schmopio Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Hello all, After a while like 3 years of non-communication, my ex and I have tried to be friends. Its is going pretty well. He invites to lots of things with his friends. I recently told him that if he is dating someone or hooking up with someone that Ideally I would like to not be invited by it. For example , I asked who was going to this event he told me about but I mentioned that if he is going with a girl then could he gives me heads up, because it would be awkward for me. So basically I don't want to get back together, but I don't want to be in a situation where I am watching them date someone else in front of me. I don't consider that a fun night out. And in the same respect I wouldnt invite them around if i was bringing a guy out. IS that too much to ask for? I think he seemed offended by that?
mammasita Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Not too much to ask for at all. I would ask for the same respect if I were to hang out with an ex that I wanted to be friends with.
geegirl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Hello all, After a while like 3 years of non-communication, my ex and I have tried to be friends. Its is going pretty well. He invites to lots of things with his friends. I recently told him that if he is dating someone or hooking up with someone that Ideally I would like to not be invited by it. For example , I asked who was going to this event he told me about but I mentioned that if he is going with a girl then could he gives me heads up, because it would be awkward for me. So basically I don't want to get back together, but I don't want to be in a situation where I am watching them date someone else in front of me. I don't consider that a fun night out. And in the same respect I wouldnt invite them around if i was bringing a guy out. IS that too much to ask for? I think he seemed offended by that? How is it a friendship when you can't be in the same room with him along with his gf? You stay away from all your other friends if they bring their partners? If it affects you to see him with someone else, then you are not ready to be friends. Friendships don't have such stipulations. You've just shown him that you are still emotionally affected.
Liz2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Have to agree, if you're really friends you don't care who they are with.
Author schmopio Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 you guys are right, I shouldn't care. But I do. And you are right we aren't friends by the standard of the definition. And I guess he is leading me on by inviting me to hang out all the time. I realize I appear weak. But I want to be real friends and say what I am really feeling. I have friends who have had feelings for me on and off. I think that I would give them some disclaimer if its gonna be an awkward third wheel situation. And normally I wouldn't surprise people by saying I am going to this thing and I am bringing someone
geegirl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I shouldn't care. But I do. Then you are in no way ready to be friends, even when you're trying to redefine it to suit your terms. And I guess he is leading me on by inviting me to hang out all the time. Leading you on because he asked you to be friends? You agreed to be friends. Did you think he asked you because he wanted to get back together and now that he hasn't assured you that he's not dating/seeing someone, that's why now you feel led on? I realize I appear weak. Emotionally invested. But I want to be real friends and say what I am really feeling. You can be real friends when you both have moved on and can safely be in the same room and be happy for each other that you've both found someone to love. Real friends don't have stipulations as to who they date and what they do outside of the friendship. I have friends who have had feelings for me on and off. This is not about your friends. It's about you and your emotions. I think that I would give them some disclaimer if its gonna be an awkward third wheel situation. This was not about it being a third wheel situation. Don't back peddle. You stated that you don't want to watch him date someone infront of you, even in a group setting. And normally I wouldn't surprise people by saying I am going to this thing and I am bringing someone. Why would it be a surprise. Three years have gone by. It's a given that one would date/have a gf. And if he wanted to bring someone, you don't have a say. You've been broken up. He doesn't need to announce it. If he has to let you know, then you are clearly not ready to be any sort of friend.
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