Easyguy14 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Lets start with the fact that we met 2-3 weeks ago. She works across from my job at a hardware store. She started the interaction by saying that she noticed me getting in and out of the hearse and backing stuff into the garage and wanted to know what was in there. She says this with a smile so I knew she already knew. Anyway we go out a few times and thats cool and then we swap facebooks to see each others pictures. This is where things change for me because when I see all those posing photos of her its annoying because to me shes' actually overdoing it. She's got about 200-300 shots of her looking sexy with a bunch of unknowns commenting on them left to right. I'm agitated. I keep my facebook profile open to only friends and family so my contacts on it is a small circle while hers is anywhere between 1,000-2,000. I'm trying to understand why so much? I know she dont know all these people but she acts like she does when she keeps commenting on all of them. I'm supposed to be dating a mature 28 yr old but this feels anything but and I feel much older than 31 with this stuff. Should I bring this up to her that it bothers me or is it too early?
mammasita Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 She sounds like an "attention whore"....you can try to talk to her, but I've never seen a person like that change. 1
pteromom Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Should I bring this up to her that it bothers me or is it too early? You should NEVER bring this up. Everyone uses social media in different ways. For her, this is how she celebrates her life. BTW, I have 1000 friends too, and I am no attention whore. I just like to post, and people think I am funny so they respond. The question you need to be asking is whether you can deal with it or not. This is who she is - obviously an extrovert, or at least an online extrovert. Is it a dealbreaker for you or not? If so, move on. If not, you need to try to get over your insecurities about it and keep getting to know her. 1
sweetkiwi Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 yeah. You're having doubts. Move on. There are lots of girls who won't annoy you with sexy pictures and needing random dudes to affirm them. 3
Author Easyguy14 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 You should NEVER bring this up. Everyone uses social media in different ways. For her, this is how she celebrates her life. BTW, I have 1000 friends too, and I am no attention whore. I just like to post, and people think I am funny so they respond. The question you need to be asking is whether you can deal with it or not. This is who she is - obviously an extrovert, or at least an online extrovert. Is it a dealbreaker for you or not? If so, move on. If not, you need to try to get over your insecurities about it and keep getting to know her. Isnt 28 a bit too old to behave such? Often I see teenagers doing this crap to impress peers but a grown woman with a 4 year old child? Thats a little disturbing to me. I'm not sure about how to bring it up and in what way. If and when I do it will be done securely and not insecurely if that makes sense? I will just say something like why so many photos? You look better in person without the need for people to remind you on the internet. Other than this, she's ok. 1
xxoo Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 If it bothers you that much, bring it up. Just say you were surprised to see she has over 1k fb friends, because you've never known someone in your general age group to have so many. Keep it neutral, and see how she responds. Don't use terms like "this crap" or "to impress peers". Keep it neutral. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something. But the conversation will be informative. Getting to know each other, and all that 1
kaylan Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Sounds like an attention whore. This would right turn me off. Bring it up if you feel like it. I know I would. Personally behavior like that is enough to keep me from dating a girl seriously. She obviously gets all of her esteem and validation from her looks and based on guys wanting to pump and dump her. And shes 28...time to grow the hell up. 2
Jane2011 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) Isnt 28 a bit too old to behave such? Often I see teenagers doing this crap to impress peers but a grown woman with a 4 year old child? Thats a little disturbing to me. I'm not sure about how to bring it up and in what way. If and when I do it will be done securely and not insecurely if that makes sense? I will just say something like why so many photos? You look better in person without the need for people to remind you on the internet. Other than this, she's ok. I don't think it's necessarily immature of her. There are women out there who post a lot and are very social. Some like their looks a lot, know they're pretty, etc., and post pictures. I don't think it makes them immature. There are guys on my Facebook newsfeed who keep talking talking talking all day long about this and that, their beliefs, etc., etc., posting pictures of the good time they're having, etc. I don't think they're immature either. Some people are more into social networking than others. Some people are into sharing their lives more than others. It has nothing to do with age or maturity. I'm a college level teacher, and I have a bunch of 19 year old students who write in their reading responses about how they think social networking is so lame and don't get how people could post so much on Facebook. It's not most of them, but some of them have this reaction to Facebook. Believe me, they're immature dorks, but they hate social networking. Conversely, many very mature, likable people like social networking and even like the attention of people talking to them a lot and "liking" their things on Facebook. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm more annoyed by people who are "so annoyed" by people having a good time on Facebook than I am by people who have a good time and enjoy some attention on Facebook. At least the latter set of people are just being happy and joyful, they're not being annoying in their disdain of people who are having a good time. And guys thinking badly of women who are pretty and put up pretty photos of themselves and get attention from guys...well, I can see not wanting an "attention whore," -- but consider this, she's only an attention whore because you've decided to label her an attention whore and/or listen to other male friends who call her an attention whore. People who aren't bitter about pretty women who get male attention don't call her an attention whore. They may or may not be like her themselves, but in any case, they don't think badly of her; they just think she's having a good time and being social. For the record, I'm a lot more subdued on Facebook than the person you're describing. I'm not the girl who posts hot pictures of herself, nor do I have a lot of Facebook friends, nor do I get a lot of male attention on Facebook. Ergo, I'm not defending 'my kind.' I'm just a normal person who doesn't begrudge people -- men or women -- who have fun lives and share those fun lives with other people. Dudes who are so upset when a woman gets attention on Facebook...ugh. You could probably stand to grow up too. That being said, you're certainly allowed the personality type you want in a woman. You could easily say, "I want a more reserved woman." But the "isn't that a bit immature?" comments are silly. It's not immature. There is no correlation between how social and Facebook-liking one is and how mature they are. Likewise, many of the most attention-liking people on Facebook are the nicest and most sincere, while many of those who solicit little attention on Facebook are jackasses. Edited October 18, 2012 by Jane2011 1
Shaun-Dro Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Lets start with the fact that we met 2-3 weeks ago. She works across from my job at a hardware store. She started the interaction by saying that she noticed me getting in and out of the hearse and backing stuff into the garage and wanted to know what was in there. She says this with a smile so I knew she already knew. Anyway we go out a few times and thats cool and then we swap facebooks to see each others pictures. This is where things change for me because when I see all those posing photos of her its annoying because to me shes' actually overdoing it. She's got about 200-300 shots of her looking sexy with a bunch of unknowns commenting on them left to right. I'm agitated. I keep my facebook profile open to only friends and family so my contacts on it is a small circle while hers is anywhere between 1,000-2,000. I'm trying to understand why so much? I know she dont know all these people but she acts like she does when she keeps commenting on all of them. I'm supposed to be dating a mature 28 yr old but this feels anything but and I feel much older than 31 with this stuff. Should I bring this up to her that it bothers me or is it too early? Obviously she needs constant validation from other parties. I wouldn't take her seriously if I were you. Just have fun with her and then move on to the next available dame. They're plenty of them out there looking for action.
Jane2011 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Also, it's been my observation that people who get a lot of "likes" and "comments" on Facebook...write statuses and post pics all the more. Why? Because they're getting social feedback, and hence have incentive to keep up their social ways. Those who don't get a lot of feedback from friends, etc., tend to shy away from posting a lot. Then they decide that Facebook is stupid and for "attention whores." Quit begrudging this girl for being successful.
Shaun-Dro Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) I don't think it's necessarily immature of her. There are women out there who post a lot and are very social. Some like their looks a lot, know they're pretty, etc., and post pictures. I don't think it makes them immature. There are guys on my Facebook newsfeed who keep talking talking talking all day long about this and that, their beliefs, etc., etc., posting pictures of the good time they're having, etc. I don't think they're immature either. Some people are more into social networking than others. Some people are into sharing their lives more than others. It has nothing to do with age or maturity. I'm a college level teacher, and I have a bunch of 19 year old students who write in their reading responses about how they think social networking is so lame and don't get how people could post so much on Facebook. It's not most of them, but some of them have this reaction to Facebook. Believe me, they're immature dorks, but they hate social networking. Conversely, many very mature, likable people like social networking and even like the attention of people talking to them a lot and "liking" their things on Facebook. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm more annoyed by people who are "so annoyed" by people having a good time on Facebook than I am by people who have a good time and enjoy some attention on Facebook. At least the latter set of people are just being happy and joyful, they're not being annoying in their disdain of people who are having a good time. And guys thinking badly of women who are pretty and put up pretty photos of themselves and get attention from guys...well, I can see not wanting an "attention whore," -- but consider this, she's only an attention whore because you've decided to label her an attention whore and/or listen to other male friends who call her an attention whore. People who aren't bitter about pretty women who get male attention don't call her an attention whore. They may or may not be like her themselves, but in any case, they don't think badly of her; they just think she's having a good time and being social. For the record, I'm a lot more subdued on Facebook than the person you're describing. I'm not the girl who posts hot pictures of herself, nor do I have a lot of Facebook friends, nor do I get a lot of male attention on Facebook. Ergo, I'm not defending 'my kind.' I'm just a normal person who doesn't begrudge people -- men or women -- who have fun lives and share those fun lives with other people. Dudes who are so upset when a woman gets attention on Facebook...ugh. You could probably stand to grow up too. That being said, you're certainly allowed the personality type you want in a woman. You could easily say, "I want a more reserved woman." But the "isn't that a bit immature?" comments are silly. It's not immature. There is no correlation between how social and Facebook-liking one is and how mature they are. Likewise, many of the most attention-liking people on Facebook are the nicest and most sincere, while many of those who solicit little attention on Facebook are jackasses. Such an unneccessary long post, which I don't agree with at all. Edited October 18, 2012 by Shaun-Dro missed a letter
CC12 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Should I bring this up to her that it bothers me or is it too early? I don't think you should ever bring it up. What would the goal be? To get her to take the pictures down? I'm really, honestly trying to understand why you're agitated that she's got a few hundred photos on her Facebook page. Is it that you're bothered that she gets attention? Too many "friends"? Too many comments? What? Can you explain, OP?
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Maybe she is just not your type. It would certainly seem odd to talk about it. You barely know her. She's had her facebook persona for a long time. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Yeah she's definitely attention whoring it up, you can rest assured she's got plenty of guys chasing her tail constantly and she loves the attention and pursuit...makes her feel all warm and fuzzy and special. Personally, not my type and I'm definitely not putting myself down on one knee with the rest of the herd, raising her on a pedestal, "liking" her photos and commenting on them "wow you look hawt!", screw that man, It has a PG-13 cheesy/raunchy strip-club feel to It but without the nudity...I'd just tip my hat like a cowboy and keep moseying down the dirt highway...no reason to question or criticize..I know what I'm looking for, and It's obvious what she is doing and what she needs, I'm not big on insecure women as they need too much attention and become too clingy when they find someone they really like (whether it's one week, two weeks or a few months - a constant string of crushes on "hot guys") and If they're constantly on the look out for It IMO. It's their challenge to round up as many interested men and never have to feel unwanted and undesired. So It's up to you, I couldn't help it myself how I felt...my interest would smack the floor like a piece of raw meat...so I think It's up to you, do you like dating the miss popularity contest? I don't know what Jane is smoking in this post, I'm not sure why her sympathies for these type of women are so great without being one unless It's someone she knows and is close to...but at the end of the day It's up to the guy, he's either interested in that or not. Personally If you're getting paid for it, knock yourself out, get paid for it...If you're doing it just to be your own personal celebrity, that strikes me as more immature than mature to at least me..why do you need to share your life and befriend all these douchebags that are clearly interested in the same thing and probably all take a go at you one after another IF they could?... and then just call It being "confident and enjoying life". C'mon, any competent man knows why you do it...It's one of those things that actually make it more of a turn-off when you try to sugar coat it, I respect the woman way more who is an attention whore and admits it than the one who is not yet denies and pretends not to be one. 4
phineas Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Isnt 28 a bit too old to behave such? Often I see teenagers doing this crap to impress peers but a grown woman with a 4 year old child? Thats a little disturbing to me. I'm not sure about how to bring it up and in what way. If and when I do it will be done securely and not insecurely if that makes sense? I will just say something like why so many photos? You look better in person without the need for people to remind you on the internet. Other than this, she's ok. I see this crap with 40yr olds on FB. My experience, if she actually puts down you are in a relationship on FB a bunch of butt-hurt beta's are going to friend request you & when you ignore it the white knighting will increase 10 fold (if you can believe that) She's just for fun. Not relationship material. If she's using pictures to get attention from random people on the internet. 3
sweetkiwi Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 And out of the 300 "scantily-dressed-and-looking-for-attention" FB photos, in approximately how many is she making that ridiculous duck-face? very funny! I hate that face. I really don't think the number of pictures is relevant. Are they all half naked pictures? Is she trying to be sexy in them? Maybe she is hot. Maybe guys notice that. Maybe she's lacking excitement in other areas of her life. You really don't know every aspect of her life or her mentality and pretending otherwise is silly. What you do know is you are uncomfortable which means she's not the girl for you.
tori0001 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I've been reading this thread, and it bothers me. What this woman has on her FB was before you, she had a life before you, and it's no concern of yours. If you find bothersome, then maybe you guys are not meant for each other. Geez, it's only FB. It's to show your life. 1
Chocolat Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Does not sound as though you are compatible. Time to move on. 1
Leigh 87 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I don't think it's necessarily immature of her. There are women out there who post a lot and are very social. Some like their looks a lot, know they're pretty, etc., and post pictures. I don't think it makes them immature. There are guys on my Facebook newsfeed who keep talking talking talking all day long about this and that, their beliefs, etc., etc., posting pictures of the good time they're having, etc. I don't think they're immature either. Some people are more into social networking than others. Some people are into sharing their lives more than others. It has nothing to do with age or maturity. I'm a college level teacher, and I have a bunch of 19 year old students who write in their reading responses about how they think social networking is so lame and don't get how people could post so much on Facebook. It's not most of them, but some of them have this reaction to Facebook. Believe me, they're immature dorks, but they hate social networking. Conversely, many very mature, likable people like social networking and even like the attention of people talking to them a lot and "liking" their things on Facebook. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm more annoyed by people who are "so annoyed" by people having a good time on Facebook than I am by people who have a good time and enjoy some attention on Facebook. At least the latter set of people are just being happy and joyful, they're not being annoying in their disdain of people who are having a good time. And guys thinking badly of women who are pretty and put up pretty photos of themselves and get attention from guys...well, I can see not wanting an "attention whore," -- but consider this, she's only an attention whore because you've decided to label her an attention whore and/or listen to other male friends who call her an attention whore. People who aren't bitter about pretty women who get male attention don't call her an attention whore. They may or may not be like her themselves, but in any case, they don't think badly of her; they just think she's having a good time and being social. For the record, I'm a lot more subdued on Facebook than the person you're describing. I'm not the girl who posts hot pictures of herself, nor do I have a lot of Facebook friends, nor do I get a lot of male attention on Facebook. Ergo, I'm not defending 'my kind.' I'm just a normal person who doesn't begrudge people -- men or women -- who have fun lives and share those fun lives with other people. Dudes who are so upset when a woman gets attention on Facebook...ugh. You could probably stand to grow up too. That being said, you're certainly allowed the personality type you want in a woman. You could easily say, "I want a more reserved woman." But the "isn't that a bit immature?" comments are silly. It's not immature. There is no correlation between how social and Facebook-liking one is and how mature they are. Likewise, many of the most attention-liking people on Facebook are the nicest and most sincere, while many of those who solicit little attention on Facebook are jackasses. 100% agree. Almost. Although I do think it is a little unhealthy to post pictures of YOURSELF incessantly. They are not necessarily immature for it, or bad people in any sense. I thought highly of my boyfriends ex, because: although she is very attractive, all her 600 pictures were of her travels, having fun times with friends, and funny and worthwhile things. To me it says a lot about her; where as if she had posted loads of pictures of her in a bikini or in sexy poses, I would still respect her the same, but for some reason I like the fact she seamed LESS self obsessed. I don't know. I try not to judge people when possible, but I guess I cannot help it.
serial muse Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I have mixed feelings about this. I'm a private person, and I wouldn't like it if my partner was seemingly craving all that attention from strangers. I wouldn't trust it. This is because it's a kind of trigger for me - my exH love love loved attention in that way, and that turned out to be a very, very bad cheaty thing. So I really do get where you're coming from. That said, this was her FB style long before she met you, it sounds like. You could talk to her about it - if you can do it in a non-judgy way, because you've been dating a really short time and you don't really know her yet, so don't assume things about her - just to understand where she's coming from and so she can understand your point of view. And then make up your mind. Frankly, this could just be a fundamental incompatibility. Some people are flirts, and some aren't. I'm not, and I don't really enjoy dating people who are. It may be innocent on their part, or not - but even innocent, I recognize that it's not for me. So maybe give her a chance to talk to you about it, and then decide if you're just not on the same page, or what. 2
InJest Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Kaylan and Phineas are right. The girl is an attention whore. You can keep seeing her, but don't take her seriously, and do NOT invest anything emotionally. Bang her while you look for someone who is compatible. It's always easier to get another girl when you already have one. 1
ScienceGal Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 She could be the sweetest woman, with the best of intentions, but the looming reality is that she seems like someone that needs too much attention. Meaning, even if you were Mr. Wonderful, she'll likely still be keeping connections to other men "just in case", or be reaching out inappropriately when you two argue. Someone that needs attention from practical strangers has a self-esteem and identity issue, IMO. 2
mortensorchid Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I thik many of us have learned the hard way about all things Facebook. Admit it, Facebook has changed our lives. But in this case, if you are uncomfortable with things, I would opt to just let it be and either move on from her or accept it. Her page was like that before you got there and chances are it will continue to be so. 1
missgangrene Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 You met her 2-3 weeks ago but she's already your girlfriend? That's...odd. I didn't realize people judged people so much by the number of pictures and friends they have on Facebook. So what is considered an acceptable number of both? Like, what's the cut-off for an okay amount and what's attention whoring?
phineas Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 You met her 2-3 weeks ago but she's already your girlfriend? That's...odd. I didn't realize people judged people so much by the number of pictures and friends they have on Facebook. So what is considered an acceptable number of both? Like, what's the cut-off for an okay amount and what's attention whoring? What topic are you reading? It isn't about how many pictures she has up, it's about the content of those pictures & the deluge of whiteknight phaggots telling her how "HAWT" she is in most of those pictures. Which by the way is the reason she posts them. For the attention those men give her. I don't care what anybody says, there is something wrong with you if you feel the need to do that. 3 1
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