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How long should you wait to meet someone you met on a online dating site?

MercuryMorrison1

By MercuryMorrison1
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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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Hello everyone...I've been having casual conversations with this girl that messaged me on Okcupid. She seems like a pretty cool chick and I find her pretty attractive physically.

 

Thing is, we have only had a couple of conversations over the past couple of days and I am not sure if I should ask her if she would like to meet in person yet or not? I'm afraid it will feel like im jumping th gun if I message her to soon which in turn could make me look really desperate which is never a good thing. But I also fear that if I wait to long she'll wind up going with someone else who asks her.

 

How long should I wait before I ask her to meet in person?

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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Never mind she just messaged me asking me to go out to dinner Friday night haha.

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tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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Never mind she just messaged me asking me to go out to dinner Friday night haha.

 

Sweet! Have fun. :cool:

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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Sweet! Have fun. :cool:

 

Thanks! I'm sure it'll be fun. Have any tips/advice? This is the first time I've ever actually gone this far with someone I met online.

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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Thanks! I'm sure it'll be fun. Have any tips/advice? This is the first time I've ever actually gone this far with someone I met online.

 

I've had a lot of dates with guys I first met through OLD. It's really not scary or intimidating though it may feel that way. Relax. Wear something nice, flattering and comfortable. Don't worry about filling up any silences. Stay sober. Ask her questions. Smile!

 

That's pretty much it.

ja123 Established Member

ja123

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Have some fun (not too personal) stories to tell, share what you like doing, ask what she likes doing, etc. and have fun!

yongyong Established Member

yongyong

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she asked you to take her out to dinner........she got nothing to lose I guess.

 

If it goes well, it's great for both of you. If it doesn't, she would enjoy a free meal :)

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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she asked you to take her out to dinner........she got nothing to lose I guess.

 

If it goes well, it's great for both of you. If it doesn't, she would enjoy a free meal :)

 

Actually she asked me out to dinner and even offerd to help pay lol.

 

As soon as I submitted this thread I got a message back from he asking me if I would like to meet up for dinner. But either I guess I'll pay for it. I don't really mind.

tigressA Established Member

tigressA

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Actually she asked me out to dinner and even offerd to help pay lol.

 

As soon as I submitted this thread I got a message back from he asking me if I would like to meet up for dinner. But either I guess I'll pay for it. I don't really mind.

 

Wait, did you go on the date yet? Wasn't it supposed to be last night?

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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Wait, did you go on the date yet? Wasn't it supposed to be last night?

 

We weren't able to do it Friday night because I had to work late. So we rescheduled for Monday night at 6pm.

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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Well I was waiting for one of the ignoramus crew to show up - didn't take long at all.

 

Everyone KNOWS that enduring 2+ hours of polite chitchat with a stranger is SO WELL WORTH 'scoring' that FREE $13.99 all you can eat shrimp platter at Applebees.

 

The 3rd grade must have been the toughest 10 years of this idiot's life.

 

Onto the OP.

 

Mercury - if you've never met, it's a real good idea to at least talk on the phone first and make sure you have SOME kind of rapport with this gal. Secondly, you never do a dinner date when you're meeting someone for the first time - you do a 'first meet' which usually entails meeting for a cup of coffee or a drink or a walk abound the park for half an hour. If she shows up not looking like her pictures or she talks and acts like a total buffoon and you can't stand her, a first meet gives you the opportunity to finish your coffee quickly and be on your way without appearing to be abrupt or rude. That's why a first meet can be crucial.

 

If all goes well over coffee or a drink and there seems to be a mutual attraction, THEN you make plans to have dinner together on your first official date.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thank you for sticking up for me. :)

 

And thanks for the very sound advice as well.

NYC-BigKat Established Member

NYC-BigKat

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Hello everyone...I've been having casual conversations with this girl that messaged me on Okcupid. She seems like a pretty cool chick and I find her pretty attractive physically.

 

Thing is, we have only had a couple of conversations over the past couple of days and I am not sure if I should ask her if she would like to meet in person yet or not? I'm afraid it will feel like im jumping th gun if I message her to soon which in turn could make me look really desperate which is never a good thing. But I also fear that if I wait to long she'll wind up going with someone else who asks her.

 

How long should I wait before I ask her to meet in person?

 

Um...I did cupid today & sent out over 50 msgs & got no replies so you'r on there doing better than me. I did get replies on hotornot but none of the girls wanna give me their # except 1 girl & she acted bad when I tried to call her. Girls just waste nice guys' time :(.

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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Um...I did cupid today & sent out over 50 msgs & got no replies so you'r on there doing better than me. I did get replies on hotornot but none of the girls wanna give me their # except 1 girl & she acted bad when I tried to call her. Girls just waste nice guys' time :(.

 

I got lucky is all. I made my cupid account back in Feb of this year and messaged people regularly for a couple of months without ever getting a reply. I abandond it over the summer feeling like it was pointless...Then recently I checked it again just for laughs, and this girl had messaged me a week prior, after reading her profile and looking at her pictures I messaged her back. I figured she had probably already moved on. But luckly she messaged me back and let me know that she was glad I messaged her back.

 

So you just have to keep trying really...Online dating is tough as I'm learning...But I'm pretty stoked that I got this date set up from it.

phineas Established Member

phineas

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It depends on the woman OP as you've probably figured out.

Some women need weeks of emails before they agree to meet you in a very public place & some just want to meet because they have realized you can't get bupkis from how someone really is in an email vs. meeting someone in person.

 

Also i've had women want to just meet for a drink without sharing anything more than our first name.

 

So I just go to the meet & if she don't show? Well.....i'm already in a bar. :)

 

There are worse places to be stood up in.

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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(UPDATE)

 

Well I just got back from the date and I gotta say it went off without a hitch!

 

So far so good...Her and I seem to get along well and have many of the same view's on many of the same things in life. She initiated full body hugs both when we got to the restraunt and when we departed for the evening.

 

She even gave me her phone number before I asked her if I could have it. We talked for a good hour and a half in the restraunt before we finally decided to call it a night. She was sure to tell me that she was having a wonderful evening. We had some good laughs.

 

 

There is actually one hitch though...And I'm a little worried about it.

 

She told me that she has another date with a guy she met from the same site lined up later this week. I am glad and a somewhat impressed that she told me this, as she easily could have kept it a seacret and I would never have know. She told me that she wants to be completely honest though and that's why she told me.

 

I can't help be feel a little worried now...I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket, if she go's out with this other guy and likes him more than me, I'll be hurt for a couple of days at the most...But I really genuinely enjoyed talking to her, she was smart and spoke intelligently ''which in my experience is something that's very hard to come by in girls my age''. So I am a little worried that I might be outdone by this other guy. She asked me to text her later tonight, ''which I've already done''...And we talked briefly threw texts, she told me again she had a wonderful night and would definitely like to do this again soon.

 

I really hope that things workout in my favor...I can't honestly remember the last time I had a date where I felt completely at ease with someone so quickly like this.

Edited by MercuryMorrison1
carhill Established Member

carhill

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To answer the topic, if local, I historically did not pursue relations for more than a week or two if we did not meet during that period.

 

As to your specific circumstances, I would be leery of a woman who would discuss a specific date with another specific man adjunct to or while on a date with me. Why? Two reasons: One, most adult women know that a man creates images in his head of a woman he's interested in interacting with another man. Two, most adult women, if finding a man attractive, want him to focus totally on her, and tossing out other potentials for him to consider is counterproductive, like another man.

 

Good luck.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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I can't help be feel a little worried now...I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket, if she go's out with this other guy and likes him more than me, I'll be hurt for a couple of days at the most...But I really genuinely enjoyed talking to her, she was smart and spoke intelligently ''which in my experience is something that's very hard to come by in girls my age''. So I am a little worried that I might be outdone by this other guy. She asked me to text her later tonight, ''which I've already done''...And we talked briefly threw texts, she told me again she had a wonderful night and would definitely like to do this again soon.

 

I really hope that things workout in my favor...I can't honestly remember the last time I had a date where I felt completely at ease with someone so quickly like this.

 

She wants you to compete... Not sure it would be my thing

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

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I'm a BIG fan of meeting for a drink. You dont have a huge monetary commitment and you aren't on the hook for sitting through an entire dinner. If the drink meeting goes well, then you talk about a "real" date.

phineas Established Member

phineas

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To answer the topic, if local, I historically did not pursue relations for more than a week or two if we did not meet during that period.

 

As to your specific circumstances, I would be leery of a woman who would discuss a specific date with another specific man adjunct to or while on a date with me. Why? Two reasons: One, most adult women know that a man creates images in his head of a woman he's interested in interacting with another man. Two, most adult women, if finding a man attractive, want him to focus totally on her, and tossing out other potentials for him to consider is counterproductive, like another man.

 

Good luck.

 

And in return I want her focused on me & me only.

 

What women don't seem to get is just because a man mentioning their competition gets most of them jumping the gun to "claim" a man before the other woman does, it usually has the opposite affect on men.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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It appears this young lady didn't get the memo or her filters took a break or she has a drama gene. It'll be known in short order. My bet is she's a 'poofer'. ;)

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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It appears this young lady didn't get the memo or her filters took a break or she has a drama gene. It'll be known in short order. My bet is she's a 'poofer'. ;)

 

I'm not excatly sure what a poofer is ''lack of dating terminology on my behalf'' . But I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess its when someone just totally disappears without ever giving a reason. So far her and I have remaind in fairly close contact since the date. We've been texting each other daily, and I am planning to request a second date this weekend and see how she reacts.

 

I don't really get the drama vibe from her...My ex girlfriend ''whom I dated for a little over three years'' was a SERIOUS drama queen, I was just young and dumb and thought it didn't really matter back then, I've since learned from that mistake. But so far I don't get a drama vibe from this new girl. She seems educated and relaxed about things with no intention to start any drama, but who knows.

 

I guess all I can do is keep talking to her over the next couple of days and see which direction this go's.

Edited by MercuryMorrison1
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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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As to your specific circumstances, I would be leery of a woman who would discuss a specific date with another specific man adjunct to or while on a date with me. Why? Two reasons: One, most adult women know that a man creates images in his head of a woman he's interested in interacting with another man. Two, most adult women, if finding a man attractive, want him to focus totally on her, and tossing out other potentials for him to consider is counterproductive, like another man.

 

Good luck.

 

The last thing I want to do is feel like I'm being a naive about this, It is worth noting I actually brought up the whole dating thing...I didn't just ask her if she had other date's lined up but I asked her if she had dated anyone else from Okcupid. And that's how that came about. So I dont know if would ever have been mentiond if I hadn't said anything. We both let it be known early on that we want to move slow with what ever happens...Her and I both have been cheated on in our last relationships.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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OP, a person I term a 'poofer' is someone who apparently shows interest, apparently acts with honorable intentions, and then disappears off the face of the earth without notice or comment. Imagine someone who was friendly and engaging and mentioning future engagement and then gets shot dead on the way home from work that day. That kind of silence, like they died. Poofer.

 

This is real common in OLD. I can date the behavior back to my days of dating from newspaper classifieds, long before the internet. I had some doozie poofers back in those days, 20-30 years ago.

 

IME, women are very selective about what they talk about, even though it might seem like gibberish to a man. Everything has a plan, even if it is only an emotional one strictly in the moment. Moment over, poof. One potential. Good luck.

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MercuryMorrison1 Established Member

MercuryMorrison1

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OP, a person I term a 'poofer' is someone who apparently shows interest, apparently acts with honorable intentions, and then disappears off the face of the earth without notice or comment. Imagine someone who was friendly and engaging and mentioning future engagement and then gets shot dead on the way home from work that day. That kind of silence, like they died. Poofer.

 

This is real common in OLD. I can date the behavior back to my days of dating from newspaper classifieds, long before the internet. I had some doozie poofers back in those days, 20-30 years ago.

 

IME, women are very selective about what they talk about, even though it might seem like gibberish to a man. Everything has a plan, even if it is only an emotional one strictly in the moment. Moment over, poof. One potential. Good luck.

 

Well...I texted her last night after I got off work around 9pm and so far its been total radio silence since then. I did notice that she was on her Okcupid profile at 12:03am this morning though, so she was for sure awake when I sent her a text.

 

You may be right after all...

 

Thanks for the info.

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