ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 So I have been out with this guy on 4 official dates and 2 hangouts he is such a sweet guy and he is cute but I feel afraid. My feelings for him aren't progressing quickly at all. Usually when I meet a guy I am like head over heels in within the first week, with my ex I went out with him on the first date and I knew I liked him then by the 2nd date which was 2 days after that. We were constantly together constantly texting just constantly in contact. Now with this new guy I feel worried that I might not like him. He seems to like me a lot and I like spending time and going out but I don't know if I feel like overwhelmed with like for him (if that makes sense). He isn't the usual type I go for he is kind of nerdy and thin (but muscular) and just not my usual type. He is cute but he isn't like the hugely buff jersey shore/country boy/jock frat boy type guys I usually try to date. I don't know how I feel about that either. I don't want to be shallow but I wish he could look more.. not nerdy he could be buff and have tattoos and piercings and spikey hair. He looks like a total conservative boy with his hair parted on the side it's weird but I still like him. I'm just freaking out right now and nit picking and I need to stop because I have what I want, I have a guy who is attractive and likes me and wants me and treats me well but I'm really scared. I'm afraid if I let him in he is going to do what my ex did and I can't handle that over again. I want something long term, on the other hand I don't want to move TOO slow with him or he will get bored with me and my no sex policy but I want to really like him and care about him before I have sex. I want ONLY meaningful intimate sex and preferably I want to be with the next person I sleep with for a long time I feel like things are simmering when usually around this time things are boiling and it makes me confused about my feelings because in the end I NEVER want to hurt him. He has been through so much crap with his ex and I don't want to do anything to cause him anymore hurt. I wish I could just know how I feel or just grow strong feelings now.
veggirl Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I think you should give him a chance too. I agree with Pierre. You like "bad boys"...hopefully you grow out of that, what has it gotten you so far? Plus, it's only been how long? You expect to be head over heels in a week?! That's not healthy, that's not love, that's insecurity. Let things flow, why the huge rush?? Build a foundation, that's what will make a relationship last. Drama is not passion. Rushing into things serves no purpose whatsoever. 4
todreaminblue Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) So I have been out with this guy on 4 official dates and 2 hangouts he is such a sweet guy and he is cute but I feel afraid. My feelings for him aren't progressing quickly at all. Usually when I meet a guy I am like head over heels in within the first week, with my ex I went out with him on the first date and I knew I liked him then by the 2nd date which was 2 days after that. We were constantly together constantly texting just constantly in contact. Now with this new guy I feel worried that I might not like him. He seems to like me a lot and I like spending time and going out but I don't know if I feel like overwhelmed with like for him (if that makes sense). He isn't the usual type I go for he is kind of nerdy and thin (but muscular) and just not my usual type. He is cute but he isn't like the hugely buff jersey shore/country boy/jock frat boy type guys I usually try to date. I don't know how I feel about that either. I don't want to be shallow but I wish he could look more.. not nerdy he could be buff and have tattoos and piercings and spikey hair. He looks like a total conservative boy with his hair parted on the side it's weird but I still like him. I'm just freaking out right now and nit picking and I need to stop because I have what I want, I have a guy who is attractive and likes me and wants me and treats me well but I'm really scared. I'm afraid if I let him in he is going to do what my ex did and I can't handle that over again. I want something long term, on the other hand I don't want to move TOO slow with him or he will get bored with me and my no sex policy but I want to really like him and care about him before I have sex. I want ONLY meaningful intimate sex and preferably I want to be with the next person I sleep with for a long time I feel like things are simmering when usually around this time things are boiling and it makes me confused about my feelings because in the end I NEVER want to hurt him. He has been through so much crap with his ex and I don't want to do anything to cause him anymore hurt. I wish I could just know how I feel or just grow strong feelings now. I think you should give it a chance if you are looking fro long term happiness you don't decide after four dates and two hang outs nah ....next......i normally take a long time to develop romantic feelings fro someone and they have been with guys that my heart held back .......they were both long term relationships.....i don't fall head over heels in love with someone and dont develop romantic feelings towards someone normally without knowing them quite well.....i have just shot that situation in the foot though or my self in the foot with my situation now....because i have developed feelings for someone who i don't know all that well....every relationship is different you have to give it a chance....as far as dating buff guys go...you have already done that and been there.....and yet....it didn't work out....maybe because it lead to you having a chance with a caring intelligent male who does care about you and not his muscle size......never underestimate any body because of size...."its not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog"...as far as endurance and longevity goes....game set match.......winnner..........intelligent guy who cares about you.... go for depth of soul not width of shoulders........i wish you the best with your caring deep souler........deb Edited October 18, 2012 by todreaminblue 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Sounds like you like the uneducated non-sophisticated look. There is nothing wrong with the nerdy look. In the long run those guys do much better than the heavily tattooed, pierced, fat guys. Why do you have such a bad taste in men? Is this what you saw growing up? I suggest you give this new guy a chance and you may learn a thing or two. Lol it's not like an uneducated look more of its a jock type look. I don't know if you've ever watched jersey shore but I've dated guys who kind of look like that. Dbag types I guess. I just want to make sure that it is ok that my feelings aren't moving super fast like its normal. I don't want to get a month or 2 in and be like wow no feelings still.
Drseussgrrl Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I personally find that type gross. Overtanned, jacked up, more hair product than I use, ED Hardy t-shirts. Nasty. I LOVE the educated look. Honey those nerdy types are the kind that will bring home the bacon for you one day, treat your mama nice, bring you flowers on your birthday and help you with laundry. The other type will leave you wanting to snoop through their phone because he was fist-pumping with some other tramp at the club the night before. Trust me. When those jersey shore types are over 30 it ain't a pretty sight. 5
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I personally find that type gross. Overtanned, jacked up, more hair product than I use, ED Hardy t-shirts. Nasty. I LOVE the educated look. Honey those nerdy types are the kind that will bring home the bacon for you one day, treat your mama nice, bring you flowers on your birthday and help you with laundry. The other type will leave you wanting to snoop through their phone because he was fist-pumping with some other tramp at the club the night before. Trust me. When those jersey shore types are over 30 it ain't a pretty sight. No. Kidding. I've never seen the appeal in the jock/douchey/"jersey shore" type...even when I was younger. Automatic turn-off. Nerdy men have my heart. My boyfriend collects comics, reads science/medical journals, has a thing for robots, and wears button-downs, sweaters, and glasses on a regular basis. He's also a brilliant, funny, kind, and respectful partner who treats me wonderfully; a successful doctor and educator; and above all a very good man. This guy you're dating sounds like a really good guy. You should analyze your history with all these "bad boy" types and realize that they certainly aren't going to give you the loving, committed relationship you desire. Hopefully you can come to that realization sooner than later. If not, I hope, for this guy's sake, you don't string him along. There are girls out there that would love to have him by their side just the way he is.
sweetkiwi Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 thats because you're looking for lust. Not love. Love takes time to develop. I appreciate the sweet guys. I haven't read the other posts because i spotted the problem pretty fast. Take your time. Most things worth having aren't easy.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 thats because you're looking for lust. Not love. Love takes time to develop. I appreciate the sweet guys. I haven't read the other posts because i spotted the problem pretty fast. Take your time. Most things worth having aren't easy. There's also the possibility that this is a symptom of her age. OP is 21 if I remember correctly. Perhaps she thinks she wants a relationship, but isn't really mentally geared up for one just yet. She's still attracted to a certain set of superficial traits and finds that difficult to change. I had friends like this in my late teens/early twenties and most of them eventually grew out of it.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) I am going to differ with everyone else on this one. Perhaps she should leave him, but not go for exactly the kind of men she's had in the past. First consider how old or young you are and ask yourself what you want to be doing in a year, five years, or ten years. What kind of man will give you that, and make you happy in the sack?* The #1 Dating Mistake College Girls Make | The College Crush Has this simple line of advice. “Marrying the wrong guy starts with dating the wrong guy.” With men what you see now is what you'll get latter. What this means is if you date a doucebag he will always bee a douchebag, if you date a nerdy guy he will always be a nerdy guy. The question is do guys who look the way the OP describes, but are somewhat nerdy exist. Yes, they do. I wouldn't write this advice if I wasn't acquainted with a guy who has the look the OP likes, the tats, the pirceing, the hair, the heritage of a Jersey Shore type guy....but he's a science student and has some of qualities she describes as "nerdy" (I think she really means not douchebaggy to be honest.) Men who could do everything for her visually and emotionally exist. It's up to you. TL;DR: Men who are the whole package or close to it exist. If this guy is close enough to what you want then take him as he is. If you really cannot stand his "nerdy" ways then you should do him and you a favor and just move on. *Sometimes nerdy looking, not initially attractive people are the best lovers and will treat you better overall. **Sometimes men change if it's a real change, it comes with age, it's for himself and not anyone else. Edited October 18, 2012 by Mrlonelyone 1
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