Sun Devil Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I am tired of the same thing every day. I get a number, but the girl does not reply ever or she tells me that she has a boyfriend. I cannot live happy being single anymore. I try to distract myself with friends and hobbies, but it does not work. I do not want to live life being single. Some people tell me that being single is good, but those people either came from a bad relationship or have no problems getting into a new relationship. Everyday, I am constantly reminded that I am single. I put effort into meeting girls, but have gotten nothing. I feel that the single life is not worth living.
Surfer203 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Your problem is right there in what you wrote... you have a defeatist attitude. No one wants to date someone who gives up and does not have self confidence. If you don't have it, fake it and act confident. Be sure of yourself even if you are not. Approach women, be cool, change the things you can for the better and be comfortable with the things you can't change. Whatever you do, DO NOT give up. Life is great, life is worth living. If you can't be happy on your own, a relationship isn't going to make you happy. Get happy on your own first, get confidence up and then go get them! 6
dmmm Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I am tired of the same thing every day. I get a number, but the girl does not reply ever or she tells me that she has a boyfriend. I cannot live happy being single anymore. I try to distract myself with friends and hobbies, but it does not work. I do not want to live life being single. Some people tell me that being single is good, but those people either came from a bad relationship or have no problems getting into a new relationship. Everyday, I am constantly reminded that I am single. I put effort into meeting girls, but have gotten nothing. I feel that the single life is not worth living. Out of interest what do you do to get the numbers? You're ahead of me on that one. Would be great for some tips!
sweetkiwi Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 women love all kinds of guys. Depends on the girl. Maybe you're looking for the wrong girls. Bad places are bars, clubs, work. Good places are anywhere else hahaha being single is a natural state of being. Relationships aren't a cake walk. Some are but even those have ups and downs. I like what surfer said. Don't give up. Make yourself happy first. Thats irresistable in a man. 2
yongyong Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 that's how others will look at you. this person described it indirectly Hey Sun, there's this unattractive guy at work whose probably no taller than 5' tall but he looks almost dwarfish - his arms are a bit short and he even has a bald spot on the back of his head. I mean, there's just nothing attractive about this guy at ALL - not even his face.
Author Sun Devil Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 If you met me, you would not notice a defeatist attitude. If I had that, I would not have gotten any number. I always try to connect with a girl before getting her number. I would try to find some common interest that we both share. In the end, getting numbers is easy, but getting a girfriend is impossible. I always talk to girls that are in my class or are in the student union on campus. I avoid bar scenes and clubs because girls are shallow there. It is even worse for me since every one of my friends are able to get girls. I cannot take this much longer. I do not want the "gift" of life if I am unable to experience romance.
Shaun-Dro Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I am tired of the same thing every day. I get a number, but the girl does not reply ever or she tells me that she has a boyfriend. I cannot live happy being single anymore. I try to distract myself with friends and hobbies, but it does not work. I do not want to live life being single. Some people tell me that being single is good, but those people either came from a bad relationship or have no problems getting into a new relationship. Everyday, I am constantly reminded that I am single. I put effort into meeting girls, but have gotten nothing. I feel that the single life is not worth living. Actually, the single life is the best life, true to form right here. Currently, I'm messing with 3 different women. That's the most I've ever came across at one time. And the thing is, getting the 1st dame was a challenge but after it, the other 2 came so easily. It's strange how that works. Now, I want you to think about what I said for a moment and conjure up your next move.
Author Sun Devil Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) As I mentioned in the first post, the people who say being single is good are the ones who have no problems getting girls. Shaun Dro, I am unable to hook up with any girl whereas you have 3 women. You do not know what it is like to be an incel. I an still a virgin and I never even had my first kiss yet. I am the only one on campus who never had a relationship. Edited October 18, 2012 by Sun Devil
sanjana4u Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I think you must not give much importance to this topic, otherwise if you want a girl in your life you can try out some dating site.
oaks Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I feel that the single life is not worth living. I recall that you were recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. If you're still receiving counselling regarding that then please discuss your concerns about being single with your counsellor or therapist.
Author Sun Devil Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 I have tried online dating, but my height makes it impossible to get a girl. I am going to go to therapy for the aspergers syndrome. I try to get girls every day, but the same thing happens all the time. I am getting tired of this.
Author Sun Devil Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 I do not think that I can take being incel much longer. I feel that I will never be able to get a girl and that the only way it will end is if I end my life. I am just tired of constantly being rejected.
oaks Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 These thoughts of ending your life aren't healthy and really should be discussed with a mental health professional. If you're getting professional help for Aspergers that person would be a good place to start, and please have that conversation soon.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I think you need to understand that overwhelmingly relationships and spending time with the opposite sex (or the same sex if you're so inclined) is a complete waste of time. People who are married or in relationships right now wish they could be you. You get to do more or less whatever you want whenever you want without regard to anyone or anybody's feelings. That's beautiful. You get to play video games, watch movies, hang out at the gym for 6 hours, watch sports from morning to midnight, etc. You don't have to worry about sleeping with somebody and having them act all clingy and desperate for you. Or worry about getting feelings for a one night stand you had. Stop worrying and embrace singleness, embrace celibacy. In 30 years when you're rich and young looking because you didn't waste hours of sleep or treasure on a wife and kids your friends will be very very jealous. That's how you need to think about things. 2
sweetkiwi Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 there's always hope. You're young i'm assuming so keep your head up and a girl will come along to take full advantage of you. Some of the best sex i'd had was with a 21 year old guy in your situation. First kiss, virgin, sweetheart, intelligent.
Author Sun Devil Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 To 499322, celibacy is not fun at all. You say that most people would rather be single than be in a relationship, but I do not see that. Most people would rather be in a relationship than be single. If I follow your advice, in 30 years I would a single lonely man with no family. I will not let that happen to me since I would have ended my life by then.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 To 499322, celibacy is not fun at all. You say that most people would rather be single than be in a relationship, but I do not see that. Most people would rather be in a relationship than be single. If I follow your advice, in 30 years I would a single lonely man with no family. I will not let that happen to me since I would have ended my life by then. You have no sense of imagination. Seriously, don't you have stuff that you like to do? Video games, sports, TV shows, movies, traveling, trying new foods or restaurants, driving around in circles for 3 hours while talking/singing to yourself, thinking of mean insults to say to people (sometimes actually saying them), getting into internet fights, anything really? I have invested my singletime now to being mean, spiteful, petty, negative, just an all around a*$hole, etc. Once you get passed those first few days, it gets pretty easy and fun. Try doing something like that.
JamesM Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Sun Devil, no one on here can give you the magic answer. I have read many good responses to your many threads bemoaning your single life. Honestly I have some idea of how you feel. I am not short by your standards or by many, although in my own family of BILs and brothers, I AM on the short side at 5'11". (Seriously.) But I had others perceived issues that made me think I would never get a woman to seriously love and respect me. I was wrong. As I said before, enjoy the company of women without prospecting for a date. Begin being a friend and stop trying to get into their pants. You might be amazed at what happens. You are approaching women and they give their numbers. Some do it out of kindness and some do it because they don't want to completely reject you. I think a better approach would be to simply get women to discover who you are despite your perceived physical weakness. Forget height and focus on listening and smiling. Make them laugh and be a person that brings a smile to their eyes. Make them want to be with you because being around you makes them feel good. BTW, here is a website of someone who may help you. Google love coach and you will find many others like it. Spend a bit of money with someone who can guide you and give you tips and suggestions on how to be the real you and a real catch. Home - Relationships and Sexuality Counselling and Coaching Australia Beyond that, no one but you can give you hope and optimism regarding your future. Only you can decide if you want to take the responsibility to change.
JamesM Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 what's your advice on getting confidence when you haven't got natural confidence? I am like this and it sucks! I want to approach girls in a confident way...but i struggle because i get nervous and become reluctant. As one who does not have natural confidence...even now, I can say that confidence comes from success and experience. Confidence comes from knowing that in a given situation, you will do good. So how do you gain confidence at something you are not good at? Glad you asked. By practicing when you know the pressure is off. Begin by chatting with cashiers and clerks at stores, restaurants. Even chat up the older married ones. Just make small talk and smile. See what happens. And oddly enough, you will begin to gain some confidence. You will see them respond to you as a friendly person and not as a desperate male who wants to get in their pants. (Women have a way of knowing when men look at them as sex objects.) Then chat up girls at school, work, or at clubs..wherever you meet them WITHOUT any idea of getting their numbers or asking them out. The more you can comfortably talk to someone without the pressure of making yourself look good, then the more you can talk to someone when you feel the need to date. And then begin asking girls out just for fun as friends with no expectations. As this becomes easier, you will be more confident in making a move. Experience comes from practice. And confidence comes from experience. And yes, I learned this from experience.
Author Sun Devil Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 On my last post, someone just sent a link to a video that shows that even a rich short man with a good carrer is still unable to get a girl compared to a 6 foor tall unemployed man. I am starting to lose faith in finding a girl. I saw that some people say that it is better to be single than to be in a bad relationship, but I do not believe that. Soon, I will have no family left and I will be alone if I am unable to find love. I am starting to believe that it would be better just to commit suicide and end it soon while there are still people out there who love me rather than wait till i am in my 40's with no family whatsoever.
Carenth Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Sun Devil I have read over a good deal of your posts over the last day. I have some advice for you, take it or leave it. I don't have your exact issue but I had another issue for many years, mental illness in the form of major depression I hated myself everyday. All I have to say is, people pick up on negative vibes and desperation, girls will too even if you are putting up a fake front. I don't think all your problems are based on your height I think that is a crutch. I came to realise myself "how can I expect anyone to love me if I don't even love myself?" and I ask you the same question. I'm sorry to say there is no magic bullet, no 100% quick fix in 5 minutes, no magic snake oil (which you seem to be chasing in the form of PUA stuff). It took me a couple of years to resolve the internal conflict within myself (with the help of medical professionals, family and friends). The world doesn't end if you are a virgin into your mid twenties and trust me I speak from experience. It's not something shameful and it doesn't invalidate you as a person. You don't become some mystical unicorn of awesome after you have sex for the first time, you are still the same person you were before. I highly doubt your internal conflicts will be resolved either. I learnt how to be happy and content been single only then was I able to enter into healthy relationships. I love and respect myself now and that goes a long way in forming healthy relationships with others. Since you keep talking about suicide I implore you to go get medical help, go talk to your doctor please! 1
Author Sun Devil Posted October 23, 2012 Author Posted October 23, 2012 I am just getting sick and tired of being single. It seems that no matter what I do, I dont get anyone. I try distracting myself with studies and hobbies, but nothing works. If I die, at least I wont suffer anymore
Carenth Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I have friends who have been in the same situation desperate for a relationship, thinking a relationship would magically fix all their problems, guess what it doesn't. I actively refused to get myself into a relationship for years until I got my **** sorted out and was happy with myself. Not looking for an external thing to cure my woes, a relationship is not a cure for you hating yourself. You remind me of myself from 5 years ago in a lot of ways and that's why I'm telling you about this. If you are really thinking suicide is a good idea you need medical help no one here is going to be able to help you, no one here are qualified doctors (I could well be wrong, but I doubt they would be giving out medical advice on the internet). Distraction is not solving the issues you are facing, it is just burying them. If I can pick up on how negative you perceive yourself than by golly people in real life will. 1
Shaun-Dro Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 As I mentioned in the first post, the people who say being single is good are the ones who have no problems getting girls. Shaun Dro, I am unable to hook up with any girl whereas you have 3 women. You do not know what it is like to be an incel. I an still a virgin and I never even had my first kiss yet. I am the only one on campus who never had a relationship. Okay, I feel that if you settle for an average or below average dame just to show that you got a girl, any type of girl, it'll get other girls to notice you, especially if you treat her the way she wants to be treated. In the process of it, try to ignore the prettier ones and pretend to be really into the average girl you're dating just to frustrate the better-looking ones. I guarantee you that those other women will put forth the effort to attract you away from your current flame. From that, you can capitalize on it.
dmmm Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 I have friends who have been in the same situation desperate for a relationship, thinking a relationship would magically fix all their problems, guess what it doesn't. I actively refused to get myself into a relationship for years until I got my **** sorted out and was happy with myself. Not looking for an external thing to cure my woes, a relationship is not a cure for you hating yourself. You remind me of myself from 5 years ago in a lot of ways and that's why I'm telling you about this. What did you do Carenth? I'm in a very similar position to Sun Devil so would be interested to know how you, or anyone else, managed to create a happier more fulfilling life.
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