Uzo Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Met and dated a guy briefly. I though we clicked well, and then he wrote and told me he needed space because he was (is) still heartbroken from the split with his ex. He also said there was a slim chance that they might get back together, but that it was uncertain. I found it distasteful that he would bring up his ex while pursuing me. It was a major turn off. He's back and said while he wasn't a 100% healed, that he felt comfortable at giving a new relationship a try. I declined. What do you think? I would appreciate your objectivity here. BTW, I
bluefairy812 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 oh no, hung up on ex = red flag. don't settle to be someone's rebound. it takes one to know one.
Author Uzo Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Also, he made mention of it not being fair to the ex for him to jump into another relationship immediately after the breakup--that this would be hurtful to his ex. I found this BS appalling... If the relationship is over, why would one worry about hurting the ex, thereby refusing to move on?
geegirl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Also, he made mention of it not being fair to the ex for him to jump into another relationship immediately after the breakup--that this would be hurtful to his ex. I found this BS appalling... If the relationship is over, why would one worry about hurting the ex, thereby refusing to move on? You did the right thing. It's not fair to the ex? It's not fair to you that he's suggesting a relationship when he's not healed and still has unresolved feelings for her. He "worries about her" because moving on would most likely close the door for reconciliation, if she ever found out he's with someone else or ever contemplated getting back with him. Translation: He worries for himself. Find someone that is emotionally open and available to having a relationship. You don't want to be the transition woman. 3
ffw Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 He's still not over his last relationship & is still emotionally attached to her. He is just using as a rebound. Like Geegee mention find someone who is not playing games with you & can share a heathly relationship. It's not going to be easy, but it is better now than later. 1
KatZee Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Also, he made mention of it not being fair to the ex for him to jump into another relationship immediately after the breakup--that this would be hurtful to his ex. I found this BS appalling... If the relationship is over, why would one worry about hurting the ex, thereby refusing to move on? Yup. That's all it is. BS. Don't fall for it for a second. I learned this lesson the hard way. Except my now ex boyfriend told me he was over his ex. Hadn't been in love with her for years. Blah blah blah. So I proceeded. He too pulled the "we can't make it public so soon after the split with her b/c it'll hurt her." Yeah, OK? You dumped her. It doesn't get any more hurtful than that. Turns out he wasn't so over his ex as he so claimed b/c he wound up cheating on me with her.
Liz2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 He's just not ready. You can get angry at him but it takes a while to be ready after one relationship ends before you're fully ready for the next. If you really like him, give him some months to heal and you never know 1
JustALittleBit Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 100% right decision. Trust me, I was with someone who claimed to be ready for a relationship... he justified it by saying he didn't miss her so that meant was over her. But clearly he was not because things from the break up still bothered him, and he still had this weird caring for her thing... I think he basically was still in love with her and hadn't genuinely let go. The effect of all this upon our relationship = we were good to go at the beginning, but as we got deeper into it he put up these barriers and wouldn't let me in, so I felt horrible. Because he couldn't give himself to me, we lacked intimacy... I'd be there just wishing he'd like me and give me a sign, but he held back. And so I never felt good enough. I also suspect he brought the unresolved issues from the last relationship into ours because his reactions to things were sometimes really unwarranted, like we'd have an argument and he'd accuse me of something, and I'd be like wtf??? That doesn't reflect me at all... Basically it ruins self esteem, don't go there!!! I'd break ties and if in a few months he tracks you down, maybe give it a go because he's gone through the effort of tracking you down. Otherwise you will just be a person to replace the last, but not genuinely liked for YOU.
Recommended Posts