cement their relationship.

Edited October 18, 2012 by KatZee

[TheKey]

I love the fact that when women say they've given you 100 chances they do it without actually communicating the problem. Like us men are all Professor X or something!!

 

I feel for you mate

 

Best thing to do is go NC, she's made her intentions clear and doesnt seem to give a **** about you

 

Sorry

 

Yeah pretty much, I have no choice to move on but, I need to find out if she is not pregnant or not first because she said she gained weight this month and last time she checked for pregnancy was 5 weeks ago and it was fine, but sometimes these test don't show and I knew there was a time she missed her pills like for one day like 2 weeks before we broke up so I'm a bit worried.

 

How can I breach the subject without making her mad for asking such a question? I know she doesn’t like me when I bring up the subject she thinks I disrespect her and I'm not keen on her views on abortion she seems to rather keep a child or give it away then do an abortion because it is emotionally heavy for her and right now she is in big emotional mess.

 

That is pretty much what is holding me from moving on..I need to make things clear and find out what is going on and cut all contact with her so I don't have to deal with her in the future how should I approach the subject?

[Sugarkane]

I love the fact that when women say they've given you 100 chances they do it without actually communicating the problem. Like us men are all Professor X or something!!

 

I feel for you mate

 

Best thing to do is go NC, she's made her intentions clear and doesnt seem to give a **** about you

 

Sorry

 

It's not just women that do this. My ex never once said he was unhappy. Then he dumped me out of the blue and said so many of my traits annoyed him. I was like what the hell? He said I couldn't communicate, which is BS. Yet ge dumped me out of the blue, by text. Hypocrite

[TheKey]

The thing you're not getting is that you can't talk someone into being with you. She admitted to having feelings for someone else. She did the right thing and broke up with you instead of stringing you along. She was honest, but now it's getting to the point where you're being a bit pathetic and desperate.

 

She already knows you don't make her happy, she already knows she doesn't want to be with you, she already knows she has feelings for her best friend, she knows she wants to go and be with him.

 

It doesn't matter how much you beg, plead, ask for second chances, tell her you'll make her happy... she's not really being "selfish" at all actually. If she knows she doesn't feel happy with you, the right thing is to let you go, the selfish thing would be to stay, and cheat, or do whatever else.

 

You want someone to be with you because they WANT to be. Not because they were manipulated into it, or guilted into it, or forced into it. If she has feelings for this guy, let her go. She needs to go explore that and figure out if that's right for her. Right now, you're not right for her, and to love and care for her would mean to let her go and to let her find her happiness.

 

Her feelings didn't just "turn off" the way you said. Clearly there was a lack of communication somewhere along the lines of this relationship but from what she said it seems like she's been getting more and more fed up with things in the relationship.

 

And don't try to "make the other guy look bad" because he didn't DO anything to you. Unless she cheated on you with him, he didn't do anything to you other than be her friend. He could be a genuinely nice guy. To try and mess with their friendship and/or upcoming relationship is only going to make YOU look bad and would cement their relationship.

 

I get what you are saying, but you don't know our whole history so don't be so quik to judge!

 

She choose me I diden't choose her, I lost her because I started to take her for granted, she got tired, that ******* kept being nice to her and then she realized he was treating her better. Now I regret it and that is why I asked for a secound chance? Get it?

[River Rain]

I think her feelings for you gradually changed, not switched off. And you have to remember, a lot of people, men and women, will say "let's be friends" as a cushion to the blow, but they really don't mean it. My ex said that, but I'm not interested in being demoted to a friend when I was his girlfriend. I know you don't want to hear it, but you can't convince a person to want to be with you. It's sad yes, but if she doesn't want you, there's nothing you can say or do to make her.

[TheKey]

It's not just women that do this. My ex never once said he was unhappy. Then he dumped me out of the blue and said so many of my traits annoyed him. I was like what the hell? He said I couldn't communicate, which is BS. Yet ge dumped me out of the blue, by text. Hypocrite

 

Yeah she said I had poor communication but she didn’t do her part that well either, sure I did shut down whenever she wanted to talk about a problem because I thought it would only bring us in to a big argument and I didn’t like that so I avoided it by not responding when she got mad but she never said, honey I feel this way we need to work on it.

 

I even remember the first time she tried to argue with me. Telling me to put down the toilette seat so the cat don’t jump in the toilet I was like do you realize what you just did now?

 

She then apologized (If I remember correctly) but I knew naw this ain't right, she is probably loosing interest in me.

[TheKey]

I think her feelings for you gradually changed, not switched off. And you have to remember, a lot of people, men and women, will say "let's be friends" as a cushion to the blow, but they really don't mean it. My ex said that, but I'm not interested in being demoted to a friend when I was his girlfriend. I know you don't want to hear it, but you can't convince a person to want to be with you. It's sad yes, but if she doesn't want you, there's nothing you can say or do to make her.

 

I know and I told her I diden't want to be friends with her, she got sad, but honestly there is nothing worse then to chase a girl that don't want you back, i'm just gonna back off now, I've given to much and the only reason i've done that is because I feel regret for not giving enough in the relationship which is one of the reasons why it ended...it was never 50/50 it was more like 60-70/40-30 so it feels bad in that sense to me.