badplace Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 well where do i start.... Im 26 years old and my ex is 24 and ouur little girl is now 10 1/2 months old, we split up roughly 4 months ago and she got straight with one of her close friends who she has known for a long time. she always told me i dont have to worry about him because she found him incredibly un-attractive and never looked at him in that way. (not being petty.. but he is ugly, and a bit weird). the breakup happened because i asked for a break to sort my head out as im a full time carer for my mother and also work nights.. i also had alot of personal deamons i needed to sort out. she chased me for the two weeks until i nearly had a heart attack at work through stress. i then reolised.. right thats it, i want to marry this girl and sort us out for good. The attack was like a huge reality check. she said yeh of course i want to sort us out and be a family.. The next day she went out for the guys she is now withs birthday and BAM everything changed. she began to act cold and said she wasnt sure anymore.. within two days that changed to ive given up. I was begging and pleading for her to give us a shot, then it clicked, there is another man involved.. i had seen this expression before when she left me for her ex a couple of years back. she denyed it.. i hacked her facebook and saw the messagages between the both... I FREAKED! i went to her house and all the lights were off and her car wasnt there. I freaked because i didnt know where my daughter was and thought she must be with this guy.. Anyway things got bad over the 3 months we were apart when she finally admitted she was seeing him. I went crazy and i mean crazy.. txting all the time, calling all the time and trying to find out where she was all the time, i lost compleate control, said and did some ridicules/ mad things.. only through pure pain of how she could do this to our family, and how she could decieve me again.. as she had done this on more than one occasion. I admit that when my daughter was born i wasnt there as much as i should have been for them both BUT i was still always there when i was needed but just couldnt see the bigger picture as i was under so much stress, the point was that i reolised what i had done and she had moved on... The arguments have only recently stopped and we seem to be getting on a lot better, (Not arguing atm) she knows i still love her dearly and would do anything to have her and my daughter back for good.. I am easily 10 times the father i was and im hoping this will show her i am for real and that this new guy is just a fling. she said that i am still the love of her life and admitted that she doesnt want our child to grow up in separate familys.. i just dont know if her and this guy will last as she seems compleatly infatuated with him. Loosing them both is not an option.. I NEED TO KNOW IF THERES A CHANCE OF SORTING THIS ONCE AND FOR GOOD.. what should i do.. im even going to counselling to get my head straight... thanks guys
hinatticus Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 All I can say from experience is let her cool off. I mean give her space and never provoke arguments or if arguments happen do your best to defuse them. Our situations are similar except I'm further along post breakup, older and my son is 2. Keep up with counseling, it works wonders if you trust your counselor. Be there for your daughter and just be the best dad that you can be. Never use your kid as a pawn. Have you figure out any kind of agreement? I'm lucky in that we figured everything out without lawyers. It can get ugly. Hang in there man cuz it may get worse before it gets better. 1
Author badplace Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 yeh we have a good arrangement, all based around her work and when she wants to see this guy.. i am just praying that she will se sence and make the rite choice.. i was a boy when we broke up and this whole thing has changed me into a man BELIEVE ME.. do you think i still have a chance? is this guy jst a rebound?
hinatticus Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It doesn't really matter what I think. You have to look at your situation and ask yourself that. Hope is a tricky thing to deal with. If you want, use that hope you have into making yourself into the best man you can be. Then when all the dust settles you can say to yourself honestly that at least you are a better man. Healthy relationships take two people. Focus on yourself and try not to think about what your ex is doing. It's hard but don't get consumed by your emotions. Think neutral!!!! Nothing you do is gonna change her mind. Do stuff for you!! Read self help books and stay in counseling. Believe me man, if it wasn't for my counselor and the books I've read I'd probably be worse off. Having a kid changes the break up dynamic. You can't just go nc and heal. You have huge responsibilities. Anyway. Good luck. 1
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