He's still looking at my profile. Why?

[sillychick]

Hello!! Coming to you guys for some perspective, again!

 

I wrote a thread not long ago about a guy that I slept with, and I was afraid it was too soon. All of the signs were that he was into me, not a player, not just looking for sex.

 

After we had sex he did the fade out, and I have never heard from him again.

 

I didn't go all crazy chick on him and blow up his phone, I just let it go. I don't hang around where I'm not wanted. I put my profile back up and moved along.

 

I sent him one message via the dating site we met on about a week after the sex date, it was not confrontational or anything. He read it but never answered. (regretting sending that now, but honestly, it was a very nice message not accusatory or anything like that).

 

So now, it's been about 2-3 weeks (lost track) and I notice he has looked at my profile about 3 times in the last 4-5 days.

 

He knows I can see him looking at my profile. Why in the world would he do this?

 

If I have gone on a handful of dates with someone I'm no longer interested in, I never look at their profile. Never. I'm moving on.

 

I have a handful of guy friends and I ran this scenario by them, told them all the details, and they BOTH separately told me they think that he was worried about moving too fast, that he got spooked. They both told me that if he was just looking for sex, he wouldn't have put in that much effort. It's a long story, but just saying that he did put in a lot of effort. Calling, texting, meeting me out, asking to see me, talking about the future, planning something for us to do in November.

 

Any insight? Boredom? Looking for my attention?

[AsItIs]

Sounds eerily familiar!

[sillychick]

I know I was reading your thread with great interest. LOL

 

But this guy has COMPLETELY fallen off the face of the earth with me. Strange.

 

I'm moved on from it, to me this shows a ton about his character and I'm not looking back. But just wondering what you all think about it.

[AsItIs]

All I can say is I'm sorry that happened to you.No matter what a douche rocket he is...it still kinda stings.

 

One thing I forgot to mention is that if you're talking about the dating site "Plenty Of F*cks",there's technically no way to know how many times someone viewed you.They only show up the first time (and that's only if they allowed themselves to be seen,in the settings)The people popping up at the top of your screen, are just showing up cause they've recently logged on, not because they viewed you again.

[sillychick]

Oh thank you for that info but no, it's Match.

 

On Match if they look at your profile you can see the last time they looked. When I log on (often) it's the first thing I look at, who viewed me. Not sure why, habit I guess.

 

So out of the blue when I logged on the other morning, he's right at the top. Then again the other night, and again yesterday afternoon, he's at the top with the other guys.

 

Especially on their phone app you can see clearly the activity in the order it came in. So and so winked at you, so and so made you a favorite, so and so looked at your profile, etc.

 

Good luck to you!

[amaysngrace]

I think your guys friends are right. He got spooked.

 

Go on with your life and be flattered by it but don't contact him or get busted checking on his profile. If he wants to be in your life it's up to him to make the effort.

[SmileFace]

What would it matter? Are you entertaining the idea of responding if he contacts you? He may be contemplating contacting you. But if he wanted to contact you and apoligize he would. He may be showing you off to a friend, jacking to your pics or clicked it accidently a couple of time or it may have been his cat. It really doesn't matter. Plus the advice your male friends gave you if beyond surprising to me, I really wonder if any guy here will agree with that.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think he's just thinking about it because he already had sex with you and debating whether to contact you or not again....but regardless the fact that he's playing off means he isn't interested in going further with you, however I think he'll throw out a line again just to hook up with you again possibly.

 

Not sure of your other thread or If he got spooked...don't see why a man would do that and then check your profile over and over like that, It sounds like he just fed you some BS and he could even have something else going on so he's tied up atm.

[sillychick]

Smileface yes I know the 'why' doesn't matter, because I have NO plans of contacting him at all. So really it doesn't matter if he wants to reconnect, I'm not going to do it. He's already shown me who he is and I'm listening. So to speak.

 

I just find the behavior very curious. I was just on Match, and he's looked at my profile again.

 

Almost wonder if he was seeing someone else also and that didn't work out.

 

Who knows.

 

Ninja-thought of that also. I had a friend tell me that visiting my profile was like going back to the 'scene of the crime'. LOL Nice

 

Thx again!!

[Easyguy14]

Hello!! Coming to you guys for some perspective, again!

 

I wrote a thread not long ago about a guy that I slept with, and I was afraid it was too soon. All of the signs were that he was into me, not a player, not just looking for sex.

 

May I ask why were you so determined to sleep with him so quickly? Were you drunk or coerced in some way? Please fill me in case you already wrote about it in another thread.

[sillychick]

May I ask why were you so determined to sleep with him so quickly? Were you drunk or coerced in some way? Please fill me in case you already wrote about it in another thread.

 

I did make a thread about it at the time.

 

Well, all I can say is that it felt right at the time. We talked about it, we were pretty open about it. We both knew it was going to happen. My kids were with their dad and we had my place to ourselves. We went out that night and returned here. He spent the night.

 

He seemed to have a genuine interest in me, and me as a person not just to sleep with me. We were talking about something in November we wanted to do together, he was mentioning me spending the weekend at his place in a couple of weeks. We were both being somewhat cautious but yet both assuming that we would continue dating and maybe head into a relationship.

 

We spent a lot of time talking about anything and everything. He was years out of his marriage and ready to date, we talked about that. I had been skittish in the past about relationships, and we talked about that. He knew I didn't take sex lightly, we talked about that. He called me and we had a handful of phone convo's, so it wasn't just a 'hey baby' type of texting thing either.

 

So I don't know. In hindsight, of course, I think we moved the sex too quickly. I have learned that lesson in a big way.

 

I still don't believe that's all he wanted. Maybe he was talking or dating someone else and headed in that direction. I don't know. But I can't believe he would put in that much effort just to get laid.

 

I know it happens, I'm not naive. But I also have a good read on people.

 

Ah well. Live and learn. But seeing him look at my profile almost daily just makes me wonder why he's bothering?

[utterer of lies]

Any insight? Boredom? Looking for my attention?

 

He's still interested, but only if the balance of power shifts in his favour, e.g. you will have to do most of the contacting, etc.

[sillychick]

He's still interested, but only if the balance of power shifts in his favour, e.g. you will have to do most of the contacting, etc.

 

I also thought this could be true.

 

He has looked at my profile 6 days out of the last 7. Seriously, almost every day. Twice yesterday. In the afternoon and again around midnight. Grrrr

 

Thanks for all of your advice. I'm going to let this go, but it's hard not to reach out because I really liked him. But I know it's not the 'right' thing to do.

[InJest]

How much effort did the guy put in? When I used online dating to do nothing but rail a bunch of girls, I had no problem talking/listening to girls taking them out on well thought out dates, tailored to what I knew about them. When I told them I wasn't interested in a relationship, they were always 'shocked' and 'felt used'. I guess they felt led on because I had a genuine interest in them as a person, and they were thrown off by the amount of attention I gave them. But how hard is it really to have text conversations while I'm sitting around at work? How hard is it to cook dinner for a girl when I'm already cooking for myself? Guys that just want sex don't typically do that stuff, but that doesn't mean you assume we're in a relationship.

 

I kinda went on a rant, but back to the point, he probably is just checking up on you, or maybe showing off the girl he banged. Me and this other guy at work would show each other and our other coworkers who we were banging and who we had on the line all the time. The thing about OLD is that if you already do well with women, then you will be a superstar with OLD, and if you're spoiled by choice, you generally stop caring and start treating people as numbers instead of people. I stopped using OLD once I realized, while it seemed dumb to me, people were really getting hurt while I was just playing a game.

 

Bottom line. This guy doesn't want anything serious, but will probably take an FWB situation if he doesn't have to put in any effort.

[Drseussgrrl]

No don't reach out to him.

 

Men are weird. I had a guy I dated over the summer "like" almost everything I posted on Facebook for two months after we stopped seeing each other. I kept clear of his FB page. I assumed he was trying to get me to reach out in some way.

 

So, after about 10 weeks of no contact, I sent him a friendly email.

 

He ignored it. I was just left thinking - WTF, you crapped all over my FB for two months (in hindsight should have deleted him), and when I finally reached out I got IGNORED.

 

Bottom line is, if he isn't taking any proactive action, don't read into anything.

[whatheheckhappened]

sillychick...i'm on match..been on an off for years. im a guy...sounds like this guy is contemplating reaching out again b/c he is somewhat interested and wants to get laid again. dont reach out. it's up to him to get in touch w/ you. make him work. if you reach out, the same thing will happen!

[sillychick]

How much effort did the guy put in? When I used online dating to do nothing but rail a bunch of girls, I had no problem talking/listening to girls taking them out on well thought out dates, tailored to what I knew about them. When I told them I wasn't interested in a relationship, they were always 'shocked' and 'felt used'. I guess they felt led on because I had a genuine interest in them as a person, and they were thrown off by the amount of attention I gave them. But how hard is it really to have text conversations while I'm sitting around at work? How hard is it to cook dinner for a girl when I'm already cooking for myself? Guys that just want sex don't typically do that stuff, but that doesn't mean you assume we're in a relationship.

 

I kinda went on a rant, but back to the point, he probably is just checking up on you, or maybe showing off the girl he banged. Me and this other guy at work would show each other and our other coworkers who we were banging and who we had on the line all the time. The thing about OLD is that if you already do well with women, then you will be a superstar with OLD, and if you're spoiled by choice, you generally stop caring and start treating people as numbers instead of people. I stopped using OLD once I realized, while it seemed dumb to me, people were really getting hurt while I was just playing a game.

 

Bottom line. This guy doesn't want anything serious, but will probably take an FWB situation if he doesn't have to put in any effort.

 

He put in A LOT of effort. Not just texting but phone calls, dates, future talking. He did everything 'right'. Everything that us girls look for as far as a sign that he's interested in us and not just interested in sex, he did it.

 

Hard to believe a guy will put in that much effort to get laid. I guess I just don't get it. He could have put in 1/2 as much effort possibly and still got laid, and even had girls on the side, but all of his attention seemed to be on me.

 

This guy wasn't on Match hardly at all (as far as logging on, I mean) while we were talking, he went days without logging on. (Yes, I checked. My profile had been hidden at the time). He called me every couple nights on his way home from work to chat, texted me non stop for hours (getting to know you better kinda stuff) in the evenings, once we were settled in for the night. HE brought up something he would like us to go to in November and then said 'well, it's October, it's certainly not a stretch that we'll still be dating'.

 

If this is what 'player, just wants sex or FWB' looks like, then call me officially confused. I will NEVER be able to tell if a guy really likes me if this is what player looks like.

 

Ah well. Anyway. Thanks Drsuessgirl and whattheheck also, I appreciate your input.

 

We'll see. I'm talking to other people and I'm not really interested at this point, I'm just very confused by the bazaar behavior.

[sillychick]

And something else....if he wanted to keep me around as a fbuddy or FWB, don't you think he would still be sometimes texting me to keep me on a string?

 

I've had guys do that. Put in just enough effort to see if they still have me there. Throw out a line and see if I'm still on the end.

 

This guy has done none of that. I have not heard one peep from him since a couple days after he left my place. (3 weeks ago??).

 

If he wanted to keep me around for that purpose, one would think that he would throw out a 'hey, I've been busy but just wanted to say hi' kinda text.

 

But complete silence? Doesn't make sense.

 

Anyway, as you can tell, he has me bamboozled. LOL I really didn't see this coming at all. I'm usually a much better read of people.

 

Thx again LS peeps.

[fremonde]

I hate to break it to you, but hes probably masturbating. does it happen around the same time every day or sometimes late at night? he might not want to put the work into a relationship, but doesnt mind the thought of when you were together and the eye candy.

[sillychick]

I hate to break it to you, but hes probably masturbating. does it happen around the same time every day or sometimes late at night? he might not want to put the work into a relationship, but doesnt mind the thought of when you were together and the eye candy.

 

This actually cracked me up because one of my guy friends just said the same thing the other night. We were texting and I said to him 'omg, XXX just looked at my profile again!!' and his only reply was 'stroking it....'.

 

LOL Whatever floats his boat.

 

Actually he has looked at my profile all different times. On Tuesday he looked at it around noonish, then again later that night. Sunday it was early in the morning.

[zanesfan]

I've been in a similar situation like this. From reading your thread, any man that is interested in you, whether you all had sex or not would not have backed off.

 

I agree with Ninja, it sounds like he was in it for the thrill of things. I also agree that he may be weighing his options at the moment. But please, do not entertain him again. Otherwise you will be back at square one. Block him if you have too.. Dont drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why he is looking at your page; only he really knows.

 

I think you may still have feelings for him. Otherwise, this wouldnt be an issue, no?

 

Any male that is man enough to sleep with a woman and then coward enough to leave doesnt deserve to be thought about.

[sillychick]

Dont drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why he is looking at your page; only he really knows.

 

I think you may still have feelings for him. Otherwise, this wouldnt be an issue, no?

 

Any male that is man enough to sleep with a woman and then coward enough to leave doesnt deserve to be thought about.

 

Well, I wouldn't say I have strong feelings, but yet he's the first guy in a long time that I really felt a connection with and could see myself continuing to date and see where it goes.

 

So that right there is the reason I have been thinking so much about it. It took me a while to be ready to date again, and to really feel like I'm in a good place after a difficult divorce. He and I talked about it, his divorce has been final 2+ years, he said he was ready for a relationship, etc. So to finally feel ready, then to meet a guy who I really felt a connection with, and to have it all go away sooooo quickly, it really threw me.

 

But, of course, as you say, it says a lot about who he is, the kind of man he is. No matter what his issue is, how he handled himself speaks volumes about who he is as a person, as a man. I don't need it.

 

My head knows that obviously it wasn't mean to be, that he's a coward, or a player, or whatever. He's just not the guy for me. And he never will be.

 

I'm lucky he showed his colors early, before I really started to fall hard for him.

[zanesfan]

Well, I wouldn't say I have strong feelings, but yet he's the first guy in a long time that I really felt a connection with and could see myself continuing to date and see where it goes.

 

So that right there is the reason I have been thinking so much about it. It took me a while to be ready to date again, and to really feel like I'm in a good place after a difficult divorce. He and I talked about it, his divorce has been final 2+ years, he said he was ready for a relationship, etc. So to finally feel ready, then to meet a guy who I really felt a connection with, and to have it all go away sooooo quickly, it really threw me.

 

But, of course, as you say, it says a lot about who he is, the kind of man he is. No matter what his issue is, how he handled himself speaks volumes about who he is as a person, as a man. I don't need it.

 

My head knows that obviously it wasn't mean to be, that he's a coward, or a player, or whatever. He's just not the guy for me. And he never will be.

 

I'm lucky he showed his colors early, before I really started to fall hard for him.

 

Amen sister!

 

I know the feeling of wanting something so bad and having no control over the direction that it takes. It hurts. But one thing that we do is blame ourselves. Well if I hadnt done this? Or if I would have done this maybe things would be different? It really makes no difference. He acted exactly how he was suppose to because morally he doesnt give two sh*ts about anyone but himself.

 

Again, you did nothing wrong. He should feel lucky a lady such as yourself even entertained him. His loss, definitely not yours!

[spiderowl]

Still sounds like a player to me. He wouldn't have faded if he cared or was seriously interested. Think about what kind of person would stop communicating with someone he was supposed to care about.

 

Players are all about invasion, domination and control. They want to walk into your life, do what they want while there, and then walk out as and when THEY choose. Looking at your profile mostly shows he is still doing the choosing. He is showing he can look at you when he wishes without contacting you. He may contact you again if you don't seem to object, if he fancies sex.

 

If it was me, I would block the guy and sabotage his game. Or, alternatively, keep looking at him in equal measure but don't contact him! It will drive him nuts.

Edited October 25, 2012 by spiderowl