"real" ring?

[Shawna73]

My Boyfriend of a year proposed to me, and I am REALLY happy! BUT it is a fake ring. It cost him like 50.00. He knows I am not materialistic and we talked about the issue before hand. We live together and have kids, so we do not have alot of extra money for a ring right now, but wanted to get married. He wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring and I said it didnt matter. BUT now I feel like he isnt taking it serious. When we first got together he said he never wanted to get married again, but later changed his mind as he fell deeper in love with me. BUT with this ring I just feel like he isnt that serious. I dont know how to explain it. Dont tag me as being a bitch or materialistic, cause I am SO not, I could care less about the size of a diamond. But its not even a diamond!

[sweetkiwi]

either its important or not. If you want a more expensive one you can wait or get one you can make payments on.

 

Have you talked to him about it since? If not then give the guy a chance. You're supposed to be in this together.

[carhill]

My wedding band cost 49.95 and my exW bought it on eBay. It was 'real' gold though

 

I could see, given your circumstances, a nice gold or platinum setting being chosen and populated with CZ or similar, then adding 'real' diamonds and/or other desired gems at a later date, like an anniversary or similar. That would cost more than 50 bucks but far less than what I think you have in mind.

 

IMO, the fact that he's living with you and has broached the subject and offered a ring as promise says a lot about his general intentions. It might not match up with your desires but surely some middle ground can be achieved.

 

IMO, after you're married, the ring stuff really becomes minor amongst the real process of being married and facing life together as a legally committed couple. BTDT. Good luck.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

My Boyfriend of a year proposed to me, and I am REALLY happy! BUT it is a fake ring. It cost him like 50.00. He knows I am not materialistic and we talked about the issue before hand. We live together and have kids, so we do not have alot of extra money for a ring right now, but wanted to get married. He wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring and I said it didnt matter. BUT now I feel like he isnt taking it serious. When we first got together he said he never wanted to get married again, but later changed his mind as he fell deeper in love with me. BUT with this ring I just feel like he isnt that serious. I dont know how to explain it. Dont tag me as being a bitch or materialistic, cause I am SO not, I could care less about the size of a diamond. But its not even a diamond!

 

Have you told him your concerns about taking the marriage seriously? You don't have to say anything about the ring right now. Infact, it sounds like you had initial worries that he wasn't taking it seriously and the ring situation could be seen as a lack of effort in investment and is kind of the cherry on the cake. Can't say I blame you for your concerns. BUT, it doesn't mean he isn't invested. What you need to do is talk to him about your fears that he isn't taking this as seriously as you are. This is really what your main concern is about. I know I have heard of couples where their initial rings where cheap and years later the husband bought something more expensive for his wife to show her his love.

 

Oh and guys, don't get all higher than mighty and cry about a woman talking about rings. Men like *real* women who have *real* beauty and *real* assests. A woman wanting a *real* traditional wedding ring isn't being materialistic unless she is demanding something overly expensive or outside your income level where you will be making payments for years to come.I'm sure most people, even on limited budgets can come up with at least a couple hundred to invest in a wedding ring. People pay that much for I-phones and minute/text plans.

Edited October 17, 2012 by Disenchantedly Yours

[Janesays]

I don't wear diamonds and I really can't understand American women's obsession with them, either. I don't see why some poor black kid in an impoverished country has to risk limb and life so I can sport a shiny rock on my finger that some advertiser insists means 'true love.'

 

My engagement ring isn't a diamond, either. It's a garnet which is my birthstone...green in color (Garnets are typically blood red) because my favorite color happens to be green..and on a simple band. It's not as expensive as a diamond, sure, but my future hubby put a lot of thought into it and I love it so much more than I could possibly love some blood stained commercial piece of overpriced garbage. And I love him so much more because he agrees.

 

You say you're not materialistic? Well, that's just talk to me. Time to stop talking the talk and walk the walk. If you're not materialistic then walk like the cost of your ring doesn't mean anything to you....because it shouldn't.

[oaks]

Dont tag me as being a bitch or materialistic, cause I am SO not, I could care less about the size of a diamond. But its not even a diamond!

 

You're specifically complaining about the material the ring is made from. How is this anything other than materialistic?

 

What happened to the ring being a symbol of eternal love?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I don't wear diamonds and I really can't understand American women's obsession with them, either. I don't see why some poor black kid in an impoverished country has to risk limb and life so I can sport a shiny rock on my finger that some advertiser insists means 'true love.'

 

My engagement ring isn't a diamond, either. It's a garnet which is my birthstone...green in color (Garnets are typically blood red) because my favorite color happens to be green..and on a simple band. It's not as expensive as a diamond, sure, but my future hubby put a lot of thought into it and I love it so much more than I could possibly love some blood stained commercial piece of overpriced garbage. And I love him so much more because he agrees.

 

You say you're not materialistic? Well, that's just talk to me. Time to stop talking the talk and walk the walk. If you're not materialistic then walk like the cost of your ring doesn't mean anything to you....because it shouldn't.

 

Jane, I don't know anything about ruby mining but I wouldn't be surprised if lots of gemstones have similiar histories as the whole diamond industry does. I doubt other gems are always garned ethically while diamonds are the only gemstones that aren't.

 

I also don't think a woman wanting a ring, or a diamond ring makes her materialistc. I wouldn't consider myself materialistic but I certainly would like a diamond ring when I get married. I don't think it's fair to shame other women for wanting a diamond right either. Anymore that it would be fair to shame men for wanting their own fancy gagets. Big screen tvs, cars, radios, motorcycles.... I bet we all got something materialistic we like. I know tons of guys that like their large entertainment set-up and are proud of them.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Jane, I don't know anything about ruby mining but I wouldn't be surprised if lots of gemstones have similiar histories as the whole diamond industry does. I doubt other gems are always garned ethically while diamonds are the only gemstones that aren't.

 

I also don't think a woman wanting a ring, or a diamond ring makes her materialistc. I wouldn't consider myself materialistic but I certainly would like a diamond ring when I get married. I don't think it's fair to shame other women for wanting a diamond right either. Anymore that it would be fair to shame men for wanting their own fancy gagets. Big screen tvs, cars, radios, motorcycles.... I bet we all got something materialistic we like. I know tons of guys that like their large entertainment set-up and are proud of them.

 

Actually Janesays said that her ring is garnet, which is a pretty abundant gem and can be found in many areas of the world.

 

The fascination with diamonds, in my opinion, brings out the worst in our human race. A useless and functionless stone, mined by desperate, starving people on the other side of the world, controlled and manipulated by a company, and made to seem like some rare, precious commodity. De Beers literally has a stockpile of diamonds; probably enough for every single person in the world to have one. But they monopolize the industry and control the demand so well, that we think they are so rare and special. We just eat it up. I simply don't get it.

 

Getting back on topic; OP, it's obviously important to you because you came here to start a topic about it. Are there other things going on that make you think he is not serious about marrying you?

[LittleTiger]

When my guy and I got engaged, we didn't have enough money for an expensive ring. I couldn't have cared less if we'd bought a cheap one on the high street but he wanted to wait. He had one made for me in the end (with a sapphire rather than a diamond) - that alone makes it extra special.

 

All men are different and will do things differently. I think if your guy has bought you a ring, no matter what it's made of or how much it cost, then he is taking your relationship seriously. It may not be a 'real' diamond, but it is a sign of 'real' commitment. Surely, that's all that matters?

[oaks]

I don't think it's fair to shame other women for wanting a diamond right either. Anymore that it would be fair to shame men for wanting their own fancy gagets. Big screen tvs, cars, radios, motorcycles.... I bet we all got something materialistic we like. I know tons of guys that like their large entertainment set-up and are proud of them.

 

When we get threads in here of the form "my girlfriend and I just got engaged and she only bought me a 36" TV and I wanted the 42" TV" then you will have made a valid point. Until then this is irrelevant.

[threebyfate]

He wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring and I said it didnt matter. BUT now I feel like he isnt taking it serious.

You told him one thing and are now reneging. What if he reneges on his proposal, stating that in order to proceed forwards, you have to buy him a car?

[Janesays]

Jane, I don't know anything about ruby mining but I wouldn't be surprised if lots of gemstones have similiar histories as the whole diamond industry does. I doubt other gems are always garned ethically while diamonds are the only gemstones that aren't.

 

As someone else pointed out, my ring is a garnet. Such an abundant stone that they've actually been added into cleaning products such as steal wool, etc, because the strength of the stone aids in the removal of dirt and grime while scrubbing with it.

 

So no, no one died or was hurt for my ring. And I'm very, very, very proud of it.

 

I also don't think a woman wanting a ring, or a diamond ring makes her materialistc. I wouldn't consider myself materialistic but I certainly would like a diamond ring when I get married. I don't think it's fair to shame other women for wanting a diamond right either. Anymore that it would be fair to shame men for wanting their own fancy gagets. Big screen tvs, cars, radios, motorcycles.... I bet we all got something materialistic we like. I know tons of guys that like their large entertainment set-up and are proud of them.

 

None 'considers themselves materialistic.' Doesn't mean they aren't, though.

 

What else could possible be more materialistic than considering shiny ROCKS more valuable than the human LIFE that mined them? You are basically saying, "It's totally worth it for you to be tortured, live in poverty and die a miserably BECAUSE I NEED SOMETHING SHINY ON MY FINGER TO SHOW MY FRIENDS, STAT!"

 

Again, I ask, what is more materialistic than that?

[KatZee]

He knows I am not materialistic and we talked about the issue before hand.

 

He wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring and I said it didnt matter.

 

BUT now I feel like he isnt taking it serious. BUT with this ring I just feel like he isnt that serious.

 

*Facepalm*

 

OK. So, you had a discussion before hand. You wanted to get married. He knows you're not materialistic. He stated he wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring, you in turn said it didn't matter to you.

 

The result of that conversation was that he went out and got you a ring because you wanted to be engaged, UNDER THE IMPRESSION being the non-materialistic person you are, and under the impression that it didn't matter to you.

 

Now that he's gone and done what you wanted, given you a ring, now you feel he's not serious?

 

C.O.M.M.U.N.I.C.A.T.I.O.N PEOPLE!

 

If you wanted a nice ring, don't sit there and tell him it doesn't matter because now you're essentially coming on here punishing him and talking about how he's not serious, when he went and did EXACTLY what you asked!

Edited October 17, 2012 by KatZee

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Janesays

As someone else pointed out, my ring is a garnet. Such an abundant stone that they've actually been added into cleaning products such as steal wool, etc, because the strength of the stone aids in the removal of dirt and grime while scrubbing with it.

 

So no, no one died or was hurt for my ring. And I'm very, very, very proud of it.

 

I think that's great that you are proud of it! It fits you. That's what is important. And it fits your code of ethics, that's great. But there are diamonds that no one has died for either. Not every diamond minded was done in the name of "blood". This is why when you go to purchase a diamond, you ask for a certificate that guarantees that the diamond was ubtained ethically and where it came from.

 

If you are all for not purchasing things that cause war and strife, then do you also not purchase gas? Not to mention that gass is such a cash cow that 50,000 sq foot palaces are built for those that have a good foothold on it.

 

None 'considers themselves materialistic.' Doesn't mean they aren't, though.

 

And just because someone wants a nice ring, diamond or otherwise, doesn't mean they are materialistic. On one hand, you get all up on the OP about the ring. On the other hand, you talk about how proud you are of your ring. I don't think that just because you are proud of your ring that you are materlisitc though.

 

What else could possible be more materialistic than considering shiny ROCKS more valuable than the human LIFE that mined them? You are basically saying, "It's totally worth it for you to be tortured, live in poverty and die a miserably BECAUSE I NEED SOMETHING SHINY ON MY FINGER TO SHOW MY FRIENDS, STAT!"

 

Again, I ask, what is more materialistic than that?

 

Not all diamonds are mined violently. There are fair trade papers that follow diamonds mined ethically. I also suspect you probably purchase gas like the rest of us. Gas that has caused much war and strife in other countries that poorer people have died over. Gas that our hungry American consumption can never slate.

 

I don't think someone wanting a nice ring makes them materialistic. I don't think someone wanting a big tv makes them materialistic. I don't think someone wanting a hot car or a beautiful home to live in makse one materialistic. It is when these items become the be all and end all to our happiness and are obtained any cost that the materialism comes into place. And yes, sometimes wanting a diamond ring CAN be materialistic. But not all the time. And I don't think so in this case. sometimes wanting and being proud of a garnet ring can be materialistic. Materlism doesn't just develop from the cost of the item. Sad fact is that probably each one of us is materialistic to some degree. I am not going to cast stones at other people for it when I know I like my creature comforts. My car (those people you talked about dying for diamonds don't get the luxary of a car), my phone, my clothes..... I like nice pretty things and living in a nice pretty safe place. I think most people do. I might be materialistic to some and not to others. we all have our level of materialism.

 

What you are in essense talking about is classism of materialism. As if you were saying , "My materialism is better than yours because my materialism is more noble for x, y and z reason." I don't see it that way though.

[Janesays]

You misunderstand, DY. I'm not proud of my ring because it's pretty and sparkley or whatever. I'm proud that I'm wearing something that didn't come at the expense of someone else. And I'm sorry, but "You can get a certificate, basically a marketing tool used to make you feel 'ok' about your consumer cruelty and that makes it alllll better!" Nor does the argument, "But other things you buy hurt others, so it's OK to ignore the pain of the people who mined the diamonds!" doesn't mean much to me or the people who suffer to bring you those things.

 

For the record, no one is perfect. Not even me and yeah, we sometimes unknowingly buy something that has it's roots in war or pain. And some of us don't have a choice about buying that something (Hence your gas argument.)

 

But a ring is not one of those things. It's not something you buy because you need to get to work to put food on the table for your family. It's bauble. A thing whose only use is to sparkle and create envy in your friends. It doesn't put food in the mouth of your children.

 

With that said, I am fortunate enough that I don't have to buy gas very often. My budget calls for less than $35 a month to be spent on gas and I very often spend less than that. I happen to live across the street from work, and less than a mile from most major shopping areas. I rarely drive. For exactly the reasons you state. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. A lot of people HAVE to drive.

 

I also don't eat at fast food establishments because I don't like the way the animals are treated before they end up in those wrappers.

 

I don't buy or use products that require the slave labor of children to produce.

 

And I don't wear diamonds.

 

Am I perfect? Far, far, far from it. But here's the thing: AT LEAST I TRY. At least I try to prioritize life over material goods. And at least I don't make excuses for hurting others because it happens across the world and everyone else is doing it anyway so might as well join in!

 

Besides, it GLITTERS!

 

Sorry to rant about this, but I think it's a sad state of affairs when people couldn't care less about torture, poverty, and death if it means they have to do without (or buy a different) material good.

 

To me, that is the VERY DEFINITION of materialistic.

Edited October 17, 2012 by Janesays

[Ruby Slippers]

He wanted to wait until he could afford a real ring and I said it didnt matter.

So... you said it didn't matter to you, he believed you and proposed with a low-cost ring, but now you realize it does matter to you.

 

So tell him nicely that you've realized it's important to you to have a higher-quality ring, and come up with a plan to make it happen. Don't forget to emphasize that you're very happy he asked you to marry him, and you appreciate the original ring. Can you save together for a certain period of time and then pick out the ring you want? Maybe you can get married with the original ring, then get a nicer one for your one-year anniversary?

 

For the record, I don't think you're materialistic. A wedding ring is a piece of jewelry that you hope to wear forever and maybe even pass on to your daughter or granddaughter. I think it's normal and reasonable to want something high-quality that will last.

 

But you told him a low-cost ring would be fine with you - if you've changed your mind on that, you need to communicate it to him in a considerate way that respects your relationship and his proposal.

[threebyfate]

When people start shifting goal posts in relationships, that's when warning bells start to ring.

 

As an example of this happening, I recall my engagement where my then fiancé post engagement, wanted to talk about having children much sooner than our initial discussed timeline. I was royally pissed off, feeling betrayed that he would be so inconsistent. Had he not backed off, I would have broken the engagement.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You misunderstand, DY. I'm not proud of my ring because it's pretty and sparkley or whatever. I'm proud that I'm wearing something that didn't come at the expense of someone else.

 

I know why you are proud of your ring. I do understand. Pride is still pride no? Or is there classism to pride as well? Is your pride better than someone else's pride? Is the pride you feel for your ring more noble? Less materialistic? Despite the fact that you wanted to share how your husband picked it out for you based on your birthstone and favorite color and that meant something to you. Shouldn't someone as non-materialistic as you not be swayed by such things? This was all information you wanted to make sure we knew about.

 

Whether you like it or not, we are all materialisitc to some degree. I am sure there are things you and your husband are proud of that are material items.

 

And I'm sorry, but "You can get a certificate, basically a marketing tool used to make you feel 'ok' about your consumer cruelty and that makes it alllll better!" Nor does the argument, "But other things you buy hurt others, so it's OK to ignore the pain of the people who mined the diamonds!" doesn't mean much to me or the people who suffer to bring you those things.

 

1) Fair trade diamond regulating was created to combat the problem. While this doesn't mean that all deaths for diamonds will stop, it does mean that the government and the people consider it a serious enough issue to make better aware purchases and to make the process more legitimate.

 

2) I never once ignored the diamond issue when you brought it up. Infact, I recongnized it as a problem. You knowingly buy gas (whether it's $35 dollars a month or a week) knowing that innocent people in other countries die over the strife it's caused and that a few select men in other countries are so rich from it they have ridiculous homes that consume probably 10+ what a normal person on the earth consumes.

 

For the record, no one is perfect. Not even me and yeah, we sometimes unknowingly buy something that has it's roots in war or pain. And some of us don't have a choice about buying that something (Hence your gas argument.)

 

If you know sometimes people purchase things that they don't know is the root of war and pain, why are you so eager to label the OP as materialistic?

 

Actually you totally have choices about not buying gas. There are electric cars, solar cars, an old neighbor made his own echo-friendly car where the car consumed something akin to vegetable oil. He made it himself. There are other options as well: Ethanol, biodiesel, natural gas, electricity and hydrogen. You can choose anyone of these. You can choose to live in a place that is walkable to your work or school or whatever. There are other choices. The fact that you spend $35 a month and other people spend more means very little to me. You still buy gas. You know how much war and strife it causes. You preach to other people about other things when you knowingly purchase something that has the blood of a lot of people on it as well.

 

With that said, I am fortunate enough that I don't have to buy gas very often. My budget calls for less than $35 a month to be spent on gas and I very often spend less than that. I happen to live across the street from work, and less than a mile from most major shopping areas. I rarely drive. For exactly the reasons you state. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. A lot of people HAVE to drive.

 

See there you go, you found an option. You live across the street from work.

And yes, you are lucky that you live someone you can do that and not everyone can. However, people always have options. And you are not *better* because you spend $35 a month.

 

I also don't eat at fast food establishments because I don't like the way the animals are treated before they end up in those wrappers.

 

Have any leather shoes? Belts? No lether at all in your home or car? Do you make sure all your leather products are ethnically obtained?

 

 

 

Am I perfect? Far, far, far from it. But here's the thing: AT LEAST I TRY. At least I try to prioritize life over material goods. And at least I don't make excuses for hurting others because it happens across the world and everyone else is doing it anyway so might as well join in!

 

Besides, it GLITTERS!

 

Sorry to rant about this, but I think it's a sad state of affairs when people couldn't care less about torture, poverty, and death if it means they have to do without (or buy a different) material good.

 

To me, that is the VERY DEFINITION of materialistic.

 

 

Then you do believe in classism when it comes to being materialistic and you believe yourself to be more noble then the OP. I actually think you would have more success educating the Op about an issue you feel strongly about if you didn't come storming in this thread berating her and putting her down and telling her how materialistic she is. Labling her on self made standards for yourself that you use to judge other people. If you really cared about making a change you don't do it on the back of, "well I do this and I do that and my way is better and you are just a materialistic awful person but I am so awesome because I don't buy diamonds so stop buying diamonds you materialistic B*tch."

 

But you berated her from the start. And you are still berating people. I don't think for a minute there isn't something in your life that is materialistic that either you or your husband don't like a lot. So stop with your snarky comments about things that "glitter". I like things that glitter! You going to call me materialistic now?

[yongyong]

Is this a white trash, trailer park residents forum?

 

I guess 'the level' is different for the forum I go to.

those Guys there, were talking about 3 months of your salary for an engagement ring.

 

Is it bad she is bitching about $50 bucks ring? which is appropriate as junior high kids' promise ring?

 

 

 

 

You're specifically complaining about the material the ring is made from. How is this anything other than materialistic?

 

What happened to the ring being a symbol of eternal love?

[kaylan]

When we get threads in here of the form "my girlfriend and I just got engaged and she only bought me a 36" TV and I wanted the 42" TV" then you will have made a valid point. Until then this is irrelevant.

I agree with this. And tbh, if my future wife got me a cheap wedding band, I wouldnt care a lick. It could be a 25 cent gumball machine ring and Id love it.

 

Personally Id not marry you if you brought this up to me OP. You two have kids to take care of, and a history together, so how are you not being materialistic when hes given you a symbol of his love?

 

Theres no monetary value on that. I sure hope I dont date a woman in the future only to have her disrespect my romantic gesture by worrying about materialistic things. Id feel like I wasted my time on a woman who cared more about money than love.

[GorillaTheater]

Is this a white trash, trailer park residents forum?

 

I guess 'the level' is different for the forum I go to.

those Guys there, were talking about 3 months of your salary for an engagement ring.

 

Is it bad she is bitching about $50 bucks ring? which is appropriate as junior high kids' promise ring?

 

It's only bad if she's bitching about it after telling him that material things don't matter to her and he took her at her word.

 

Three months salary for a ring? Being some supposed standard? If I have that much money laying around, I'd buy a Boxter instead.

[SmileFace]

It doesn't sound like he can afford much more - I think it is pretty messed up to call his engagment fake since the ring he COULD AFFORD doesn't live up to your standards that as you stated you agreed too. It is one thing if he was just being cheap but putting ones self in debt for a ring is beyond stupid. I don't understand why people reach their hand where it can't reach.

[yongyong]

maybe that's his standard. 'oh she said it doesn't matter, I will drop $50 bucks on the ring' :lmao:

So you are like this guy?

she said she doesn't mind if you take her anywhere on V-day. you will take her to denny's or other ****ty restaurant?

she said she doesn't mind anything for her b-day gift, you will give her a nice $10 pj's from walmart?

 

some people spend $50 on drinks for one night, some people spend $50 for the ring........ even $500 engagement is cheap as f-ck.

 

I guess there are people living in a different world :lmao:

 

 

 

It's only bad if she's bitching about it after telling him that material things don't matter to her and he took her at her word.

 

Three months salary for a ring? Being some supposed standard? If I have that much money laying around, I'd buy a Boxter instead.

[mtnbiker]

maybe that's his standard. 'oh she said it doesn't matter, I will drop $50 bucks on the ring' :lmao:

So you are like this guy?

she said she doesn't mind if you take her anywhere on V-day. you will take her to denny's or other ****ty restaurant?

she said she doesn't mind anything for her b-day gift, you will give her a nice $10 pj's from walmart?

 

some people spend $50 on drinks for one night, some people spend $50 for the ring........ even $500 engagement is cheap as f-ck.

 

I guess there are people living in a different world :lmao:

 

Sounds like some people are ignorant of others' situations. Not everyone is without children and making $50k or $100k or more. $50 does seem awfully light, but your communication with him was poor. As others have said, the thought and commitment matters most and perhaps he will add a real diamond a year, two or three down the road.

[amaysngrace]

It depends on your circumstances like someone else said. If he's willing to drop $200 to go see a game then it's a problem deeper than just the cost of the ring.

 

It's you feeling like he treats you like a second class citizen.

 

If he scrimps and scrapes and sacrifices too, get over it. The value of your commitment should have no bearing on the value of your ring. Especially if money is tight.