jayda Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Okay I think that either something is wrong with me, am losing my mind or just plain damaged goods! I have gone through the dating phrase and yet I cannot boast of a relationship that left me with the satisfied feeling. Rather I left each of other relationships thinking I must have wasted my previous partner's time. Now am married, but the question is did I find what I was looking for? Am I happy, relaxed, ready to grow fat while shooting out them little rugrats? Answer=no! Am far more depressed than I have ever been. Presently am in this interracial marriage that has left a bigger vacuum in my life than any other relationship! Let's not even go close to the bedroom because that on its own is another pathetic story. All I have longed for is someone who I can really talk with, have a laugh and if am really lucky, sex would be amazing!
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 How long have you been married? You need to tell your spouse how you feel. See if he feels the same way.
Solcita2 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 How old are you? Were you in love when you got married?
Author jayda Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Am 26 and we have been married for 2 months. Talking doesn't make any difference because I have tried talking and he goes like "I will try to adapt" but it goes back been d same. This started right from when we were dating. Am tempted to blame it all on the fact that am african with different mentality on how its suppose to be but excuses do not turn in to solutions. He knows nothing abt pillow talks, won't even try conversing on the dinner table so I have learnt to turn on the television during tea time. I have tried every trick in the book just to get him to loosen up a bit. We don't go any where when we av the spare time nothing. Yes when we met he did make the effort to try to know me but now? He seems satisfied just having the title "married man". Always thought that, it would have been me doing what he is doing.
Scarlett5 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I'm wondering how you ended up married to this guy? If you're not compatible, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you! It just means you haven't met the right person. How long have you been together? Maybe have a good think about the positives in the relationship, why you love him, and why you married him. Also think about the negatives and how you can work together to overcome them. It's all about communication. I believe that's what every good relationship is based on...good communication. Whether that's communicating to stay together for longer, or communicating to come to the realisation that its time to move on, it certainly helps. 1
Hawaii50 Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 How do people enter into marriages with these sorts of things still in the air?! He's not open to growing or changing, sex sucks, you already felt a void with-in yourself (that cannot be filled by another person-its your void,) no communication etc... I just can't understand how things progress to a woman walking down an isle, knowingly, that only hope serves as foundation that things might be better. Not knocking you, OP, I'd say get that marriage annulled as soon as possible. This isn't a place you want to be right now, or in 20 yrs.. so what's the sense? You being African, in my mind, has nothing to do with the situation. Unless you literally just got off a boat from Africa- it has nothing to do with anything. We're western, and although there are cultural differences, we're all human first and foremost, and we all need and crave the same sorts of things, relatively. 1
happyme Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Amazing post Hawaii..... had me in stitches!! Indeed, couldn't have put it better myself... talk about asking for trouble...
Author jayda Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 Maybe I just thought I was just over reacting when we were dating and that somehow I would settle in. Just this morning, I missed my train down to liverpool and asked him to take me down and he came up with all sorts of excuses. Its his day off, the day that all he does is play with his ps3. I spent the weekend sick and still trying to get my strength back. Every time I try to get him to talk he comes up with one nonchalant answer after the other. As for whatever made me marry him, I thought It was my escape route from my mother. Guess I thought wrong.
carhill Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 All I have longed for is someone who I can really talk with, have a laugh and if am really lucky, sex would be amazing! This right here is the key. You apparently got just enough of this from the man you chose to marry, along with him being attractive, but wanted and want more. Want is a potent motivator. Tomorrow will be the day I'm satiated. Then tomorrow, then tomorrow. Then, it's wheelchair time and the grim reaper. My hat is off to those people who have mastered the art of keeping others wanting, just enough. That's some really good skill, right there. What's missing? Some want from his side that goes unrequited. Little motivation equals little care equals little concern for your wants. Good luck. Someone mentioned incompatibility. Good word. Go with that. My sympathies. 1
Author jayda Posted October 24, 2012 Author Posted October 24, 2012 Now the question is what do I do now? How do I get myself out of this limbo or fix it(if its possible to fix it)
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